Picking up almost immediately where Bender's Big Score left off, the Planet Express crew is still bewildered and worried about the rip in space caused by Bender in the previous film. It's been over a month and there's still no sign of what will happen (and citizens are getting tired of pointing in the air and screaming). Taking matters into their own hands, Professor Farnsworth's Planet Express crew battles his younger nemesis, Professor Wernstrom's team, in a game of Death Ball for the right to explore the anomaly. Planet Express wins and gets first dibs.

But before we explore the tear in the universe, Backs gives us an update on everyone's love life. Fry used the old, "the world's going to end," line to bed his latest love interest, Colleen, and now they're dating. It's frustrating that Leela isn't upset by Fry's new lady friend as Futurama fans have cheered for these two together for ages, but it probably would have crowded the story. As it turns out Colleen lives with 4 other boyfriends, each from a different race or culture, but still wants Fry to move in and join the relationship. But to quote Dr. Zoidberg, "If there's a delicious cake, isn't it better to have one slice than none at all? Even if four other guys eat the four other slices and they're all thrusting their sweaty naked bodies against the cake?" Alas, sharing proves too much for Fry and he sadly leaves the harem, heartbroken and sad.

In happier couple news Kif asks Amy to be his Fonfon Ru, or wife. The whole gang then heads to Kif's home planet (Amphibious 9) for the wedding and the Kim's finally get to meet Kif's amphibious family even though they've evolved into swarms of flying hook worms.

But soon all of our attention is turned space-wards as large pink tentacles begin to pour out of the universe tear and latch on to every human and alien species. Of course once attached everyone suddenly blissful and loves the Tentacle, especially Fry who becomes the Pope of the new "tentacle religion." Unfortunately, it's later discovered that this is just one big tentacled beasts way of having his way with the galaxy. Everyone hooked by a tentacle is actually getting sexed up by the big beast. But as it turns out, Yivo, the name of the beast voiced by David Cross, isn't that bad of a guy. And in it's defense our universe did "dress very provocatively."

Fry's ex-girlfriend and now new faith leaves no time for robots and a dejected Bender fills his time stalking his Soap Opera robot hero, Calculon, and discovers that he is the president of the infamous League of Robots. Bender is then initiated into the human-hating society after a series drinking tests and trails.

The Futurama characters deal with their one night stand with the massive, tentacled beast in a totally out-of-left-field way. But without revealing too much, let's just say that the billion of species across the universe start to have feeling for Yivo.

Over all Beast is great for serious Futurama fans. All the great random characters of Futurama past make cameos, including Pazuzu, the Amazons and Robot Satan. As part of a series of releases it's great chapter. Even Yivo and its relationship with the entire galaxy was funny. It's brazenly clear that the writers missed talking about sex and breasts in the regular series, because the whole movie is one giant sex joke (hello mattress island), but it doesn't ever push too hard. So I say let the sex jokes fly. My inner fan-girl still hopes for more Leela and Fry hook ups from days of Futurama past. My only complaint is there wasn't enough Zoidberg, but then again is there ever? There was plenty of Zapp Branigan and Coffee Enema Robot: "warning the enema you're about to enjoy is extremely hot."

Backs is great for fans, but you might want to start with the first chapter for you Futurama virgins.

Futurama: Slurm

When Fry gets to tour the factory for his favorite drink (and meet Slurms McKenzie) he discovers a nasty secret. The secret ingredient is actually green worm excrement. The queen worm is a shit-making factory and her goo is shot directly into the cans of Slurm. But in the end it doesn't really change his mind anyway. Futurama's other great food moment is "Parasites Lost" where Fry eats the parasite filled egg sandwich that in turn makes him brilliant and he is able to play the holophonor.

Demolition Man: Rat Burgers and Taco Bell

It's the year 2032 and alcohol, sex, nicotine, meat and other unhealthy foods are all outlawed, but that's not the worst of it. The only restaurant is Taco Bell. Now, how can you make a crunchy-cheesy gordita without cheese, salt, fat and cat food? It's impossible! Talk about a dystopia. But on the flip side, I'll pass on the other option, which is: live with the underground resistance led by Denis Leary, that dines on rat burgers. I find it hard to believe that John Spartan had no problem ripping into rat flesh, but more power to him.

Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory: Violet's Bad Berry

"By gum, it's gum." A three course dinner wrapped into one piece of gum. A little girl learns the hard way not to be such a freaking brat and listen to her elders, courtesy of some transforming gum. Watch the expansion of Violet Beauregarde below.

Waterworld...you know the scene

So Kevin Costner chose to create a machine that filters urine into water. Hmmmm... How did he test this? Seriously, were there trial runs? More importantly, why urine? Why not salt water? If you're going to put enough time and effort into something into creating a machine, why not go ahead and have it filter the most plentiful substance around?

Lost's Fish Biscuits

True love is sharing your fish biscuit. Sawyer and Kate are locked up in bear cages. First of all, who knew you could make such and thing as a fish biscuit? And second why were bears on the island in the first place? Little crazy details like DHARMA biscuits sets Lost apart from other scifi shows. With one pink biscuit you're knocked on your ass with questions.

Matrix: Steak of Deception and Breakfast of Snot

Neo and friends had a downright obsession with food. Steaks, noodles and utensils ('there is no spoon') were used to explain even the most complicated theories about the the matrix. But it actually helped break down complicated ideas. Who could forget the Mouse's conundrum over breakfast, which made you question how would artificial intelligence know what things tasted like? What about the orgasm inducing dessert from the Merovingian that demonstrated how he could manipulate the Matrix to suit his needs? Or the biggest betrayal of all, when Cypher trades in his fellow crew over a steak. It wasn't a bad meal per se, but it was the worst meal because Cypher's a bastard. It may be juicy but I think it tastes like your demise, my friend.

It's People!

So I know Soylent Green is people, and you know Soylent Green is people. But the first time you watched the movie weren't you completely horrified at what the future held for man? Was it the idea that the masses didn't know they were ingesting corpse wafers or just the actual act? Either way it put me off government cheese for good.

Tonight is the season finale of Kyle XY on ABC Family at 8. It's all about the senior prom, which looks chock full of heartwarming, judging from the trailers I've seen. At the same time, this show about a superpowered teen mutant has done a really great job of keeping a sinister undercurrent lately, and Kyle's female counterpart Jessi just gets more and more entertainingly psycho. So if you haven't checked it out yet, you may want to grab your last chance tonight. After all, the episode will also teach us that looking forward to your prom too much will turn you gay:

Also, the History Channel has a new Modern Marvels, about whiskey, at 8 PM. (Not really very science fictional, but maybe the whiskey is sentient?) And then a new Cities of the Underworld at 9 PM.

And Encore is showing Mission To Mars at 9:45, just in case you want to relive Gary Sinise's life-changing encounter with a cheesy CGI alien.

Tuesday night has the next-to-last episode of Jericho season two, on ABC at 10 PM. Sadly, this is looking more and more like the next-to-last episode of Jericho, period, unless the Sci Fi Channel decides Jericho is a better investment than another season of Ghost Hunters. As you'd expect, Major Beck is not terribly happy about the drastic actions that Stanley took at the end of the previous episode, and he's not willing to blame everything on New Bern. Here are the first five minutes of the episode. (I apologize for the streaky video, this is the best source I could find.)

Also, the History Channel has a rerun of The Universe, all about the possibility of life on Mars.

And Encore has back-to-back Aliens and Waterworld, starting at 11:40 AM.

And at 2:10 AM Wednesday morning, Encore has Ultraviolet, the second-best movie featuring Gun-Kata. (The first being director Kurt Wimmer's Equilibrium, of course.)

