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found footage
Jungle Disco Around The Roast Dino Head
This summer's remake of Journey To The Center of the Earth can't possibly be as pulptastic as this 1999 TV movie version, starring Treat Williams. Sure, the new Brendan Fraser vehicle will be 3-D and have actual special effects, but will it have jungle women doing a super-choreographed dance around a roasting dinosaur head? I didn't think so. Another clip, below the fold, showcases more things the new Journey won't have: matriarchs in Bette Midler-esque red feather headgear, jealous stone-axe-waving husbands — and lizard people who want to watch two random humans do the nasty in exchange for a piece of weird cantaloupe. More »
found footage
Aliens Have Cool Light Shows, But The Government Has Better Drugs
People are always so optimistic in B-movies. Like in this sequence from 1954's Killers From Space, when they inject Peter Graves with truth serum and then the colonel says, "Oh, he'll make sense now!" — right before Graves launches into his crazy yarn about googly-eyed Groucho-browed monsters from outer space who brought him back from the dead. And showed him uncanny atomic calculations on the back of TV dinner foil. And made him watch a long montage about clouds and flames and cities in space, and daisies and ... wha, huh? Sorry, the drugs started wearing off. More »
found footage
Hello! I Will Do The Flying Motorcycle Dance For You!
It's so hard to choose just one awesome moment from 1982's Megaforce to feature. There's the Persis Khambatta battle simulator sequence, the "Endless Love"-tinged skydiving sequence, and most of all, the 20 minute battle between tanks, airplanes, motorcycles and dune buggies, where the motorcycles have anti-tank rocket launchers. But the flying motorcycle scene, which haunted the dreams of Trey Parker and Matt Stone until they copied it in Team America World Police, has to win out. The awesomely coiffed guy dances on his flying bike! Weirdly, our copy of Megaforce is in Italian. We have no idea how that happened.
meet dave
Eddie Murphy Is The World's Lamest Spaceship
The basic plot idea of Eddie Murphy's next scifi movie is utterly brilliant, and has the potential to create an instant classic. But the execution, from Norbit director Brian Robbins, looks to be utterly awful. In Meet Dave (formerly known as Starship Dave), Murphy plays a starship shaped like a human, with a tiny crew inside... led by a miniature Eddie Murphy. The teeny aliens have to control their man-sized craft and learn how to interact with the natives of Earth, including such crucial activities as dancing, shaking hands and fairground games. Hilarity totally fails to ensue, sadly.
found footage
Electro-Shock Treatment Creates Bionic Girl
A crazy doctor whispers to the paralyzed Sandra Bullock about regulating her pleasure and pain... and then electrocutes her brain, all in the name of turning her into Bionic Girl. The Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman got a little bionic family in the TV movies from the late 1980s and early 1990s, including Steve Austin's bionic son Michael and Bullock's Bionic Girl. Click through for more details. More »
found footage
Cyber Sex Doll Secretly Craves Bloody Death
A lonely nerd can't tell the difference between a psychopathic Russell Crowe and a chess-playing sex-bot, and that spells death for dozens of innocent people (including the sex-bot, who secretly longs to be murdered). There's probably a lesson in this clip — the most freaktastic scene from 1995's Virtuosity — but I'm not sure what it is. Maybe clues to its deeper meaning lurk in the way the VR programmer keeps talking about Clyde's "tumescence" while the weird computer voice calls out chess moves? Click through to watch another freaky Virtuosity moment. More »
doomsday review
Doomsday: Total Nonsense -- But Awesome!
There are Serbian dog-food commercials that would have made more sense to me than Doomsday, the quarantined-country-reverts-to-barbarism epic that opens today. It starts out as an engaging action-horror blend with a nice touch of future dystopia (and huge servings of gore), and then slowly unravels until the ending is basically pure Dada. We just saw it. Click through for the whole brain-shredding carnage [spoilers ahead]. More »
Ass-Kicking Bodyguard Will Be A Supermodel
Not surprisingly, Jerry Bruckheimer's Eleventh Hour, on CBS, will be the guiltiest pleasure of the fall TV season. The remake of a stodgy British show, about a scientist who goes around investigating "the worst abuses of science" with his female bodyguard, will replace Patrick Stewart with Rufus Sewell (Dark City). And the sexy ass-kicking bodyguard will be played by Marley Shelton (Grindhouse.) It sounds cheese-tastic, and really the only question is how quickly the "abuses of science" will turn into crazy mutants and exploding laboratories. Good times.
