Wolverine
Yeah, yeah: You think we're going to do the "Santa Claws" joke, don't you? Well, that's not why we're suggesting Marvel's merchandisable mutant for the position of New Santa. Instead, we're being practical about it: Wolverine currently appears in five monthly comics (Astonishing X-Men, Uncanny X-Men, Wolverine: Weapon X, New Avengers, Wolverine: First Class) and countless mini-series, special issues and whatnot on a regular and endless basis. Who could be more prepared to deliver presents all around the world than someone who's used to being in several places at once? Which leads us to...

Jamie Madrox
Staying with Marvel's X-Men family, the central character of Peter David's X-Factor has the ability to make multiple duplicates of himself, which again could come in handy with that whole "Making sure everyone around the world has presents on Christmas morning" thing. Plus, he might be tempted to get Guido to dress up as an elf, which would present all manner of visual hilarity.

The Flash
Pro Number One: His costume is already almost the right color. Pro Number Two: Superspeed means that he won't just be able to get all the deliveries done in one night, he could also probably make all the toys that night as well, giving him the rest of the year to fight crime and romance Iris West as needs be. Pro Number Three: Santa's real name would now be Barry. Unfortunately, given the Flash's long-standing gimmicky tradition for being late for important things, children around the world would be both disappointed and confused that their stockings would remain unfilled until December 28th.

The Fantastic Four
It's almost fitting that Marvel's "first family" could replace such a family favorite, but they definitely have the skill set: The Human Torch can guide the sleigh, replacing Rudolph in both flying and lighting the way roles, and it'd take the Thing's strength to be able to carry a sack full of enough gifts for all the kids in the world. As for the Invisible Woman and Mr. Fantastic, they'd be needed to actually deliver the gifts: Reed Richards can stretch down the chimney to do it all old-school, while Sue makes sure that no-one sees him (or the rest of them) as they fly around the world in a specially-decorated Pogo Plane. And if this isn't actually the plot of some old Fantastic Four comic from my youth, then I want a credit when it inevitably appears in one in the future.

Superman
If ever there was a superhero who embodied the Christmas Spirit, it's Clark Kent's alter-ego. It's not just the ability to move at superspeed and get the deliveries done in time - And if he forgot anyone, he could always just fly backwards around the world, go back in time and fix that oversight - or his ongoing (and, in almost every sense, entirely successful) attempts to represent the best in humanity and inspire others to do the same that we're thinking about here. It's not even that he's had on-the-job training from the old guy himself. No, what convinces us that Superman should get the gig for official new Christmas Icon is that like Jesus, he was given to humanity to save us from ourselves. Yes, he could be our new Santa and our new Jesus! It's like a Double Christmas Bonus, and really, isn't that the Greatest Gift Of All?

Collider has picked up on a rumor that Hawkman will be the next DC superhero to get the movie treatment. Given the continued lack of success of a Hawkman comic - Like Aquaman, he's one of those characters who keeps getting relaunched without ever really gaining a lot of traction in terms of sales - we're unconvinced, but it's not impossible considering former Hawkman writer Geoff Johns being part of DC Comics' movie braintrust. Maybe we should wait and see how popular his upcoming Smallville guest appearance is.

Meanwhile, Latino Review is reporting that Green Lantern's girlfriend Carol Ferris is close to being cast, and that the choice for the role is between Bond Girl Eva Green, Keri Russell, Gossip Girl's Blake Lively, former Elektra Jennifer Garner and Inglourious Basterds' Diane Kruger. With the movie slated to begin production next month, expect an announcement any day now. We just hope that whoever gets picked knows that she'll probably end up in Star Sapphire's revealing costume in a future sequel...

Okay, the majority of tomorrow's big new books may not be the most jolly holiday of reads, but there's a lot of great stuff to pick up.

Diving straight into Marvel Comics' deluge of product, you can catch up with the mondo depresso Dark Reign storyline with the following collections - Dark Reign: The Hood, Dark Reign: The Sinister Spider-Man, Dark Reign: Skrull Kill Krew, Dark Reign: Young Avengers and the very, very recommended Agents of Atlas: Dark Reign (Seriously, people: Gorilla Man? Marvel Boy? Venus? What about that doesn't sound appealing?).

You can also pick up a couple of single issues from the current Marvel status quo, Fall of The Hulks: Gamma and Captain America: Who Will Wield The Shield which, amusingly, is the follow-up to the Captain America Reborn series that finishes... next month. Hurrah for scheduling!

(Marvel also has a new Halo comic book, Halo: Blood Line, a hardcover version of the recent Marvel Zombies Return series, and a collection of stories from writer Brian Michael Bendis' first decade at the publisher: Brian Michael Bendis: 10 Years At Marvel, coming out. Told you it was a deluge.)

Over at DC, it's a much quieter week, albeit with a new Blackest Night tie-in launching (Blackest Night: JSA). There's a collection of the first half of superhero fantasy The Mighty, and also one of the kids' title Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures In The Eighth Grade that would make a pretty good gift for small kids with big imaginations.

Also suitable as stocking stuffers are Dark Horse's two one-shots of the week, Hellboy: Bride of Hell and the Joss Whedon-written Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Willow.

Keeping in a Whedon mood, IDW offers the Angel Annual (telling the story of the movie version of LA's time in Hell, which promises to be amusing), as well as the weather-appropriate fantasy genre Winterworld hardcover. Finishing up, there's a new Wall-E comic from Boom! Studios - which looks really fun, based on previews - and a new collection of the classic Judge Dredd spin-off, Judge Anderson: Psi-Files, from Rebellion.

If you're looking for something very unfestive to get your year finished right, however, there's one book that's definitely what you're looking for: The Last Days Of American Crime, which mixes crime noir, mind control and heist stories all together for something murky, slightly paranoid and altogether wonderful. Book of the week, easily.

