Looking over a decade of superhero storylines, it's easy to see two things: The repetition of ideas, and the genre trying to come to grips with what's happening in the real world (and often failing badly); just look at the increase of terrorist attacks post-9/11. The headlines below - matched to publication date where possible - may not be exactly how the last ten years played out in the real world, but it's possibly the way it happened in our collective subconscious. Well, apart from restarting reality four times, of course.

2000
January - Part of America literally becomes city of the future thanks to time-traveling evil robot (Superman: Y2K storyline).

February - Humanity defeats, kills "God," who is revealed to be a gigantic organic pyramid responsible for life on Earth. 20th Century ends late/early depending on who you talk to with death of Jenny Sparks (The Authority #12).

February - All of humanity temporarily gains superpowers as result of superhero from another dimension powering miracle machine that enables humanity en masse to defeat extra-dimensional being driving the world to the brink of destruction (JLA #41).

June - Earth is hit by artificially-induced natural disasters (New York hit by giant tidal wave, San Francisco partially destroyed by volcano, areas of Africa and Australia face plague of insects, etc.) as result of insane criminal with godlike power (The Authority, "Earth Inferno" storyline).

June-July - World transformed into alternate reality ruled by cartoon laws of physics as result of insane criminal receiving godlike power (Superman: Emperor Joker storyline).

July - New York attacked by alien terrorist whose path of destruction, when viewed from above, spells out "Fuck You" (Marvel Boy #2).

October-November - Earth temporarily designated a prison planet by consortium of alien races, becomes overwhelmed by amount of extra-terrestrial criminals (Maximum Security storyline).

November: Lex Luthor becomes President of the United States of America (Superman: Lex 2000 storyline).

2001
May - A time-traveling despot reveals horrific future if he is not given control of Earth, resulting in international wars as nations disagree on response (Avengers #42).

June - A terrorist attack decimates the homo superior population of Earth, killing hundreds of thousands in one sweep (New X-Men #115).

June-August - Earth becomes centerpoint for alien attempt to destroy the universe, resulting in universe-wide war (Our Worlds At War storyline).

September - The World Trade Center and Pentagon are targeted by terrorists, resulting in the destruction of the former and a worldwide reaction and rescue effort (Amazing Spider-Man #36).

September - A time-traveling despot declares war on humanity (Avengers #46).

October - Large numbers of people/animals become infected by "Joker" virus temporarily, resulting in worldwide insanity (Joker: The Last Laugh storyline).

2002
January - Earth surrenders control to time-traveling despot; large numbers of humanity placed within concentration camps (Avengers #50).

June - The mythical realm of Norse Gods, Asgard, takes up temporary residence above New York City (Thor #50).

July - Every male of every species on Earth dies suddenly. Well, almost every male (Y: The Last Man #1).

August - Capital cities across the globe disappear, only to be revealed to have become part of a giant uber-city as the result of a cosmic entity representing the concept of order (Avengers #57).

October - LA is attacked by giant black sperm as the result of a terrorist attack on behalf of an insane former pornstar (The Filth #5).

December - Mutant terrorists attack New York City, destroy the Brooklyn Bridge and kill eight hundred (Ultimate War #1).

2003
January - Norse Gods invade European nation to ensure religious freedoms (Thor, Iron Man, Avengers: Standoff storyline).

March - 1 in 1000 Americans gains superpowers due to alien virus (Action Comics #801).

March - Mount Rushmore and other areas of South Dakota are attacked by biological weapons (Avengers #65).

May - The island of Micronesia is destroyed in a nuclear explosion, an act that launches an invasion on Earth by alien forces (The Ultimates #10).

September - World transformed into alternate reality with alternate history merging it with parallel Earth as result of godlike beings indulging in wager (JLA/Avengers #3).

September - Mutant terrorists attack New York City, killing thousands and also manage to reverse the polarity of Earth's magnetic poles (New X-Men #147).

2004
February - San Diego plunges into Pacific Ocean, renamed "Sub Diego" after some inhabitants survive as mer-people (Aquaman #15).

February - The White House is attacked by superpowered terrorists (Ultimate Six #5).

February - American Government overthrown by superpowered terrorists (Coup D'Etat storyline).

April - One million people mysteriously vanish from Earth suddenly (Superman #204).

June - Superpowered beings invade Arab nation of Mazikhandar, depose ruler and install new democratic government (Avengers #83).

July-October - New York is attacked by indestructible robots, terrorist organizations and aliens as the result of a delusional superhero with godlike powers (Avengers: Disassembled storyline).

