@beach_bum1303: They're actually trying to have sex, they just learned everything they knew from the aforementioned lessons and have no idea how to actually do it.
"This is how babies are made, right? I think so. I know the womb is involved somehow."
well, i have read these books (give me a break, i got the whole set as a present!), i have to admit i was curious to see what all the fuss was about. Plus, i enjoyed 'the host' also by stephanie meyer, but the love triangle in that book angered me quite a bit, just like these books. Anyway, besides the love triangle crap and other minor flaws, they were actually quite good. Sure, every now and then you'd have to delve into this romanticism crap, but it is a love story at heart after all. There were a number of interesting showdowns, and the vamp powers were a nice touch, although i thought the whole shapeshifter idea was a cop out at the end. I think people are mad at the ridiculous attention these books get by adoring tween fans, and yes, that is annoying, but hey! at least they're reading ammirite? However, you shouldn't call these books crap before you have given them a chance. JUST my two cents.
Actually, in the fourth book the annoying baby (later named Renesmee, wtf) breaks her ribs and almost kills her blah blah blah, but it doesn't get out of the womb on its own. Because it's half-vampire, Mary Sue's womb became covered with vampire skin or some bullshit like that.
And only vampire fangs and werewolf claws can cut through vampire skin or whatever, so the magical Cullens BITE THE BABY OUT which basically would have killed Mary Sue, except Sparkly Stalker injects her with shitloads of his ~venom~ so SHE becomes a vampire, and it is a horrifying, unbelievably traumatizing scene to read and all-around gross.
Yes, I read the fourth book. I can honestly say it was the worst book I have ever read, and that is saying quite a lot.
If all this was TL;DR: baby is evil mother-killer in the womb. Sparkly vampires BITE BABY OUT. Reader's innocence is TOTALLY DESTROYED.
@Kiamat:
I would pay a hefty chunk of money to watch Wesly Snipe's Blade tear through the emo-vamps of Twilight like a hot knife through sparkly butter.
He's just seconds from re-enacting the scene in the fourth book where Edward bites the baby out of Bella, um, so yeah, these are teen romances and not horror for some reason.
The kid doesn't kick its way out, though it does break several of Bella's ribs before Papa Vamp gives the mother of all c-sections.
@HomicidalUnicorns: There is so much fail in those books, they transcend the epic fail. Nuclear fail? Event horizon fail? These books are the only way I can comprehend so much fail at once.
/yay Internet, home of hyperbole
//but yes, Renesmee must be the stupidest name ever in the history of spacetime.
really? out of her ribcage? at least she Mayer steals from good movies... (I hope the baby scrambles of into the spaceship to eat every member of the cr... no wait, probably not :( )
@FrankN.Stein: actually, the baby basically murders all the bones in her torso and then, when baby wants out, the magical vampires bite it out. ;D
with that scene (actually, just all of the fourth book), Stephenie Meyers went from delusional to full-blown scary, 'sparkly stalker vampires seem totally sane', 'I am honestly scared of this woman's mind', total psycho.
@sonicsurge: it is SO MUCH WORSE than harry potter. harry potter got children to read, revitalized the publishing industry and even, on the days the books were released, lowered juvenile crime. these books might also sell lots of copies, but so did 'the secret.' they are unmitigated dogshit masquerading as teen romances. and anybody who thought that movie wasn't bad has either never seen a good vampire movie or never seen a good teen movie. rant on!
"Sadly, the humor from "Twilight" doesn't come from interpretive dance or singing clowns.
Like a taco burp, it arises unbidden at all the wrong moments."
"Confidential memo to Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward: Next time, wax your chest hair. Edward is supposed to look like he's carved from marble, not lambs' wool."
Local review went for the obvious "Put a stake in it", 2 references to Abercrombie and Finch. Said the villains were "Ziggy Stardust rejects in Ren Faire outfits". Said vamp boy talks like Chris Walken.
09/17/09
Also, Meredith, I think the message should be "Sex without birth control is BAD."
09/17/09
09/17/09
But what is happening in that picture?
09/17/09
"This is how babies are made, right? I think so. I know the womb is involved somehow."
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And only vampire fangs and werewolf claws can cut through vampire skin or whatever, so the magical Cullens BITE THE BABY OUT which basically would have killed Mary Sue, except Sparkly Stalker injects her with shitloads of his ~venom~ so SHE becomes a vampire, and it is a horrifying, unbelievably traumatizing scene to read and all-around gross.
Yes, I read the fourth book. I can honestly say it was the worst book I have ever read, and that is saying quite a lot.
If all this was TL;DR: baby is evil mother-killer in the womb. Sparkly vampires BITE BABY OUT. Reader's innocence is TOTALLY DESTROYED.
09/17/09
...unless, of course, Buffy fell in love with Edward....
...on the other hand, Buffy/Bella girlfight...
09/17/09
I would pay a hefty chunk of money to watch Wesly Snipe's Blade tear through the emo-vamps of Twilight like a hot knife through sparkly butter.
09/17/09
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09/17/09
The kid doesn't kick its way out, though it does break several of Bella's ribs before Papa Vamp gives the mother of all c-sections.
09/17/09
Everything was just major fail. While reading, I was thinking, "Well, at least there will be a massive battle at the end."
NOPE. Thanks, Shield of Love.
And for fuck's sake, Renesmee? What kind of name is that?
09/17/09
/yay Internet, home of hyperbole
//but yes, Renesmee must be the stupidest name ever in the history of spacetime.
09/17/09
And the moral of the story is babies are evil, in or out the womb.
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with that scene (actually, just all of the fourth book), Stephenie Meyers went from delusional to full-blown scary, 'sparkly stalker vampires seem totally sane', 'I am honestly scared of this woman's mind', total psycho.
09/17/09
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11/21/08
"Sadly, the humor from "Twilight" doesn't come from interpretive dance or singing clowns.
Like a taco burp, it arises unbidden at all the wrong moments."
"Confidential memo to Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward: Next time, wax your chest hair. Edward is supposed to look like he's carved from marble, not lambs' wool."
11/20/08
Local review went for the obvious "Put a stake in it", 2 references to Abercrombie and Finch. Said the villains were "Ziggy Stardust rejects in Ren Faire outfits". Said vamp boy talks like Chris Walken.
11/20/08
11/20/08