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But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society

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Annalee Newitz
04/06/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
Josh, you forgot to mention what will come after robot love. Robot furry love. Cats and Roombas living together in sin, or possibly people making love to giant furry mobile armor rigs. It will be like armageddon. And at that point, in order to save romance as we know it, Rob Thomas will unleash the series "Cupid" upon the world.

See how good I am at this whole "dystopia" thing?
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Moff
04/06/09

@Annalee Newitz: Except this time it'll be even worse, because instead of Rob Thomas the TV producer, it'll be the guy from Matchbox 20.

I can totally help with dystopias!
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AmishJohn
04/06/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
The fabric of society already has more runs in it than Hoover's nylons.
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Joe Meils
04/06/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
Sometimes we come here expecting you to be funny? I'm sorry, but WTF are you, exactly? Never heard of you before today, and frankly, if this is your idea of humor, I won't be out much if I never hear anything from you again. Total waste of my time, and precious bandwidth. Go sell shoes for a living, please.
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AmishJohn
04/06/09

@Joe Meils: Buh bye!
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Moff
04/06/09

@Joe Meils: OK, let me make sure I have all this straight:

(1) Your time and bandwidth are too precious to waste on me. Honestly, that's fine -- but out of curiosity, what exactly do you do that's so important? Because I'm not sure I believe they're hiring people who haven't figured out how to stop reading in the middle when they don't like something for a lot of high-level work.

(2) Also re precious time and bandwidth: And then you left a comment? Do you typically undermine your own arguments literally in the middle of making them?

(3) Finally, after failing to muster anything more than a veneer of cogency over four lines and broadcasting your inability to view a person's comment and post history (this interface is not that hard, son), you conclude your assessment of my funniness with "Go sell shoes for a living, please."

Man, I am not by any means the funniest person around here. Sometimes I am just plain unfunny. But "Go sell shoes for a living"? That's the equivalent of trying to challenge someone to a duel and then slapping your own face with the glove in the process. What, were you too busy to determine whether there was an apostrophe in "McDonald's," so you just settled for the next best thing? I guess you get some points for not just regurgitating a meme?

Good spelling/grammar, though.
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AmishJohn
04/06/09

@Moff: Maybe he's got you confused with Al Bundy or something.

Mmmm. Christina Applegate. Wait, what?
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vrey_oneida
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
I'd marry Cherry 2000 but I'd be thinking about Edith.
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Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H.
04/05/09

@vrey_oneida: That's between you and your robogod.
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Heresiarch
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
Let's think about this. Would Skynet have taken over the world if it got a little robot sexin' once in a while? Maybe the Big Baby Head in the Matrix movies wouldn't have been such a dick if it got a booty call from Agent Smith every so often.

I mean, if robot marriage is the price to pay for not being sent to a liquidation factory by my robot masters, then I will pay that price. Did you consider that, Moff?
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Moff
04/05/09

@Heresiarch: I hardly think letting them get married is the way to make sure the robots have sex. Ba-dum-bum!

Try the veal!
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Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H.
04/05/09

@Moff: What about the robots that just want some quiet companionship when they get home, and are tired of trawling the crowd down at the local mechanic's, and want visitation rights when one of them's in the shop? What about them?!

IF YOU DON'T APPROVE OF ROBOT MARRIAGE, DON'T MARRY A ROBOT!
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Discodave: R.O.A.C.H. M.O.T.E.L.
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
I don't even want to know what's going on here (please let this image show up for once...)
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Discodave: R.O.A.C.H. M.O.T.E.L.
04/05/09

@Discodave: Pfft might have known:

Get 'em while they're young
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Grey_Area
04/05/09

@Discodave: RoboChickenhawk!
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IraeNicole
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
The real problem is the fence sitters who can't decide what they want and take advantage of both communities. Stupid cyborg sluts.

io9 is especially made of win today.
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Grey_Area
04/05/09

@IraeNicole: Humph. This is typical resentment of the bionic/curious community.

Jealous!
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Dr Emilio Lizardo
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
Moff, I disagree with your basic premise. If I learned anything from BSG it's that robots can procreate if they love each other. And my robosapien seems quite smitten with my Roomba, so who am I to stand in the way of their happiness?

