<![CDATA[io9: cosmic treadmill]]> http://tags.lifehacker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/io9.com.png <![CDATA[io9: cosmic treadmill]]> http://io9.com/tag/cosmictreadmill http://io9.com/tag/cosmictreadmill <![CDATA[Travel Through Time In Style]]> Time travel has always been one of the main science fiction dreams, right up there with goldfish-bowl helmets, jetpacks and sexy green alien space women who want to find out about this Earth thing you call... "love." But there's more to jumping through the ages than just making sure that you don't step on any butterflies or accidentally kill your ancestor. For example, what's the most stylin' ride you could blow the minds of the middle ages with? Under the jump, we weigh up some of your options.

The TARDIS: It's possibly not the most famous time machine in science fiction (yet) - that would probably be a certain car that you'll meet below - but it's definitely the most distinctive. Doctor Who's stylish acronymtastic (its name stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space) mode of transport may have started life as a means of keeping the show's 1963 first episode budget down thought up by BBC staff writer Anthony Coburn, but it's since become one of the most recognizable images in SF TV. Something that the BBC must be happy about, having trademarked the familiar blue box in 2002.

The Cosmic Treadmill: A glorious example of Silver Age comic book (il)logic, the Flash's self-built "cosmic treadmill" allowed him to travel backwards and forwards in time - as well as through parallel universes - by running so fast that he'd hit the perfect vibrational frequency that would allow him to zip away. Created by Flash and Green Lantern writer John Broome, the somewhat ridiculous gimmick has stayed around in the Flash books ever since, proving that some ideas are so dopey that they cross the line into permanently awesome.
Doc Brown's DeLorean: What is it about the time machine from Back To The Future that makes it so perfect? That it was one of the first green time machines (after that whole plutonium thing, of course)? The very specific need for a very particular speed? The fact that it put the already spacey look of one of the '80s most impractical cars to good use? Perhaps all of the above, but what will always single it out for our love and adoration was the fulfillment of Doc Brown's promise that, where we're going, we won't need roads.

The Time Bubble: Ah, the simplicity of 1950s design. The Time Bubble - so named because it's a clear bubble that travels through time - first appeared in 1958's Adventure Comics #247 as the 30th century's favored method of time-travel, and who can deny something with such sleekness and beauty? Thank creators Otto Binder and Al Plastino for what must surely be the objet d'art aesthetic of purity that all other time machines should aspire to.

The Time Tunnel: On the one hand, I should be more worried that they never really got the time tunnel to actually work properly, but on the other, dude. It was a time tunnel, an honest-to-goodness man-made version of the Guardian of Forever, but with less Joan Collins - You didn't need to operate any funky machinery or maintain your internal vibrational frequency, you simply needed to enter the tunnel and off you went. The only drawback, if the experience of Tony Newman and Doug Philips is anything to go by, is that you'll never get to come home again. But if you liked your present-day life so much, why would you time travel in the first place, right?

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<![CDATA[How to Travel Through Time in Nine Easy Steps]]> Everyone wants a personal time travel device, but with so many different devices to choose from, how do you make a well-informed decision? Everyone knows about Doc Brown's Delorean, the Doctor's TARDIS, and H.G. Wells' contrapulation, but what about some of the other time time travel gizmos? We walk you through the nine best ones, and explain how each one can take you back to that painful high school moment.



  • The Guardian from Star Trek: In "City on the Edge of Forever," Kirk and Spock had to hop through a giant talking stone donut in order to follow a crazy Bones back into the Great Depression. Bones had a fever and a bad skin rash, Spock had to work in a soup kitchen and build a device in what little spare time he had, while Kirk spent all his time wooing Joan Collins. Later, they were able to hop safely back through. If that's not easy time travel, then I don't know what is.

  • The Omni from Voyagers!: Voyagers! ran on NBC from 1982 to 1983, and featured the awesome pocket-watch sized Omni as one of the coolest time travel devices ever. It had a miniature scale model of the earth inside, and red and green lights that would tell you if time was "flowing normally" or if it had been disturbed. You would spin the dials and set it (and forget it) and travel back to any time you wanted, which usually just happened to involve temporal anomalies involving famous people.

  • The Flash's Cosmic Treadmill: Barry Allen decided he wanted to check out time travel, so he invented a treadmill that ran (zing!) on cosmic rays. A speedster could set it to a specific time, either forwards or backwards, and then run on the treadmill until it sent him back to that time. Get this, they stayed in that time by "maintaining his internal vibration" that was specific to that time travel. Talk about working overtime. Later Wally West discovered he could time travel without the treadmill, but nothing really beats putting the word "cosmic" in front of something. If only he'd invented the cosmic ab-cruncher and cosmic stairmaster.

  • Dr. Evil's Time Warp Machine from Austin Powers 2: This is from the category of time machine where they never even attempt to explain to you why or how it works, it just does. Which is how all evil genius machines should work. Who needs all that explanation about tachyons and the space-time continuum and all that? Plus it had a psychedelic look and feel to it as well. You just run up to it and throw yourself on it like a velcro wall, and you pop out in the appropriate time... as long as they have another time machine on the other end, apparently. Granted, Austin's own new Volkswagen bug time machine might have looked cool, but that was just a Delorean ripoff.

  • Doctor Doom's Time Platform: Not to be outdone by all the time travel going on in the DC universe, where it seemed like if Superman sneezed he'd end up in the 1800s, Marvel had their own action happening with Doom and his time machine. Doom never really got enough credit, building working Doombots, devices that gave people superpowers, creating massive weapons and all that jazz. Maybe because he was too whiny and bitchy when it came to the Fantastic Four. Anyhow, his time machine was a platform that you'd stand on, wank with some controls, and then you'd be sent back in time, no problem! Why he never conquered the damn world with this thing I'll never know.

  • The Time Traveling Roller Coaster Ride from Timecop: In this Jean Claude Van Damme flick, you hopped into what looked like an amusement park ride, and got blasted towards a wall that you hoped would open up into a time-portal before you got smushed into jelly. It uses the whole "acceleration as time travel" idea, but really does it in style. We just wish there would have a been a "You Must Be This HIgh To Ride This Ride" sign next to Van Damme. Or at least someone asking for his e-ticket.

  • The Timespheres from Terminator: They weren't the most practical devices, because when you were sent back through them they burned off all your clothes. Meaning you couldn't be sent backwards or forwards into a heavily populated area unless you didn't mind everyone seeing your junk. Now, don't ask us how they can send machines back in time as long as they're covered with skin. It boggles our mind too.

  • The penny from Somewhere in Time: Christopher Reeve learned how to travel back in time from 1980 to 1912 in order to be with Jane Seymour, who he's fallen in love with from staring at old photographs of her. Yes, it's corny, we know it. But when he finds a Lincoln penny from 1979 in his pocket and zaps back to the future, even you might admit you have feelings, you robots. It was based on the novel Bid Time Return by I Am Legend author Richard Matheson, and is Reeve's best-known film outside of the Superman series.

  • Uncle Rico's Time Machine from Napoleon Dynamite: Sure, it didn't work and it appeared to only make your testicles hurt (no idea what it did to women), but you had to give the ripoff artist who invented it credit for including things like "time crystals." We'd still want one, just to screw with people.

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