Hancock 2:

So much for those reports that the sequel would focus on Jason Bateman's character developing his charity project, and working on his relationship with his superhuman wife. Bateman says he hasn't been contacted about being in the sequel, and it's implied that he may not be in it. (Of course, he may get a call next week, but it's still surprising.) [Collider]

Deadpool:

Rob Liefeld Twittered about his meeting with the producers of this spin-off film, including Lauren Shuler Donner. And Ryan Reynolds, to nobody's surprise, is on board. Also:

Deadpool movie checklist- DP in costume-check! Breaking 4th wall-check! Loads of killing-double check!

And he was excited to talk to the producers about the possibilities of featuring Cable in future X-films. [Twitter via Cinemablend]

The Box:

Here are a few more stills from Richard Kelly's Twilight Zone-esque movie set in the 1970s. [Sci Fi Scoop]

Planet 51:

A new poster for the movie about The Rock accidentally invading an alien planet. [Teaser-Trailer]

2012:

And here are some new stills from Roland Emmerich's latest disaster film. [Movies-Spoilers]

Dollhouse:

Fox released three clips from tomorrow night's season opener, "Vows." [Fox via Whedonesque]

Lost:

More set pics and reports — here's a pic of Jack and Kate at the LAX airport set, plus Claire looking very pregnant. And one pic shows the construction of an elaborate temple set, and another shows the construction of a "rugged rock face." One scene being filmed today involved three gunshots ringing out and a bunch of extras, many of them dressed in the distinctive garb of the Others, running out of the temple. More pics at the link. [Hawaii Weblog]

A source claims both Juliet and Sawyer get "closure" on the island in the season premiere. And the cab driver whom Kate car-jacks is played by David H. Lawrence XVII, the "puppet-master" from last season of Heroes. (And yes, the number 17 is really part of Lawrence's professional name.) [SpoilersLost]

Warehouse 13:

It's not too soon to talk about season two of this hit show, which will air in 2010. Producer Jack Kenny says he's already got some ideas about how to deal with the huge cliffhanger at the end of season one — Leena has been made into "some sort of sleeper agent" and we'll have to "unsleeper her" or use her to trap McPherson. We'll find out where Claudia went and what she's doing, whether trying to clear her name or find McPherson. And we'll deal with the apparent death of Artie.

And then in season two proper, we'll mix it up some more. We may see Pete and Artie go out on a mission together, or Myka and Artie. We'll explore the core foursome (Pete, Myka, Artie and Claudia) in greater detail. We'll find out more about Pete's past alcoholism and possible drug addiction, and the lingering effects of Claudia's instituationalization. And both Pete and Myka will date people — maybe we'll see more of Jeff Weaver, Joe Flannigan's character from "Elements," and Myka can date him. And we'll see their reactions to each other's dating. Also, Claudia will possibly date a "local kid in the town," and maybe Pete, Myka and Artie will have different reactions to him. And we'll see more of the Regents, but maybe not all of them — maybe they'll have a spokesperson.

Also, Kenny says he wants to do an episode about "Hitler's microphone." [iFMagazine]

FlashForward:

Speaking of recovering alcoholics, apparently FBI agent Mark Benford (Joseph Fiennes) is one. And his nanny is a devout Christian, who's making out with her boyfriend on the couch when the "flash forward" happens — so she takes the "flash forward" as a sign of divine retribution. [NY Times]

The Benfords' daughter Charlie says "I had a bad dream. I dreamt that there are no more good days." (And that's where the episode's title comes from.) By the end of the first episode, we get our first hint as to who/what is responsible for the flash. [Boston Herald]

Sonya Walger's surgeon character, Olivia, is put out that the entire surgical team flops to the floor in the middle of an operation. And her fellow doctor Bryce, played by Zachary Knighton, has gone to a pier to contemplate suicide when the flash happens. [Washington Post]

Here's the official synopsis of episode four, "Black Swan":

Olivia struggles to accept Bryce's suggestion that a patient's flashforward holds the key to a correct diagnosis and treatment. Meanwhile, Demetri accuses Mark of waiting for the future he saw in his flashforward to come true without incident, while Mark feels Demetri is letting his fear of what he witnessed envelop his life; and Nicole returns to work as Mark and Olivia's daughter's baby-sitter, and discloses her shocking future vision - involving a murder.

And some pics. [TV Overmind]

House:

In episode nine of this season, House tells someone he loves Cuddy. [EW]

True Blood:

And it's not too soon to talk season three of this show. Alan Ball says he's currently seeking someone to play Talbot, the "trophy husband" of the queer "vampire king of Mississippi" (played by Denis O'Hare). [EW]

Chuck:

Emmy winner Armand Assante guest stars as a Castro-esque dictator whom Casey has tried to assassinate numerous times. [EW]

Viktor Sakhay says that there will be more tension with the management at Buy More. And Lester will temporarily change something drastically about himself. [E! Online]

Sanctuary:

Here's a new trailer for season two of this Syfy show:

Smallville:

In his new quest to become the perfect hero, Clark is pretty icy to everyone, but especially to Chloe, for whom he refuses to go back in time and save Jimmy. But he does come to Lois in her hour of need. And Lois has sex on the brain — at least when she's sleeping. [TV Guide]