Make sure you get to your local comic store tomorrow having seen this list and checked it twice to find out what's naughty and nice, because this is the last shipping week for new comics this year. Next Wednesday, there are (a few) new releases, but this is the last official week. Go with open wallet and heavy heart. Ho ho ho.

The actress climbing the walls, smashing mobsters through glass tables and throwing knives, is Chloe Moretz. We just adore her, plus she's the most intimidating Kick-Ass hero, thus far. The 12-year-old's character name is Mindy Macready, but her street name is Hit-Girl. When she's not fighting crime she's taking bullets from her dear old Dad, Nic Cage. So far, so good — and it doesn't hurt that the clips have all been almost direct translations of the comics foul-mouthed dialogue, as you can see above.

Kick-Ass will be in theaters April 16th.

[xkcd]

The 1990s were a pretty weak time for movies based on both video games and superhero comics. On the video game side, there were Super Mario Bros., Street Fighter and a couple of Mortal Kombat films. And on the superhero front, Batman acted out the law of diminishing returns. And that was about it. (I'm going to pretend Steel didn't exist.)

And then in the 2000s, CG visual effects caught up to the amazing superpowered spectacles that comics and games had led us to expect. In 2000, Bryan Singer, well-regarded director of The Usual Suspects, directed X-Men, which was a huge success. And the floodgates of superhero movies opened. Meanwhile, we got movies based on Tomb Raider, Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, and a ton of others.

But superhero movies have vastly outgrossed video-game movies, according to Box Office Mojo: $7.2 billion to $900 million. (And to be fair, the site lists 77 superhero films, and only 28 video-game films.) Not only that, but directors like Singer, Christopher Nolan, Sam Raimi, Jon Favreau and Ang Lee have been willing to venture into superhero films. By contrast, the most well-known video-game directors are people like Paul W.S. Anderson, and... Uwe Boll.

Why is this? There seem to be a few reasons. For one thing, many of the most successful video games haven't yet made the leap to movies. Neill Blomkamp's Halo film could have been the X-Men of video-game movies, but it fell apart. Ditto for Gore Verbinski's BioShock movie, which seems to have stalled out due to budgetary concerns.

And it's possible that translating video games to movies requires a higher level of CG mastery than translating comic books — the CG renditions of superhero comics just have to live up to our memories of 2-D pen-and-ink drawings. A live-action CG rendition of a video game, meanwhile, has to look cooler than the already impressive computer graphics most games serve up these days.

But also, movie adaptations of video-game films have generally employed the same kinds of story logic you used to see in the Joel Schumacher Batman films. Like, really — the Doom film, which featured evil alien parasites whose tongues could tell if you were genetically evil or not. Let me just repeat that: They had tongues that could genetically scan you and figure out if you were evil. No superhero movie in the past decade has shown that level of disrespect for the audience or the material. Sure, the Tomb Raider and Resident Evil films were a lot better — but even the mediocre superhero films showed a certain commitment to telling a semi-coherent story. Most comic-book heroes have decades of stories in the bank, however contradictory and full of holes, and the films have gotten slightly better about drawing on them.

But maybe the crux of it is that superhero films learned the difference between respect for the format, and respect for the characters. In some superhero films earlier in the decade, you saw some half-assed attempts at making "comic book panels" and captions on the screen — this was especially heinous in Ang Lee's Hulk. But as the decade went on, superhero films learned that the format wasn't what made these worlds awesome. Meanwhile, even as video games became more cinematic, the movies based on them haven't been able to distinguish between paying homage to video-game action, versus translating it to the different format.

But the other thing that becomes apparent, after you look at all of the superhero and video-game films of the past decade, is that the overall level of quality of both has been pretty bad. For every X-Men 2, Spider-Man or The Dark Knight, there are plenty of films like X-Men 3, Wolverine, Catwoman, Daredevil, and so on. Uwe Boll would have to work overtime and weekends to make a film half as bad as Catwoman. Superhero movies have won, in part, due to sheer quantity — if you generate a large enough mountain of crap, some good stuff will rise out of it. But also, a movie doesn't have to be good to make ten squillion quatloos.

But one thing's for sure: The House That Bryan Singer Built won't stand forever. Something's going to come along and knock superhero movies off their perch, establishing a new Hollywood feeding frenzy. Will it be video-game films? Maybe, if the ten video game movies that are in the pipeline actually get made, and achieve Dark Knight/Iron Man levels of success. It really only takes one movie to make half a billion dollars to turn on the firehose of copycats and sequels.

And even though Avatar isn't based on a video game, it's enough like a video game that if it has a strong enough second and third weekend, you could see the gears (of war) turning in the studio execs' heads. Avatar could turn out to be the movie that supercharged the video-game movie genre, since its strengths can so easily translate to recreating Dead Space or Bioshock. And of course if Tron Legacy does gangbusters next year, it could also provide a shot in the arm.

But right now, the up-and-coming genre seems to be toy movies instead. The two Transformers movies did superhero numbers, and appealed to a similar sense of nostalgia and escapism to superheroes. And there are tons and tons of toys out there waiting for their moment on the big screen — and unlike video-game companies, toy companies don't have any concerns about making sure the movies do justice to their existing stories. A toy movie doesn't have to tie in with existing continuity or jibe with the stories that have already told. A toy movie has one purpose only: To sell toys.

And that means toy movies can be dumber, and yet also more spectacular, than superhero films and video-game films combined. Just look at the Transformers films — they're so overstuffed and bloated with nonsense, they can barely move, but they have the power to spew crap for miles in all directions. And now there are films based on Monopoly, Battleship, Viewmaster, Stretch Armstrong, Battle Bots, and countless others on the way. Actual directors, like Ridley Scott (Monopoly) and Peter Berg (Battleship), are signing on to these projects.

Toy movies could well win out in the next decade, because the key to success will be casting the widest net for nostalgia among adults aged 18-49. Everybody feels vaguely nostalgic for Monopoly or Battleship — and it's just a matter of time before we get Steven Spielberg's Sorry! or David Lynch's Yahtzee. It's like the perfect combination: Everybody feels nostalgic, but nobody will complain that they got it wrong. How on Earth do you get a Yahtzee movie wrong?

