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Thu Dec 3
25 posts in the last 24 hours
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Ok, I'm going to be pedantic, but good manners mean I should start with: Looks good, I think I'll go read it.
But since one section stuck out to me, and others are picking on the use of the language...
If we are getting picky about language, what bothered me was "The semitransparent veils were stiff with grime and they hung still and useless like furled, ruined sails"
Furled means rolled up, but he describes the boy as layering sheets.
It looks he thinks furled sails are idle sails (true), but doesn't realize furled's primary meaning is rolled up.
Doesn't mean it's not a good story, and interesting - it's just a trifle over-adjectived.
for some reason the similie "his tendons were like taut cords" bothers me to a much greater degree than it really should. i think it is because tendons aren't like taut cords, they are literally taut cords.
@tetracycloide: Yup, metaphors that aren’t really metaphors bug me too.This does make me think of other inappropriate body-related figures of speech:
"His bones held his body erect, like an internal support system".
07/30/09
But since one section stuck out to me, and others are picking on the use of the language...
If we are getting picky about language, what bothered me was "The semitransparent veils were stiff with grime and they hung still and useless like furled, ruined sails"
Furled means rolled up, but he describes the boy as layering sheets.
It looks he thinks furled sails are idle sails (true), but doesn't realize furled's primary meaning is rolled up.
Doesn't mean it's not a good story, and interesting - it's just a trifle over-adjectived.
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
07/30/09
"His bones held his body erect, like an internal support system".
Both are pretty obviously wrong.
07/30/09