This little teen flick is based on a popular YA series by Darren Shan, Cirque Du Freak. The long-running book series folows Darren (Chris Massoglia) through his half-vampire life, with his undead master Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly). The film is based on the first book of the series with a collection of strange supernatural creatures, freaks and multiple vampire fingernail-scratching face offs.

In Darren Shan's world vampires don't have fangs — instead, they have super sharp nails which they use like sorority girls to scratch each other to death, when they're not flinging tombstones at their opponents' heads. The vamps also have "super spit," which will heal skin slashes. As someone who's more grossed out by germs than blood, I cannot even begin to describe the seat-squirming I endured in the final vampire battle, when each blow was followed by a hand lick and spit rub. UGH GERMS.

But I'm getting ahead of myself: the heart of this story is about two boys. Too terribly acted, horribly constructed, dialogue-mumbling boys, who fall head-first into this world of supernatural mystery. Besides our hero Darren, there's Steve (Josh Hutcherson). Darren is good and Steve is evil, and that's pretty much all you need to know about their characterizations. Through a mix of happenstance and destiny, both boys become vampires, and end up on opposite sides of the Vampire-versus-Vampaneze war. And let me tell you, reading the word "Vampaneze" isn't nearly as funny as hearing John C. Reilly say it over and over, deadly serious. Quick, hide — the Vampaneze are coming!

The — ahem — Vampaneze are evil, and murder humans for their blood, while the Vampires are goodly creatures who sedate humans with their super breath and only take a little bit of blood, then heal the wound. Oh yeah, they have magic breath too, and they can fly/flit around.

John C. Reilly is a Vampire, and he and the foppish Willem Dafoe used to be generals in the war against the Vampaneze. But now they are neutral, and Reilly lives in the circus. One of the things Vampire's Assistant has going for it is a sick list of actual actors cast as carneys in the Cirque Du Freak, 30 Rock's Jane Krakowski can rip her arms off and regenerate them back — which she sometimes eats, skeeving me out like the kid that ate his scabs in grade school. Patrick Fugit is the Snake Boy, Ken Watanabe is Mr. Tall, who is tall, Salma Hayek plays the psychic bearded lady Madame Truskaand, there's a freak with two super stomachs, a man with no midsection, an adorable freak with a set of powerful chompers, a wolf-man, and more. The freaks were by far my favorite part of the film, but sadly they were on screen all of 20 minutes. Still the circus freaks were wonderfully enjoyable and even magical, and they should have their own series on VH1.

But it does get a bit old, when the members of this talented troupe keep calling their place of work "the Cirque." Why did you join The Cirque? I've been in The Cirque for years. That's life in The Cirque. You need to prove yourself to stay in The Cirque, Forget it Jake. It's Cirque-town. Enough already — I get it. You're just using a fancy way of saying Circus over and over.

Yet, the vampire war is the main axis on which this story revolves, and sadly those damn Vampaneze had to go and make Steve, Darren's besty, their evil leader — so too much time is spent fighting Vampaneze and not in THE CIRQUE.

But this allows for plenty of scenes of John C. Reilly being a wise and sexy old vampire. Even when he's delivering the most bat-shit ridiculous lines like, "You have bad blood — I can't make you a vampire. Oh, you have good blood," he totally makes them work. I did not think he would win me over as Crepsley, but damn it if he didn't have the audience laughing at even the lamest of jokes. He's that good of an actor. He sold the vampire bit, and even mastered some strange sort of sing-song talk that apparently vampires have. Crepsley takes Darren under his wing and teaches him the vampire ways, meanwhile his mean bestie is being groomed to be the Vampaneze King, which I assume comes with some sort of t-shirt that says "That's Vampaneze, Bitch!"

So the battle between good and Japanese vampires, no wait, sorry — vampires and Vampaneze — is on, and Darren and Steve, who's now become completely evil — but it's okay, because he tells you his Mom is a drunk twice, so you know, issues — have to fight. See they really hate each other now....