More on that: Lois has a scary/sexy dream sequence at the end of tomorrow night's season premiere, full of sweat, sex and blood. And death. And Jor-El tells Clark the reason he still can't fly is because he still thinks he's human. [E! Online]

We'll learn exactly where Lois went when she was missing for three weeks — and it'll look remarkably similar to the red dust storm sweeping over Sydney. [EW]

Here are two sneak peeks from tomorrow night's season opener:

Eastwick:

Rosanna Arquette will play Greta Noa, a New York gallery owner who's connected to Darryl Van Horne. She'll appear in two episodes, and there's more to her than we realize at first. [TV Guide Magazine]

Dollhouse:

New promo pictures of the season premiere "Vows" show a beatific Echo getting married to Jamie Bamber. So is Bamber a client? It doesn't look that way. In an attempt to use the Dollhouse's resources to do some good, Paul has arranged this particular engagement. Echo has been engaged to be Bamber's new wife...and gather incriminating information on his arms trafficking. Of course, like most of Echo's engagements, this one goes awry, and Paul is forced to try to trick Echo into reverting to a former assignment as a martial arts expert.

[The ODI]

Thor:

Diora Baird announced on Twitter that she has auditioned for a role in the movie as a character described as "pretty, but sturdy with muscle." She wouldn't reveal who the character is, but CHUD speculates it could be an Asgardian, such as Sif or the Enchantress. [CHUD]

Hancock 2:

Director Peter Berg says the sequel may tweak the mythology of the first film, which said that Will Smith and Charlize Theron were the only two gods left alive — there may be a third god in the sequel. Since Smith and Theron weakened each other when they got together, we may get to see what happens when there's a third god in the mix. Also, the subplot involving Jason Bateman's advertising exec character will pick up where it left off, with him starting his charity campaign. [Sci Fi Wire via ScreenCrave]

The Vampire's Assistant:

IGN visited the set of the first Cirque du Freak film, and watched a scene between vampires John C. Reilly and Willem Dafoe:

The scene we observed being filmed that day saw Reilly, adorned in a reddish rockabilly wig, acting opposite Dafoe as Gavner Purl, a vampire general and old friend of Larten Crepsley's. Dafoe is similarly dandified as Purl, sporting a pencil mustache, slicked back hair and dark clothing in a look inspired, we're told, by Salvador Dali. In the scene, Gavner visits Larten's home to arrest his old friend at swordpoint.

IGN also said Dafoe's performance was especially masterful, with shades of intensity, camp, and wistfulness coloring a single scene. [IGN]

Lost:

A fresh casting notice for the sixth season reveals a new character:

Lennon: Scruffy, edgy, charismatic, and slightly stir-crazy, Lennon can be deferential when it's called for. He's the spokesperson/translator for the president of a foreign corporation. He's a wily negotiator, and far more powerful than his lowly position would seem to indicate. Recurring.

The casting director is looking for an actor in his mid 30s to late 50s for the role. [EW]

Fringe:

The latest Fringe promo is heavy on the symbols, light on the spoilers:

Another rumor suggests that Kirk Acevedo's character, Charlie, may not be leaving after all, though one character does die in the premiere. Also, two characters will kiss in the premiere, and another will face "medical uncertainty." [TV Guide]

Eclipse:

Summit has confirmed that Jodelle Ferland will be playing the role of Bree, and has announced casting for a pair of werewolves: Julia Jones will play lone female wolf Leah Clearwater and BooBoo Stewart takes the role of younger brother Seth. [MTV]

Stargate Universe:

SGU recently filmed a scene for the 14th episode, "Human," at the University of British Columbia. The scene shows Rush and Daniel prior to Rush's recruitment into the Stargate Program, and a few fans captured video (sadly, no audio) and photos from the public shoot:

[GateWorld]

Gamer:

A flurry of new promo stills put the focus on guns and explosions, with a couple of arcade cabinets thrown in for good measure:

[IGN]

The Lovely Bones:

Two new images give us another look at the murdered Susie Salmon:

[IGN]

Supernatural:

If the promo images are any indication, we're in for a load of tussling in the Supernatural season premiere, "Sympathy for the Devil:"

[Spoiler TV]

The season's sixth episode will center on the show's version of the Tooth Fairy, whom the casting notice suggests may exist as the result of a young boy's powers:

Jesse: An all-American boy age 11 who is wise beyond his years. He was adopted as an infant and remains perplexed by his unusual powers. He possesses a childlike innocence-he believes in the Tooth Fairy (Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!)! He suddenly finds himself faced with a very adult decision. Recurring role.

[EW]

Defying Gravity:

Things get spooky on the seventh episode, "Fear:"

It's Halloween aboard the Antares and the forces of darkness are revealed in more ways than one, as feverish hallucinations jeopardize the lives of the crew just as they're about to embark on a promotional event for which the whole world is waiting.

[Spoiler TV]

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies:

After seeing the live-action Metallo, we get a look at the animated version in the upcoming DC Universe movie:

Eastwick:

ABC is looking for a few minor characters for the fourth episode:

[CLERK] (Late 20's, Early 30's) Clerk at a hip boutique in Eastwick. She is fashion-forward, trendy in a way that Kat has never been. 1 line. CO-STAR ROLE. PLEASE SUBMIT ALL ETHNICITIES.