August - New York is invaded by aliens (Fantastic Four #517).

August - Thousands of people kill themselves as result of international broadcast from unknown source (Ultimate Nightmare #1).

2005
March - Europe erupts into riots against a newly announced European Union plan to create super-powered soldiers (Ultimates 2 #5).

March - Military installation is attacked by aliens seeking to prevent humanity from achieving space travel (Ultimate Secret #1).

April - Tens of thousands of people discovered to be nanotech-controlled drones in service to evil satellite orbiting the Earth (The OMAC Project #1).

June-October - World temporarily transformed into alternate reality as result of insane superhero with godlike powers (House of M storyline).

October - Genetic evolution is reversed worldwide by insane superhero with godlike powers, undoing homo superior strain granting superhuman abilities to thousands of people worldwide (House of M #8).

November - Tokyo is attacked by a collection of giant monsters (Fantastic Four/Iron Man: Big In Japan #1).

December - Earth overrun by zombie plague (Marvel Zombies #1).

2006
January - Multiple Earths appear in orbit around Earth (Infinite Crisis #4).

April - Reality is restarted, resulting in a new Earth with altered history (Infinite Crisis #7).

May - Humanity defeats "Galactus," a swarm of alien ships known for destroying planets (Ultimate Extinction #5).

May - Hundreds die in Stamford, Connecticut as a result of superhero negligence; in response, the US Government announces the Superhero Registration Act which will regulate superhuman activity (Civil War #1).

June - Reality is restarted, resulting in a new Earth with altered history (Captain Atom: Armageddon #9).

September - "The Everyman Project" is announced, which can give people synthetic superpowers (52 #21).

October - A cosmic event known as "The White Event" occurs, resulting in people around the world manifesting superpowers (newuniversal #1).

2007
January - All participants in "The Everyman Project" simultaneously lose their powers, resulting in worldwide destruction and death (52 #35).

February - The 50-State Initiative is unveiled, with each state of America given its own superhero team (Civil War: The Initiative #1).

April - Washington DC is invaded by mythical, warlike women (Amazons Attack! #1).

May - Earth is discovered to be one of 52 parallel Earths with alternate histories (52 #52).

August - Earth is invaded by alien gladiators led by the Hulk, returning from interplanetary exile (World War Hulk #1).

August - The mythical realm of Norse Gods, Asgard, takes up temporary residence above the state of Oklahoma (Thor #2).

September - November: Earth is invaded by aliens with magical rings (Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War storyline).

December - History is altered after ill-considered pact between satanic demon and naive superhero and wife (Amazing Spider-Man #545).

December - Alien body-snatching conspiracy is uncovered (New Avengers #37).

2008
April - Alien body-snatching conspiracy turns into full-blown invasion of Earth by shape-changing aliens (Secret Invasion #1).

July - Earth becomes a post-nuclear wasteland (Number Of The Beast #8).

July - Humanity loses free will as result of arrival of godlike entity on Earth (Final Crisis #3).

August-November - World temporarily transformed into alternate reality with alternate history as result of criminals assuming godlike power (Trinity series).

August - Now an endangered species, homo superiors declare San Francisco, CA, to be their new home (Uncanny X-Men #500).

October - Earth becomes home to 1,000,000 refugee aliens (Action Comics #870).

November - Alien shapechanging invasion is finally repelled, ushering in a new era of corrupted authority in incredibly ill-timed political metaphor (Secret Invasion #8).

November - The world is hit by multiple seemingly-natural disasters, including a tidal wave that floods and partially destroys New York City, as first wave of attack by superpowered terrorists (Ultimatum #1).

2009
January - Reality is restarted, resulting in a new Earth with altered history (Final Crisis #7).

March - The United Kingdom is invaded by a vampire army (Captain Britain and MI-13 #11).

August - (ongoing): Earth becomes overrun by reanimated corpses of the dead (Blackest Night storyline)

Marvel Comics' reaction to 9/11 was both heartfelt and far-reaching, understandable for a company not only based in New York but one so tied to the city in its demeanor and subject matter (Marvel's New York state is the setting for the majority of its line, being home for years to Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, Avengers, X-Men and Daredevil, amongst many others): Not only did they publish the prerequisite memorial special editions (Heroes and A Moment Of Silence), they also created a short-lived line of emergency services comics (The Call), relaunched Captain America as a hero hunting terrorists (with patriotic covers announcing things like "Fight Terror" and "Never Give Up"), placed a memorial logo of the World Trade Center Towers on all of their comics published for more than a year afterwards, and published a very special issue of Amazing Spider-Man where the company's most well-known character visited Ground Zero to help with rescue efforts, and found that it wasn't only the heroes who realized how terrible the terrorist attacks were:
Yes, Doctor Doom crying may have been a little too much - writer J. Michael Straczynski later denied asking for that in the script to avoid a backlash - but the meaning of all of this was clear: As a company, Marvel Comics had been severely affected by the devastating attacks, and had not only faced up to the reality of such widescale destruction previously fantasized about in their books, but also felt that reality for themselves. This was a sobered company.

