A review of a midnight show of A Thousand Words, that shitty Eddie…

Back in July 2008, I remember reading the movie listings for Philadelphia-area movie theaters. There's absolutely no reason this memory should be emblazoned in my mind, save for one strange fact — multiple theaters in the greater Bucks-Montgomery County nexus were holding opening night 12:01 AM showings of Meet Dave,… » 3/09/12 9:45am 3/09/12 9:45am

Why McG's new romcom is secretly a Star Trek movie

Today is Valentine's Day, a holiday which commemorates the armistice between global cacao manufacturers and the prophylactic industry after their centuries-long shadow war. To capitalize on this day of demure remembrance, the popcorn-industrial complex has released This Means War, a new motion picture event by… » 2/14/12 12:40pm 2/14/12 12:40pm

The exact formula for writing Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked

For today's installment of Crackpot Movie Review, we've recruited the expertise of Professor Horus X. Lomax, Vice-Director of Cultural Preservation at the Svalbard Dross Vault, the sister organization of the Svalbard Global Seed Vault in Spitsbergen, Norway. Today's topic: the soul-rending arithmetic of the third… » 12/18/11 10:10am 12/18/11 10:10am

Spy Kids 4 is the 21st century equivalent of The Children's Crusade

Despite my elementary school diploma, I loved Spy Kids: All the Time in the World. Why? It's a chilling examination of an alternate reality in which children have become fellow travelers in global espionage, a parallel universe where Langley is run like Willy Wonka's candy-colored calorie mill. Like Ender's Game mixed… » 8/20/11 12:25pm 8/20/11 12:25pm

Why Sex and the City 2 is a science fiction movie

I saw Sex and the City 2 yesterday. I didn't anticipate it would be a very good movie (indeed, it reminded me at times of Mannequin), but I also didn't anticipate it would be a scifi film. What? » 5/29/10 11:00am 5/29/10 11:00am

1.) The lead of is book writer and former sex columnist Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica-Parker). Carrie is the main…