The series picks up presumably after little Claire gave the creepy and googly-eyed Eric Doyle a new identity, so he could evade capture. That whole moment between the cheerleader and the puppet master was the perfect thank-you for him sex-trapping her birth mom, kidnapping her other mom and then forcing Claire to shoot herself in front of him. But as we've seen before, Claire's an idiot. Plus, of course, who needs common sense getting in the way of a plot?

So Doyle, now known as Jerry or something, decides the best way to prove to Claire that he isn't a monster is to record video letters to the scrunchy-faced teen, over his Real World audition tape — thus PROVING that he's changed. And also leaving a trail of evidence that leads right to his door, but you know: Who needs pesky logic?

We find our second favorite kidnapper and murderer at a cubicle job, and now suddenly he's the guy we're all supposed to be rooting for, because look — he's got short sleeve button-down work suits and rolly eyeball movements. Which automatically spells "underdog." He's got a boss who's a real so-and-so, you know what I mean? Seriously this guy carries around a putter and everything, who does this think he is, some sort of dick-boss stereotype? Look, there he is now again with that putter....Good god, wake me when the Constrictor is back — at least he's got the hugs o' death.

Soooo what happens next? Oh right, whats-his-face, the attempted murderer, is really struggling to avoid making everyone his slave, or "ripping their tongues out of their mouths." So it's a good thing Claire let him off the hook. The boss lady, who he's totally banging, is the only one who's nice to Puppet Man. Which is... convenient.

Here she is. Run away, lady, because this is a man who tries to have sex with women and then watch their daughters shoot themselves, but whom we're rooting for now, because of his unfortunate circumstances and bad outfit.

Puppet guy is in a difficult spot — he needs that jerk boss to write a letter to the police telling them he's okay and they shouldn't arrest his ass for one isolated incident that happened a few weeks back... he explains from a 13-year-old's bedroom.

Annnnnyways, his evil boss cackles when the Puppet Man asks for his letter and informs him unless he finishes these tasks upon his long list of chores (two whole sides, single-spaced) he cannot go to the ball. Sigh. So Puppet Guy vacates the trophy-laden office to go collect....

Fake flowers and towels.

Sadly when the Puppet Man arrives back at the evil boss' lair, he's fighting with his good-natured girlfriend. Which causes Puppet to go bonkers and make the boss smack himself in the face with his own putter. Oh, the irony-ish. What will happen next? Is he dead? Will Puppet win the heart of the flowered sweater lady, will he stop pretending that he doesn't have one of the coolest powers ever, and could have someone grab a ton of money and blindly walk it over to him, drop it in his lap with their eyes closed, and he could be in Mexico with no one the wiser?

But then we wouldn't have these video diaries. Stay tuned for next week.

Chapter 2: We Do What We Have To Do

So the first question is, what will Mills have to do? Oh, it's kill that one guy with the military haircut that isn't a dick, which Angela gives away in the first second. So who cares what she has to do? And so much for the surprise, Angela.

Angela stares at Mills, fascinated by her secret serum, her beauty, perhaps she wants to skin her and wear her about her body to as a substitute for her lost youth. But enough about Angie, Mills tells us what happened right after we left off, at the chem lab with the military people, when she learned how to disappear. Aaaaand flashback.

Back into the lab, Mills makes a stabby at military haircut's arm with the secret serum. Mills struggles to the floor and falls in a sexy pose.

Military Haircut moves fast around the room screaming, "While I was passed out, a bad make up FX class came in and experimented on me."

And more explosions or Earthquakes — KABOOM! Mills stands up and says, " Zow my god, my breasticles, where are they? Oh thank you jeebus, they're still attached." Then the other one waves a gun at her and green-face, but is pushed down forever more, not to be heard from again.

Oh no green face, the guy formerly known as "military haircut," took off after Mills. Activate nork intuition — they tell Mills to hug-stab green-face, and now he's dead, and my life is changed forever. Oh no, wait — Angela told us this was going to happen. Mills holds dear sweet green-face till he dramatically presses against her and falls to the ground. "I was but a pawn in this gray world until I met you," she coos in his ear. "We will meet again riding unicorns naked over a golden valley, now close your eyes my love close them tight, look upon this barren and ugly world no more."

Angela is not impressed with her Mills' story nor her sadness for hug stabbing green face. "LIAR." she screeches from across the room. Angela, the siren, knows everything, and stands on the table wailing a terrible wail and pointing her wrath and vengeance upon poor Mills. "You kept the special sauce, you fiend."

Alas, she lied and the old lady knows it.

Chapter 1: Private Mills

A seecrat government corporation gets a bunch o' young marine types to volunteer for the secret serum — no, not that "secret serum," get your head out of the gutter! This stuff gives you special abilities, so they can hunt the Heroes, which is fine by me. Kill them all dead, please. The experiments happened at Pinehurst and created what look like a super secret-strong army of guys who like to wrestle and do other manly things, like push-ups.

Uh oh, looks like Private Mills just can't get enough of that serum, and she's in trouble with Angela Petrelli now. Angela has to mind-sex her up, to find out what she knows. Private Mills reacts to Angela's touch and sheds a tear. Just one tear, Mills, just one. Don't let her back in!