Cut to last week's Siege: The Cabal, the prelude to next month's Siege event running across their entire line. Following September 11th, an increasingly political subtext has crept into Marvel's superhero lines, whether it's the "Personal Liberty or Safety" question at the heart of Civil War, terrorist sleeper cell paranoia of the run up to 2008's Secret Invasion or "The People Running Our Country May Not Have Our Best Interests At Heart" theme of this year's Dark Reign, and it's been something that's worked very well for the company: A decade ago, they were coming out of bankruptcy and their future looked uncertain, and now they're being bought by Disney for $400 billion. Siege: The Cabal acts as prologue to the big Final Act of the uber-storyline that's been running throughout their titles since 2004's Avengers: Disassembled, and ends with Norman Osborn - onetime Green Goblin and now head of what is essentially Marvel's Homeland Security department - talking with Norse God Loki about how he can make a pre-emptive strike against the mythical realm of Iraq. Wait, I mean, Asgard:
This explains the opening of next month's Siege, which was released in previews last week:

That's Chicago's Soldier Field getting destroyed, by the way. While there's a game going on, and the stands are full of people. Considering Soldier Field's seating capacity is 61,500, it's probably safe to say that we're talking about upwards of 50,000 fictional deaths in the stadium alone, even going with a "Well, it wasn't sold out" defense, and that's ignoring any damage and deaths in surrounding areas.

I think I'm allowed a W. T. F. around now.

There are so many things that come to mind from seeing this preview, and this amount of devastation for the purposes of getting a plot about good guys teaming up to reform the Avengers going, and to prepare for a new, optimistic status quo called "The Heroic Age". Primarily, it's the thoughtlessness and/or bad taste of the whole thing, especially coming from the publisher who seemed so affected by - or, perhaps, just displayed more of an emotional response to - September 11th (Which resulted in almost 3,000 deaths) and seemed to have come to some level of understanding of what an event of that scale actually means (Hint: It's not four issues of Cap and Iron Man and Thor getting back together to kick some bad guy ass, True Believer!). Don't get me wrong, I understand the difference between fictional death and real death, but that doesn't excuse the strange insensitivity here.

Secondly: Killing tens of thousands of people as an excuse to go to war? This is supervillainy on a ridiculous scale here, way beyond anything we've seen in a long time and not only completely removed from the intentional scale and bombast of old school supervillains, but (a) literally collateral damage given little thought on the road to Osborn's true plan, and (b) unlike other supervillain's genocidal plans, apparently completely successful (I hope that the next scene, not shown in previews, will reveal the Soldier Field destruction to be a fantasy sequence, but somehow I doubt it - And, if it were, it'd seem even more ghoulish to release these pages to get fans excited about reading Siege: "Look, kids! WIDESCALE DEATH TWENTY TIMES LARGER THAN 9/11! THIS IS THE BIG ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! EXCELSIOR!"). I'm all for demonizing bad guys, but this is just insane; even going on the "Well, he's mentally unbalanced" explanation Siege writer Brian Michael Bendis has been giving in interviews about the character and project, it makes mastermind Norman Osborn into a character that is impossible to sympathize with, and reduces him to almost cartoon proportions and ideas about evil. All he needs now is a moustache to twirl when explaining his plan to the heroes.

(Second-and-a-half-ly: Killing tens of thousands of people as an excuse to go to war? Is this some kind of veiled "The American Right Wing Were Behind 9/11 As A Way Of Motivating People To Back An Invasion Of Afghanistan and Iraq" thing? After all, Bendis has said about the plot, "much like we've seen in our own modern history, it's not beyond world leaders to fabricate incidents if it serves a purpose." Hmm.)

Thirdly: We've seen this before, in more than one sense. Not only is this a deliberate and literal call-out to the accidental explosion that launched Marvel's Civil War, but the idea of using the destruction of a sports stadium to launch a war is from Tom Clancy's 1991 novel The Sum Of All Fears (adapted into a movie in 1999, but not released until 2002). Of course, in that case, it's a neo-Nazi trying to convince the US and Russia to go to war by placing blame on the event on the Russians, but still, the tone-deaf quality of the plot device becomes even stranger when you realize that it's not even original.