[TEENAGE BOY] (18 to play 17 or Legal 18) A regular looking boy, who attends Mia's high school. He is approached by Roxie, who grills him about her daughter Mia's location. Roxie also informs him that his mother has found his stash. 1 Line. CO-STAR ROLE.

[Spoiler TV]

Additional reporting by Charlie Jane Anders and Alexis Brown.

In Virtuality, Siena Guillory plays Rika Goddard, the ship's exobiologist who's trapped in a passionless marraige with Roger, the ship's psychologist and producer of the fake reality TV program the ship's crew stars in. And Clea DuVall (Carnivale) plays Sue Parsons, the ship's brash pilot who's already drawing comparisons to Starbuck. Both actors went on a conference call with reporters today and talked about how they approached their characters in this TV movie (which could spawn an ongoing series). Virtuality airs this Friday night at 8 PM on Fox.

I hadn't realized, until listening to both actors, just how much of Virtuality was improvised. Apparently Peter Berg (Hancock), who directed the pilot, is a huge believer in letting actors run with their scenes and create their own interpretations of their characters.

One of the coolest parts of the pilot is Sue Parsons' relationship with some of the other female characters, especially the computer scientist and reality-TV show host Billie Kashmiri. Sue is constantly sniping at the naive, privileged Billie, but then after Billie suffers an extreme trauma inside the virtual-reality world (which feels real even though it's just VR) Sue and Billie suddenly share a moment of closeness, and they have a really intense scene together, which feels like it could be the foundation of a really interesting friendship. You don't see such complex relationships between two women in science fiction all that often.

So I asked DuVall what she thought was going on between the two women, and whether it was in the script, or improvised:

It was in the script, and also improvised. It was a combination of the two... I thought a lot about my character, because she's kind of a hardass and kind of a jerk, and a handful to deal with..and I really tried hard to understand her and why she was so guarded and so protective of herself. And [I tried to think] what it was about this girl that really ticked me off... I sort of went inside myself and tried to find the parts of myself that I don't think are there, the jealousy and the competitiveness, and I used that, I used my own personal shortcomings, to fuel this character. But then understand, but then being able to see her as human and seeing the parts of Billie that were like me.

So was Sue angry at Billie because she saw Billie as a younger version of herself? DuVall explained:

[Billie was] somebody that was given the position they were given, because they had certain advantages that I wasn't given, and that jealousy of being born into good stock. Versus having to fight tooth and nail to get there, because my character was put through the ringer so much to be there even though she was one of the most qualified.

Meanwhile, Siena Guillory says Rika Goddard "hates having her privacy invaded" (in the reality TV show) but "she's also desperate for adventure." Rika is an "introvert but oversexed," she adds. "The fact that we're geeks doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to be handling our emotions, so we're all prone to exploding emotionally."

Both actors raved about the creative freedom they were given during the shooting of this pilot. "Of course I said everything that was in the script, but being able to build on it and find things that were in there [was terrific]," says DuVall. "Them trusting us so much also gave us the confidence to trust ourselves."

"They were so brave and didn't assume that the audience was stupid," adds Guillory. "They lent us that bravery and allowed us to inhabit the roles."

And even though Virtuality is about being trapped inside a cramped spaceship, and trapped in the not-quite-real performance of reality TV, and even trapped inside virtual-reality modules that turn into a horror show, Guillory says the show, in the end, is about limitless possibilities:

It's all about the fact that the possibilities are endless, and that's what the whole show is about. There are no limitations, and everything we grew up with here on Earth, in terms of "This is your life, and this is who you are, and you will die [isn't necessarily true]. And you can be anywhere and be anyone, and anything is possible and it's incredibly dangerous and exciting.

As I mentioned, Virtuality airs this Friday at 8 PM on Fox.

Whoever uploaded this gets bonus points for adding the link to Larry Niven's "Man Of Steel, Woman Of Kleenex."

According to Smith, his superhero project is still two movies away, following the Rogen-starring Zach and Miri Make A Porno and a horror movie called Red State. Calling the superhero project - which will be an entirely new concept, as opposed to an adaptation of an existing comic book - a " visual-effects extravaganza," Smith then demonstrated a belief in a particularly cruel higher power:

It's stewing right now. I want to do it, though, and, God willing, it will star Seth Rogen.

Of course, this is the man who really wanted to do Daredevil: Target and couldn't manage to get past the first issue, so there's every possibility that the movie will never get made.

Rogen Wanted As Superhero [SciFi Wire]

With the continued, somewhat inexplicable, success of Hancock, it seems that the only constant in Hollywood math is "(Will Smith) + (4th of July Weekend) x (Genre Movie) = $$$." Bearing that in mind, we thought that it's be kind of us to demonstrate to some stalled SF movie projects just to how to use the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (and, let's face it, wherever else he wants to be the Prince of, these days) to get their movies up and running again.

Halo
Will Smith is...: The Mysterious Master Chief.
Why This Works: Sure, in the games (and the novels, and the comic books), you never see Master Chief's face, but just as that didn't work for the Judge Dredd movie, it's not going to work here, either. Pull up that visor and let's see the sensitive man underneath who knows that war is hell and space war even moreso. Smith got an Oscar nomination for The Pursuit of Happyness, so let's see him bring the pain here. Literally.

