The report comes from Ain't It Cool, which ran the following secondhand rumor:

The producers of Sony's 2009 release Anaconda 4 (or whatever it was called) which stars David Hasselhoff said they're going to make more of them, but it won't star David.

He said that David will probably be too busy to do a 5th film in the series (he did 3 & 4 back to back) because he's returning to TV.

The plan for the next season of KNIGHT RIDER, says he, is for David Hasselhoff to be a regular on the show. He'd be teamed with his on-screen son Mike Tracer (Justin Bruening) to solve weekly adventures in the hopes that that boosts ratings.

If true, this may be the greatest thing to happen to Hoff's career since... well, the last time he guest-starred on Knight Rider.

If There's A Second Season Of KNIGHT RIDER, Will The Hoff Return For Father/Son Adventures Of The Week?? [Ain't It Cool]

In an interview with Buddy TV, the Hoff announced he would not be making the grand cameo, which is pretty much the only reason for making a new Knight Rider in the first place.

"I went in and pitched Knight Rider to the network with all the intentions of coming back as, like, the dad or something. But they decided to go a different route. So I just said 'See ya later and good luck.'"

Sheesh, if this show stinks so bad that not even Hasselhoff will go near it, you know it's circling the bowl. Hoff made Anaconda III, for KITT's sake.

[Yahoo]

The Humanoid was directed by "George Lewis," the pseudonym for Aldo Ladi, who also directed 1975's slasher Torture Train. Salon.com interviewed Luigi Cozzi, who directed Star Crash, in 2002, when he was working the cash register at Profondo Rosso, a horror movie shop and museum in Rome which he co-managed with Dario Argento. Cozzi acucsed Ladi aka Lewis of being a "hired gun" rather than a true lover of Star Wars like himself. In any case, the golden age of Italian space opera was brief: in the early 80s, the studios switched over to making cheaper post-apocalyptic movies in the mold of Escape From New York and Mad Max. Says Salon:

Some of the results of this next trend included Yor, the Hunter From the Future (1981), and the 1983 movies After the Fall of New York and Exterminators of the Year 3000, which depicts 31st-century life as dominated by savage gang leaders and early '80s Oldsmobiles.

It's good to know that old-fashioned American engineering will survive for another thousand years. [Salon.com]

If you don't remember the original Knight Rider pilot, Michael Knight started out as Michael Long. He was a cop who was double crossed, and got shot in the face. The Foundation for Law and Government (hi folks, we handle both law and government, but we're a private foundation owned by a billionaire) takes over his care, surgically alters his face, dubs him Michael Knight, and sends him off to fight crime with their superintelligent, superexpensive car, the Knight Industries Two Thousand, or K.I.T.T.

So, after four seasons in the 80s, Knight Rider got mothballed and put into storage. But that didn't stop NBC from making Knight Rider 2000, Knight Rider 2010, and Team Knight Rider from 1991 to 1997. Last year, the success of Transformers made the network want to try one more time, and here's what we got. Yet another reason to hate the Transformers movie.

So why was last night's Knight Rider reboot so bad? Allow me to sum up: terrible writing and bad acting, and that's being generous.

The show started out with promise, with unnamed thugs breaking into original K.I.T.T. inventor Charles Graiman's home. After giving the man (actually, his decoy) a heart attack and shooting his Roomba, we see a few shots of our favorite A.I. car in the background as the thugs check out his workshop. Then, the nerdy thug (you know, because he wears glasses) says "I've never seen algorithms like these!" while looking at a screenshot from Tronon a monitor, and the whole thing goes downhill from there.

New and improved K.I.T.T. (now the Knight Industries Three Thousand) drives off on his own after deflecting some thug gunfire, and calls Graiman's daughter Sarah. She hasn't seen her dad in a long time, but K.I.T.T. uses the code word "Knight" (subtle), so she knows she can trust him, even though he turns out to be a talking car. He picks her up at her campus in Palo Alto (where she's a nanotech expert) and drives across the strangely soaking wet walkways on the quad, while the sun blazes down. Maybe they needed the water for all the dramatic skids.

Then, we're introduced to Mike Traceur. We know he's a cool playboy party dude because he's in post-threesome bliss. His nerdy sidekick wakes him up because he has thugs of his own at the door, wanting the money they loaned him. Ostensibly, this was for auto racing, although his car is a piece of junk and has the superpower of sucking. The thugs insult Mike. Cue the obligatory fight scene showing off what a badass Mike is.

Then, we're introduced to Carrie. A tough, young FBI agent who likes to surf in the morning after bedding other female hotties. Don't all FBI agents lead lives like this? She also happens to know Charles and Sarah, and gets called in when Charles is reported as dead. Meanwhile, Sarah and K.I.T.T. have now picked up Mike, who is trying to gamble his winnings back at the same NBC casino used by Las Vegas and Heroes. K.I.T.T. changes color to Deep Purple, which causes Mike to quip, "I didn't know it came in cholo." At least the weird 1980s racism of the original show hasn't changed.

