In Ramayan 3392 A.D., the world has been destroyed by some kind of techno-nasty. And now what's left of the human race is threatened by a terrible evil named Ravan, who commands an army of the half-living, half-cybernetic race of Asuras, marching across the world. The world's last hope is the gleaming city of Avodhva, where the last vestige of humanity holds out and the mighty warrior Kshatriyas live. The Kshatriyas' greatest hero is Rama, previously exiled from his homeland due to Ravan's manipulations, reluctantly agrees to meet Ravan's army in battle.

In the comic so far, Rama winds up getting injured and then flees to the rough outlaw city of Panchvati, where his love interest Seeta gets imprisoned in a harem and Rama faces certain death in a gladitorial arena.

The comic is written by new writer Shamik Dasgupta with "consultations" by Ron Marz, the guy who turned Hal Jordan into a crazy douchebag and then stuffed the new Green Lantern's girlfriend into a refrigerator. Marz is also writing the backup story in each issue. Sounds good so far, right?

So the movie adaptation is being written by John Collee, who worked on Happy Feet and Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World, and produced by Mark Canton, who produced 300. From what I've heard, Master And Commander was reasonably respectful towards the books, and 300 honored the comics source material, even if it was a little historically dodgy.

But Hindus are already getting nervous about the futuristic Hollywoodization of one of their classic texts, the Ramayan. The Universal Society of Hinduism has been sending out press releases saying Hollywood is "welcome to make a movie about Ramayan, but the final product should be the true depiction of it and not a fantasized or a re-imagined version."

Presumably they haven't seen the comic yet? I'm assuming they don't think including undead cyborgs is a "true depiction" of the Ramayan. They warn that Hollywood shouldn't try to plunder Hindu scriptures for commercial gain, or Hindus will be upset. If Hollywood wants to do a completely faithful version of the classic text (which would be a first), then Hindu scholars stand ready to help out.

So what does USH President Rajan Zed think a futuristic version of Ramayan should look like? The only clue in his press release comes from this statement: "Ramayan had been venerated for thousands of years and we believe that it would continue to be revered in 3392 AD." In other words, he'd welcome a movie about futuristic cyborgs reading the classic text and taking inspiration from it. Or maybe acting it out. Actually, come to think of it, I would pay to watch that.

If Hindu groups do decide to protest the Ramayana 3392 movie, maybe they can gather in the Ramayana 3392 A.D. MMO which Sony is organizing?

Don't get me wrong, I know what you're trying to do. Everyone seems to like those superhero comics - Only a handful of titles in the March 2008 top 100 comics aren't superhero books, after all - and you're just like everyone else: You just want to be loved. But announcing two new superhero projects within days of each other only feels good right now. When the sales figures come in, you'll see: All that attention? They're just being polite. No-one really wants to read your superhero books.

Now, now. Don't cry. I'm saying this for your own good. Look at that top 100 list again for a second. Sure, it's superheroes up the wazoo, but only four of those superhero titles come from a company that doesn't have the words "Marvel" or "DC" in their name. The third most popular comic publisher of last month didn't get that not-as-impressive-as-you'd-want-it-to-be title with men in tights; Dark Horse got there by paying ridiculous amounts of money to Joss Whedon and George Lucas, respectively, for their Buffy, Serenity and Star Wars comics (The third most popular superhero publisher is Image, with a massive 3.86% of the market).

It's not as if other publishers haven't tried to break Marvel and DC's stranglehold on the superhero market in the past — Image did a very good job in the '90s - but those attempts tend to be successful only when there's some kind of name recognition, and that's something that Virgin is pretty much completely lacking (Well, outside of Jenna Jameson and Ed Burns, but that's not really what I mean). Yes, I know that everyone knows about Stan Lee, but there's something else that everyone knows about Stan... That he's not done anything worthwhile for decades. You only have to look at Stripperella and Who Wants To Be A Superhero to see that.

You're just throwing your money away, gentlemen. And, sure, Sir Richard - You're used to that by now (Hey, I've tasted Virgin Cola), but there's no need to rush into it so eagerly this time. Maybe there's some Hollywood money or something you can scare up by selling the rights and make some scratch back before everyone wises up. Or perhaps you can convince Stan that he's got Alzheimer's and imagined the whole thing. Just, please: Don't do anymore superhero comics. It's not a good idea, and you'll just hurt everyone involved.

Just say no.

Lee to create superheroes for Virgin [Variety]