It already seems like we're maxed out on superhero films, when Warner Bros. puts the kibosh on Superman and Wonder Woman movies and a Green Lantern film starring "it" boy Ryan Reynolds struggles to get made. If Marvel follows through on its plans to put out four movies a year, we could discover just how many superheroic origins the movie-going audience can stand. So maybe we'll see more of a blend of action/nostalgia pics, with films based on comics, toys, video games and other sources. Or maybe toy movies will just crush every other film genre, until there's nothing but massive CG recreations of your old plastic playthings, as far as the eye can see.

For gallery-free viewing, click here.

Looking over a decade of superhero storylines, it's easy to see two things: The repetition of ideas, and the genre trying to come to grips with what's happening in the real world (and often failing badly); just look at the increase of terrorist attacks post-9/11. The headlines below - matched to publication date where possible - may not be exactly how the last ten years played out in the real world, but it's possibly the way it happened in our collective subconscious. Well, apart from restarting reality four times, of course.

2000
January - Part of America literally becomes city of the future thanks to time-traveling evil robot (Superman: Y2K storyline).

February - Humanity defeats, kills "God," who is revealed to be a gigantic organic pyramid responsible for life on Earth. 20th Century ends late/early depending on who you talk to with death of Jenny Sparks (The Authority #12).

February - All of humanity temporarily gains superpowers as result of superhero from another dimension powering miracle machine that enables humanity en masse to defeat extra-dimensional being driving the world to the brink of destruction (JLA #41).

June - Earth is hit by artificially-induced natural disasters (New York hit by giant tidal wave, San Francisco partially destroyed by volcano, areas of Africa and Australia face plague of insects, etc.) as result of insane criminal with godlike power (The Authority, "Earth Inferno" storyline).

June-July - World transformed into alternate reality ruled by cartoon laws of physics as result of insane criminal receiving godlike power (Superman: Emperor Joker storyline).

July - New York attacked by alien terrorist whose path of destruction, when viewed from above, spells out "Fuck You" (Marvel Boy #2).

October-November - Earth temporarily designated a prison planet by consortium of alien races, becomes overwhelmed by amount of extra-terrestrial criminals (Maximum Security storyline).

November: Lex Luthor becomes President of the United States of America (Superman: Lex 2000 storyline).

2001
May - A time-traveling despot reveals horrific future if he is not given control of Earth, resulting in international wars as nations disagree on response (Avengers #42).

June - A terrorist attack decimates the homo superior population of Earth, killing hundreds of thousands in one sweep (New X-Men #115).

June-August - Earth becomes centerpoint for alien attempt to destroy the universe, resulting in universe-wide war (Our Worlds At War storyline).

September - The World Trade Center and Pentagon are targeted by terrorists, resulting in the destruction of the former and a worldwide reaction and rescue effort (Amazing Spider-Man #36).

September - A time-traveling despot declares war on humanity (Avengers #46).

October - Large numbers of people/animals become infected by "Joker" virus temporarily, resulting in worldwide insanity (Joker: The Last Laugh storyline).

2002
January - Earth surrenders control to time-traveling despot; large numbers of humanity placed within concentration camps (Avengers #50).

June - The mythical realm of Norse Gods, Asgard, takes up temporary residence above New York City (Thor #50).

July - Every male of every species on Earth dies suddenly. Well, almost every male (Y: The Last Man #1).

August - Capital cities across the globe disappear, only to be revealed to have become part of a giant uber-city as the result of a cosmic entity representing the concept of order (Avengers #57).

October - LA is attacked by giant black sperm as the result of a terrorist attack on behalf of an insane former pornstar (The Filth #5).

December - Mutant terrorists attack New York City, destroy the Brooklyn Bridge and kill eight hundred (Ultimate War #1).

2003
January - Norse Gods invade European nation to ensure religious freedoms (Thor, Iron Man, Avengers: Standoff storyline).

March - 1 in 1000 Americans gains superpowers due to alien virus (Action Comics #801).

March - Mount Rushmore and other areas of South Dakota are attacked by biological weapons (Avengers #65).

May - The island of Micronesia is destroyed in a nuclear explosion, an act that launches an invasion on Earth by alien forces (The Ultimates #10).

September - World transformed into alternate reality with alternate history merging it with parallel Earth as result of godlike beings indulging in wager (JLA/Avengers #3).

September - Mutant terrorists attack New York City, killing thousands and also manage to reverse the polarity of Earth's magnetic poles (New X-Men #147).

2004
February - San Diego plunges into Pacific Ocean, renamed "Sub Diego" after some inhabitants survive as mer-people (Aquaman #15).

February - The White House is attacked by superpowered terrorists (Ultimate Six #5).

February - American Government overthrown by superpowered terrorists (Coup D'Etat storyline).

April - One million people mysteriously vanish from Earth suddenly (Superman #204).

June - Superpowered beings invade Arab nation of Mazikhandar, depose ruler and install new democratic government (Avengers #83).

July-October - New York is attacked by indestructible robots, terrorist organizations and aliens as the result of a delusional superhero with godlike powers (Avengers: Disassembled storyline).

August - New York is invaded by aliens (Fantastic Four #517).

August - Thousands of people kill themselves as result of international broadcast from unknown source (Ultimate Nightmare #1).

2005
March - Europe erupts into riots against a newly announced European Union plan to create super-powered soldiers (Ultimates 2 #5).

March - Military installation is attacked by aliens seeking to prevent humanity from achieving space travel (Ultimate Secret #1).

April - Tens of thousands of people discovered to be nanotech-controlled drones in service to evil satellite orbiting the Earth (The OMAC Project #1).

June-October - World temporarily transformed into alternate reality as result of insane superhero with godlike powers (House of M storyline).

