Disaster: Volcano
Our Breaking Point: The Subway Scene

How long do you think the people were sitting in that train? Seriously — how long? After a little while of watching people pass out, one after the other, from heat? I'd LEAVE. But no, this guy has to die a painful death walking through lava. Which in itself was a horrible thing — walk faster, melty guy!

Here's the remixed version — watch the full scene here.

Disaster: Deep Impact
Our Breaking Point: The Wave of Love

Nothing brings a daughter and a distant father back together like a giant tidal wave. Call me black-hearted, but this whole "I'm facing my destruction head on, and what? Oh hey, there's my dad who was never around. What the hey, I forgive you!" Tasted like yuck. And to all the people loading up their cars: Come on, it's the end of the world, the roads are always blocked. I bet they felt foolish when they realized they could have just stood on a high mountain to avoid the water. But the hug-it-out wave was still the worst.

Disaster: Armageddon
Our Breaking Point: Ben Affleck
Good theme music and spaceman slo-mo walking, but even if you can convince the audience that a team of misfit drillers can be trained to do their jobs in space, there's no way you can make me believe this scene. Remember, the crew went up in two ships, and they get separated. But don't worry, Ben Affleck's asteroid rover isn't damaged, and he and the remaining crew drive across a sharp-as-razors terrain, fly over a cannon, and find their way back to the other crew. After they shoot their way out of the ship. WHY DID IT HAVE GUNS IN THE FIRST PLACE? Uh, no.

Disaster: The Day After Tomorrow
Our Breaking Point: Frost Running

I didn't think it was possible for a character to piss me off more than when Dennis Quaid announced that he would be walking from Philly to New York, through the worlds most horrific storm, ever. And then his movie son Jake Gyllenhaal and his friends ran from frost, and a pack of wolves. They outran cold. You cannot run from cold, and you cannot protect yourself from cold by shutting the door, nor can you breathe air that is that cold — but screw science, you just plain can't run from cold.

Disaster: Twister
Our Breaking Point: Thank God For These Leather Straps

Twister was a fun movie about lunatics who chase twisters, thus making storm-chasing look infinitely cooler than it could ever be. But for the most part, it's just lots of driving and yelling up at the sky and seeing cows fly past, etc — you know, good stuff. Until the big one. At the end, Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt chase and get chased by the really, really big tornado, and instead of dying, they tie themselves with leather belts to a pole, and survive. Their arms remain intact and neither of them manage to get hit by any of the debris that is encircling them. Lucky ducks, eh?

Disaster: The Core
Our Breaking Point: Explaining Unobtainium

The science behind the ship. It's made out of unobtainium, so the hotter and deeper it gets the stronger it gets. And it's shaped like a penis. So yeah...

Disaster: Outbreak
Our Breaking Point: Dustin Saves The Town With His Words

Between a ton of accidental spills and the trained professional scientists sticking their hands into infected blood samples or falling asleep on the job, the worst moment of all is by far Dustin Hoffman's magical speech. Yes, it's worse than the little girl playing with the ebola host monkey. Never in a million years would Dustin Hoffman be allowed to sit up there in that plane. I'd give him two minutes before he was shot out of the sky.

Disaster: The Happening
Our Breaking Point: The Ending

First the plants attack cities, then the roads, then the small cities, then groups, then angry people, then it's the wind. What. The Hell. How can something that probably took millions of years to develop change in hours? Because M. Night said so, that's why — so quit your whining and watch the big ending payoff. Wahlberg and Zooey then decide to suicides themselves, because Zooey decided even though the plants are killing everyone, she should take their dead friend's child outside to run amuck. And now they are trapped — by wind. Time to give up hope and walk towards each other with big sweeping instrumentals, what HAPPENS? Nothing. "The event must have stopped before we went out here." Screw this movie.

Disaster: Dante's Peak
Our Breaking Point: Grandma Gives Her Life

While I agree with having those who have already lived full lives sacrifice themselves first, this is a freaking strange scene. They're like, "Five seconds to the dock," and she decides to walk to the shore too, for extra dramatics.

[Thanks to Annalee and Ray Wert for the phallic Core jokes]

This week, the United Nation's Association of Space Explorers (ASE) held a panel on Asteroid Threat Mitigation to discuss the threat posed by near-Earth objects (NEOs). An asteroid strike would have devastating and lasting consequences:

A hit by even one of the smaller [asteroid] rocks, say the size of a convenience store, would have the impact of 400,000 Hiroshima nuclear bombs exploding at once, he says. The larger varieties (a mile or more in diameter) could hit with as much force as millions of Hiroshima bombs, with devastating planet-wide effects, such as tsunamis, damage to the atmosphere, and radical climate change, with the magnitude of the damage depending on how big it the object is, its composition and if it hits land or water.