So what to make of Siege's Destruction McGuffin? A sign that, even if the rest of the world hasn't gotten over 9/11, Marvel has managed to move on and enjoy fictional slaughter as a motivator for superheroes to team-up again? Proof that cynical shock tactics outweigh genuine emotional responses when it comes to upping the ante in the name of sales? A thoughtless plot that leaves a nasty taste in the mouth? Maybe I'm just too sensitive to these kinds of things; it's been eight years, after all. Perhaps I should shut up and hope that they blow up an entire continent next so that Doctor Doom can reveal that he really did only have something in his eye down at Ground Zero. After all, destroying Antarctica would be really bad-ass, wouldn't it?

Over at the Savage Critics, Khosla puts Marvel Comics' fear of women into some worrying perspective:

"Man Versus Castration Anxiety" has been a recurring theme for this generation of Marvel Comics "events". The first major "Event" Civil War began when Captain America was asked to submit to the authority of a woman named Maria Hill.

Captain America then initiates an all-out superhero civil war rather than take orders from a woman. At the conclusion of the comic, Iron Man has won that contest; however, the comic goes bizarrely out of its way to assure the reader that the patriarchal order has been restored: the comic's celebratory final three pages feature Iron Man forcing Maria Hill to get him coffee.

The Civil War can only truly end once a woman is put back in her "place". Civil War was then followed by a comic called— oh God, here I go again— Secret Invasion, in which an alien Queen attempts to institute a matriarchy on Earth. In response, the Earth's superheros murder the Queen, specificially by repeatedly destroying the Queen's head. In issue 7 of the series, her head is shot through with arrows. In issue 8, it is revealed that she's survived the arrows, but then her head is blown off by the Green Goblin. In the same panel as her head being blown off is a drawing of Wolverine, poised to slice into her head with his adamantium claws.

The comic takes a perverse glee in damaging this woman's head, basically. Freud often suggested that the head was a symbol of the repressed desires of the lower body, that is to say, he often associated the female head with a vagina. As David D. Gilmore explained in "Misogyny: the Male Malady": "Freud wrote a paper specificially on this subject, 'The Medusa's Head' published posthumously in 1940. [...] Freud argues that Medusa's head represents the vagina in general and the mother's vagina in particular, the archetypal 'hairy maternal vulva'. Here is the Oedipal terror displaced to the head: Medusa embodies both mother and woman, and the hairy vulva typifies incestuous temptation." The Secret Invasion can only end when the offending vagina has been destroyed.

Lots more at the link, including the comic that started off his observation, in which the monster is a woman who became a monster because she was horny. And, no, I'm sadly not even exaggerating.

It's worth pointing out that Khosla doesn't mention House of M, Marvel's superhero crossover event prior to Civil War, where the plot was essentially "That woman is too powerful and must be stopped before she destroys reality." Which was also the plot - and the same woman, for that matter - as the event prior to that, Avengers Disassembled. Ironically enough, March 2010 starts a year-long program called "Marvel Women" at the publisher, which according to Marvel Snr. VP of Sales David Gabriel, is intended...

...to celebrate the women of the industry, whether they are super-heroines, super-villainesses, artists, writers, editors, colorists, inkers, proofreaders, models, and on and on.

Here's hoping there'll be less disturbing undercurrent to Marvel's stories for that year, as well...

Abhay Wrote a Quick Description of Dark Reign: The List — X-Men #1, For No Reason [Savage Critics]

Boneshaker takes place in an alternate Washington territory, where the Klondike gold rush ramped up decades earlier, making the Seattle of 1860 a bustling metropolis of 40,000 residents. To more efficiently extract gold from the ice, a Russian mining company contracts Seattle inventor Leviticus Blue to create the ultimate mining machine, Dr. Blue's Incredible Bone-Shaking Drill Engine. But during the device's first test run, it malfunctions, leveling the city's banking district and tearing open an enormous crack in the earth. The destruction was bad enough, but what pours out of that crack in the ground is far worse: Blight gas, a deadly, invisible substance that kills the lucky and transforms the less fortunate into "rotters," undead creatures who hunger for living flesh. Blue and his Boneshaker vanish, Seattle is abandoned, and a high wall is built around the city to hold in the rotters and the Blight.

