A fan posted the script to BGN's first episode, and we think it's genuine. It definitely has the same dickish, raunchy flavor as It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, from the same creators.

Boldly Going Nowhere shines a little star light on a completely inept crew bounding through space supposedly collecting moon rocks for a larger company. Fortunately, the crew's egotistical and slightly dim-witted captain is more content to try and arm the ship illegally with nuclear missiles to journey out for riches and glory. Granted, it's a time of peace, and neither he nor his crew have any real combat experience, but come on — fortune and glory!

It would be really easy to make the comparison between the "Captain" Ron Teague and Futurama's Zapp Brannigan. Both are brash and full of hot air, but they are very different and that's a good thing. Teague, for example, is trying to run a ship that's not just headed by a moron, but completely staffed with a hilariously incompetent crew. For lack of a better comparison, think of the bar staff from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia in space.

It's clearly from the same page, as the crew launches down the same manic and crazed path as Sunny, trying to draft up rules for the sexual abuse the ship's holo-deck is undergoing while trying to catch up on their missing rock quota — that was due months ago — so they won't get fired. Captain Teague is easily going to be a new TV favorite, especially when he argues with the manphibian engineer Pete that he's just trying to "break his balls" for building "boosters" over "thrusters," or when you discover that he replaced the ship's robot parts with a baby dick to keep a robo insurgence in check.

The first episode takes place after the crew lets an inspector from the company on board. The official quickly realizes that Jane (the ship's pilot) is one wrong statement away from driving the ship into a moon, Cobalt (the security officer with a penchant for body building and banana hammocks) is completely unstable, and the second in command Brigsby is a lying liar-pants. It's really a fantastic crew, from the poor robot to the line of crew members waiting outside the holodeck in a towel waiting for their own personal "training" time.

So what's the crew's mission? Well, hopefully they'll keep actual weapons out of the captain's hands. But I think his own incompetence will keep him busy for decades. I eagerly look forward to this series and pledge my TV nights to any space show that can slip in an abortion joke under the radar and not skip a beat. You've got some high expectations with Mr. Day at the helm, Boldly , but I have faith in this crew.

The episode was a fabulous, Hurley-centric return to form. There was a minimum of soap opera; I only gagged a little when Claire, Sun, and Rose sat around congratulating each other's men and teasing about the superiority of giving birth in hospitals. The opening car chase/crash sequence revealed that Hurley is one of "the Oceanic 6" who have made it back to civilization, presumably along with Jack and Kate and three yet-to-be-identified others (though you can never, ever take anything for granted with this show). Flash-forwards show that Future Hurley is having just as much trouble with life off the island as Future Jack.

Meanwhile, back in 2004, Desmond returns from the Looking Glass with the news that it's Not Penny's Boat. Jack's too invested in being a Fearless Leader of Men to listen, and the survivors split into two groups: those who want to leave follow Jack, and those who want to stay go to the barracks with Locke.

And yes, there are the inevitable questions. Who are the people who, according to Charlie, need Hugo? Who was the man who visited Hurley in the hospital? If Hurley wanted to stay on the island with Locke, why is he back in L.A. with Jack? Where's Walt? Was that Jacob? When did Sawyer get so sensitive? What happened to make Future Jack change his mind about going back to the island? In summation, storylines were advanced, helicopters arrived, new questions were raised, and Charlie came back from the dead with a cute new haircut. I can hardly wait for next week.

Desmond wakes up, punches the numbers into the computer, riffles through his vinyl and drops the needle on Cass Elliot singing "Make Your Own Kind of Music." He washes up, works out, injects himself with a gigantic dose of serum, and then—kaboom! The beauty of these season-opening moments is that until the first-time viewer sees Jack and Locke peering down the chute into the hatch, they have no idea where or who Desmond is or what the hell is going on. Extra points are also awarded for our first glimpse of Desmond without his shirt.

Locke's Backstory, Part 1. During the first several episodes of season 1, John Locke is established as a faintly sinister survivalist/naturalist, a New Age Grizzly Adams with a case full of knives. Then, in episode 4, a flashback reveals that not only did he used to be a game-playing geek with a paper-pushing job at a box company, but he was confined to a wheelchair. It was a genuinely surprising turn of events that gave the character plenty of impetus for his future actions.

The Orientation Film. The Hanso Foundation orientation film is an absolutely brilliant pastiche of every educational film I was ever forced to sit through in grade school (barring "Hemo the Magnificent"). What an incredibly entertaining way to learn more about the Dharma Initiative, Alvar Hanso, and the island's unique electro-magnetic properties.

Apocalypse on the Beach. From the nightmare-inducing scenes of the plane crash to Jack wandering the beach in a state of shock to the weirdness of Locke smiling at Kate with a slice of orange in his mouth, the very first episode offers lots of crazy, disoriented post-apocalyptic imagery that still packs a punch on viewing three seasons down the road.

Sawyer: More Than Just Fish Biscuits. I don't think of Sawyer as one of my favorite characters (and I'm sure he'd feel the same way about me), yet so many Sawyer-centric moments made my list that I'm giving the manipulative pretty-boy scoundrel his own entry. He is master of the snappy one-liner, and delivers a favorite when accused of stealing annoying Shannon's asthma inhalers. As a myopic constant reader, I strongly relate to his book love and cobbled-together reading glasses from another first season episode. And, really, who can resist all those nicknames?

Honorable mentions go to:
Just about every scene with Hurley, from the moment he reveals he won the lottery but believes he is jinxed to the golden moment when he gets the Volkswagen bus started up.
Mr. Eko and his whacking stick, for being the best of the "Tailies."
Driveshaft's hit song, "You All Everybody". For being a perfect and perfectly meaningless rock anthem and because I miss Charlie, though of course, we probably haven't seen the last of him.

Tomorrow: Lost's Greatest Misses.

You'll play Eliott, a character who (surprise!) we haven't seen before. He's suffering from amnesia, and will be sent all over the island solving mini-games, deciphering clues, and yes, even punching the sacred numbers into the hatch computer. You'll find out a bit more about stuff like the mysterious black smoke and the Black Rock ship that's been marooned on the island for years. You'll also interact with the main characters, although they've used soundalikes for most of them, which is fairly lame.

Since we've been wasting far too much time on the Lost viral marketing games, this game looks even more promising. Check out the trailer for it here. However, we wonder if automatonic versions of Jack, Kate, and Sawyer can tide us over. Will we be playing all of our favorite shows as video games in a few months? Come to think of it, we'd welcome the chance to play a cool Doctor Who or Battlestar Galactica game. Keyword being cool.

'Lost' Video Game Preview — Writer Taunts Me With Knowledge Of Black Smoke And Four-Toed Statue [MTV Multiplayer]

In Saving Charlie, fans will discover why Hiro has gotten more action on the show than the hormonal Peter Petrelli. The plot features Hiro's missing six month time-travel adventure with Charlie the cute waitress, when he went into the past to try and save her from Sylar. While he ultimately had to let her die in one of those "it was meant to be" moments, they did fall in love.

The novel is being put out by Del Rey Publishing, and is written by Aury Wellington, who seems to be best-known for her novelizations of teen angst drama The O.C. . It also features one of the dullest book covers we've ever seen. But we're trying not to judge. We need our Heroes fix.