And that's pretty much what happens. Ridiculous, no? It's not True Blood insane, but it walks the fine line between "that's weird," and "I don't get it." But if you're going to the movie for Salma, don't — she's not in it nearly enough. You should go if you like tween vampire movies, if you like tween movies generally, to hear people use the word Vampaneze in a sentence, and if you want to see something fun. When this film is good — and that means when John C. Reilly is on screen — it's a lot of fun. But when the two main kids or anyone else who's not a freak takes the wheel, it's a mess. Like "Macbeth death scene quoting" mess. Still I left laughing and wanting more hot John C. Reilly vampire action, which is a new experience for probably everyone in cinema.

Vampire's Assistant, based on the novel series Cirque Du Freak, has an astounding cast of actual actors. Salma Hayek, Ken Watanabe, Ray Stevenson and Patrick Fugit are all members of this freak show. And to top it off John C. Reilly plays an old and surprisingly hot vampire, with magic healing spit.

Well, all vampires in this series have magic healing spit and can flit, or glide really fast. I'm literally floored by Dr. Steve Brule getting his dark and stormy on. Then on the flip side, you have Willem Dafoe, as the ridiculous ying to Reilly's yang. Just watch:

Here's a little featurette that was released as well, in case you're confused with what this film is all about. Vampire's Assistant will be out this Friday, the 23rd. Go see it for the Dafoe mustache alone.

And here are some new stills:

Iron Man 2

We've already shown you a few snippets of Entertainment Tonight's set visit, and all the details on Whiplash. But here are a few more bits and pieces. For starters, ET also talks with Scarlett Johansson about her stunts:

With Gwyneth Paltrow, who discusses Pepper and Tony's changing relationship:

And with Don Cheadle, who talks War Machine:

[via CinemaBlend]

Let Me In

The headlining cast for the remake of Swedish vampire flick Let the Right One In has been announced, with Kodi Smit-McPhee and Chloe Moretz confirmed for the roles of Owen (Oskar) and Abby (Eli). Richard Jenkins, fresh off his Oscar nomination for The Visitor, will play the American version of Hakan, Abby/Eli's adult companion. [IGN]

Cirque Du Freak

It's vampire-on-vampire violence in the latest clip:

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant Exclusive Clip

[via ShockTillYouDrop]

The Crazies

The toxin-induced madness remake gets its first trailer:

[via ShockTillYouDrop]

True Blood

Stephen Moyer says he won't be working with Anna Paquin as much next season, and hints that we might be seeing Bill and Sookie with other people. [The Marquee Blog]

Lost

One fan took pictures of the Othersville set, which is currently being prepared. Photos were taped to the doors of the cabins showing how the cabins are to be set up. The poster also noticed the playground next to the cabins:

[The ODI]

Stargate Universe

The Destiny hits the desert in the promo for the third episode, Air:

FlashForward

Michael Early joins the cast in the tenth episode, when he will begin playing a recurring role as a man who's a thorn in the side of Joseph Fiennes' character Mark Benford. [TV Guide Magazine]

Smallville

In the fifth episode, "Roulette," Oliver will be drugged and kidnapped, and Lois will become upset with Clark for not telling her about Oliver's suicide attempt. [Spoiler TV]

In an episode directed by Glen Winter, we'll encounter a sexy new superhero in his late 30s-40s. The casting notice says he's the most handsome and sexy of all the DC superheroes. The episode will film at the end of the month. [Spoiler TV]

Additional reporting by Alexis Brown.

The film follows a boy, turned half-vampire at the hands of Reily. The youth cashes in mortality to save his friend, and in return has to work as an "assistant" in the traveling circus that's got plenty of side show acts.

I'm very curious to see your reaction to the movie based on the books Cirque du Freak now retitled as the Vampire's Assistant So weigh in — interested or over it? VA will be in theaters October 23.

