Giant People

Pro: As I mentioned above, giant people have the capacity to grow really big parts that we want to look at REALLY close up. So in Village of the Giants (clip above) a bunch of teens in the 1960s eat some groovy shit that makes them grow big. They wind up dancing crazily in the middle of town, and one of the women sticks a teeny guy between her boobies as decoration, laughing as he clings to her brastraps for dear life.

Con: The only way to represent "really big people" is apparently to make them move in slow motion.

Pro: Really giant people can get revenge on regular-sized people, the way the 50 foot woman does in the 1950s flick and the 1990s remake. Watching a giant lady yell at her tiny hubby because he's cheating on her makes for great, weird drama!

Con: Watching a giant lady yell at her husband while he struggles inside a giant, fake hand is a no-win situation for the audience.

Pro: Giant people are funny! That's why Hollywood gave us Honey I Shrunk the Kid!

Con: Honey I Shrunk the Kid exists.

Giant Monsters

Pro: Very big teeth, very big claws, and very big fights.

Con: Most giant monster movies seem to focus on the regular-sized humans far too much, sacrificing valuable time that could be devoted to the teeth, claws, and fights.

Pro: Giant monster movies can teach us about social issues like atomic radiation and pollution, because so many giant monsters are created when they get irradiated — like the giant tarantula in Tarantula!

Con: Wait, is the moral of the story that radiation is bad because it makes the giant monster? Or that it's good because we get to see the giant monster fighting a bunch of stuff? So confused.

Pro: You have always wanted to see a massive, angry beast flatten everything in its path with huge tentacles/claws/pseudopod things. Now you can.

Con: Stomping, crushing, lighting on fire. Cannot see the downside.

Want to hear me talk more about the true meaning of giant monsters and giant people? Come see my talk tonight, "Giant Monster Appreciation," at Ignite in San Francisco. Starts at 8 PM!

1. Space Oddity by David Bowie. The ultimate science fiction ballad. If only the bar let you wave a lighter around.
Singing ability required: Moderate. You just need to be able to intone "Ground control to Major Tom" in a sort of monotone, count down from five, and then wave your beer bottle over your head to the rousing chorus.

2. Rocket Man by Elton John. The other ultimate science fiction ballad, and pretty much a rip-off of the Bowie song, only cheesier.
Singing ability required: High. Unless you decide to do a cover version of the famous Shatner rendition, in which case you need absolutely no vocal chops whatsoever.

3. Rapture by Blondie. Mostly for the rap about the Man from Mars. Who knows what the other part of the song is about anyway?
Singing ability required: High. But here's what you do. Either you find your cute friend who can actually sing to do the singing part, OR you cover the Go Home Productions mash-up of "Rapture" with "Riders On The Storm" by the Doors. (You can find this mash-up online pretty easily, I think, and it still includes the Blondie rap.) But this is the crucial part: memorize the rap. You don't have to be Kanye West to pull it off, but you do have to have it memorized, especially if you're already sorta drunk. Promise me you'll memorize it in advance, so you don't embarrass me too much. Or else, don't tell anybody I told you to do this.

4. 1999 by Prince. It's sort of an apocalyptic party song, about nuclear war or something. And on the album, it starts out with that robot that only wants you to have some fun.
Singing ability required: Fairly high. This is the one you drag all your friends up there to help you sing. Bonus points if you actually work out in advance which one of you will be Dez Dickerson (bass) and which one will be Lisa (alto).

5. She Blinded Me With Science by Thomas Dolby. It's pretty much the classic mad-scientist boogie number, from one of the most scifi-ish singers of all time.
Singing ability required: Moderate. If everybody is really really drunk, you can just sort of chant the lyrics and then put everything you've got into screaming "She blinded me! With! Science!" when appropriate. Or if that's too hard, just do the screaming part.

6. Anything by They Might Be Giants. Especially if they've got "Particle Man." They're sure to have that Istanbul/Constantinople song, which isn't really scifi, but TMBG has instant scifi cred anyway.
Singing ability: Fairly high, but you can bluff your way through it if you at least remember the lyrics.

7. Flash Gordon by Queen. Or, in a pinch, Another One Bites The Dust, which is sort of post-apocalyptic sounding. Do NOT try to sing Bohemian Rhapsody. It's not science fictional, for one thing, and your friends will disown you. You're not as funny as Wayne and Garth. Trust me.
Singing ability required: High. Sorry. It's Freddy Mercury.

8. Atomic Dog by George Clinton. Why is the dog atomic? Was there some kind of nuclear disaster, or bizarre scientific mishap? (Hint: Clinton also made the awesome Dope Dogs album, all about weird drug-related experiments on puppies.) Whatever the reason, this dog is probably chasing the cat using a jetpack or something. In an ideal universe, your karaoke bar would have "Unfunky UFO" or "Mothership Connection" or "Dr. Funkenstein." But we both know that's not going to happen.
Singing ability required: Pretty high, but you can pretty much just chant your way through it. If you can master the "bow-wow-wow-yippie-yi-yippie-yay" part, you're home free. This is another song you can bring your friends up for, and just have a dance party.

9. Styx, Mr. Roboto. Well, duh. His brain is IBM.
Singing ability required: I'd say moderate. Annalee just did an impromptu performance of it for me. If you put a lot of energy and emotion into "I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control," and "Secret secret I've got a secret," you're home free.

10. Anything by Daft Punk, especially Technologic. It's pretty much all weird robots or creepy cyber-voices chanting about how they're going to fix everything.
Singing ability required: Not that much, really. Just chant and sound as robotic as you can. But work out a dance routine with a couple of your friends.

Yes, the reward for saving the universe from five women who convert into a super-giant woman is to have your girlfriend's breasts gigantify. Jennifer Garner's career had noplace to go but up.