Fifteen years later, Briar Wilkes lives on the Outskirts of Seattle with her teenaged son Zeke, working at a factory that cleans Blight from the drinking water. Briar labors under a strange pair of legacies: she's not only the widow of Leviticus Blue, she's also the daughter of Maynard Wilkes, a lawman who became something of a folk hero after the first days of the Blight. Briar would rather forget the men of her past (if anyone on the Outskirts would let her) and focus on creating some semblance of a life for her son. But Zeke is curious about the father he never knew, and wonders if there is more to Leviticus than his reputation would suggest. So, one day while Briar is at work, Zeke ventures into the walled city to visit the home his parents shared before the Blight. When Briar learns, to her horror, where Zeke has gone, she does the unthinkable and follows him behind the wall.

Granted, there are moments when Boneshaker reads like an exercise in finding legitimate reasons to include elements of steampunk (special goggles let you see the Blight, airships fly over the Seattle wall, and there are gas masks aplenty). On top of that, there's a healthy dose of alternate history. Not only did Priest bump up the timetable for the Klondike gold, Stonewall Jackson fails to die as a result of his injuries at Chancellorsville, a turn of events that has left the Civil War raging back East some fifteen years. And it seems Priest never met a pulp character she didn't like; the supporting cast includes a one-armed bartender, an aged Native American princess, a deck hand whose tongue was cut out, and air pirates.

Ultimately, though, Boneshaker shares more kinship with the post-apocalyptic genre, even though the Blight didn't destroy the world — or even, for that matter, Seattle. As it turns out, people are still living in the wasted city, going about their daily lives thanks to a network of tunnels, a series of pumps that bring in fresh air, and a few novel technologies for dealing with the gas and the rotters. The residents of Blighted Seattle view themselves as sort of frontiersmen (and women) of the apocalypse. With the Blight still leeching into the air, it could someday overtake all of Washington, and perhaps even the world. They live a hard and strange life, but one not devoid of pleasures. There is a sort of freedom in living where the law and most polite society won't travel, and necessity has bred technological wonders that don't exist in the outside world. Progress is slow, but it happens, and it lets them carve out a gradually improving home for themselves. It's a version of the American Dream that exists in sharp contrast to the big payoff the gold rushers and Leviticus Blue chased after.

But even hard labor and ingenuity weren't quite enough to buy a habitable Seattle. The residents were forced to turn to the unscrupulous Dr. Minnericht — a sort of wannabe Bond villain with a dash of Darth Vader thrown in for good measure. In the early days of the Blight, Minnericht helped the residents obtain supplies and fashion new technologies, and now has set himself up as the king of Seattle. No one knows Minnericht's true identity and few have seen his face. But his way with gadgets and his questionable morals remind many of the residents of Leviticus Blue, and they've begun to chafe under his rule. And the sudden appearance of Blue's widow and son threaten to bring years of resentment to a head.

Boneshaker's greatest strength is that Priest doesn't overly fetishize the subgenres she plays with, never overwhelming the fairly straightforward stories of mother and son, and giving her clockwork machinations and zombie encounters more impact when they do appear. Though zombies and Blight certainly color the lives of Seattle residents, they aren't obsessed with either; they simply accept that their routines occur in a deadly world. And Zeke and Briar may live in a world filled to the brim with elements of science fiction and pulp, but those are just the things and people they must navigate to reunite and survive. The only real downside is that, throughout the book, we visit too briefly with so many intriguing characters and concepts in favor of the novel's core adventure. Fortunately, Priest is already setting a second novel in her strange and blemished world, so we will hopefully see a fuller, richer picture of what goes on inside.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 Launch Trailer [Comic Book Resources]

Asked whether or not Marvel's current Dark Reign branding and cross-continuity will lead into another line-wide crossover, Marvel editor-in-chief Joe Quesada said that Reign is the "third act" of a larger story that began with 2006's Civil War. Once that story is finished, individual series will be able to tell their own stories again:

That's not to say that books won't intertwine [but] we're going to focus more on individual titles and families for at least twelve months... You guys need a break, and to be honest, so do we.

That might be a short break, however; Quesada added:

When we do them, they sell very well.

Amongst the minor, yet interesting, changes in the world in this alternate timeline: Superheroes are, essentially, outlawed by a 1977 law introduced by Senator Keene, which banned "costumed vigilantism" as a result of riots following the police going on strike in protest to extreme methods used by superheroes. The few active superheroes remaining are either outlaws (Rorschach) or government agents (the Comedian); this idea was later recycled by Marvel Comics for their 2006 Civil War series and related comics.