October - Genetic evolution is reversed worldwide by insane superhero with godlike powers, undoing homo superior strain granting superhuman abilities to thousands of people worldwide (House of M #8).

November - Tokyo is attacked by a collection of giant monsters (Fantastic Four/Iron Man: Big In Japan #1).

December - Earth overrun by zombie plague (Marvel Zombies #1).

2006
January - Multiple Earths appear in orbit around Earth (Infinite Crisis #4).

April - Reality is restarted, resulting in a new Earth with altered history (Infinite Crisis #7).

May - Humanity defeats "Galactus," a swarm of alien ships known for destroying planets (Ultimate Extinction #5).

May - Hundreds die in Stamford, Connecticut as a result of superhero negligence; in response, the US Government announces the Superhero Registration Act which will regulate superhuman activity (Civil War #1).

June - Reality is restarted, resulting in a new Earth with altered history (Captain Atom: Armageddon #9).

September - "The Everyman Project" is announced, which can give people synthetic superpowers (52 #21).

October - A cosmic event known as "The White Event" occurs, resulting in people around the world manifesting superpowers (newuniversal #1).

2007
January - All participants in "The Everyman Project" simultaneously lose their powers, resulting in worldwide destruction and death (52 #35).

February - The 50-State Initiative is unveiled, with each state of America given its own superhero team (Civil War: The Initiative #1).

April - Washington DC is invaded by mythical, warlike women (Amazons Attack! #1).

May - Earth is discovered to be one of 52 parallel Earths with alternate histories (52 #52).

August - Earth is invaded by alien gladiators led by the Hulk, returning from interplanetary exile (World War Hulk #1).

August - The mythical realm of Norse Gods, Asgard, takes up temporary residence above the state of Oklahoma (Thor #2).

September - November: Earth is invaded by aliens with magical rings (Green Lantern: The Sinestro Corps War storyline).

December - History is altered after ill-considered pact between satanic demon and naive superhero and wife (Amazing Spider-Man #545).

December - Alien body-snatching conspiracy is uncovered (New Avengers #37).

2008
April - Alien body-snatching conspiracy turns into full-blown invasion of Earth by shape-changing aliens (Secret Invasion #1).

July - Earth becomes a post-nuclear wasteland (Number Of The Beast #8).

July - Humanity loses free will as result of arrival of godlike entity on Earth (Final Crisis #3).

August-November - World temporarily transformed into alternate reality with alternate history as result of criminals assuming godlike power (Trinity series).

August - Now an endangered species, homo superiors declare San Francisco, CA, to be their new home (Uncanny X-Men #500).

October - Earth becomes home to 1,000,000 refugee aliens (Action Comics #870).

November - Alien shapechanging invasion is finally repelled, ushering in a new era of corrupted authority in incredibly ill-timed political metaphor (Secret Invasion #8).

November - The world is hit by multiple seemingly-natural disasters, including a tidal wave that floods and partially destroys New York City, as first wave of attack by superpowered terrorists (Ultimatum #1).

2009
January - Reality is restarted, resulting in a new Earth with altered history (Final Crisis #7).

March - The United Kingdom is invaded by a vampire army (Captain Britain and MI-13 #11).

August - (ongoing): Earth becomes overrun by reanimated corpses of the dead (Blackest Night storyline)

One of the things I like best about comics is they require no restraint. Most methods of story-telling benefit from some moderation. Comics are like the car pile-up scenes in the Blues Brothers movies. The more you add, the better it gets. No matter what the problem, it can be fixed by piling on a little more.

Problem One: Unpopular Subject
Let's start at the bottom of the barrel: Nazis. From the Batfamily to the Von Trapp Family, everyone hates Nazis. There is just no way to make them work. Or that's what you'd say if you didn't work in comics. If you did, you would see that Nazis are a starting point, a good, golden-age foundation that you can build up into something extraordinary.

Step One: Make them bigger. At first glance, this seems like the wrong way to go. All it does is make giant Nazis. That's no fun.

Step Two: Make them robots. Robots improve everything. Cops, rebellions in galaxies a long time ago and far, far away, Elmo dolls: there's nothing that can't be spiced up by adding robots. And yet, a giant robot Nazi still doesn't have the kick we need. What else can be done?

This. That's what. You take that giant Nazi robot, and you make it into an octopus. A land octopus. In a graveyard. Because, that's why.

Problem Two: A Plethora of Lame Concepts

Start with a shaky base: literally. When is the last time you saw someone on stilts? If you can remember, then I applaud your memory. Stilts are things that provide no value and make the act of walking both harder and more dangerous. They're a terrible concept all on their own.

Now take that terrible concept and make a supervillain out of it. Stiltman has terrorized the Marvel Universe since the sixties, presumably by nearly falling on people and then suing them for damages. Sure, the stilts are electronic and look like high-rises, but a crappy villain way, way up in the air is still a crappy villain.

Now rip off crappy villain with a sadass tribute character. A few weeks ago we saw the debut of Lady Stiltman. For those of you not paying attention, I will repeat the name: LADY StiltMAN.

This is bad piled on bad piled on bad. Nothing can save it. Except something worse.

I don't know how adding a pair of novelty high heels saved this concept, but it did. Some things just need a cherry on top to turn out delicious. I'm the last person in the world to champion putting more comic book women in heels, but when I see this I can only sit back in wonder. Touché, Marvel. Touché.

Problem Three: Gimmicks That Have Been Done to Death

"Who would win in a fight," is the kind of tired speculation that wasn't even fresh in Stand By Me. Now it's torturous. We've seen Batman versus Superman a thousand different times. We've seen Batman versus Captain America, and Captain America versus Iron Man and Iron Man versus Wolverine, and Wolverine versus the Punisher, and the Punisher versus Everydamnone. At this point, the horse is dead.

In comics, there is only one solution to that: Zombie Horse.

