Too bad War Of The Worlds goes downhill a bit after that amazingly portentous opening. No movie could live up to the promise of Morgan Freeman reading H.G. Wells, more or less verbatim, but it's still a sad thing.

The greatest voiceovers tell you what kind of movie you're in for, and also give you the information you need to hit the ground running. Take Sean Connery's iconic voiceover from Highlander, which is so awesome, you need it written out for you to appreciate its greatness:

Sadly, most voiceovers that launch movies either try to pack in way, way too much backstory ("And then there was a man named 92ZorkX, who built a mega-cube in his pants") or go way, way overboard with the cheese. Here are 48 more voiceovers that mostly go way over the top, sorted by type:

In The Year 2727, Some Messed Up Shit Happened!

Perhaps my favorite kind of opening voiceover is the kind where the narrator starts out by intoning, "In the year 2027, we realized we had gone out of the house without any lower garments, and the Earth was reduced to rubble as a result. The survivors lived in caves, eating scraps of jerky. Until one day, a new hope appeared." Here are ten of the most awesome voiceovers that begin with a date and end with a sad recitation.

Anything Sounds Cool If You Say It In A Creamy English Accent

It's really true. You can narrate anything in a smooth English accent, and it sounds awesome. It's like spreading brie all over your frontal cortex, eliminating all of your B.S.-detectors. Someone with an English accent is saying it, so it must be brilliant. Right?

What The Hell Are You Talking About, Crazy Announcer Guy?

You know a science fiction movie is going to be totally absurd when it starts off with a voiceover that just throws a giant ball of crazy at your head. Someone who is trying not to giggle gives a little speech about how there was a guy named Zaark 795, and he rose up against his brother, the Bishop of Pluto, because they both wanted the power of the Dodecahedron-o-gram. Yeah. Anyway, here are the nonsensical opening voiceovers that make us happy to be alive.

You Can't Have An Apocalypse Without A Gloomy Speech

It's just the law of apocalypses: You can't feature the destruction of all (or most) life on Earth, without throwing in a gloomy monologue explaining exactly how we blew it all to hell. It's the way things work around here. Typically, these monologues include scenes of devastation as well as a droning voice talking about viruses or bombs or people not washing their hands. Here are some of the greatest.

Science Fiction Movies That Start With Deep Personal Monologues

Some science fiction movies start out with a more personal touch — one character giving an internal monologue about their feelings. Either it's a character being introspective, or it's some kind of noir deal, where the person talks about their pain in a hardcore, tough-guy way. Here are some of our faves.

Voiceovers That Turn Into Conversations, And Weird Voiceover Spoofs

This is sort of a catch-all for two categories that didn't quite deserve their own pages: monologues that start out as a voiceover, and then turn into someone talking to the camera; and voiceovers that are just sort of demented, silly or satirical. They're both a bit different from your standard science fiction voiceover, in any case.

Additional reporting by Alexis Brown.

X-Men:

Patrick Stewart could tell us to jump off a cliff, and we'd probably do it naked, just because that voice is so velvety. He wants to explain evolution to us? Sure, that sounds splendid. If only Mohinder could be this stentorian and convicing. O, for a genome of fire!

Underworld:

There's a war between vampires and werewolves, and it all sounds mysterious and special, like a fantasy episode of Masterpiece Theater.

Dune (TV miniseries):

This poor woman has got to pack a huge amount of backstory about spice and the Empire and Dune and the reasons why everybody is freaking out in funny outfits, so we can get to the action. Good thing she's got a voice like Devonshire cream, and it all sounds lovely.

Dune:

Virginia Madsen, by contrast, doesn't have a real English accent, she just sort of has English diction. Her speech is a bit more poetic, though, with all that stuff about the fragility of beginnings. Let's call her an honorary Brit. Which Dune intro do you like better?

The Golden Compass:

There are many universes, and they're all sort of swirly and filled with fairy dust. This intro would be total tommyrot, if it wasn't spoken in such a lilting voice. It's like camomile tea.

Lord Of The Rings

Actually this really is a fantastic opening, even though it's technically not science fiction. You just have to love the way she makes the backstory of the rings sound epic and massive, even before the movie's properly started.

The War Of The Worlds:

Sir Cecil Hardwicke tells us about the evolution of warfare, against a fantastic montage of destruction, leading up to the ultimate WAR OF THE WORLDS. Thanks so much to SCROGGS! for pointing this one out.

Red Planet:

This almost went into the list of "By the year 2027" monologues, but then it turns into Carrie Anne Moss lecturing us about how she's the greatest space badass, and introducing her team. "Here's Chimp. He wears cool glasses, and he's great with a thruster. Here's Zpork, who's a hothead. But he keeps it cool in a tight spot. And then there's Borf. I don't know why he's on the team."