Through a Fortuitous Victory in Gettysburg

“If Lee Had Not Won the Battle of Gettysburg” by Winston Churchill: Churchill’s work of speculative fiction is narrated from the perspective of a historian in universe where the Confederacy won the Civil War. The victory allowed Lee’s forces to push on and take Washington, eventually pushing Lincoln to admit defeat. Immediately after Lee’s victory, he rose to such prominence in the Confederacy that he was able to effect the abolition of slavery, paving the way for an alliance between England and the Confederate States. England then helped broker a peace treaty between the Union and Confederacy, effectively ending the Civil War by appealing to a sense of common language and culture.

Bring the Jubilee by Ward Moore: Hodge Backmaker was born in what was left of the United States of America after the War of Southern Independence. After the war, the North, never enjoying an Industrial Revolution suffers in poverty, while the prosperous Confederacy annexes Mexico, Central America, and eventually all of South America. Hodge becomes a historian and realizes that the fall of Washington, the Great Retreat to Philadelphia and the eventual occupation of Philadelphia by the Confederate Army was all a result of Meade’s loss at Gettysburg, which, thanks to time travel, he has an opportunity to witness (and possibly alter) first hand.

What If the South Had Won the Civil War? by MacKinlay Kantor: Originally published in Look Magazine in 1960, Kantor’s classic work imagines that Grant died before taking Vicksburg and that Lee’s troops defeated the Army of the Potomac at Gettysburg. But the split is less acrimonious that one might think. The Confederacy eventually abolishes slavery, and after some time apart, the two countries contemplate a reunion.

“Sidewise in Time” by Murray Leinster: Leinster is credited with introducing the alternate history trope to pulp science fiction with this story of people traveling across timelines. One character finds himself travel through a pocket of time filled with Confederate towns in a timeline in which the CSA had won the Battle of Gettysburg.

Of course, not everyone thinks Lee’s victory at Gettysburg would have changed the course of history. In Newt Gingrinch and William R. Forstchen’s Gettysburg, Lee wins the battle, and has continued success in Grant Comes East. But, by the end of Never Call Retreat, the Confederacy has lost the war.

By Changing the Fate of Special Order 191

How Few Remain by Harry Turtledove: After Lee’s Special Order 191 is lost, it is recovered by a Confederate soldier, ensuring that it never falls into the hands of George McClellan. Thus, Lee’s forces catch McClellan by surprise and they destroy the Army of the Potomac in the Battle of Antietam. Once Lee marches on Philadelphia, Britain and France officially recognize the Confederacy. The South wins its independence and sets off the events for Turtledove’s Timeline-191.

“What Will the Country Say: Maryland Destiny” by David M. Keithly” Special Order 191 still ends up in McClellan’s hands, but it turns out that the Confederate messenger didn’t really lose the order. Instead, Lee planted the message and ordered the messenger to “lose” it deliberately, baiting a trap for McClellan’s forces.

By Allying Itself with England and/or France

C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America: In this fictional documentary film, Confederate Secretary of State Judah Benjamin succeeds in drawing Britain and France into an alliance with the Confederacy before the Battle of Gettysburg, turning the tide of war in favor of the South. The Confederation reigns over all of North America except “Red” Canada, institutionalizing racism and segregation, and continuing the practice of slavery.

“Hell on Earth: Anglo-French Intervention in the Civil War” by Andrew Uffindell: After the Trent Affair, the Confederacy causes increased tensions between the Union and Britain by manufacturing a series of incidents along the Canadian border. Britain eventually declares war on the Union and France follows suit. The Union enjoys some early victories in the Great Lakes, but its hand is eventually forced.

However, in both Robert Controy’s 1862 and Harry Harrison’s Stars & Stripes Forever, England joins the Confederacy after the Trent Affair, in which the Union seized two Confederate diplomats from a British ship. In 1862, the Union somehow manages to beat back both the Confederacy and the world’s great military power, all in less time than in our universe. And in Stars and Stripes, the bungling British leaders inadvertently attack a Confederate base, leading the Union and Confederacy to fight back against a common enemy a soundly defeat the British forces.

With More Effective Commanders

/>Gray Victory by Robert Skimin: Since Jefferson Davis didn’t replace the more effective General Joseph Johnston with the dashing but reckless John Bell Hood, the Confederate forces survived the Atlanta campaign and exhausted the Union Army. Tired of war, the Northern voters oust Abraham Lincoln in favor of George McClellan. McClellan quickly recognizes the Confederacy as its own nation. But anti-slavery groups on both sides of the Mason-Dixon continue to antagonize the Confederacy.