The Six Million Dollar Man
Will Smith is...: Well, Steve Austen, obviously.
Why This Works: Isn't it time to ruin another '70s TV show with the same kind of comedy treatment that worked so well for Starsky And Hutch? Put Smith in the familiar role and let him play it for laughs - Austen's cybernetic upgrade not only gives him more strength, super-powered eyesight and the ability to run surprisingly quickly, but also the power to loosen up his uptight white boss, played by Billy Bob Thornton, continuing his streak of slumming it in broad comedies. Throw in a Will Farrell cameo and it's box office gold, baby.

Ghostbusters 3
Will Smith is...: Nerdy accountant Louis Tully.
Why This Works: So Rick Moranis doesn't want to come back to the role that made him famous? That's no problem - Replace him with an even bigger star. Here's your explanation as to how it happened: Between movies, Tully had a terrible accident that forced him to have an incredible amount of reconstructive surgery. When he recovered from the surgery, he was a changed man: Tall, attractive, charismatic... and no longer afraid of no ghosts.

Green Lantern
Will Smith is...: Hal Jordan. Admit it; you thought I was going to say John Stewart, didn't you?
Why This Works: Smith takes on the role of ladykiller test pilot Jordan, the one man who can save the world through the power of his mind. It's the next step of Smith's Independence Day role, but with the added benefit of a lack of Jeff Goldblum's scientist hacker. Plus, who wouldn't want to see Smith in this role, besides the legion of fanboys who'd get upset that they didn't pick a white actor?

Wild Wild West 2
Will Smith is...: Captain James West.
Why This Works: ...Okay, maybe this is the exception that proves the rule. Never mind.

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The Greatest American Hero. Soon to be a major motion picture, probably starring Will Ferrell or Jack Black. This TV show features probably the most archetypal semi-competent hero, complete with out-of-control flying and crashing into things. Ralph Hinkley loses the instruction manual for his super-suit and is stuck trying to figure out how to control its awesome powers by himself.

Green Hornet. No, not the original radio or TV versions of the Batman-esque crime-fighter — stop writing those angry comments! — but we're getting the distinct impression the upcoming Seth Rogen movie will feature a sloppy hero whose sidekick, Kato, is the famous and can-do member of the duo.

Ambush Bug. Actually, is Ambush Bug even a hero? In his first appearance (which I have somewhere, and which is probably worth a whole dollar now) the teleporting insect guy tries to assassinate the mayor of Metropolis. But he quickly becomes a kinda-sorta superhero, who mostly mocks the conventions and tropes of comics and gets killed over and over again. He also fails to save his doll sidekick, Cheeks The Toy Wonder, from being dismembered. Poor Cheeks.

Most of The Tick's supporting cast. At least in the animated TV show (It's been forever since I read the comics), the Tick is a semi-competent hero who often misses what's right in front of him. But at least he manages to defeat his enemies most of the time, with the help of his sidekick Arthur. Most of the other heroes i the Tick's world, like Die Fledermaus, American Maid and Sewer Urchin, are too self-absorbed or silly to be much use most of the time.

Most of the cast of Jim Valentino's normalman. Normalman crashes on a planet where he's the only non-superhero, but most of the superheroes he meets are worse than useless. Sure, Captain Everything has every super power ever, but he's so dim-witted he usually just makes matters worse. And Levram's main superhero team is too busy taking attendance to do anything else.

The Legion Of Substitute Heroes. They're the superheroes whose powers aren't cool or useful enough to join the future Legion of Super Heroes, but they keep trying anyway, and finally do save the world from an alien plant invasion. Antenna Lad can tune into radio broadcasts from any era, but only at random. Chlorophyll Kid can make plants grow fast. Color Kid can change the color of any object. Infectious Lass can inflict disease, but has a hard time aiming this ability properly. Etc. etc.

Rod Rescueman is a bumbling superhero in the animated movie Twice Upon A Time. He's got his superhero learner's permit, which is just a blank piece of paper (but it's notarized!). Attempting a practice run at rescuing a "damsel in distress," he inhales all the flames around her — then breathes fire at her, singeing her to a crisp.

The Inferior Five. Another parody superhero team, they have the requisite lame or out-of-control powers. "He can fly — if the wind's with him!" "She's stronger than an Ox — and almost as smart!" Ha ha, aaaaah yeah. Anyway, weirdly enough they had their own title that lasted 12 issues.

Irving Forbush. Marvel Comics' semi-mascot and hero of its Not Brand Echh comic, Forbush Man wears a crockpot on his head and stumbles through a series of wacky adventures.

Major Bummer. Soon to be a major motion picture (well, according to IMDB anyway), this short-lived 1990s comic was about a slacker who accidentally gets superpowers from aliens. But he just wants to sit around on his couch and watch TV. Unfortunately, the aliens also cause him to attract supervillains, including a Nazi dinosaur called Tyrannosaurus Reich.