Dark City

Supposedly the studio forced director Alex Proyas to add this monologue, where Keifer Sutherland tries to explain the enitire movie to us. It's sort of noir-esque and does set a nice gloomy tone.

Spy Kids 3: Game Over

Another noir one, this time very tongue-in-cheek, from the third (and worst) installment in the Robert Rodriguez superspy series.

Pitch Black:

Because you demanded it, this awesome monologue which combines noirish pain with animal cunning. Riddick is such a badass, he can speechify even in cryosleep.

Cowboy Bebop: The Movie

Just a short monologue... Spike is musing about a boy who wanted to play games. And then he gets jolted out of it.

20th Century Boys

This recent (and awesome) Japanese film starts with an introspective monologue about being a young person and thinking that rock'n'roll can change the world. Which, by the way, it can't.

The Postman:

It's a post-apocalyptic movie, starring Kevin Costner and directed by The Cost as well. So you already know it's going to be great. But in case you had lingering doubts, here's a cloying voiceover by his unborn daughter. Hey look, a lion! Let's have the movie be about him instead!

Abraxas

Former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura is being tortured by a robot who's asking him stupid questions. But he still has time to talk to you, the viewer, about what it's like to be him.

Body Snatchers

The Abel Ferrara version of this classic film starts out with a little girl in the backseat of a car, musing about the nature of fate, and how you never know when your parents are going to be turned into pod people.

Trancers

This is the greatest thing ever. A wonderfully noirish monologue by a future cop who thinks he's succeeded in cutting off the head of a criminal cult. He thinks.

Ultraviolet:

This isn't the actual opening of the movie, just the trailer. But it does include Milla Jovovich's opening monologue, giving us the 411 on future dystopias, viruses, weird swords, and hair that changes color when you walk into a different room.

D-War:

So there's a super snake and every 500 years it gets to be with a woman and grow wings, and maybe become a dragon, and then destroy the world or bring us candy. Wait, what?

Transformers:

In the beginning, there was the cube. And it was on the sphere. And the robots rose up and fought over it, and it was lost... until a whole bunch of other incomprehensible shit happened, and hey, we're on Earth!

The Gene Generation:

Any movie about gene-hackers that stars Bai Ling has got to be great, but this is the greatest intro ever. There's gene therapy, but it gets turned into a weapon, and then there are killer clouds, and everyone has to live in the walls, but some people turn the rich into tentacle monsters, except Bai Ling shoots them. Got it? Great.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie:

Now this is what we're talking about. ZORDON (must be capitalized) is fighting to rid the universe of evil, with the help of his Zords. Any questions? Didn't think so.

Dragonball:

There's a whole movie's worth of nonsensical plot, compressed into a folksy Asian-accented voiceover here. Like, who the hell is Oozaru and what's a Ma Fu Ba? We never really find out.

Alone In The Dark:

This is my absolute favorite. There are these native Americans (of course) called the Abkani, and they dug a hole, and opened a gateway to evil. With me so far? Wait, wait, there's a government agency called Bureau 70000, and it's hunting evil, and meanwhile autistic children are being turned into evil supermoles. No wait, there's more!

The Crow:

This one actually makes sense compared to the others on this page... there's a crow that carries your dead soul — sort of like the stork, in reverse — and if you're really sad, you get to stay on Earth and be bitchin'.

The Giant Gila Monster:

Aaaaaaaaaaand... back to crazy land. Who knows how giant these gila monsters can grow???

Ator The Fighting Eagle:

I love how this voiceover spends like two minutes building up the great legendary hero guy, who dies during the voiceover so that his son, Ator, can avenge him against the evil warlords.

The Humanoid:

This Star Wars rip-off has a fantastic text crawl, but goes George Lucas one better, by having someone read it to us. And it's well worth reading aloud, with all the great stuff about Lord Graal escaping and his power hunger, and the fact that Earth is now known as Metropolis. Wait, what?

Plan 9 From Outer Space

You guys convinced me this belongs in here — truly one of the most wonderfully addle-pated openings of all time! We are all interested in the future, for that is where we will spend the rest of our lives! With grave robbers from space!!!

Terminator 2: Judgment Day:

Sarah Connor herself decides to explain the first movie, and the background of the second movie to us, while robots slaughter people and her scarred son scowls at us. (That glimpse of Future John packs more punch than five hours of Bale, incidentally.)

Robot Jox:

An all-time classic movie, this Joe Haldeman/Stuart Gordon joint starts out with a gruff voiceover packing everything we need to know about robotic single combat into one speech. With rubble.

Slipstream:

This opening monologue from Steve Lisberger's followup to Tron almost belongs in the "what the hell are you talking about" category. What the Hell? Earthquakes, okay. And then they "merged civilizations together?" But then there's a wind that ate everything. And someone is traveling it. Wha?