Several space programs do currently track NEOs to identify asteroids on a possible collision course with Earth, but these programs are not well coordinated and do not have the funding to track a sufficient number of objects. The ASE plans to deliver a proposal to the UN for a coordinated network of telescopes to better identify and track these asteroids. Although it is not the ASE's role to develop action plans in the event an asteroid threat is detected, its members have contemplated ways to avoid a collision:

In addition to telescopes to detect an incoming rock, that technology could include flying a spacecraft alongside an asteroid that is on course to impact our world. [NEO committee chairman Rusty] Schweickart says the gravitational attraction between the vessel and the space rock would tug on the latter just enough to alter its course and miss Earth. Another, less appealing option would be to shatter or blow up an approaching asteroid.

But is the risk of such an impact real, or is it just movie-engendered hype?

"It's real," says John Pike, director of Globalsecurity.org, an informational Web site focused on security issues, including space. "It's not a question of whether it's going to happen, it's just a question of when it's going to happen."

What 'Deep Impact' might an asteroid make on Earth, astronauts ask and Will an asteroid destroy Earth? Time for UN to keep tabs, say experts [Scientific American]

Monday

It's not too late to ditch work and sit through the Threshold marathon all day today on the Sci Fi Channel. Who needs paperwork when you have sexy Carla Gugino and her incredible brain to save the world from a crashed alien spaceship? Go Red Team!

The Middleman is back, showing M.M. fighting injustice and helping his twenty-something sidekick Wendy sort out her crazy life. In this episode, Wendy goes undercover as a sorority sister to investigate a haunted sorority house, which spells pillow fight! The Middleman airs at 10 PM on ABC Family.

Casper Van Dien (or, as I will always know him, Johnny Rico) will be on Chelsea Lately on E! with the rest of the Starship Troopers 3: Marauder cast at 4 PM.

The Japanese shōnen mecha anime Gurren Lagann, about an underground future society, is on twice on Monday once at 11 and again at 11:30 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

A sad and scruffy retired cop becomes a crusader against fascism in an alternate future. New episodes of the scifi cop drama Charlie Jade air on 3 AM on the Sci Fi channel.

Movies:

In Reign Of Fire, sad humans fight dragons with the help of Christian Bale, pre-Batman voice, and Matthew McConaughey, tonight at 12:30 AM on TBS. Plus, you can almost get to the Moon by watching Apollo 13 at 2:30 on AMC. Deep Impact, the armageddon movie that time forgot, is on soon after the dragon hotness, at 2:30 AM on TBS. And lastly, who needs Star Wars when you can watch a spoof instead? ABC Family is airing Spaceballs tonight at 8 PM.

Tuesday

There's an all day Monster Quest marathon on the History Channel starting at 8 AM. Nova will bring us another inside look at "Cars Of The Future" at 12:30 AM on PBS.

An all new Eureka is coming your way on Tuesday night. The second episode of the new season is adorably called "What About Bob." Follow the sheriff as he hunts down Global Dynamics' own Creature from the Black Lagoon. Eureka airs 9 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Wednesday

Eliza Dushku will be on Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC at 12 AM, and hopefully she'll spill some Dollhouse dirt.

The History Channel will delve into the infamous 70s UFO sightings for you, in UFO Files: UFOs of the 70s at 11 PM. Turns out the 1970s were the most active period of UFO sightings ever. (Who knew?)

Movies:

Wrong Turn is on Fox FX at 10 AM, in case you haven't gotten enough Eliza Dushku on Jimmy Kimmel. Watch her get lost in the woods and discover a sinister secret: the people in the mountains have mutated into crazy cannibals, and Eliza's on the menu.

Friday

From 8 AM to 4 PM, the Sci Fi Channel is running a marathon of Doctor Who in case you need to catch up on the tail end of season two.

Movies:

Follow Tom Cruise as he tries to save his ungrateful kids from attacking aliens in War Of The Worlds 8:30 on ABC 10:30 AM. Hang out with Big Red in the first Hellboy at 8 PM on Fox. Escape from a boring Friday night with Snake Plissken, in Escape From New York at 11:30 on AMC. Batman Begins is on at 8 PM (and many other times throughout the night) on Sci Fi.