Cut to a flashback, where we Mills stealing the "broken" serum that Angela was mind-sexin' her about, with "girls are dumb" boy and a poor man's Matt Damon buzz cut, who is for some reason shirtless. Already I can tell Buzzcut loves Mills so much it twists his soul even to hear her name spoken aloud. "Mills," the wind whispers to him, as the other boy chirps about how girls are dumb. Oh, and they're all sweaty.

Oh noes, there's a splosion, and "girls are stupid" boy disappears under rubble or something. Buzzcut is injured on his legs and Mills comes to his aid. "I love you," she whispers. "I heard your soul calling my own from across this world and came to it. We are all each other has in this collapsing apocalyptic society obsessed with money and food. Let's leave this place and move to the wilderness of Montana and raise a family, teaching them the ways of the wild. We'll read to them from Emerson and Whitman and live free of the shackles of society." She didn't actually say that, but Buzzcut did sneak a peek at her rack while she hovered over him, and I think her norks whispered "Mills" to him.

Presto chango — Mills misses getting smashed to bits, by teleporting across the room. Buzzcut and Mills both appear to be shocked by her new power. Buzzcut looks bewildered, and Mills calls him David.

End Scene.

Above are a bunch of stills from the webseries. Looks like they are building a Hero-hunting squad thanks to Private Mills, but what will her almost-lover do now that he knows she's a "special?" I'm sure we'll find out, one way or another.

Watch the full episode over at NBC.

According to Spoiler TV NBC is already casting for Estaban, Santiago's friend and football teammate:

[ESTABAN]
21. MALE. Hispanic. Santiago's friend and teammate. Athletic build. CO-STAR

Which can only mean that we're getting a hero with the power of accelerated probability who runs really, really fast. Bah, but does he deliver the mail?

[Spoiler TV]

Posty, the mailman who hurts peoples' brains when he screams, hears a knock at the door, and you can bet it's more terrible actors from the Company. Click through to find out if Posty and his sexy lady friend escape from peril.

After killing off The Constrictor by yelling at him (goodbye, our pale terribly acted friend), the Postman and his unrealistically hot girlfriend must defend themselves from a knock on the door.

Posty knows that no good can come of this new visitor and sends Latina lady away telling her that he'll come after her, "rain or shine." How much would it suck if you dated someone who used mottos from their work in personal situations?

Then Posty watches with burning eyes as sexy GF grabs the cat and heads out the door. Was the cat necessary? Why was this important, is the cat an integral part of the plot? Why doesn't the cat get ear plugs? They should have given the cat a speaking part. It would have been better than everyone from the Company. Think about it, tiny cat suits. I would have totally watched a Heroes LOLcats webisode. I can haz death hugz?

So sexy girlfriend runs out the back and hops in the car, which is clearly parked on an open street next to the house. Zoinks, you didn't see me, Companies! Then she puts in some ear plugs, and clearly neglects the cats ears.

Meanwhile Posty answers the door with a witty, "I was expecting company." Two poorly suited men enter the house. With the subtlety and acting grace of a college improv class, the two gentleman tell Posty they're just here to talk.

To which witty Posty replies, "No, you're here to listen." And then he blasts them all with his sonar call. The sound waves reach all the way to his hot girlfriend, but the impact don't seem to break the glass of her car or home (webisode money).

Cut To Black, then it's revealed that it's 13 weeks later. A woman walks down a dark basement in a lady suit and you see Posty all tied up Pulp Fiction style. She lays down a few puns written by Andy Rooney.

Poor Posty — he's all tied up and has no where to go. But more importantly, what happened to the cat?

[NBC]

There's also
more horrendous acting from The Constrictor, raising the question of just where the Company gets its second-tier hench-monsters. It seems that the creepy bald villain has taken a liking to the mailman's half naked lady as well. Click through for the recap.

Mailman runs home to his pretty nice house and is greeted by his far more attractive spouse. How is this possible? Women like this don't sleep with guys like him, especially in LA (where I think this takes place). What's the angle — free stamps? Either way, she's been waiting all day for sex and pounces on the postman like a spry little thing. But then Mailman totally ruins the mood by telling her he killed someone with his yelling super power. What a wuss. If he was a real superhero, that would have just put him more in the mood...or something.

Then she goes off to get dressed. And the mailman realizes the door is open! So he picks up that electric guitar that everyone had in high school as a weapon. Is this symbolic? Did Mailman once have a career as a rock god but his dreams were dashed after his scream-singing killed an audience? Oh, I hope the next chapter is a flashback with Mailman fronting a band clad in leather. Constrictor can be the bassist.

But back to the show. Mailman's suspicions are right: the Constrictor is in the house and is hugging his girlfriend (now fully clothed) to death. And ugh gross, he's rubbing his disgusting bald head all over her face and purring.

Thankfully the postal worker yells some more, and then yells really close to the very pale villain's head — and splat: poorly acted character brains all over the wall! But oh no, his girlfriend saw the whole thing go down, and will probably judge him or something. But no time for debate: there's a knock at the door.

[NBC]