When Marvel pitted The Incredible Hercules against Thor for the second time, they just kept trying things until it worked. Last time they had to lift up the entire city of New York. This time, they just had the two heroes switch outfits. I don't know why that's even cooler, but it is. Last time it was a lot of pyrotechnics. This time there was more banter. Again, for some reason it worked. But it needed something more.

And this is why comics will always triumph over other media. When you see that literal purple nurple, splayed gloriously across the page, movie sound effects pale in comparison.

Problem Four: It's Not Crazy Enough Yet

You see, there's this thing called the Green Lantern Corps. They're space cops with battery-powered laser wish-rings. Sound good? No?

But wait! They're actually part of a larger Rainbow Corps, in which each color represents a particular emotions. Now is it good? No again?

The red ring is for rage. Red Lantern Corps members have rings that are powered by anger. And they can spew something that looks like blood but burns you like lava. And even though they are aliens, some of them just happen to look like earth creatures.

And so, without further ado, I present to you the crowning achievement of graphic novels to this date:

Ruffles the Rage Kitty.

Keyboard Cat, Ceiling Cat, and the entire population of I Can Has Cheezburger can go to hell. Nothing can match the genius of this. Nothing.

It's a dicey proposition, calling something overrated, not least of all because it can seem like more of an insult than it's intended to be. For example, Battlestar Galactica was, at best, an amazing piece of television that managed to be thought-provoking, entertaining and addictive on a regular basis... but, by the time it closed out its run earlier this year with appearances at the UN and declarations of it being the greatest show on television ever, things were getting pretty close to overrating it. Personal taste comes into play a lot, as well; we're guilty of that as much as anyone (The strength of my Pushing Daisies love may have been somewhat out of proportion with the show itself, for example).

What we're looking for, then, isn't just the name of something (Movie, TV show, comic, book, creator, whatever) you consider overrated, but why. And, feel free to defend slighted favorites if you feel the need. We're just curious what you all think isn't as good as everyone thinks it is... Just make sure that The Venture Bros. isn't on the list, or there'll be trouble.

It's tempting to just leave it with a cheap shot and say "Have you seen Valkyrie?" but our concern for First Class is slightly more genuine than that. We'll grant you that Singer's first two entries in the X franchise are easily the best two movies in the series to date, and also that he clearly has a lot of love for the characters. We just don't think that he should've come back, is all.

We can see why Singer would be tempted by the lure of returning to the X-Men movies; not only were they arguably his creative highpoint outside of The Usual Suspects, but they were clearly his financial highpoint (Compare X2's $85,558,731 opening weekend with Superman Returns' $52,535,096 - the latter, in fact, is even lower than X-Men's opening, despite the first X-Men movie having to deal with lower awareness than the first movie featuring one of the most well-known fictional characters in over a decade). As his other projects seemingly stall for one reason or another - Remember his Logan's Run remake? Or, from earlier this year, his Battlestar Galactica movie reboot? - there has to be a sense of security in returning to an already successful franchise and the adoration of millions of fans for whom his work is the benchmark of quality. But those expectations become a double-edged sword (Quadruple-edged? There are two separate sets of expectations, after all): Charged with not only maintaining the financial success of the franchise but also reigniting hardcore fan excitement for it, Singer has landed himself in a high-profile situation very unlike what the one he was in first time around. All sets of eyes will be on his every move, not just comic fans critical that Wolverine is too tall and not Canadian. How would Singer react if Richard Donner visited to make sure the franchise was being maintained in the proper manner, as he did for X-Men Origins: Wolverine director Gavin Hood? What happens if Singer's ideas for First Class don't fit in with any of the other movies being simultaneously developed for the franchise?

It sounds both trite and obvious, but X-Men as a concept is about evolution, not devolution. Sure, it's also a civil rights metaphor and a superhero story, but at the heart of it is the idea of coming to terms with something new and different, even if (especially if) that something new and different had previously been something as familiar as ourselves or our loved ones. With that in mind, bringing Singer back to the franchise seems counter-intuitive at best. We've already seen what he thinks of the characters and is capable of; why can't someone else play with the toys and bring something else to them now?

It would be different if X-Men: First Class hasn't been revealed to be exactly the prequel that it sounds like - According to Singer himself, the movie will focus on

the formative years of Xavier and Magneto, and the formation of the school and where there relationship took a wrong turn... There is a romantic element, and some of the mutants from 'X-Men' will figure into the plot, though I don't want to say which ones.

- but knowing that it is just the backstory to what we've already seen (like X-Men Origins: Wolverine, as well; It's worth wondering why Fox seems scared to make movies set after X-Men: The Last Stand. Yes, it was a bad movie, but that bad?) saps the possibility of true surprise. We know where the main characters end up, even if we hadn't read the original comics. Hiding in the past and clinging onto what you know may sum up the attitude of most of those making X-Men comics for the last two decades, but that doesn't mean that it's not missing the point of the story they're supposed to be telling.

(Selfishly, we would much rather have seen Josh Schwartz' take on the idea, now sadly dumped to make way for Singer. Not only is he new to the franchise, but his other work - be it The OC, Chuck or Gossip Girl - suggests that he could've brought a new tone to the movies, a lighter one that could also be more in tune with the teen characters First Class is said to feature in addition to the younger Xavier and Magneto. Somewhere, there's probably a great script out there...)

We're not doubting that Singer's First Class will be a financial success - He's not a bad filmmaker, after all, and if the franchise is strong enough for The Last Stand to be a massive hit, it's unlikely he could sink it unless he was really trying - but, in terms of the quality of the movie? We kind of wish he'd passed, realized that he'd done his part already, and moved on to fresher pastures, allowing someone else to take the wheel. As it is, he's setting himself - and us - up for the possibility of disappointment and frustration. They say you can't go home again for a reason, after all.

The first installment of War, created by ncomment, appeared online this past April. It imagined the social bookmarking site Digg as a city, one built on participatory democracy. But as power users gain more power within the city of Digg, unrest sparks among its citizenry, and some of the users discuss reforms. But before they can effect any changes, they are invaded by aliens from rival social network reddit.