Also, what's with all the haters? This is on par with your usual collection of half truths and misunderstandings of technology.
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Moff
04/05/09

@Dr Emilio Lizardo: I dunno, man. Some days you knock back a bottle of cough syrup and go to town on the keyboard and they dig it, and other days you do the same thing and they're all up in your grill. It's healthy for the soul, though, I think.
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Grey_Area
04/05/09

@Moff: Did you use the green cough syrup or the red? This could be significant.

I thought this was funny, not your top shelf stuff, but no worse than Vegemite RoboHitler. It must have been a dull day on Gizmodo and they're taking it out on you.
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Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H.
04/05/09

@Dr Emilio Lizardo: What will the offspring be, though? A vacuuming dinosaur? A round thing with dino head and those little front legs? Will they be strong enough to live in a world they never made?

Oh, the robotity! (Not robo-titty, you pervs)
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Moff
04/05/09

@Grey_Area: I went with the whiskey-colored stuff that we keep in the whiskey bottle. It's less syrupy than a lot of other cough syrups.
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Moff
04/05/09

@Grey_Area: Also, I have to admit, while I objectively appreciate the reasons this isn't top-shelf work, I laughed so hard while I was writing it. I am so easy to please, it's stupid.

And originally I briefly thought about making this a satire showing how ridiculous the arguments against gay marriage were, but (1) I thought I'd be preaching to the choir, and (2) it really didn't work, because the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like there really are some pretty good arguments against robot marriage.
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Moff
04/05/09

@Grey_Area: Dude.
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Grey_Area
04/05/09

@Moff:

sorry.
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Alasdair Wilkins
04/05/09

@Moff: If nothing else, your asterisked fact about Australia was one of the funnier things I've read in awhile. I probably shouldn't be too proud of that.
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Annalee Newitz
04/06/09

@Moff: Well, I laughed too. Admittedly, I'm a gay robot.
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icelight
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
I thought it was hilarious at least. Too bad so many commenters appear to have defective I/S (irony/sarcasm) sensors and significant-comment restraint chips.
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Grey_Area
04/05/09

@icelight: I blame the conficker worm.
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qbanboi84
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
10% of the people you know are gay. So sorry for you they don't trust you enough to let you know lol
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Alexis
04/05/09

@Oz: I'm told that the same percentage applies to robots.
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The_Sporean_Bob
04/05/09

@Oz: Didn't Kinsey have it that 10% are truly gay, 10% are truly straight, and the remaining 80% are various shades of bisexual? I.e. some basically straight, but farther towards the homosexual side, and some basically gay, but farther towards the straight side? Or was my sophomore year Health class completely WRONG?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
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Greasy Thumb Guzik
04/05/09

@The_Sporean_Bob:

I believe Kinsey's research showed that 4-5% were gay & that 4-5% had a gay experience previously, but weren't gay.

Several gay groups then conflated that into 10% of the population is gay, which apparently is just not correct.
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Alexis
04/06/09

@Greasy Thumb Guzik:

What is correct then?
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cash907
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
Boring rant loosely tied into scifi with weak robo theme. Hum. If josh has his own blog, who is he robo-sexing for space on this one?
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braak
04/05/09

@cash907: God damn it, robo-sexing the editors means you can have a column at io9?!?!!?

Annalee, you've got some explaining to do!
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Moff
04/05/09

@braak: Actually, you have to give them foot rubs. I'm pretty sure this is because it's easier on average to get laid than to get a good foot rub.
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Annalee Newitz
04/06/09

@braak: I'm here anytime you wanna do the robosex. But you're paying the plane fare.
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Dr. Spaceman, Esq.
04/05/09

In reply to But Gay Marriage Will Destroy the Fabric of Society
It's a slippery slope to robosexuality.
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OW-Holmes:Bringer of Fear
04/05/09

@Dr. Spaceman, Esq.: I think you mean a sexy slope to robosexualtiy.

Im just glad I will be able to make an honest woman out of my food processor. We have been living in sin for far too long.
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♥AntiSocialSocialite♥
04/05/09

@Dr. Spaceman, Esq.: I'm pretty sure there's already a fetish that covers that... not saying I KNOW, just saying I've HEARD.
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