Mystery Men. Already a major motion picture! William H. Macy, Ben Stiller and Hank Azaria are loser superheroes: Macy's The Shoveler, who can handle a shovel, Stiller's Mr. Furious, who has rage powers, and Azaria's "effete British superhero" The Blue Raja. Loosely based on the awesome Flaming Carrot comic by Bob Burden, this movie shows second-rate superheroes who finally do triumph over the A-list supervillain Casanova Frankenstein.

Kinnukiman was one of the most influential characters in the Japanese Shonen Jump anthology comic back in the day — a weak superhero that you'd call on if all the other, better heroes weren't available. A muscle-bound idiot, he was always getting into wacky scrapes. Later, he turned out to be an alien prince, and he went off to fight in an intergalactic wrestling federation.

Nuklear Man: Like Hancock, the hero of Brian Clevinger's novel The Nuklear Age has amnesia, and can't remember anything before he appeared in the rubble of a nuclear attack on Metroville's power station. Also like Hancock, he has Superman-esque powers and is totally self-absorbed and obnoxious... plus, he's easily distracted by shiny objects.

Superflop was the alter ego of British comedian Les Dawson, the superhero who failed utterly to protect the town of Leeds from the Masked Fred. (Dawson's show Sez Les, regularly featured John Cleese and Olivia Newton John — a combination that' s hard to imagine.) Superflop also got to star in his own comic strip in British comics magazine Look-In.

The Roach is the all-purpose stand-in for every lame superhero, in Dave Sim's misanthropic comic Cerebus. The Roach's other guises include Wolveroach, MoonRoach (a take-off on obscure superhero Moon Knight) and Punisheroach.

Super Melvin is possibly the dumbest ventriloquist's dummy of all time, operated by ventriloquist Jeff Dunham. Here's a clip of his act, from Comedy Central.

Zeroman was an animated series a few years ago, starring Leslie Nielsen as the ne'erdowell protector of Fair City, the alter ego of mailman Les Mutton.

Webcomic VG Cats features Pantsman, the alter ego of the comic's author, who disguises his identity by wearing underpants on his head.

Demolition Man. Poor D-Man. He started out so promising, as a super-wrestler who refused to throw a fight with the Thing from the Fantastic Four. (How exactly do you throw a fight with the Thing anyway? Lose more?) Later, it turned out he was addicted to super-strength drugs and had to kick. Finally, in the pages of Daredevil, he went nuts and started stealing jewelry thinking he was collecting infinity gems for a "Cosmic Gamemaster." He was living in a pitiful sewer lair, until Ben Urich sent D-Man's idol Daredevil to get him out of there.

Captain Rightful is "the incompetent, armless superhero" in Jay Stephens' graphic novel The Land Of Nod.

Red Tornado. The original Red Tornado was Abigail "Ma" Hunkel, who put a saucepan (yes, again) on her head and went out to fight crime. But she ripped her pants and had to go home again. Later, she was replaced by an android that used to be evil but isn't any more, who has the awesome power of making wind. Yeah.

Wonderella is sort of a ditzy female version of Superman, in the webcomic The Adventures Of Wonderella.

Commenters daviddonne and Johnny Zito point out that I somehow forgot the Great Lakes Avengers, the midwestern branch of Marvel Comics' flagship super-team. They're mostly pretty useless, like Mr. Immortal, who's like Torchwood's Captain Jack — kill him and he just bounces back. But the group has a ringer: Squirrel Girl, who can control squirrels and somehow manages to defeat Doctor Doom and a number of other A-list supervillains single-handed.

And then commenter Trystero pointed out I missed The Pro, a sex worker who gets superpowers from meddling aliens. She's actually quite an effective superhero, but she's also a bad role model, urinating on a vanquished foe and using her superspeed to give tons of blow jobs for a quick profit. You can read the whole thing here, for now at least, but be warned — it's pretty NSFW.

Thanks to Lauren Davis and Graeme McMillan for research help.

The script, written by newcomer Vy Vincent Ngo, has only the faintest resemblance to the Hancock we actually saw. Hancock is still a hard-bitten superhero, but instead of being the disgrace of L.A., he's just grouchy and worn out, muttering to himself about his duty to counteract "the ills of man." Instead of the upper-class Embry family, the Ngo script features the Longfellows: Horus, Mary and their son Aaron. Horus is a failed police officer working as a security guard, and Aaron is still a kid who gets bullied (and peed on) at school. (But it's because Horus is spineless, and so Aaron has failed to learn self-respect and self-defense.)

Mary is at the bank, doing her bank thing, when some wisecracking bank robbers show up and make her and a bunch of other hostages get in the lotus position. Hancock shows up, being way, way more competent than in the movie, and rescues everybody. Then he corners Tom, who shoots at him. The bullet bounces off, and tears Tom's ear off. That leads to this great bit of dialog:

TOM: Fuck. My shirt.
HANCOCK: Why don't we call it a day? (Steps forward)
TOM: Don't. I told you... I'm not going back. (Raises gun.)
HANCOCK: If you're going to tease, cock the damn gun. Otherwise, spare me the wounded animal act of desperation. I don't got time for rhetoric and sympathy so don't expect... dialogue and "come with me and you won't be hurt" bullshit. You walk out of here with me and your life is a violent storm. You will be hurt, you will be abused... whatever turns them on. Either way, your days are shit! Those are the realities, spelled out.
TOM: What's eating you, man?
HANCOCK: (upset) You got half the precinct out there, armed, trained to blow the tail off a sperm from a hundred yards... you're standing in here, cornered, three bullets left in that squirter of yours, if you're lucky, and you got one ear. I don't need the aggravation. I don't need this.
TOM: Man, you're jaded. I'm not asking for a rainbow... You don't got to shower me with respect. Just a little tenderness, is all. Have you no mercy, mister?
HANCOCK: (he's had enough) I'm all out. Let's go.

