You'd be forgiven for thinking that we weren't in the middle of sweeps right now, looking at this week's TV line-up. Where's the razzle and/or the dazzle? Who's bringing the excitement? Oh, wait: House is treating a pornstar. Never mind.
It's a week unlike any other... Oh, okay, with new episodes of most of our favorite shows, it's a week very like many others. But there's also the launch of the new Prisoner, making Sunday the night to tune in.
Finally, Claire's lesbian awakening begins on Heroes. Also, Starz gives us a glimpse at the sordid past of Zombies, and their foray onto the big screen. And Batman's back for more crazy-capes team-up action!
Darth Vader himself turns to House for a cure, the MythBuster gang is back and expanding our knowledge of bullets in their season premiere, and Paris Hilton is a soul-sucking demonic force ... on Supernatural.
This week Stargate Universe shoves campy space comedy in the back seat for an ultra-violent premiere. But will you remain a loyal Gater? Sarah Palin becomes president on Supernatural, and Brian Austin Green makes his shirtless Smallville cameo.
The fall TV season is just around the corner, bringing us aliens, visions of the future and slutty witches. Here's a complete rundown of new and returning shows, with launchdates and clips, so you won't miss any of the shininess.