Wednesday, the Discovery Channel has a new Futureweapons, "Hard Target." Subjects include new inflatable armor, shoulder-fired grenades, and the A-10 Thunderbolt II attack plane. Good times! And at 10, the History Channel has a new UFO Hunters, "UFO Gateways." The Hudson Valley in New York has hosted more than its fair share of UFO sightings — could this area be an interstellar gateway, used to travel across time and space, or even between dimensions? Another possible gateway area is Sedona, Arizona.

And at 10:10, Encore has Alien 3, while FX shows Batman Begins at 5, followed by The Core at 8 and 11.

Thursday there's a new Smallville on The CW at 8. Lionel Luthor has Clark abducted, and there's some crazy prophecy about how The Traveler will change the Earth for ever. But the main reason to watch this episode is to see just how crazy Chief Tyrol has gone since a certain revelation at the end of Battlestar Galactica season three. Here's a clip:

And then there's a new Lost, on ABC at 9, where we find out what Michael's been up to all this time. And Ben tries to convince Alex to flee the Others' camp before a coming assault. We posted a couple of preview clips the other day, and here's the episode's promo:

As for movies, at 12:15 Friday morning, AMC has The Thing

Friday is pretty slow, except for a bunch of Stargate reruns on Sci Fi. Also, at 1 PM, USA has Timecop, the greatest time-traveling Jean Claude Van Damme movie ever.

And at midnight, A&E has The Matrix, while Encore has 12 Monkeys. Try flipping back and forth between the two movies to create a single, crazy-paranoid narrative where nothing is real. And at 1:30 Saturday morning, TBS has Mars Attacks!, followed by Eight-Legged Freaks at 3:45.

Saturday morning, The CW has Legion of Superheroes followed by Spectacular Spider-man (featuring the debut of the Lizard), starting at 9:30.

And then at 9 PM, there's a new Torchwood on BBC America. It's Gwen's wedding day, but unfortunately, she's got a little surprise on the way. Zany wedding-pregnancy action, plus creepy monsters. You can read our recap of the episode here.

Sunday has the first hour of the broadcast premiere of Futurama: Bender's Big Score, in case you didn't already get the DVD. That's on Comedy Central at 8.

1. The Prime Directive is just a suggestion. Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise wasn't as swashbuckling as he predecessor Captain James T. Kirk, simply because he actually wrestled with breaking the Prime Directive instead of ignoring it entirely. The Prime Directive states that humans shouldn't involve themselves in the affairs of less developed planets, for fear of messing up their cultures with ultra-advanced tech. While Picard often considers the importance of the Prime Directive in his decision-making, he refuses to be bound by it. Lesson learned? Rules are made to be broken.

2. Always shoot first. Every good leader should be willing to do what he or she asks of her team. One of the reasons for the loyalty of the ragtag crew of Serenity, the ship Malcolm Reynolds captains in Firefly, is that Mal will throw himself into battle to protect his team. Whenever he has a crazy scheme or rescue mission in mind, he takes the first plunge. Lesson learned? Show your crew that you're willing to take a bullet for them, and they'll do the same for you.

3. Don't be afraid to hook up with a cute spaceman. We love Leela on Futurama not just because she's the only person on her ship with any kind of sense, but because she also lets her long, purple hair down once in a while. She's always tangling with spacemen and getting mixed up with strange alien pets. And that's one good reason why her goofy crew would follow her to the ends of the galaxy — well, if she had enough beer. Lesson learned? A good leader has to get laid once in a while, and she shouldn't be ashamed of it.

4. When you're about to go genocidal, get a second opinion. Admiral William Adama from the new Battlestar Galactica is one of the best leaders we've ever seen. He's gotten a group of a few thousand humans halfway across the galaxy, despite the fact that they're being pursuit by a group of homicidal, erotically obsessed cyborgs. He's had to deal with incredible loss and sheer terror, and he always keeps his head. He is also truly humane. How does he keep it together without going all Admiral Cain on everybody's ass? By sharing his power with President Roslyn as well as his circle of trusted officers and advisers. Without their guidance, the Galactica and its fleet might have turned into a bloodthirsty military fleet, instead of what it is: a mostly-civilian group with a (sort of) free press and even elections. Lesson learned? True leaders do not ever make decisions alone.