Sadly, Tom shoots at Hancock at point-blank range and is killed by the ricochet. Everyone's sad to lose Tom, because now who will point out how jaded Hancock is? Hancock leaves the bank, surrounded by reporters and women who would "die for a chance to suck on his cape." (No, really, the script says that.) Later, Hancock meets a friendly sex worker named Gina (rhymes with "vagina," as she tells Hancock, while propositioning him.)

Hancock meets Aaron, the bullied son of Mary and Horus, and teaches him to smoke cigarettes. (Really.) And explains puberty to him: "Today, you're a boy. Tomorrow, Mr. Penis comes knocking." Aaron tries to stand up for himself at school, but it doesn't work out that great.

Later, he goes to dinner at the Longfellows' house, and meets Mary on the street after getting hit by a UPS van. She offers to sew his clothes for him, and he makes a lot of speeches about his responsibilities and how important he is. And then Hancock comes over and Mary cuts his hair for him, in a scene with no dialog but the sound of their breathing. And Mary "blossoming in her sweater." The haircut looks terrible and goofy.

Then Hancock and Mary go to the boardwalk and have a nice time, but Hancock starts to unravel thinking about how he's neglecting his duty. "I can't blink away the hell I've seen. It's in me." Then he kisses Mary and asks her to leave her husband for him. Hancock will get a job flipping burgers so he can be with Mary and her kid. But Mary says no. Hancock gets drunk and tells Aaron he'll be a loser just like his dad. Aaron may as well grab his ankles and "hope the reaming's gentle." Then Hancock goes and has sex with Gina (rhymes with "Vagina.")

Horus is drunk too and has a crisis of masculinity. Meanwhile Hancock, still drunk, gets attacked by a hoodlum and accidentally kills him. Hancock feels bad. Mary sings Beatles classics to Aaron. Hancock shows up, floating in mid-air, his eyes red. Mary asks, "What are you doing?" Hancock yells, "It's the haircut, Mary. I'm pissed!" And he hits himself in the head.

Hancock kidnaps Mary. Meanwhile, some thugs are attacking the department store where Horus works. The cops show up, but leave to deal with the Hancock-Mary hostage situation. Horus takes out the thugs single-handed, proving he's a real hero after all — but then he sees the Hancock-Mary thing on TV. Hancock, surrounded by cops, grabs Mary's ass and runs his hand over her buttocks. "He seeks a special kind of healing," the script says. Mary smacks Hancock in the face and shouts "No!", which causes Hancock to turn into a wounded child, saying "Help me" a lot. Mary talks him down a bit, but then the cops attack and Hancock demolishes them.

Horus finally shows up and attacks Hancock, even though it's pointless. Hancock nearly kills Horus, but then Mary gets buried under some rubble and we think she's dead. Hancock feels bad and tries to kill himself unsuccessfully. But Mary isn't dead after all. In the end, Hancock goes back to being a good guy, while Horus and Aaron become real men. The last shot of the movie is Aaron watching his parents have sex. "They are in some latter state of coital bliss," the script informs us. "Horus thrusts. Mary gasps." The end. [Obenson Report]

The folks at Comic Book Movie were intrigued enough to ask:

During the climactic fight scene in the Hancock movie, with all the tornados blowing around, you see something that looks like a transformer, or giant robot walking across the street during the melee. At the time, I past it off as one of the combatants or an illusion because of all the debris flying around, but we've had several emails asking us about it. Does anybody know what it was? And did everybody see it? Tell us!

Sadly, the consensus among Comic Book Movie's readers was that it was just "a guy on stilts—one of those panhandler freaks that are only found in LA." Which raises another question: Is LA really full of panhandlers on stilts? Do they have signs saying things like, "Will Impersonate Giant Robot For Food?" [Thanks to Jake for the heads up.]

Cinema Blend's insiders spilled that Wanted isn't just getting a sequel as graphic novel writer Mark Millar has been saying, but going one further with a completely unnecessary trilogy about the fraternity of assassins and their super-loom. James McAvoy is considered a lock, as is bullet-making monk Terrance Stamp. And Angelina Jolie might be back briefly (they'll need someone to carry the brunt of the marketing after all). Let's go ahead and assume that this'll be a flashback featuring Fox, or else Fox's sexy evil twin, since Angelina's character was clearly dead by the end of the first flick.

In other "please dear god why is this being movie being made" news, the word on the street is Sony is already gearing up for Hancock number two. Still, the rumor has it Will Smith didn't actually like the first film, and he won't be back for a second outing unless he gets some sort of creative control over the next flick. Well, at least he has enough taste to hate his own work.