Lost:

Add another name to the pile of actors potentially returning to Lost. Heroes' Greg Grunberg got a call about returning as Oceanic flight 815 pilot Seth Norris, but has no idea what the producers have planned. [TV Guide]

Heroes:

Two promos feature Sylar and Claire (US only, unfortunately):

And the whole cast talked to E! about their roles in the coming season. Adrian Pasdar says of the relationship between Sylar-Nathan and Parkman:

The whole premise of Zachary [Quinto], myself and Greg [Grunberg] having an interesting triangle of behavior. In the process of Matt crushing Sylar and having my body become his, Sylar entered Matt, so there's a soul that's missing in me. It's my own Nathan behavior that's manifesting itself through Sylar. There's a triangle that makes itself clear by the third episode.

Greg Grunberg elaborates:

When I did the mind transfer, it didn't go clean. Some of him stayed in me and he needs me. He's looking for his body, he needs his body back and he'll do anything to do that, including kidnapping my son...He's kind of hanging around in my subconscious, making me do things that I don't want to do. I have to catch myself. I can't get rid of him, so I decide to ignore him. But you can't ignore Sylar for very long.

Pasdar also says that the other characters will learn the truth about Nathan and Sylar soon enough:

I think it's clear from the outset of season four that something is going on, least of all to Nathan. He doesn't become aware of it. I think he's a step behind the audience. There's just a split second for him in terms of understanding where he's going and what might be wrong. He catches up though.

And Hayden Panettiere delved a bit more into Claire's girl-on-girl interlude:

It's a very interesting relationship. She hasn't really had a relationship with someone that close-as a friend or anything else-since first season with her friend Zach. So it's a relationship I think that people are going to love and love to see us together. It's a very interesting dynamic between the two of them...She gets a friend, a confidant, somebody she can confide in and not be alone with her secret and just be herself, somebody to help her along and be her buddy and her pal.

And what about the Carnival? Panettiere explains:

Carnival is the opposite of what the Company was. The Company wanted to hide us and our abilities. They wanted to keep it under wraps. The Carnival is the opposite where they want people to know about it.

But Grunberg notes there will be plenty of ambiguity:

Just when you think it's safe, it's not. Just when you think it's evil, it turns out that we need them more than they need us

As for the dynamic duo of Hiro and Ando, James Kyson Lee describes their upcoming business venture:

Ando and Hiro are going to start up a new business venture. It's going to keep us busy. Sept. 21 you will see a huge billboard. I am for hire, romance for hire.

But all is not well in Ando and Hiro land, James continues, because Hiro's days are, for the time being, numbered:

Hiro has a bucket list because he's dying. Ando is trying to change that, but we'll see. There's a whole theme of 'Can you really mess with fate?' in our show. Sometimes you can change history, sometimes you can't.

[E! Online]

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan:

The box art for The Plan DVD has been released, along with the official synopsis:

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan: The Cylons began as humanity's robot servants. They rebelled, and evolved, and now they look like us. Their plan is simple: destroy the race that enslaved them. But when their devastating attack leaves human survivors, the Cylons have to improvise. Battlestar Galactica: The Plan tells the story of two powerful Cylon leaders, working separately, and their determination to finish the task.

[Galactica Siterep]

Cirque du Freak:

New promo stills show off the amazing vampire powers of John C. Reilly's hair:



[IGN]

The Book of Eli:

Crave online talks to the Hughes brothers about their post-apocalyptic universe, describing the consequences of a natural ecological disaster:

Allen Hughes: If it was a super volcano. They all, basically, the same thing would happen 30 years after. The atmosphere will look a certain way. There'd be a certain color to the sky. There'd be a certain kind of decomposition of the landscape so we could put that, coupled with what Albert's talking about.

Albert Hughes: Right now, what's in the teaser is not [everything]. When the normal trailer comes out, you'll see more of the world. There's no vegetation.

They talk about their survivors scavenging for supplies, and mention that Eli notes, "We kill people for what we used to throw away." But Allen Hughes notes the characters, not the post-apocalyptic setting, are central to the film:

It is about humans, whether it's Gary, Mila's character, they all are survivors. They are survivors. I think the bottom line is that's why the western comes up, because when you take advantage of more primitive times, true character starts to show through. When you put people in that element, you start to see the conflict is there a lot more. It's a hotbed for drama. Our piece is very dramatic. I mean, there's action or whatever but we start with character and that conflict. It's survival.

