If we'd gotten to see this look at the secret origins of Torchwood much, much earlier, the whole show might have been better. Either the other episodes of season one would have actually been better, thanks to this episode clarifying the show and its characters. Or at the very least, they would have seemed better because we'd already care about the characters and the backstory.

Before anybody else jumps in and points it out, I know "Fragments" is a total retread of the Firefly episode where Serenity breaks down and Mal gets shot and then we see flashbacks of how the crew came together. But "Out Of Gas" was one of the best Firefly eps, and it seems to have inspired a similarly great Torchwood installment.

It's just sad that this is the penultimate Torchwood episode, instead of the second or third. Yes, I know the show isn't cancelled. But if all the rumors and half-announcements are to be believed, the show is getting such a drastic makeover in its third season that it might as well be a different show. This is the first time I actually really wanted to get to know these characters and this universe better.

Each of the four main characters — apart from the already overexposed Gwen — gets a lengthy flashback showing how he/she ended up joining Torchwood. And none of the flashbacks were quite what I expected. I had a pretty clear idea of how they were going to go, and this episode actually managed to subvert my expectations. Mostly by showing me a different side of the characters. We got to see Tosh being a resourceful spy, Owen actually showing human emotions, and Jack not having all the answers for a change. Ianto was still pretty much Ianto, but that's a good thing.

Because all of these characters managed to surprise me and show me different facets, I found myself caring about them much more. I still don't really care about Gwen, but I do care about Rhys. So she gets some emotional attachment by proxy.

The other reason this episode excited me so much is because it helped me understand what Torchwood is about. Why the organization originally existed, and why it exists now. I didn't realize until just now how frustrating the show's muddle backstory actually is.

Here's what we already knew: Queen Victoria founded Torchwood in the Doctor Who episode "Tooth And Claw," because Rose and the Doctor giggled too much during a werewolf attack. Torchwood's original charter includes keeping an eye out for the Doctor. When we next see Torchwood, it's the early 21st century and it has a huge London headquarters, and it's an imperialist organization that's tampering with forces it can't comprehend.

So how do we get from that set-up to Jack's cozy little gang in Cardiff? The newest episode finally shows us how. We get to see the sadistic Victorian ladies of the original Torchwood recruiting the devil-may-care Jack, and then around 1999 one of the members of Torchwood Cardiff becomes distraught at the way things are going and shoots himself and his colleagues. So Jack severs all ties with Torchwood's main London branch and sets about remolding the organization into a genuine force for good. All of this is backstory that you could have gleaned from the occasional aside during previous episodes, but it made a huge difference to see it actually laid out.

So that makes two great Torchwood episodes in a row. I'd say the season has been about half-and-half great and mediocre, which makes the season finale, airing April 4, the tie-breaker. Sadly, I don't hold up much hope, because it's about Spike coming back and going on a killing spree because he wants Captain Jack to pay attention to him. And it features the return of Captain Jack's long-lost kid brother. But this episode pleasantly surprised me, so maybe the next one will too.

We'll be judging the new Torchwood episodes based on important criteria such as raunchiness and drama.

The naughtiness: James "Spike" Marsters turns up, doing the same Fonzie trick he pulled off in Buffy. Actually, Spike is pretty great in his Adam Ant jacket, with his paralyzing lip gloss and his zany sexual innuendo. He copies Captain Jack's thing of lusting after everything that moves, including a poodle at one point. Oh, and there's a coked-up fish-man who steals a sports car.

How gay was it? Spike gets pretty raunchy with Captain Jack. The former boyfriends do a whole kissy-fighty dance when they first meet up, and then they argue in front of the Torchwood team about which one was "the wife" in their relationship. Answer: Spike was the wife. But he was "a good wife." Oh, and Jack finally asks Ianto the office boy out, and Ianto acts all gruff about it before saying yes. Of course.

Who gets laid? Nobody. In fact, boring old Toby complains for about twenty minutes about his lack of a sex life, while Tosh makes goo-goo eyes at him.

The pointless drama: Where to start? The gang is pouty that Jack was off traveling with David Tennant. In the middle of a conversation, Gwen grabs Jack and pushes him against the wall and shouts, "You left us!" and it feels like she's following a stage direction. Jack acts all put out that Gwen got engaged to her longtime boyfriend, and she hints that she only accepted Rhys' proposal because Jack was out of the picture. Spike is all possessive about Jack (as in the clip above) and wants the two of them to go off and run their old hustle again. I could go on and on.

