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"The Nostalgist" Is a Posthuman Pinocchio Tragedy
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SaumyaSukari
07/30/09

In reply to "The Nostalgist" Is a Posthuman Pinocchio Tragedy
Ok, I'm going to be pedantic, but good manners mean I should start with: Looks good, I think I'll go read it.

But since one section stuck out to me, and others are picking on the use of the language...

If we are getting picky about language, what bothered me was "The semitransparent veils were stiff with grime and they hung still and useless like furled, ruined sails"

Furled means rolled up, but he describes the boy as layering sheets.

It looks he thinks furled sails are idle sails (true), but doesn't realize furled's primary meaning is rolled up.

Doesn't mean it's not a good story, and interesting - it's just a trifle over-adjectived.
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Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H.
07/30/09

@SaumyaSukari: Over- and badly-adjectived.
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jp182
07/30/09

In reply to "The Nostalgist" Is a Posthuman Pinocchio Tragedy
i liked the story and the world that was created.
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tetracycloide
07/30/09

In reply to "The Nostalgist" Is a Posthuman Pinocchio Tragedy
for some reason the similie "his tendons were like taut cords" bothers me to a much greater degree than it really should. i think it is because tendons aren't like taut cords, they are literally taut cords.
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braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.
07/30/09

@tetracycloide: Yes. I confess to being equally bothered by that.
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RandomFrequentFlierDent
07/30/09

@tetracycloide: Yup, metaphors that aren’t really metaphors bug me too.This does make me think of other inappropriate body-related figures of speech:

"His bones held his body erect, like an internal support system".

Both are pretty obviously wrong.
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Edited by RandomFrequentFlierDent at 07/30/09 10:24 AM

Grey_Area
07/30/09

@tetracycloide: Taught chords? Like in guitar lessons?
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