The rest of the two hours unfold predictably. The kids hook back up with Sarah's dad, Michael's mom gets killed (boo hoo emotional moment), K.I.T.T. gets hacked, and there's a showdown between the talking car and an approaching thug-filled Yukon. Mike steers the car in front of them and whammo: it crumples like an accordion into K.I.T.T.'s indestructible nanotech hide. Of course, this leaves the passengers in the Yukon dead and/or bloodied up, including Sarah's dad who survived with just a cut on his forehead. Michael stares down the guy who shot his mom, and the bad guy gasps "This... changes... nothing." Probably the lamest last line from a bad guy ever.

Then we have what's meant to be a touching scene with The Hoff showing up at Traceur's mom's funeral as Mike's dad, Michael Knight. It's one of the worst father/son reunions ever, although it did actually make us miss The Hoff, and I never thought that would be possible. As Michael walks back to the koi pond he apparently lives in now, Mike decides to be the new driver of K.I.T.T. In the final scene, he backs the car down a ramp which looks like it might be from the old Knight Industries 18-wheeler, but it turns out to be a huge black C-130 plane. Looks like they've increased the budget. K.I.T.T.'s superspoilers morph out, the supporting cast (including Mike's lame goofy sidekick buddy) give a thumbs-up, and they drive off into the distance hopefully never to be seen again.

What's really sad about the whole thing is that K.I.T.T. is supposed to be a cool artificial intelligence, but he spends much of the show asking Mike twelve-year-old kid questions like "Are you a homosexual?" and chastising him with photos of Iron Eyes Cody and his single tear when Mike almost litters. He also tries to comfort Sarah about the news that her father might be dead by saying "That does... suck." Mind you, K.I.T.T. says that, not Mike. Made all the more creepy by Val Kilmer's monotonal K.I.T.T. that lacks all the charm and wit of William Daniels snotty car voice.

Just when you thought that it couldn't get much worse, though, there were a lame series of Ford Focus commercials featuring Mike Traceur out on a date being followed by a jealous K.I.T.T. These little vignettes put together told a story that was meant to pimp out the Ford Sync system that can voice-activate your songs and read your incoming text messages. We just want to see the look on a parent's face when their teenager's car radio system pumps out "WTF LOLZ OMG!" using one of these things. Needless to say, the Knight Rider-inspired commercials were craptastic.

So what was cool about the show? Well, very little. The solar hybrid gas system was a neat idea, but we want K.I.T.T. to run on plutonium or something. Not regular unleaded. The nanotechnology was fairly fun, and the bullet-deflecting animations were the best CGI in the show. K.I.T.T.'s morphing spoilers were interesting, but why not just grow wings and fly instead of rocketing down the streets at 191 mph? If a car happens to pull out of a driveway or a dog runs into the road, we have a feeling even K.I.T.T. would be fucked. But, give us a car that can change color over and over and it's all OK.

There was also a lot of sucky technology in the show. Why did K.I.T.T.'s computer have to be active in order for the nanotechnology to work? Wouldn't the outer shell of the car go all gray goo every time it powered down? Plus, did you catch the brief glimpse inside K.I.T.T.'s accessory drawer? He not only had an earpiece for Sarah, but it looks like he also comes stocked with Morpheus' red and blue pills, a jar of skin lotion, and who knows what else. Not very A.I. And what the hell with the manual mode? The pedals drop down and the shift-lever pops up. So why does he have a steering wheel when not in manual mode? Beats us.

There's no telling if this thing will actually go to series, but given the fact that there hasn't been much of anything new lately... this might have pulled in decent numbers. If it does, be sure to look for another weekly opportunity for us to bitch about it. You know, we probably wouldn't have hated it so much if K.I.T.T. would have turbo-jumped at least once. That's all we're asking for. We tried to tell you not to do it, Hollywood. But if you just had to, you could have at least thrown us a bone. If you're eager to relive the pain, you can check out Jalopnik's high-larious liveblog of the show after you track down a copy online. Just don't say we never warned you.

Some new promo stills for the Knight Rider TV movie have come out, and... they're super boring. They show Jason Bruening, the show's new driving wheel, and some other characters in suits, possibly funeral wear. And you glimpse David Hasselhoff, looking way less bright-eyed and bushy-haired, in his cameo. Also, there's a new synopsis.

The new KITT is the "ultimate car," with a super-weapons system and the ability to change shape and color. Some evil guys want to get their hands on this awesome ride, and they try to kidnap Sarah Graiman, the daughter of KITT's inventor Charles Graiman. Sarah enlists the aid of Mike Tracer (Bruening) to find out who's trying to steal KITT and to track down her missing dad. Also joining them is an FBI agent played by Sydney Poitier (Veronica Mars). [Daemon's TV]

More spoilers:

• Whenever they finally make more Heroes episodes, we'll have David Anders (Adam), Kristen Bell, Adrian Pasdar (Nathan) and Ali Larter (Niki/Jessica/whoever) back as series regulars. [E! Online]
• Michael pins a suicide note to himself and crashes his car in an upcoming Lost (as we may have mentioned), but he survives the crash and wakes up in hospital. [National Ledger]
• Also on Lost, we'll find out more about Juliet's romantic past and meet one of Sayid's ladies. We'll have more trouble from Desmond's "rotten almost father-in-law." [E! Online again]
• And here are profiles on all the new Lost characters, which pretty much confirm stuff we've already spoiled. [BuddyTV]
• Clark gives the Black Canary her name, and she has a "cute and slightly violent" first meeting with Green Arrow, in the Feb. 7 Smallville. [Kryptonsite]
• Brainiac manipulates Clark and maybe Bizarro into helping him find his creator, Daxur, judging from this clip from Friday's Smallville. I love the make-believe not-there-yet brain knife on James Marsters' finger. [Comic Book Resources]

First of all, why does every sci-fi-ish action show have to have a private foundation that saves the world now? And why does the Knight Foundation decide to recruit the son Hasselhoff never knew he had (Jason Bruening) to drive its new super-car? Did he inherit a yappy-car gene?

Then there's the collection of worn stereotypes. The Knight Foundation is run by eccentric (ugh) scientist Charles Graiman (played by Close To Home's Bruce Davison) and his daughter Sarah. A "shady millionaire" (ugh) and his thugs want their own super-car, but Graiman refuses to build one. So the bad guys decide to kill Graiman and take KITT, the super-car, for themselves. So basically it's Grand Theft Auto, except that the car comments on the action. You can stop calling this a back-door pilot. That door is krazy-glued shut.

After so many other failed Knight Rider revamps, why is NBC exhuming the franchise one more time?

Really, what's sad is that this effort is so unambitious. Given that every suburban mom has a GPS on her dashboard now, it's time we had a new fantasy to replace "smart talking car." What if the car's AI could also operate other machines? Or what if instead of having a human driver, the car had an android attachment who could appear human to the casual observer? Why does a super car need a driver anyway? [Image from The Sun]

Threesome Is Knight-ed [Hollywood Reporter]

• David Hasselhoff: While the Hoff hasn't been attached to this planned revamp, his name is associated with it as much as William Shatner's is with Star Trek. He's enjoyed his run of popularity from soap star, to Michael Knight, to his role as Mitch Buchannon on Baywatch. He even managed to turn the lifeguard pseudo-drama into a cash cow for himself by getting it into first-run syndication, but you'd have to hit turbo boost many times to jump over his ego and the potential camp factor.
• Knight Rider 2000: This 1991 TV movie had high hopes to revitalize the series and bring Michael Knight and K.I.T.T. back onto American televisions. Here's a reader's digest version of the movie: A new Knight Industries has been working on a new supercar, this time a fire engine red sporty number. However, the new artificial intelligence is bitchy, and doesn't work well with Michael Knight, who has been brought in as a test driver. Michael finds out that the original K.I.T.T. has been sold for scrap, and they set to work finding the lost pieces of his cybernetic soul. They get everything back together except for one chip, and install the spit and baling wire gizmo into Michael's 1957 Chevy. On their first crime-busting trial run, K.I.T.T. accidentally shoots a tranq dart into James Doohan's neck as he withdraws money from an ATM. Yes, James Doohan plays James Doohan in the movie, and when he gets shot, he hallucinates and thinks he's actually Scotty from Star Trek. No, we aren't making this up. They track down the final chip, which happens to have been implanted in policewoman Shawn McCormick's head after a near-fatal shooting. K.I.T.T. is able to link with the chip wirelessly, and the three of them form a team. Ugh.
• 
  
• Knight Rider 2010: Yes, they went back to the well again in 1994 in yet another TV movie, this time without David Hasselhoff or William Daniels as the erudite voice of the car. It's set in a sort of Mad Max dystopian future, and the car is now a heavily modified armored 1969 Ford Mustang. Driver Jake McQueen finds out that the evil corporation trying to hire him to work on video games has evil ambitions, and partners with employee Hannah Tyree to take them down. She accidentally downloads her personality into a computer device called PRISM, dies, yet lives on as the voice and spirit of Jake's new car. Double ugh.
• 
  
• Team Knight Rider: Just when you thought it was safe, yet another Knight Rider appeared on TV. This 1997 series featured not one, but five talking vehicles with five new leads. Two motorcycles, a truck, an SUV, and a sportscar made up this new cadre of crimefighters. The show actually made it to series, and ran for 22 episodes before getting canceled due to low ratings. It was also a weekly advertisement for Ford, as all of the vehicles (except the motorbikes) were built Ford tough.
• 
  
• This Ain't Transformers: NBC is fast-tracking this project because of the huge numbers that Transformers pulled in over the summer, and the current script has K.I.T.T. able to morph into different types of cars, including an even sportier looking model, and a pink Barbie-mobile. A car that turns into another car? How exciting. Plus NBC has already been down the morphing-car road in 1994 with Viper.
• 
  
• The Stalled Movie Version: Hollywood has been trying since 2002 to get a film version of Knight Rider rolling, and attempts were made to cast both Ben Affleck and Orlando Bloom as the new Michael Knight. Currently the film rights are sitting at Miramax, with David Hasselhoff attached to at least have a cameo appearance in the film. There's a reason people keep turning this role down: to paraphrase Tina Turner, "We Don't Need Another Knight Rider."
•