Saturday

Find out why almost all the aliens we hear about are little gray men with big heads, in the UFO Files: New UFO Revelations: the Grays' Agenda, at 10 AM on the History Channel.

The space and time continuum opens up for another monster series Primeval. Follow the zoologist Professor Nick Cutter as he searches for his missing wife and tries to wrangle the occasional monster that steps out of the show's space and time rift. The creepy creature show is in its third season on the BBC, and the first season premieres on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:

Out Of Time airs at 4:30 PM on TNT. And there are back-to-back Flubber movies on TCM. Follow the original Absent Minded Professor as he discovers flubber, at 9 AM. Then follow up with The Son of Flubber at 10:45 AM.

Sunday

If you're up early (or late) feast your eyes on Ghost In the Shell at 4 AM on Adult Swim. Plus, the Venture Brothers will have a new episode for fans on Sunday at 11 PM at Adult Swim.

Every other one of the Doctor's cunning plans, in Doctor Who. The Doctor is always hatching plans that fall completely flat. This is especially true in the original series, where stories had to last 90 minutes or longer. In "The Ark In Space," the Doctor plans to attack the Wirrn while they sleep — but they left a guard behind. And then he plots to stop them by electrifying the bulkheads — but they attack the electricity supply. In "Pyramids Of Mars," he builds a fancy anti-mummy machine, which the mummies wreck. Then he plants explosives on the mummies' spaceship, which fail to explode. In "Parting Of The Ways," he builds fancy Dalek-brain-busting machine... which he doesn't have the gumption to use. The Doctor has a clever scheme to get hold of the Master's laser screwdriver in "Last Of The Time Lords"... and it won't work for him. And so on.

The last battle against the Tripods, in The Pool Of Fire by John Christopher. The humans have a clever plan for attacking the domed cities of the alien Masters: sneak in and pour alcohol into the water supply, incapacitating the Masters so the humans can crack their protective domes. This works most places, but totally fails in the Panama Canal dome. There's a backup plan, which involves primitive airplanes and bombs. This fails too. And then there's a third backup plan, involving hot-air balloons and bombs. This almost fails as well, because the balloons just bounce off the dome — except that Henry lands his balloon on the dome and cradles his bomb against the dome's surface, sacrificing his life to make it blow up.

Pretty much every plan ever on Firefly. Let's rob a train — even though it turns out to be full of Alliance troops. Let's take on some passengers, what could go wrong? Let's crash a fancy society ball. Or better yet, let's team up with Saffron, the woman who double-crossed us last time. It'll be fine this time!

Whenever Sisko tries to get sneaky on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Captain Benjamin Sisko has many fine qualities, but subterfuge is not one of them. When he tries to trick the Romulans into joining the war against the evil Dominion by giving them a fake holo-recording of a meeting where the Dominion discusses invading the Romulans, it totally blows up in his face because Romulan senator Vreenak sees the fake for what it is. (But luckily for Sisko, Garak the "simple tailor" from Cardassia has a back-up plan, that blows up in Vreenak's face: literally. The resulting debris looks like the result of a Dominion attack, and the fake holo-recording looks much more genuine after it's been damaged in the explosion. Similarly, Janeway is always coming up with plans that fail on Star Trek: Voyager, including trying to shut down the evil clown in "The Thaw" and tricking the sentient missile into thinking they're in a minefield so they can shut it down in "Warhead."

In Ursula LeGuin's The Lathe Of Heaven, pretty much every well-intentioned attempt to use George Orr's reality-altering dreams for good purposes fails. Like when Heather tries to fix the problems George's dreams have already caused by inducing more world-warping dreams:

Heather begins to believe his story and seeks him out at his hideaway. Finding him in a state of exhaustion and desperation she says she will hypnotize him ( she learned it in college) and suggests that he dreams that the aliens are not on the moon and that Haber is really a good man who will cure George, not use him. This spontaneous plan backfires when George dreams that the aliens are no longer on the moon. You guessed it. George dreams that they came to the earth itself. Portland is nearly destroyed and civilians are killed by friendly fire as the military overreacts but it turns out that the aliens are peaceful beings without weapons, who are psychic and whose native element is the dream state itself.

Pretty much every escape attempt in The Prisoner. In the 1960s spy-village drama, the man known only as Number Six tries a whole variety of gambits to get away, from stealing a helicopter to getting elected Number Two to smuggling himself in crates to building a boat. He's the Wile E. Coyote of superspy escapees, and he meets with similar luck to Wile E.