The second installment just went up, and envisions the city of Digg under reddit occupation, as well as giving us a peek at the neighboring nations of Mixx and Twitter. A number of other websites are namechecked as well, and if you pay attention, you might notice a familiar logo:

Chances are, we'll have to wait a few months for the exciting conclusion of War. Will the Diggers reclaim their territory? Will the reddit forces convince the occupied diggers to give up memespeak? And what do TechCrunch bars actually taste like?

War, Part 1, Part 2 [via reddit]

Mark Millar talked to Comic Book Resources about the "making of" book, Kick-Ass: Creating the Comic, Making the Movie, coming in February from Titan Books:

Having already seen the finished "Kick-Ass" movie six times, Millar shared some details that will be found inside the Titan title with CBR News, like the fact that Daniel Craig and Mark Wahlberg were also considered for the part of Big Daddy and that Kick-Ass wasn't even the original star of the comic.

I can't even imagine Mark Wahlberg being able to take the role of Big Daddy seriously. And on balance, we're still pretty glad it's Nic Cage. Who else blends human psychosis and fatherly love ever so perfectly?

Millar also explained what the second volume of Kick-Ass (and possibly the second movie, if the first one does well enough) will be called, and when to expect it:

The working title is "Balls to the Wall," and we're thinking about launching it round about San Diego time, right around August. But to avoid delays, we'd like to stockpile a few issues, I think.

Plus they have a load of new Kick-Ass concept art from the new movie book, as seen above and below. More images at CBR.

[Comic Book Resources]

Caleb Paullus' Super Not Super is a series of brief photo comics exploring the not-so-superheroic trials and tribulations of caped crusaders. Batman finds even he is not immune to the economic meltdown, the Flash fails at physical intimacy, and Catwoman unwinds with a little *ahem* catnip. Sadly, Wonder Woman and Supergirl couldn't be given anything more interesting to do than household chores.

You can read the full comics at Super Not Super.

[via Geekologie]

Gigantic #5 is released January 6th 2010 [Dark Horse].

Greg Cox is one of the most prolific, and successful, authors of media tie-in novels, and he's won a loyal following for his many Star Trek books, including a trilogy filling in the backstory of much-loved villain Khan Noonien Singh. He's also written tie-in novels based on Alias, The 4400, Roswell, Underworld, Fantastic Four and Iron Man. He's also novelized the movies Ghost Rider, Daredevil and several others, plus DC Comics' big crossovers.

We talked to him about his new Terminator Salvation tie-in novel Cold War, out now from Titan Books, plus some of his other recent projects.

Cold War uses the same timeline as McG's recent movie, but only includes a couple of characters from the film: The main character is Losenko, the Russian general who appears briefly in the film, mentioning that Skynet is looking for Kyle Reese, and we learn all about Lysenko's backstory. Says Cox, "When I watched the movie, I was probably the only person who was mentally hanging on every scene with general Losenko," watching for every detail about the character to include in the book. Also in the book is General Ashdown (Michael Ironsides), the resistance leader who lives on a submarine. John Connor only pops in the book as a sort of mythological figure, giving inspirational speeches over the radio.

The new book takes place in Alaska and Russia, in two different time frames: 2003, right after Judgment Day, and then 2018. In 2003, the survivors are coping with the aftermath of the nuclear war, and Skynet is attacking them with really primitive Terminators, and the technology is close to what really existed in 2003. And then in 2018, Skynet has all the same tech it has in the movie — plus snowmobile Terminators, to navigate those frozen northern areas. It sounds like Cox had a lot of fun with the frosty settings:

My big gimmick was snowmobile Terminators. There's also a giant Terminator train. The trick is to try to find stuff in the [same] universe, that's slightly different. What haven't we seen yet? We haven't seen a Terminator train. The main reason for setting it in Alaska [was to include things like] dogsled chases, grizzly bears, avalanches, volcanos... We've seen so many chases on California highways, with fire trucks and emergency vehicles. I was looking for a whole different environment, not just recapitulating what people had done before.

Cox is somewhat surprised that the Terminator/grizzly bear fight has been the main thing people have talked about in his novel. "You can't have a Terminator in Alaska and not have him fight a grizzly bear. Okay, it's gratuitous, but how can I resist having a grizzly bear fight a Terminator?" And now that people have been so excited by it, "from now on, I put a grizzly bear in all my books." Spoiler alert: The bear doesn't stand a chance against a Terminator, says Cox.

There's also a Western-style train heist and loads of detail on a Russian submarine, plus lots of gritty war-movie-style action. Cox watched tons of World War II movies on TCM, read every Tom Clancy novel for the submarine details, and did loads of research on the world right after a nuclear war.

Cox says he watched Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles "religiously," but Titan Books and Halcyon were adamant that his book couldn't contain any references to T:SCC continuity. So don't expect Cameron to show up, but if anyone ever green-lights SCC novels, Cox will be first in line. The Terminator people were very keen to make sure Cox's book fit in with their vision of the universe, including making sure Skynet wasn't developing high technology too early after Judgment Day — and that meant loads of conference calls, notes and intensive feedback at every stage of the process.

Wrapping up The 4400

The amount of feedback you get from the licensors on a licensed property depends heavily on whether it's an ongoing concern, says Cox. With The 4400, for example, Cox wrote one tie-in novel while the series was on the air, and went through four different drafts in response to feedback. But when Cox wrote the first of two novels wrapping up the series after it ended, Welcome To Promise City, he got a more-or-less free hand. (The other novel, available now, is written by David Mack.) Cox, Mack and their editor cooked up an ending to the series together.

Except for tons of feedback from the fans. Cox says as soon as it was announced that he was writing a 4400 novel explaining what happened after the show's cancellation, he was bombarded with emails from fans all over the world demanding to know what he was going to do with their favorite subplots and characters. "I can't claim we wrapped up every loose end, but we tried to wrap up the important one," says Cox. He and Mack debated with their editor whether to tie up the end of the series with a neat bow, or leave a few things slightly open-ended in case they ended up doing more novels. They settled on the second approach, so if the books sell amazingly well, you might see further continuations of the story.