5. Just because you have a crappy ship doesn't mean you're a loser. Everyone knows that Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars, is piloting a souped-up bucket. And yet his seemingly-crappy ship is probably the very best thing for helping out a group of covert resistance fighters like Obi Wan and Luke. Plus, he knows his ship so well that he can totally slam those Stormtroopers in their McFighters. Lesson learned? Every crappy PC is a lean, mean Linux box waiting to be born. Oh, and in case that didn't make sense: It's not the tools; it's what you do with them.

6. Freedom fighters make good teammates. Say what you will about Captain Janeway on Voyager, but she made a smart decision early on to integrate her Federation team with a group of subversive Maquis who got stuck with them out in the Delta Quadrant. Another captain might have kept the Maquis separate from the Federation types, but Janeway integrated them and gave them Federation ranks — much to her good fortune. She got a great Chief Engineer and First Officer out of the deal. Lesson learned? A little subversion goes a long way.

7. There is always somebody out there who can bend spacetime better than you can. In Iain M. Banks' novel Excession, the Ship Sleeper Service (which is an AI that captains itself, thank you very much) discovers that its amazing, human-dwarfing brain is nothing compared to the "excession," a phenomenon that none of the Ships can understand. The excession exists in subspace, and looks like a giant something that could be a gateway to another dimension, perhaps, or a ship from the edges of the universe. Meeting the excession, for the Ships, is a very humbling experience. They realize that they are not as omnipotent as they realized, that that there are intelligences out there far more profound than their own. Lesson learned? No matter how in control you are, always be ready for something for which you're completely unprepared.

Crash another planet into Earth. In an episode of the Transformers cartoon, the villain Megatron tried to bring his home planet, Cybertron, into Earth's atmosphere. The Cybermen also brought their home planet Mondas close to Earth in Doctor Who, and tried to suck the life-force out of our planet, which is sort of similar.

Freeze it to death. In Kurt Vonnegut's novel Cat's Cradle, a substance called ice-nine freezes all water on Earth, causing the extinction of most creatures, including humans, within a few days.

Poison it. In the James Bond classic Moonraker, Hugo Drax distills the poison from a rare orchid and puts it inside globes, which he plans to launch from a space station to points all over Earth. The result: total obliteration.

Cause the sun to go nova. Evil Star, a Green Lantern villain, wanted to plant a device in the Earth's sun that would make it go nova, so he could feast on the stellar energy. The NOVA bomb in Halo: First Strike would do the same thing.

Materialize another planet around it. In the Doctor Who story "The Pirate Planet," a giant hollow planet materializes around smaller planets and crushes the life out of them, then strips them for all their mineral wealth.

Bombard it with garbage. In the Futurama episode "A Big Piece of Garbage," New York launches a giant ball of its trash into space in 2052 — only to have it crash back towards Earth, threatening destruction, years later.

Set up giant mirrors in space. This aspiring mad scientist has a plan to create a giant balloon in space, then cut it in half and coat each half with a reflective surface. If positioned the right way, they could reflect a ton of sunlight on a specific point on Earth.

Biological warfare. In the latest season of Heroes, the Company created a nasty virus that would kill almost the entire human race. And that white Samurai guy was so mad that Hiro kissed his GF that he decided to unleash it.

Killer robot army. In the classic video game Robotron 2084, a swarm of killer robots succeeds in wiping out the entire human race. Only one humanoid mutant remains to fight them off.

Knock it off its perch. Doctor Impossible plots to throw the Earth out of its orbit around the sun in Austin Grossman's novel Soon I Will Be Invincible. "As the Earth grows colder, my power becomes apparent, and the nations submit," he says. And the eponymous monsters in Zombies of the Stratosphere plot to send the Earth off course so Mars can take its place.