[Crave Online]

Fringe:

Executive producer J.H. Wyman teased the September 17 departure of Kirk Acevedo's character Charlie:

That is going to be a continuing storyline throughout the season. It should thrill. Nobody ever really disappears, and they could come back at any time. There is a parallel universe. Maybe [Charlie] will show up [there]. I think a lot of the answers you're looking for will be clear in [episodes] two and three and four. You'll really enjoy it.

When asked about the possibility of romance between Olivia and Peter, showrunner Jeff Pinker replied:

As long as the emotion is true, we're open to anything.

Which I take to mean, don't get your 'shipping hopes up any time soon. Oh, and Anna Torv just ate mushed up worms on set. [E! Online]

Pinker reiterated that there will be only one alternate universe, and said that most of the action will take place "over there." Leonard Nimoy has already filmed one episode for the second season as the alternate dimension-dwelling William Bell, and will be filming several more. Says Wyman:

He will appear on the show as much as he wants to.

[TV Guide]

Plus, new press release goodness:

Each episode of the sophomore season promises to uncover more about the larger threat and while some questions will be answered, new ones will surface. The intensity accelerates as Season Two opens with Olivia's shocking return to this reality, and a determined Peter, unknowingly in a race against time with an ominous mobile force, pursues information about Olivia's blurred and perplexing visit to the alternate reality. Meanwhile, Walter reenters the lab to cook up a bit of fringe science, and of course, some custard for someone's birthday.

[Spoiler TV]

True Blood:

Two clips have surfaced from what looks to be next week's episode. First, Eric tries to rescue Sookie from the Fellowship of the Sun lock-in:

Then the police question Sam after finding Daphne's body in his fridge:

The Lovely Bones:

New promo images for The Lovely Bones, mostly straight out of the trailer.

[IGN]

Chuck:

Yvonne Strahovski elaborated a bit on Sarah Walker's relationship with Chuck in the coming season:

At the end of season two, we saw him download that new intersect. Sarah Walker is going to be a little less than impressed by it because we all saw she was letting herself go more and falling into the relationship with Chuck and putting aside the work side of things. So it's a little disappointing for her.

And, on the season in general:

There's going to be love and romance, but a little bit of heartbreak, maybe some rejection, some guns and some action...We're going to discover how the mechanism works inside Chuck's head. We're going to see just how good it is.

[E! Online]

Here's a casting call for the season's second episode, "Chuck Versus the Three Words:"

[KURT STROMBERG] (30-45). A powerful, brick of a man. Eyes void of any feeling. He is a dangerous arms-dealer but he has a soft spot for the love of his life, Carina (Mini Anden). Whenever he gets around her, he becomes a lovable teddy bear.

[Spoiler TV]

Eureka:

It's goo and electrodes in images from the fifteenth episode "Shower the People:"



[Spoiler TV]

Day One:

Ain't It Cool News has gotten a hold of the pilot script for NBC's alien invasion drama, and shared a few details:

Massive meteorite-like projectiles come crashing into the Earth from all around the planet. The projectiles then melt, reform and shoot out of the ground, beanstalk-like, to form bizarre towers twice the length of the tallest man-made skyscraper. A circuit-frying electro-magnetic pulse knocks out all electronics and communications, "War of the Worlds"-style.

The key to combating the aliens, strangely, may lie with the series' main characters, all of them unknowing residents of a small Van Nuys, Calif., apartment complex. One's a doctor (latter-day "Veronica Mars" vet Julie Gonzalo). Another's a war vet just back from Iraq (latter-day "ER" vet David Lyons). Two more are the world's best-looking computer geeks ("24" vet Carly Pope and "Harper's Island" vet Adam Campbell). A reclusive resident of the complex named Lynne (she's the bespectacled young woman seen at the end of the trailer below) appears to have been secretly manipulating her fellow tenants without their knowledge in anticipation of the threat. Some key dialogue:

TENANT: So you knew this was coming?