[Cinema Blend]

Granted, we all knew Hancock was gasping for air and floundering along when we noted it was doing middle of the night reshoots barely two months before it was going to premiere. Many of you said that this wasn't that big of a deal, but I'm guessing the studio execs that dumped millions into this movie from the beginning would beg to differ. Sorry but a big pictures like this shouldn't be changing up the roster the night before the game, it's sloppy. All of these actions speak pretty loudly about the confidence Sony has about this picture.

[Hollywood Reporter]

Ways Hancock could have sucked considerably less:

#1: Do the cruddy-superhero thing right

The first half of Hancock is a watered down version of the comedy that those trailers promised you: Hancock is a superhero who's fallen into disgrace, thanks to hard-drinking roughneck ways. This is a premise with almost unlimited potential, and yet the movie still manages to flub it. The movie repeats the same joke a dozen times: someone calls Hancock an asshole, and Hancock gets pissed, so the guy calls Hancock an asshole a second time. Hancock scowls and says, "Call me an asshole one... more... time." And the other person says "asshole" one more time. Then Hancock uses his superpowers to fuck this person up in a hilarious way. The joke works once or twice, but then you start to wonder: who would ever knowingly fuck with Hancock? He's bulletproof and has super strength! People know all about him and his superpowers, but they still challenge him. Don't they know how it's going to end up? It's almost as if the scriptwriters think the fact that people don't respect Hancock means they don't fear him. It would have made more sense — and been funnier — for people to trash-talk Hancock and yet be terrified of getting in his way.

#2: Have some supervillains

So Hancock is the world's only superhero, in a world with no supervillains or other oversized threats. Hancock spends his time fighting small-time crooks, who pose no threat to him. Do you like watching a drunk guy swat flies? Then you'll love this.

Why are there no supervillains? It's a problem with superhero movies in general: they want to tell a simple, easily comprehended story in under two hours, so they keep the world-building simple. You can't really have Batroc the Leaper jump into Iron Man, because you'll have to explain who the hell this guy is and why he's jumping around with his silly French accent. Much simpler just to have Iron Man fight a guy who's using Iron Man's own stolen technology. Iron Man vs. Fake Iron Man. It's our world, just with super-armor. Or Hulk vs. Fake Hulk. Hancock takes this weird paradigm to its furthest extreme, and in the process it shows how flexible our modern mythology of superheroes isn't. Plus supervillains = automatically funny. The boasting, the giant gadgets, the Dr. Horribleness.

#3 Explain why exactly Hancock is a superhero anyway.

Hancock is a god among mortals. Shouldn't he be, I don't know, king of the world or something? Instead he's living in two smushed-together trailers and sleeping on a park bench. He's drunk all the time and people hate him because he causes tons of property damage in the course of fighting criminals. And it's never explained why Hancock feels the need to fight small-time hoods. There's a throwaway line late in the movie that says Hancock is a "protector" by nature, with an in-built need to help people. But it's very throwaway. And he could protect people lots of other ways besides foiling liquor-store robberies in L.A. He could be stopping the genocide in Darfur. As anyone who's read Michael Chabon's Kavalier And Clay knows, the crucial question is not, "How does Batman fight crime?" but, "Why does Batman dress up as a bat and fight crime?" In the case of Hancock, we probe his psyche a little bit, and get a vague sense that he's filled with self-loathing because nobody came to get him when he turned up, amnesiac, in a hospital 80 years ago. But it's all pretty thin sauce.

#4 More Jason Bateman being funny

This movie's MVP is really Jason Bateman from Arrested Development. Actually, Will Smith brings his usual charm to some horrendous material, but Bateman's the actor who really shines in Hancock — even though his character is actually super lame. Bateman's supposed to be the world's greatest PR guy, but all we ever see him do is fail to convince companies to sign on to his incredibly weak charity project, which involves putting an ugly heart logo on their products. The funniest parts of Hancock have to do with Bateman trying to rehabilitate Hancock's image and convince him to play nice. The long sequence of the white guy in a suit trying to "civilize" the scary black guy is a little creepy, but it does yield some actual humor. Bateman convinces Hancock that he should say "Good job" to police officers when he shows up at at a crime scene, because the cops are putting their lives on the line. So Hancock goes around woodenly saying "Good job" to everyone. (First, Hancock has to go to jail so he can show some humility, and make everybody miss him.)

It's just too bad that the funny Bateman moments are outweighed by the dull Bateman-pimping-his-charity moments, and the later Bateman-feeling-sad-about-his-marriage moments (we'll get to that in a sec.)

#5 Make this movie about something

One of the things that's frustrating about Hancock is it's full of metaphors — which aren't examined or explored at all. Like the idea that he's the world's only superpower, and everybody hates him. Do you think they maybe hate him because he's the only superpower? Also, the fact that he's filled with self-loathing because of his amnesia — what's that about? And the idea that superheroes are our "modern mythology," and a god who came to Earth would decide to be a superhero. There's got to be some potential there somewhere. Any one of those ideas, explored in an interesting way, would be way funnier than what we got.

#6 Put back the dirty stuff.