That whole plan of sending soldiers into a nuclear reactor and not letting them fire their weapons when they're surrounded by alien monsters, in Aliens. Not to mention blocking off the bulkheads but not paying attention to the ceilings.

The whole trap-the-Predator idea in Predator 2. The feds have been tracking encounters with the Predator2 ever since the first movie, and they have a plan to capture a live specimen using a slaughterhouse that the Predator has been raiding for food. They think they can blind the Predator by blocking out the infrared spectrum of light — but the Predator just switches its helmet over to ultraviolet and wastes them all.

All of Horza's best-laid plans in Consider Phlebas by Iain M. Banks. Infiltrating the pirates? Abandoning one of them to die (but leaving him the detonator of a nuclear weapon)? Impersonating the pirates' leader? Assuming the injured Idiran soldier who got away won't cause any more trouble? It all works out spectacularly badly.

Altering history turns out to be a flawed plan in the 2002 movie of The Time Machine. Our hero, Alex Hartdegen, wants to save his girlfriend from getting killed by a mugger by going back in time and changing history. But after he finally builds his time machine, he goes back and can't change the past. No matter how many times he changes things, Emma still gets killed.

The dinosaur trap in Planet Of The Dinosaurs. In this fine, wonderful movie, a group of space travelers are at the mercy of a vicious Tyrranosaurus Rex. First, they try to poison the creature by leaving some Allosaur meat outside its lair, laced with poison berries. The plan goes south because the creature attacks from the rear. Their second plan, to coat wooden stakes with the poison and impale the creature on them, fails... until it finally works.

The Iluminati and friends come up with a whole host of plans to stop the Hulk when he comes back from outer space to trash everything, in the comic series World War Hulk. Iron Man comes up with some incredibly fancy battle armor that lasts about five minutes. Mr. Fantastic creates a huge machine that simulates the feeling the Hulk gets from being pacified by the all-powerful Sentry... and the Hulk smashes it right away. Dr. Strange tries to reach the Hulk's friendly alter-ego Bruce... and the Hulk smushes his hands. Oh well.

Lili's gambit on Earth: The Final Conflict: Lili Marquette is among the Taelons, who are attacking Earth, and tries to sabotage the engines on their ship. She sort of succeeds, but Zo'or deals with it by expunging the extra energy out into space.

Stargate is full of failed gambits: Sheppard tries to distract the Super-Wraith with a flare and run to a puddle-jumper in the Atlantis episode "The Defiant One," but the Super-Wraith left the puddle-jumper's shields on. When that fails, he challenges the Super-Wraith to a pointless knife fight and early gets slaughtered. In the SG-1 episode "The Serpent's Lair," the SG-1 crew plants C-4 explosives around a Goa'uld ship, but then Apophis himself shows up and captures them. Meanwhile, Colonel Samuels has a plan to attack Apophis using special warheads... which totally bounce off. Oops.

There are like three attempts to stop the comet in Deep Impact. First, the spaceship Messiah is launched to drill into the comet's surface and plant bombs, which only split it into two still-destructive comet pieces. Then Earth tries to launch a ton of missiles, which only make the comet more pissed off and splodey. The smaller piece of comet hits and creates a mega-tsunami. Just as the much larger piece of comet is about to hit, the Messiah flies into a fissure in the comet piece and blow it up.

Every Terry Gilliam hero ever pretty much makes screwy plans that don't work out that great. Like Sam Lowry in Brazil, who has a plan to erase Jill from the records so they can escape — which doesn't work out that great, because Jill gets erased for real. And James Cole in Twelve Monkeys thinks he can avert the future plague by tracking down Jeffrey Goines and the Army Of The Twelve Monkeys, but they turn out to be a total red herring.

Thanks to Lauren Davis, John Kim and Liz Henry for research help.

The 1970s: 1975's Jaws is widely considered the first summer blockbuster. The original Star Wars came out in May 1977 and grossed about $307 million domestically in its first run. The other big summer blockbusters of the late 1970s were Jaws 2, Animal House and Alien, according to this site.

The 1980s: Science fiction scored about one summer blockbuster per year, or maybe two in a good year. Except for the late 1980s, when science fiction had a bit of a slump. Here's the roundup, by year. (A year with an asterisk is one where no science fiction film hit the top 10 movies of the year, box-office-wise.)