Not surprisingly, Jerry Bruckheimer's Eleventh Hour, on CBS, will be the guiltiest pleasure of the fall TV season. The remake of a stodgy British show, about a scientist who goes around investigating "the worst abuses of science" with his female bodyguard, will replace Patrick Stewart with Rufus Sewell (Dark City). And the sexy ass-kicking bodyguard will be played by Marley Shelton (Grindhouse.) It sounds cheese-tastic, and really the only question is how quickly the "abuses of science" will turn into crazy mutants and exploding laboratories. Good times.
pinnochio-bots
The Greatest Pinnochio-Bot Of All Time
When Summer Glau's Terminator started ballet dancing for no particular reason in a recent episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, it totally made sense: She's just another android/robot who wants to be human. Like the guy in this classic Johnnie Walker Scotch ad. It's like the fourth rule of robotics: The more autistic and socially clueless an android is, the more he/she/it will crave humanity. Click through to see clips of the greatest Pinnochio-bot of all time, plus a gallery. More »
torchwood recap
Torchwood: Too Much Crying, Not Enough Shagging
Wow. I could have chosen any one of the 500 cheesy soap opera moments from last night's episode of the BBC's alien-hunting show Torchwood, and then made fun of it for five paragraphs. But any show that can pull off such a spot-on riff on Peter Jackson's Dead Alive pretty much gets a free pass from me. (It does lose points by having Captain Jack reference the wrong movie right afterwards. WTF?) This scene was almost enough to make me forgive the rest of the episode. Almost. More »
found footage
The Most Incompetent Self-Destruct Sequence In Galactic History
I don't know how we missed the dramatic conclusion of Battle Beyond The Stars in our roundup of starship suicides. After all, how many other self-destruct sequences feature a Majel Barrett Roddenberry clone who's too ditzy to count down properly? (And a hero who doesn't really care if the ship actually destructs or not.) Roger Corman's own Star Wars-Seven Samurai mashup, Battle features the universe's greatest villain, Sador. Click through to see a clip of Sador's finest moment. More »
found footage
Anna Nicole's Upskirt Destroys The World
Here's the most impressive scene from last year's Illegal Aliens, in which a large-breasted supervillain played by wrestler Chyna has just given a mind-control suppository (no, really) to Anna Nicole Smith, to convince her to help destroy the world. Give the mental age this scifi comedy appears to be pitched at, the main point of this sequence is probably the way the evil alien's breasts jostle when she shouts "target the MOON!" plus the upskirt of Smith (also an alien) as she climbs into the doomsday machine and transforms into a colliding synchrotron. But the VFX of the Moon being drawn down to collide with Earth is also super lovely, and the only moment in this T&A fest that has a smidgen of dignity. (You'll be happy to know it ends with a 10-minute catfight.)
poll
What Do You Look For In Science Fiction?
Science fiction is really a jumble sale of about twenty different genres. We use the term "science fiction" to label a whole range of material, from space opera to near-future dystopias. But what really matters is what you get out of reading or watching it. What do you look for in your science fiction? Click through to vote. More »
found footage
The Best Little Mad Max Clone In Texas
When Mad-Maxian bikers team up with riot cops with lion badges to attack your little town, what are you going to do? You're pretty much screwed. That's the message of 2020 Texas Gladiators, a post-apocalyptic action movie filmed in Italy. (You know it's Texas because they occasionally write "TEXAS" in big letters on the buildings.) This scene strikes me as a more scifi, but much cheaper, version of the Ravenwood stand-off from post-nuclear-disaster show Jericho. Click through to learn more. More »
Superhero-Bashing Anti-Heroes Stomp Your Local Theater
Are superhero movies not violent enough for you? Then you should rejoice that Garth Ennis' over-the-top comic book The Boys has been optioned by Columbia Pictures. In The Boys, the CIA forms a special squad to keep superheroes in line, using as much violence as possible. DC Comics' Wildstorm imprint dropped the title after just six issues for being too fucked-up and disturbing, but the indy Dynamite Entertainment picked it up. Chances are any movie will be watered down beyond recognition, which may be a good thing in this case. [IESB]
Are superhero movies not violent enough for you? Then you should rejoice that Garth Ennis' over-the-top comic book The Boys has been optioned by Columbia Pictures. In The Boys, the CIA forms a special squad to keep superheroes in line, using as much violence as possible. DC Comics' Wildstorm imprint dropped the title after just six issues for being too fucked-up and disturbing, but the indy Dynamite Entertainment picked it up. Chances are any movie will be watered down beyond recognition, which may be a good thing in this case. [IESB]
found footage
Giant Alien Woman Swallows Fratboy Whole
Here's the sleaziest and most scifi moment from the unappreciated classic Dude Where's My Car. The two stoner dorks have just "saved the universe" by handing over a big universe-destroying machine to a pair of Arnold Schwarzenegger clones. But the five vaguely identical evil alien women want to destroy the universe, for some reason that's never really explained. So they morph into a single giant, who stomps through the video arcade, munching on fratboys before finally getting splatted. Click through for an even sleazier moment featuring Jennifer Garner. More »
sexina popstar p.i.