Novelizing Final Crisis

Cox novelized Infinite Crisis, 52 and Countdown for DC Comics, and now he's novelized Final Crisis, Grant Morrison's narrative-shredding uber-crossover starring the evil Darkseid. How on earth do you take Morrison's loopy storytelling and convert it into a single novel?

There was a lot of condensing involved, Cox admits:

There's not a lot of connective tissue in that series. [There are] a lot of scenes that jump from place to place. I've got to admit, the book is probably a bit more linear than the comic book, especially issue seven, which was jumping all over time. I actually just tried to tell it a bit more in chronological order, and maybe simplify it a bit.

The biggest problem with novelizing one of these sprawling DC crossovers is figuring out what subplots and tie-ins to leave out. The first week Cox was working on the Infinite Crisis novelization, he was trying to include all of the spin-off issues, including things like Rann-Thanagar War One-Shot, and every other miniseries and crossover issue, "and I realized this book is going to take me ten years, and it's going to be the size of The Wheel Of Time." So he began paring things down. Similarly, the Final Crisis book ignores a lot of tie-ins, sadly including the 3-D Superman tie-in series. "I apologize if your favorite scene is not in this book, but there's no way I can get in the 3-D tie in superman issue and the Batman issues and the special tie-in issue of Secret Six."

With novelizations of comics crossovers, "it's all about streamlining." It's the opposite of novelizing movie scripts, which is all about fleshing out the story and characters and adding new stuff to turn a 90-page script into a 300-to-400-page novel. "The script for Ghost Rider was not a terribly long script," notes Cox. He recalls coming across the novelization for Snakes On A Plane and marveling that Christa Faust had managed to get 400 pages out of that film. He felt like sending her fan mail.

Should Khan Come Back?

As the author of three Khan books, Cox is conflicted about whether Khan should appear in the next Star Trek movie. On the one hand, recasting Khan seems almost impossible, given how much Ricardo Montalban put his stamp on the character. On the other, Cox might have said the same thing about recasting Kirk, Spock and McCoy — and J.J. Abrams and crew pulled that off. The real question is, "do you do Botany Bay Khan, or crazy burned-out Wrath Of Khan Khan? There's the young virile but not quite crazy Khan, and then there's the obsessed spent-15-years-in-Hell Khan. And then there's the whole messy [subject of the] Eugenics Wars — when exactly did they take place? Did they take place during the Bill Clinton years?"

Cox is writing one of four new novels that take place in the movie's continuity, picking up where the movie left off. He's written a draft of his novel, but hasn't gotten feedback from Paramount yet, so everything is subject to change. But at least for now, his novel takes place six months after the end of the movie, and follows Captain Kirk and his crew on a stand-alone adventure. And he hints that, if Paramount approves, the fact that the Vulcans are refugees scattered across the universe will play a part in his novel's plot.

Variety announced Rene Russo would be playing the role as Frigga, whose husband Odin, to be played by Anthony Hopkins. Frigga is the stepmother to both Thor and Loki, and Loki will become the central villain in this tale, played by Tom Hiddleston.

In other Thor news, the folks over at IGN noticed that Joseph Gatt has a special announcement on his personal website, that he is

"prepping for his most prominent job to date: a (secret) role in the forthcoming Marvel Studios film Thor, slated for release in 2011."

He doesn't say who he is playing, but already the internet is guessing it's for the role of Skurge the Executioner, which he does have the build for. And at least now we know there will most likely be more than one bad guy.

IESB is reporting that production on Spider-Man 4 (known internally as SPIDER-M4N) halted indefinitely last Thursday and won't start up again until Raimi and the Sony Picture executives come to some agreements. It seems that the script remains unfinished because the parties can't come to an agreement on the villain.

According to someone working on the production, Raimi is campaigning for the Vulture as the fourth movie's villain, while Sony doesn't think the Vulture will sell tickets. Perhaps this explains some of the conflicting villain rumors we've been hearing. Word is there's a lot of anger coming from the production camp, but filming can't move forward until decisions are made and the script is fleshed out.

Update: MTV talked to a studio rep who is denying IESB's report, saying the only shutdown going on is a planned shutdown for the holidays. The rep goes on to say that, while the script is still being worked on, it's standard pre-principal photography tinkering.

SPIDER-MAN 4 Production on Indefinite Hold [IESB]

Uh oh, Pepper looks pissed. And Tony looks alone. What happened to all his friends?

Garry Shandling makes his big debut as Senator Stern, so Tony mocks him, naturally.

See Tony is alone. Empty chairs. Empty soul. It's lonely at the top.

But wait, it's Rhodey, he's back...and he looks pissed. And who's that to Rhodey's left? It's Sam Rockwell, as Justin Hammer. Did they walk in together? And where did Pepper go? Where's Happy?

Same sexual chemistry between Pepper and Tony, check. But then again I think RDJ is so charming he could have chemistry with a lamp post... lucky lamp post.

Iron Man is America, and a rock star. And look in the background — it's the Iron Man dancers, thus proving the slutty Halloween rule to be true: any outfit can be made whorish.

These gloves could very well be the best little party favors ever. Please hand these out at Comic Con!

Whiplash is obsessed. See? See? He has newspaper clippings. And newspaper clipping are to stalkers what glasses are to shy mousy girls with a hot girl dying to get out inside: stereotypical. But let's assume that since he's spent so much time cataloguing the family story, that this grudge may go way, way back. Since he's had time to make a scrap book.

Who hit Tony?

The garage is all cleaned up and stocked with new rich guy toys. Bruce Wayne who?

What is happening to Tony's neck?

Yikes it's spreading. Tony is literally turning into an Iron Man. Also, he could be turning into a human computer, which has happened in the Iron Man comics before.