As we mentioned a couple of times, Hancock was gutted to squeak into a PG-13 rating, which is the money sweet spot in Hollywood. Along the way, everything really outrageous got sliced out of the movie. There's no more sex with underage (well, 17-year-old) girls. No more projectile semen ripping holes in the roof of Hancock's trailer. (Although you can still see the holes, in one scene.) I'm guessing a bunch of other crazy comic material got removed at some point, and what's left is sort of sad. Plus, Smith is determined to make Hancock likable even though he's supposed to be an asshole. As a result, Smith seems kind of bewildered. In fact, Hancock seems borderline autistic at times, especially in his interactions with Bateman. Smith is determined to make us love a superpowered drunk quasi-homeless guy with anger issues, so he settles on making him seem sort of childlike and befuddled. Why can't Hancock just be a cock?

#7 Totally rethink the movie's big twist

As you may have heard, Hancock is really two movies smushed together. The first half is a weak comedy, and you've already seen the funniest parts in the trailers. And then the second half is an unbearable melodrama. It happens really suddenly. There's a moment where Hancock suddenly turns into My Super Ex-Girlfriend for a moment, and then it switches gears and becomes a schlocky love story devoid of chemistry. And here's where things get spoilery.

So it turns out that Jason Bateman's wife, played by Charlize Theron, is actually an immortal superbeing like Hancock. And she and Hancock have been quasi-married before, but Hancock lost his memory of their past together. And whenever the two of them are together, they start to become mortal. Which is how the rest of their immortal race died off, by pairing up. Theron's character Mary is trying to hide her super-being status — so she flings Hancock through a wall. Good job, Mary!

#8 Can the love story.

At some point, you realize that we're supposed to care about the relationship between Hancock and Mary, even though there's no chemistry between them and they're talking about gods and immortality and destiny and blah blah blah. The later scenes between them are up there with Hayden and Natalie in the Star Wars prequels. It's fully Lake on Naboo-tiful. And the idea that they become mortal when they're in each other's presence is just kind of ludicrous and annoying, and makes for a horrendously schlocky climax.

#9 Decide what kind of movie you're making.

And here's really the crux of what went wrong with Hancock. Is it a crazy outrageous comedy about a shitty superhero? Then fucking go for it, and show us how crazy you can get. Is it an understated Jason Bateman comedy about a P.R. exec who tries to work with a superhero to improve his image? That actually could have been a great film, if the whole movie was about that. Is it an exploration of why Hancock is such a dick? Or is it a tragic love story of two immortal and nice-looking people who can never be together? (If so, then no thanks.) If Hancock had picked one movie to be, it might have managed to be pretty okay. Instead, it's a mash-up of five really bad movies.

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Incredible Hulk:

Some new clips from Incredible Hulk went up at IGN, and here they are — including a fair bit of new footage. [IGN]

Transformers 2:

Is Optimus Prime in mourning? Apparently the Transformers 2 shooting just included a scene at Laurel Hill Cemetery in Fairmount Park, PA, where Optimus himself was hanging out. [Seibertron]

The Dark Knight:

Here's a new The Dark Knight TV spot, which reveals that some kids are annoying in the film. And the Joker makes a weird "Hmm" noise.

The Happening:

Here's a spoilery review of M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening. Bits of new information include the fact that the mass suicides start in New York's Central Park. And then a ton of construction workers jump off a high-rise. And the convoluted scientific explanation for what's going on starts emerging pretty early in the movie, mostly through long speeches by Marky Mark and an eccentric nursery owner. Marky Mark and friends stay on the run, trying to avoid the wave of suicides — and at one point, they're in a field trying to outrun the wind, and things get silly. [Fangoria]

And there are some new clips from The Happening at this link. [MovieWeb]

Hancock:

A new TV spot for Will Smith's Hancock highlights the part of the movie that makes me uneasy: the whole god-who-can't-go-near-Charlize-Theron subplot. Hancock is becoming mortal! [Worst Previews]

Star Wars: Clone Wars:

Some new Star Wars: Clone Wars desktop patterns show a new look at Obi-Wan, Ahsoka and Anakin. Plus, cute.

Doctor Who:

Here's a sneak peek from Saturday's new Doctor Who episode, the first to be written by showrunner Russell T. Davies since the series premiere. [Spoiler TV]

Lost:

I don't know if you care what Lost star Jorge Garcia thinks is going to happen next, but it sounds pretty great to me. Garcia predicts his character Hurley will have lots of buddy-comedy road-trip adventures with Sayid, who picked him up from the sanitarium in the season finale. (I would totally watch that.) And Garcia thinks the show will end with a fight over the island between different groups that lay claim to it. [E! Online]

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles:

Here's the first pic of Garbage singer Shirley Manson on the set of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, where she plays a software mogul. [Legion Of Geek]

Smallville:

Lois will only appear in 13 episodes — give or take a couple — of Smallville season eight. [TV Guide]

Chuck:

The episode ominously titled "Chuck Vs. The Breakup" will introduce a new agent named Juliette, who's 27 years old and looks ethereal, like one of the elves from Lord Of The Rings. But she's all business. The episode also features the leader of a Columbian cartel and Hans, a scary Nordic man. [TV Squad]

Spectacular Spider-Man:

Spider-Man fights Venom at last in the Spectacular Spider-Man finale. Here are some pics! Am I on crack, or does the middle one look sort of Miyazawa-esque?