“We Will Water Our Horses in the Mississippi: A.S. Johnston vs. U.S. Grant” by James R. Arnold: AS Johnston is wounded at Shiloh, but survives and, after a year, reenters the war. He successfully coordinates John Pemberton and Joe Johnston, and secured the defeat of Ulysses S Grant by William Loring at the Mississippi. He secures the West and sends forces East to support Lee.

“When the Bottom Fell Out: The Crisis of 1862” by Michael R. Hathaway: Robert E. Lee never fell from his horse after the Second Battle of Manassas. Without his mind clouded with pain from his injuries, Lee became a more effective commander. His impressive victories against the North attract the approving attention of Britain and France, who intervene to mediate the conflict. And a demoralized Union agrees to peace.

By Strengthening Its Navy

“Ships of Iron and Wills of Steel: The Confederate Navy Triumphant” by Wade Dudley: Confederate Secretary of the Navy Stephen Mallory convinces the cabinet to build a fleet of ironclad ships. The new fleet defeats the Monitor, breaks the Union blockade, and prove a viable threat to coastal Northern states. The Confederacy’s ocean power enables it to starve McClellan’s forces into surrender and leads to Britain’s recognition of Confederate sovereignty.

By Employing Black Soldiers Earlier in the War

“Confederate Black and Gray: A Revolution in the Minds of Men” by Peter G. Tsouras: Jefferson Davis and the Confederate cabinet take a cue from Patrick Cleburne’s manifesto and allow slaves to join the Confederate Army in exchange for their freedom. This not only bolsters the Southern forces, it demoralizes the Union troops and improves diplomatic relations between the Confederacy and France and Britain. The Union Army falls apart after the death of William Sherman and newly elected President McClellan recognizes the Confederacy.

With the Aid of Time Travelers

The Guns of the South by Harry Turtledove: Members of South Africa’s white supremacist Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging group travel to 1864 to supply the Confederates with 21st Century weapons. Between the advanced weapons and the time travelers’ intimate knowledge of the Union’s plans, Lee’s victory is an easy one.

But even time travelers can’t guarantee a victory. In Harry Harrison’s A Rebel in Time, a racist colonel takes a gun back in time in an attempt to alter the course of the war, only to be thwarted by a fellow time traveler. And in Charles L. Harness’ “Quarks of Appomattox,” neo-Nazis offer Robert E. Lee a device that disintegrates metal, claiming that a divided America will ensure Germany’s later victory. But Lee lists all those strange little things that have happened during the war – the loss of Special Order 191, the absence of Stonewall Jackson from Gettysburg due to a freak accident – which prevented what should have been his certain victory. Deciding that God himself is trying to send him a message, Lee declines the Nazi’s offer and goes off to knowingly lose the war.

The attraction, called “Professor Cline’s Dinosaur Kingdom,” imagines a lost chapter from Civil War history. It supposes that in 1863, a group of paleontologists inadvertently stumbled upon a valley of live dinosaurs. The discovery comes to the attention of the Union Army, who, recognizing the destructive power of the giant lizards, decide to capture them and unleash them on the Confederate Army. Naturally, it results in Jurassic Park-inspired carnage:

What you see along the path of Dinosaur Kingdom is a series of tableaus depicting the aftermath of this ill-advised military strategy. As you enter, a lunging, bellowing T-Rex head lets you know that the dinosaurs are mad — and they only get madder. A big snake has eaten one Yankee, and is about to eat another. An Allasaurus [sic] grabs a bluecoat off of his rearing horse while a second soldier futilely tries to lasso the big lizard. Another Yankee crawls up a tree with a stolen egg while the mom dinosaur batters it down. Mark has augmented some of these displays with motors: toothy jaws flap, tails and tongues wag.

It proves a devastating defeat for the North. The Dinosaur Kingdom is located in Natural Bridge, Virginia, near Cline’s other attractions: Professor Cline’s Haunted Monster Museum and Dark Maze and the fiberglass monument replica Foamhenge.

Images from dpcshots and Mr. Kimberly.

[Roadside America via Metafilter]

Sad news from the comic industry today with the announcement that artist Michael Turner died late Friday night from complications arising from his ongoing fight against cancer. Turner, who had worked for DC and Marvel Comics providing covers for books like Superman/Batman, Civil War and Uncanny X-Men as well as creating his own line of comics under his Aspen MLT label, had been diagnosed with chondrosarcoma in the year 2000 but had remained optimistic about his health throughout his extensive treatment. Aspen Comics have asked those wishing to make a charitable donation on Turner's name to donate to the American Cancer Society or to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Turner was 37 years old.