More Justin Hammer, and in perfect timing with Whiplash's "shark" comment.

Nick Fury just wants to get motherfucking Tony onto the motherfucking team.

More Iron Man-ettes. I suspect this may be a banner year for the cosplay fans.

Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff in her Black Widow "business casual" attire.

War Machine prototype!

Is the Black Widow working for Rhodey? Is that her in the background?

Black Widow in her ass kicking attire, is she beating up Happy? I bet Jon Favreau just loved that.

Whiplash finally shows us what his lightsaber whips can do — which is break Tony's car.

Which he does.

I'm still not sold on the Whiplash outfit, but it does look pretty bad ass from behind.

Uh oh — will Tony be Whiplashed in half, or will the bad guy just show off some more? Answer: Show off.

Whiplash has nasty metal mouth.

What is this flying contraption? It looks like it's shooting at Iron Man? Multiple Mecha suits?

A first look at War Machine, and Tony's new suit, with a triangle chest plate. Is this due to the metal veins? Also the background is filled with power suits, almost like an Armor War...

War Machine and Tony fight other mechas and you get a faceful of War Machines shoulder gun, and Tony's fully reconstructed suit, Mark VI. Very nice. So who thinks they are filming the Armor Wars story?

Cameron's early '90s "scriptment" is the kind of thing that shows that, while he may have loved the comics as a kid, he didn't necessarily understand them. For example, Peter's pre-Spider-Man awkwardness became defiance against modern culture in Cameron's hands:

PETER PARKER. Age 17. Peter is in the bathroom, popping a zit in the mirror. He puts on his glasses and checks his look in the mirror. Still the same. Nerdy. He doesn't care. Screw 'em... He thinks they are the real losers. They'll be flipping burgers while he's discovering the cure to cancer. We'll see who wins in the long run. He wears his isolation like a badge... with an air of superiority.

That's not the only essential change to the Spider-Man mythos: Uncle Ben doesn't give a "With great power comes great responsibility" speech - or, if he does, it's not mentioned in the scriptment - and Peter starts considering do-gooding before Ben's death (albeit with mixed results). J. Jonah Jameson is a television station owner, not Daily Bugle editor, and the Bugle doesn't appear in the film at all. The movie even ends with Peter winning Mary Jane's love by revealing that he's Spider-Man - the two of them, by that point, having shared a terrible love scene that hints at Cameron's Titanic script as well as shows that Peter's into bondage:

ON TOP OF THE BRIDGE TOWER. Hold a beat. We hear screams approaching. Spidey appears and sets her on terra firma. She clings to him, looking down and around in wonder. He has put the world at her feet. She can't believe this is happening to her.

In a dizzying down-angle we see how the suspension cables all meet radially at the top of the tower... like the treads of some vast spider web. Peter and MJ seem to sit at the very center of the web, surrounded by the lights of the city. It is a warm spring night. And the moment is pure magic.

She stands with her back against a girder, needing to feel something solid. Spider Man stands before her, a perfectly formed male silhouette with a soothing low voice.

SPIDER MAN
Courtship among the spiders is highly ritualized. It varies from species to species. The male spider may circle the female, or wave his front legs... to signal that he is not prey.

Spider Man moves in a hypnotic arc around her. He raises his hands in a dance-like movement. Lowers them.

SPIDER MAN
The female usually signals her willingness by an uncharacteristic passivity.

MJ takes a deep breath. Her lip trembles. Her knees are weak. Her eyes, though, are steady, gazing at the silhouette before her. She doesn't move or speak. He moves closer.

SPIDER MAN
In certain crab spiders, such as Xysticus, the male will attach strands of silk to the female... tying her limbs...

Spider Man moves his hand gracefully across her, and she sees the sheerest silk webbing glinting in the moonlight. First one wrist. Then the other. Hypnotic movement in the moonlight. Her arms are bound to the wall. Her breathing gets more rapid.

SPIDER MAN
Since the female can break free at any time, the bonds have only symbolic significance.

MARY JANE
The male must be very bold... to take such liberties with the predatory female.

SPIDER MAN
Yes. He is very bold. But he must also trust her.
(he moves very close)
Close your eyes.

He removes his mask and kisses her. Their mouths very slowly and very sensuously devour each other. Peter and MJ are locked together. He is mesmerizing, gentle, powerful. He pushes up her skirt. They make love, high above the world. She doesn't look.

Well, at least it's not as bad as this scene from earlier in the script:

THE NEXT DAY. Tight on Peter as he wakes up. He opens his eyes cautiously. Not knowing what to expect. PULL BACK to reveal that he is still in bed. All is normal. He breaths a sigh of relief. In fact... he feels pretty good. Lots of energy. He pulls back the covers and...

Something is causing the sheet to stick to him. He lifts it, revealing a sticky, white mass completely covering him, gluing him to his bedding.

OMG HIS WEBBING IS LIKE JIZZ I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE.

The villains of the piece are versions of Sandman and Electro, although they have different names for no immediately apparent reason (As does high school bully Flash Thompson, who becomes Nathan "Flash" McCreery. Maybe Cameron was working out some high school issues or something), and both end up dead during the climactic final battle (Sandman ends up turned into glass with the following, wonderful, description: "Sandman is a smoking lump of melted glass in the vague form of a man. Poised, cooling, in a position of agony. Like Michaelangelo's dying slave. His glass mouth is a shapeless pit of eternal pain. Bummer.").

You can read an illustrated version of Cameron's entire scriptment here, but we wouldn't blame you if you'd read enough already. While offering up enough visual thrills and surface spectacle that you know it would've made an exciting movie to watch, Cameron's Spider-Man shaves off so much of the weirdness of the character that it could be any generic teenage superhero saving his girlfriend and the The Day. We're happier this script stayed unmade and Sam Raimi got his chance to show off his superhero chops instead and, let's face it: Wouldn't the world rather have had Avatar than this, in the end?