LYNNE: It's all happened before.

Later we see Lynne talking to a non-tenant named Hugh, another fellow who seems to know too much. He tells Lynne she needs to cut and run.

HUGH: Your people haven't been trained, Lynne. You won't get them working together in time. (beat) We'll try again. Somewhere else. But not here. It's too late.

Some time ago we asked Alexander if Lynne would be revealed to be a time-traveler in episode two; he replied emphatically in the negative. (We also asked if, while Alexander was working on "Lost's" first season, he knew that Hurley would be spending a good chunk of season five in 1977. His response: "Fuck no!" So somebody should someday ask Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse the same question!)

[AICN]

Defying Gravity:

Our astronauts boldly venture into a strip club in Sunday's episode "Threshold:"

And Spoiler TV has three more non-embeddable clips from the same episode.

Sanctuary:

The season two trailer is out, revealing a few details about the second season. It looks like the Sanctuary is getting a new beautiful badass (perhaps to replace the AWOL Ashley?), Will's struck up a relationship with invisible woman Clara Griffin, and vampiric Nikola Tesla is still hanging around.

I'm cautiously excited for this film, strictly due to Patrick Fugit as a dreamy scaled thing and Reilly's past work as Dr. Steve Brule. Because of that, he could star in a one man show retelling My Little Pony cartoons and I'd still love him. But enough about my dreams - what do you guys think? Is there enough room in your hearts for another vampire?

Big Man Japan
A nobody who moonlights as a giant superhero has to battle all sorts of beasties but also has to deal with a growing mob of superhero haters, and an Alzheimer’s-stricken grandfather. BMJ will be out in March.

Pandorum

The amazing, astounding, fantastic Ben Foster is stranded on a spacecraft with his coworker Dennis Quaid — and there's something aboard that wants them dead. Release date is September 4.

The Princess and the Frog

Hooray for old timey animation! Disney returns to the princess animations with a New Orleans set Princess in the Frog fairytale out December 25.

Push

It's like Heroes, the movie. Everyone has a brain power in Push, be they Movers or Sniffers (sadly, no Shakers) The powered film comes out February 6.

Crank: High Voltage

Wow Crank 2 just got a whole lot more insane. Will they be stop motion animating Jason Statham, but huge? God, I hope so. Crank 2 is out April 17.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Kristin Kreuk masters the high-kicks, in her own Chun-Li Street Fighter origins story, due out February 27.

17 Again


Matthew Perry gets shrunk back down to the age of 17, and injected into his own teen's high school, to try and "fix" his crumbling family. That's in theaters April 17.

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian


Bill Hader and Amy Adams join the museum cast as General Custer and Amelia Earhart (or rather, the wax figures of these historical figures that come to life after the museum closes). Museum 2 is out on May 22.

Fanboys


A group of serious fans try and break into George Lucas' Skywalker ranch, and mayhem ensues, on February 6.

Coraline


Neil Gaiman's story about a young girl who visits an alternate world comes to life in breathtaking 3D stop-motion animation, out February 6.

2012


John Cusack cools his heels while the wold ends around him, in one terrible natural disaster after another, in 2012. It's out on July 10.

Knowing


Nicolas Cage uncovers a time capsule that details in numbers when everything awful will happen on Earth. Knowing will be released on March 20.

They Came From Upstairs


Ashley Tisdale and her family have an awesome spring break, before an alien invasion happens. Or maybe after, it's hard to tell. Either way, we'll find out on July 31.

Race to Witch Mountain


Dang teens and their alien abilities to move things with their minds. This reboot of a an old Disney classic is released on March 13.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince


The magic boys and girls are back in school, and ready for the fight to end all fights, yet again. Harry is out on July 17.

Cirque du Freak


John C. Reilly is a vampire who runs a circus with Salma Hayek, and your chances of seeing Hayek do something sexy are pretty much guaranteed. There is no release date yet.

More pics at the link. [L.A. Times]