"Nothing Will Ever Be The Same Again!": What you have to remember at all times is that you should use this line, or variations on it, at all times when talking about your event, but fail to actually follow through on it. On the rare occasions when you appear to follow through, leave yourself at least two different ways of getting out of it if the fan backlash becomes too loud. Case in point: Marvel's Civil War can easily be undone if all of the pro-registration heroes are revealed to have been undercover aliens or brainwashed into becoming fascist dictators. Or, for that matter, if the Scarlet Witch re-writes reality, as per-House of M. Or Mephisto gets rid of another marriage. Or one of another hundred of reasons.

(The corollary of that statement is "What the hell happened?": There should be a point in the center of each event where even the most jaded fan feels the stirrings of something resembling hope that maybe, just maybe, this one will be different and actually mean something. A plot point, perhaps, which promises the potential of real change and growth for characters or a situation. This point should be immediately followed by a return to the status quo or as close to the status quo as is possible while still pretending to be something new. Think of the aftermath of Civil War where none of the "unregistered" heroes had to actually deal with the fact that they're theoretically being hunted down by government forces and breaking the law. Yes, I know that the New Avengers keep being threatened with arrest every couple of issues. But each time that they do, those threatening arrest always change their mind and let them walk away, so it really doesn't count.)

"No-one Gets Out Of Here Alive!": No "event" is complete without a superhero or two dying. What you have to remember is to make sure that the superhero dying is one who is well known enough for fans to feel something approaching nerd emotion but not popular enough to actually matter. See: Any of the body count in DC's Infinite Crisis. I mean, people got their arms ripped off and their heads punched off their bodies, and besides the fact that they were Teen Titans, I have no idea who they were. This idea ties in tightly with...

"From Out Of The Ashes... A Hero Reborn!": If you're killing off some characters, it's only fair to renew some trademarks at the same time. The ideal crossover book will set up multiple new comics to spin off, most if not all of which will be critical and commercial flops that ultimately sully whatever credibility your event will have. For example: Civil War spun out Heroes for Hire, World War Hulk spun out Warbound and Gamma Corps and Infinite Crisis spun out (deep breath) The Trials of Shazam, OMAC and a Creeper book that I can't even remember the name of.

The most important lesson to remember when crafting your ideal superhero crossover epic, of course, is "Everything Can Be Solved With Punching": Sure, it makes the rubes lay down their hard-earned dollars by having some kind of psychological hook to sell your story on ("The heroes of the DC Universe have ideological differences regarding killing!" "The heroes of the Marvel Universe don't know who to trust because of alien invaders!"), but just remember this: There is no problem that can't be solved with good, old-fashioned violence. And if there is, then that's not something that people will want to read (Who really remembers, for example, DC's Genesis, where superheroes tried to discover the shared root of their superpowers without punching, or The Final Night, where superheroes tried to relight the extinguished sun without punching? Exactly). Look at some recent greats: Infinite Crisis started with Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman having fallen out over the murder of a supervillain, and by the end had turned into everyone punching an evil Superboy. Result? Happy fans.

Civil War was initially about whether superheroes needed to be trained in order to be superheroes, but ended with Captain America whaling on Iron Man before losing when he was too much of a pussy to beat his privileged face into mush. Fans may have been upset when Cap lost, but it wasn't because he had the better argument - It was because he had given up punching. That's why he had to die. Almost everyone who has ever read a comic agrees that the greatest recent crossover was World War Hulk, because it started with punching, and then kept punching for each and every issue following. Yes, the conclusion may have disappointed, but that's only because they replaced punching with a deus ex machine laser beam that made the Hulk happy and non-Hulklike or something like that. If it had ended with someone punching the Hulk to death? Comics could've just given up as a medium right there and then; it wouldn't have gotten any better.

So now you know: Promise change, fail to deliver, kill off minor characters, service trademarks and have lots of punching. Follow those simple instructions and one day, you too may be the one person fans pretend could manage to kill Batman.

Marvel & DC - The Summer's Events In A Nutshell [Comic Nerd]

Famous names: Bruce Boxleitner, Claudia Christian, Jeff Conaway, Harlan Ellison, Walter Koenig, Bill Mumy, Andrea Thompson

Crunchy goodness: 4.5

Elevator pitch: Lord of the Rings meets From Here to Eternity...IN SPACE!!!

Sights you'll never unsee: Claudia Christian "doin' it human style" with alien diplomat.

Deadliest spoiler: If you go to Z'ha'dum, you'll only mostly die.

Official Warner Bros. Babylon 5 Site