1980: Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back ($209 million)
1981: Superman II ($108 million)
1982: E.T. ($359 million) and Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan ($79 million).
1983: Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi ($252 million), Superman III ($60 million) and War Games ($80 million)
1984: Ghostbusters ($260 million) and Star Trek III: The Search For Spock ($76 million)
1985: Cocoon ($76 million) and Back To The Future ($211 million)
1986: Short Circuit ($41 million) and Aliens ($85 million)
* 1987: Predator ($60 million) and Robocop ($53 million)
* 1988: None. (Although Big and Willow were big summer hits.)
1989: Batman ($251 million), Honey I Shrunk The Kids ($131 million)

The 1990s: The number of science fiction movies in the summer's biggest movies increased slightly, with some ups and downs. Some years, the biggest blockbusters included films with a lot of special effects and action-adventure themes, but no overt science fictional elements.

1990: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ($135 million), Total Recall ($119 million), Back To The Future Part III ($88 million), Flatliners ($61 million).
1991: Terminator 2 ($205 million)
1992: Batman Returns ($163 million)
1993: Jurassic Park ($357 million)
* 1994: None. (Although True Lies, Speed and The Mask were in the top 10, and non-summer films Stargate and Star Trek: Generations were in the top 20.)
1995: Batman Forever ($184 million), Apollo 13 ($172 million), Waterworld ($88 million)
1996: Independence Day ($306 million), Phenomenon ($105 million)
1997: Men In Black ($251 million), The Lost World: Jurassic Park ($229 million), Face/Off ($112 million), Batman And Robin ($107 million)
1998: Armageddon ($202 million), Deep Impact ($140 million), Godzilla ($136 million), The Truman Show ($126 million)
1999: Star Wars Episode 1 ($431 million), Wild Wild West ($114 million)

The 2000s: It's really just in the last five years that we've seen more than two or three big science fiction movies dominating the summer pretty much every year. A lot of these have been franchises, comic-book movies and sequels, or some combination of the three. The box-office take of the top 10 movies has increased dramatically, with every year's top 10 movies each grossing well over $100 million.

2000: X-Men ($157 million)
2001: Jurassic Park III ($181 million), Planet of The Apes ($180 million)
2002: Spider-Man ($404 million), Star Wars Episode II ($302 million), Signs (228 million), Men In Black II ($190 million)
2003: The Matrix Reloaded ($282 million), X2: X-Men United ($215 million), Terminator 3 ($150 million), Hulk ($132 million)
2004: Spider-Man 2 ($374 million), The Day After Tomorrow ($187 million), I, Robot ($145 million)
2005: Star Wars: Episode III ($380 million), War Of The Worlds ($234 million), Batman Begins ($205 million), Fantastic Four ($155 million)
2006: X-Men: The Last Stand ($234 million), Superman Returns ($200 million)
2007: Spider-Man 3 ($337 million), Transformers($319 million), The Simpsons Movie ($183 million), Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer ($132 million)

Note: Data is from BoxofficeMojo.com. Dollar figures aren't adjusted for inflation. I left out movies like the original Indiana Jones trilogy, which is clearly fantasy. (Unlike the new Indiana Jones movie, if all reports are to be believed.) I also left out spy movies that might have a few science-fiction touches aren't really about a science-fictional premise. Feel free to bitch at me in the comments.

To some extent, it's understandable that space adventures play fast and loose with physics. After all, who wants to watch Han Solo spend years on the journey to Alderaan, only to find that the planet has twice Earth gravity and he can barely stand up, much less swagger?

The categories of mistakes in our report card should be pretty self-explanatory, but just in case, I'll expand on them a little bit:

• There's no sound in space
• Not all planets have Earth gravity
• Planets should have diverse climates, instead of one unified climate across a "desert planet" or "forest planet."
• It shouldn't be too easy to communicate with alien creatures, without some kind of high-technology "translator" explanation.
• And it definitely shouldn't be too easy for humans to interbreed with aliens.
• Humans exposed to vacuum without a spacesuit shouldn't explode or shatter. And a "hull breach" where the ship's crew is exposed to vacuum should kill everyone instantly.
• You can't have fires in space, unless there's oxygen leaking out somehow.
• Asteroids or other objects shouldn't be able to float close together without falling into each other's gravity
• People shouldn't be able to dodge lasers and other speed-of-light weapons
• And there's no reason why someone would move in slow-motion in zero gravity.
• Faster-than-light travel is probably not ever going to be possible.