After a brief intro during which the retards at FOX are merciless slagged, killed and ground into a fine pink powder, the real action begins. Creator Matt Groening's old cast is fully revived, but the plot is built primarily around 20th-century refugee Fry, one-eyed love-interest Leela and, of course, Bender the alcoholic misanthropic robot. A time-travel storyline pushes everything forward (and back, and forward, and back-back, and... well, sometimes you just want to slap a guy like writer David X. Cohen), as a trio of nudist aliens enslave Bender and use him to raid the treasure-chest of human history. A subplot involves Leela, Fry, a guy who works at a museum of preserved heads, and a narwhal in a romantic quadrangle.

Thankfully, it all culminates it a magnificent battle sequence in which the Futurama crew takes to space and puts a hurt on the nudists aliens' fleet of solid-gold, jewel-encrusted Death Stars. Unfortunately, a late time-travel joke involving an infinity of Benders kicks off a cascade of temporal paradoxes and, we guess, initiates the obliteration of the space-time continuum. Har har!

Futurama was always kinda fun, but its was weighed down by show-offy writing, as if its staff needed to prove that they could be oh-so smarter and somehow more Harvardy than The Simpsons staff. Its overall ideology of humor had worn thin when it got the axe. Now, revived and strung out, it verges on embarrassing.

Boy, does that Futurama crew ever think Fox is a band of imbeciles! The first ten minutes of the movie is an attack on the network suits, with retribution for premature axing of a show that never had good ratings to begin with meted out in classic, knee-jerk gag-writer fashion: The execs are ground into a fine pink powder that has a multitude of uses, from weaponization to soothing jock itch.

The plot exerts, overexerts, and then overexerts some more. It's a time-travel conceit, with the Bender the alcoholic robot sent back and forth across the continuum by nude aliens to steal Earth's most lucrative treasures (the Mona Lisa, the Guttenberg Bible, heaps of precious metals). The head nude space alien talks like Paul Lynde. Fortunately, the animation is awesome, culminating in a legitimately thrilling space battle in which the Futurama cast wins back the planet by decimating the nude aliens' fleet of solid-gold-and-jewel-encrusted Death Stars.

The best part of the whole evening was when the projector went haywire and the actors, led by voice-of-Bender John DiMaggio and Groening himself, were forced to do some improv group standup. Afterwards, our correspondent fled before they turned on the booze spigot for fear that Katey "Voice of Leela" Sagal would have one too many Heinekens and want to start feeding him miniature chocolate merlot cupcakes.

Not surprisingly, almost everyone involved with Futurama thinks citizens of the future will study the show. "This show get more right than previous depictions of the future," said Phil "Voice of Hermes the Jamaican Bureaucrat" LaMarr. "They're gonna say 'Those guys were pretty close,'" said Maurice "Voice of Morbo" LaMarche.

Head writer David X. Cohen was a tad overawed by the bright lights. "This is return in style!" he said of the release, which is the first of four full-length Futurama DVDs to be produced. He also tossed props of a haughty sort to the Internet faithful: "It's a great example of the DVD age and rabid fandom coming together."

Rabid indeed.

Groening rolled up late to the carpet in a stretch limo and, not noticing that he had missed a button on the fly of his jeans, said that if he could go back in time like Bender, it would be the Disneyland of the Eisenhower Era, when creative geniuses of immense net worth such as himself could get in and not have to wait in line for 17 hours to check out the new Nemo ride.

Famous names: Matt Groening's followup to The Simpsons.

Crunchy goodness: 5

Spinoffs/Sequels/Copycats: Five years after the show kinda petered out on FOX ("cancelled" is almost too strong a word; it's more like the show died of neglect), Futurama is being revived in 2007 as a series of straight-to-DVD movies.

Stunt casting: Though celebrities frequently made cameos as heads in jars, in the single greatest casting coup of all time, the original Star Trek cast (minus James Doohan) play themselves in the episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before."

Most painfully dated moment: Every work of art is a reflection of the time it was made, but for a show set a thousand years in the future, Futurama is way too obsessed with late-nineties alt-rock.

The Leela Zone: Futurama Madhouse