Was there a plot? Umm. Not sure. There were some bombs, but they weren't really bombs,they were a diamond. But they weren't really a diamond, they were a bomb. And then they weren't. Sorry, not much help there.

Will the kid-friendly edited version make sense to anybody? It'll make as much sense as the regular version.

Marsters' character, Captain John, is a dark foil to John Barrowman's Captain Jack. "He is what Jack used to be," Marsters explains. "Though I have a feeling that Jack was even meaner and nastier, if that's possible. I think it's my job to make that old life seem as seductive as I can, so it's a question of which path Jack will choose. He's just come back [from traveling on Doctor Who], and his team are mad at him. So is he going to be a responsible leader, or is he going to screw it up?"

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• Episode One: Captain Jack returns, as the Torchwood team reunites to fight a rogue Time Agent. The mysterious Captain John Hart is determined to wreak havoc, and needs to find something hidden on Earth. But with Gwen's life in danger, and cluster bombs scattered across the city, whose side is Jack on?
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• Episode Two: When a burglary turns into a slaughter, Torchwood suspects alien involvement. Who is Beth, and can she be as innocent as she seems? But when the investigation escalates into a city-wide assault, Jack realizes that the whole planet is in danger.
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• Episode Three: Toshiko falls for a handsome soldier, trapped out of his time, who unwittingly holds the key to saving the world. When an old hospital is haunted by ghosts from 1918, a crisis foreseen by Torchwood 90 years ago is about to reach its climax. Time zones are colliding and with life and death decisions to be made, will Torchwood be able to stop an explosive end for Cardiff?
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• Episode Four: Rhys discovers the truth about Torchwood and becomes part of the team as they investigate a mysterious alien meat supply. With Rhys in increasing danger Gwen is under pressure like never before. Will Rhys go too far? Will Jack ask too much of him? And can Torchwood save the alien from being used as cheap meat?
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• Episode Five: An alien with the power to change people's memories infiltrates Torchwood - can the team save themselves before it's too late? With Captain Jack caught up in memories of his lost family, and Gwen struggling to remember Rhys, it takes Jack's love of Ianto to reveal the truth. But there's always a price to pay.
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Despite its roots as a spinoff of the relaunched and ages-old Doctor Who series, Torchwood is dark and sexy, just the way we like it. Joss Whedon fans across the world will be sitting up with interest as their favorite bleach-blonde vampire returns to the screen as Captain Jack's rival/old buddy/friend/possible love interest Captain John. If they ever toss a Captain Jill into the mix, they could have a storybook alien threesome. The new season of Torchwood starts January 26th on BBC America.

This move is bad news for Torchwood for two reasons. First, any raunchy material in the new episodes will have to be extraneous to the plot, or else the kid-friendly versions will be like Bjork videos. So we'll have innocuous eps, with a little pointless sauciness sprinkled in. Contrast with season one, where the plots were all about aliens who screw people to death, and doomed trans-temporal affairs.

Secondly, if the kid-friendly episodes do well, then eventually it'll make more economic sense to make only the child-safe iterations. It wouldn't matter so much, except that the crazy sexiness is the only thing that makes Torchwood worth watching. Without the randy behavior, Torchwood is just a third-rate Doctor Who.

The BBC also revealed details of James (Smallville, Buffy) Marsters' role in Torchwood season two. Marsters plays a character named Captain John who has "history" with Captain Jack. When Captain John comes through the time rift looking for the other Captain, the entire world is placed in danger by their homoerotic chemistry.

Torchwood Series 2 Press Release [Outpost Gallifrey]

If Simm is to return in any guise, the show's writers would either have to explain his resurrection or add him in another way. And if he is indeed to return as the Doctor, an even more ingenious explanation will be required to account for his transformation from the Timelord's sworn enemy to the central character himself - unless, of course, their facial similarities are entirely glossed over.

Actually, the original Doctor Who already showed a Time Lord (Romana) regenerating into the doppleganger of someone she'd recently met. Maybe the Doctor's subconscious guilt that he couldn't save the Master will drive him to take on his face? A reality check is in order, however: it's probably way too early to be casting the next Doctor, since Tennant is set to play the role through 2009. But we can dream. In other news, Captain Jack will be in Doctor Who season four.

John Simm Tapped To Be New Doctor Who [IC Wales]