2019: After The Fall Of New York:

This one wins extra points for having the synthesizery blues score, and the guy in the trenchcoat pretending that the synthesizer is actually his trumpet. Twenty years after the bombs fell, New York is still a shithole. Sorry.

Doomsday:

This actually isn't the entire opening voiceover of this film, because it continues after about five minutes of people being shot by riot cops. Scotland gets turned into a scabby plague sore, and those sensible Brits wall it off. Which works out perfectly, of course.

Judge Dredd:

Can I just say, I love it when a voiceover comes with a text crawl, in case you need to follow along at home? Most movies do one or the other, but only a truly great movie has a text crawl and a voiceover. The U.S. has gone to mega-shit with Megacities, and a new breed of law enforcer rises up.

City Of Ember:

The movie's entire backstory is compressed into a couple of minutes. Global disaster, underground city, box of instructions... box gets lost. Oh noes.

The Road Warrior:

Thanks to John Hazard for finding this online. Still the greatest post-apocalyptic movie opening of all time.

Serenity:

Here's the classic example of a voiceover that turns into a conversation. Joss Whedon's big movie debut starts out with a whole cosmic theme, as a woman talks to us about how we (once again) messed up the Earth and had to colonize a new solar system. And then suddenly, we're in the room with the woman, and it starts a whole new scene. Which turns into something else, which turns into something else.

Mimic:

Here's another voiceover that turns into someone talking to us. Guillermo dell Toro's early classic starts off with a male narrator telling us about the awful plague that struck... and then we're in a hospital with him, uncomfortably close to those plague victims. Aaaaa!

Megiddo: The Omega Code 2:

I love this Godsploitation movie's beginning so much. It starts out as an echoey ominous voiceover, with some guy reading Scripture, and then it turns into a sweeping apocalyptic montage, with that voice droning over it... and then suddenly, we're hanging out with that guy, and he's just having a regular conversation. He just happened to be quoting scripture and droning ominously in the course of his chat. To be fair, this is Satan.

What Planet Are You From?

And then, we effortlessly segue into our comedy voiceovers portion. This Garry Shandling movie feels the need to start off with a deep booming voice, letting us know Garry Shandling has no penis. It's important information that we'll need for the rest of the movie, so it's good to get it out there right away.

Morons From Outer Space:

And then finally, there's this cheesy British space comedy, which tries to play up our expectations that visitors from outer space will be brilliant and noble, so the movie can shatter them. (Of course, we already know we're watching a movie called Morons From Outer Space, so good luck with that.)

Heavy Metal:

Somehow, I remembered this opening monologue being longer and more crazy, but I guess they're saving that for later in the movie. As it is, you could almost be fooled into thinking you're watching a serious space epic.

Monster High:

I almost didn't include this one, since it's so short and kind of meh. (I already had 50 voiceovers, without this one.) I think the "imagine the furthest point in the universe. Our story begins just a couple blocks past that." I think they're trying for a Douglas Adams "space is big" vibe... and then they just give up and go home.

Enemy Mine

I love this movie, and the imagery in this opening sequence is great. It starts with a vague date, then walks us through a whole complicated history of our attempted conquest of space, and the creatures that stood in our way. Fantastic stuff.

Escape From New York:

In 1988, the crime rate in the United States rose 400 percent. No wonder Dukakis lost.

Transmorphers

This awesome Transformers ripoff starts with a nice touch: in 2007, we made contact with other life forms. And then they reached out and touched us. Too bad it was a bad touch.

Equilibrium

This Christian Bale classic tells of a world after World War III, where the cause of humans' inhumanity to humans is eradicated: emotions. Instead of text crawl, we just get key phrases popping up on the screen.

Doom

In the year 2026, we discover a portal to Mars. A curiously solemn opening for a crazy-ass Dwayne Johnson shoot em up.

Cyborg 2

Angelina Jolie's debut movie features a rousing opening monologue by someone who really enjoys talking about cyborg prostitutes. You gotta admire that.

Escape From L.A.:

The sequel to Escape From New York is even more over the top and awesome, with a huge, complicated chain of events getting boiled down to its essentials. Crazy religious guy, huge earthquake, L.A. cut off, theocracy, president for life, boom. L.A. is now officially the United States of America's sewer. And we're putting Kurt Russell there. Any questions?

Voyage To The Prehistoric Planet

The year: 2020. The destination: Venus!

Nautilus

This time-traveling submarine movie starts out strong, with a great explanation of how we screwed with the planet, and it screwed us back. Nice montage of stock footage, accompanied by dire voiceover.

First Spaceship On Venus

This one is more upbeat, somewhat. It's the futuristic year of 1985, and we're irrigating the Gobi Desert. Go us! And then we discover a weird rock, and that means it's time to go to Venus!