Monday

It's the usual Monday evening decision between Fox's House, wherein the West Wing's Joshua Malina guests as a former patient of Wilson's who's now a little bit too close to dying for everyone's comfort, and NBC's Heroes, which promises an "unexpected destination" for Claire and Peter, who are struggling to come to terms with the truth. Both of them air at 8pm, so feel free to choose House and read our Heroes recap, instead. You know it'll be easier on everyone.

Tuesday

Prophets of Science Fiction on the Science Channel at 9pm is about it, now that V has slunk its way off-screen for a few months (And am I the only person who spent the last episode waiting for a big lizard reveal, only to be thwarted? They even talked about skinning an alien just to tease us, the bastards). But in many ways, this documentary about science fiction creators whose work predicted the future is likely to be less frustrating than ABC's alien drama, even if it may not be more entertaining.

Wednesday

While Mythbusters carries on Kari-less on Discovery at 9pm (Adam and Jamie look into whether you can escape from jail using antacids, while I continue to unfairly criticize newgirl Jessi Combs purely because of my love for the missing Ms. Byron), ABC's Eastwick begins to draw to a conclusion with new episode "Tasers and Mind Erasers."

Thursday

With the CW shows on reruns, your evening viewing is wide open for a helping of Flashforward at 8 pm on ABC and Fringe at 9 on Fox. This week's FF promises to reveal more about Demetri's future death, Zoey's flashforward and, most excitingly, what actually caused the flashforward itself. Meanwhile, Fringe gets out the Lovecraftian influence as "Snakehead" reveals a spooky squidlike creature burrowing into host bodies. Calamari will never be the same again.

Friday

If new episodes of Ghost Whisperer and Medium on CBS (at 8pm and 9, respectively) or Stargate Universe and Sanctuary on Syfy (at 9pm and 10, respectively) don't float your boat — Although, SGU sees Young handing over command of the Destiny to Camille when he's accused of murder aboard the ship, so maybe you should tune into that just in case — then there's only one thing that could take your attention (Well, beside Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network at 9).

And that's the return of Dollhouse, with two new episodes starting on Fox at 8pm. "The Public Eye/The Left Hand" sees Senator Wesley From Angel finally stop talking and start doing something in his so-far-useless campaign against the Dollhouse, while Topher and Adelle meet a programmer with a connection to Echo and - Oh, never mind. All you want to know is this: It's the episode with Summer Glau. See? Now you'll tune in.

Saturday

NBC is showing the best Fantastic Four movie ever made, The Incredibles at 8:30pm. I'm sure most of you already own it on DVD though, right?

Sunday

Sure, Sunday night still belongs to The Venture Bros (a new episode is on Cartoon Network at midnight), but we're still kind of tempted by Syfy's Alice revival, from the people who brought you Tin Man. Bringing the story up to date and adding in various contemporary re-readings of famous scenes, there's always the possibility of things going totally wrong and it turning out to be another Prisoner, but we have hope nonetheless...

Monday

If you'd rather not think about Turkey Day, you may want to skip both House (Fox, 8pm) and Heroes (NBC, 8pm) this week; both shows are having holiday-themed episodes.

House and his team treat "an exceptionally brilliant physicist" more successfully than they handle their own relationships, and the Petrellis have a "surprise guest" for their special turkey dinner. Maybe we'll see Sylar eat some turkey brains or something.

Tuesday

V wraps up its four-episode mini-run on ABC at 8pm with the lying title of "It's Only The Beginning" Here's the official network blurb:

Erica works with newly-formed allies to uncover a biological threat they suspect the Visitors have been plotting. Aboard the Mothership, Anna meets with a special guest while managing the investigation into the murder of a V. Chad does a segment on the V Healing Centers, demonstrating their amazing medical abilities, but then finds himself conflicted by some of his findings.

Findings like them eating mice, Chad? We can but hope.

Meanwhile, BBC America provides a non-fiction alternative with Apollo Wives (8pm), a documentary where the wives of the Apollo mission astronauts talk about what it was like for them to watch their husbands risk their lives flying to the moon and then return as some of the most famous people on the planet.

Wednesday

If you're not interested in Mythbusters taking on dumpster myths on the Discovery Channel at 9pm (Kari fans, it's her last episode before maternity leave), and the idea of another episode of ABC's Eastwick at 10pm leaves you cold (Roxie gets seduced by Darryl's art world connections, Joanna learns about the magical version of Einstein's theories and Kat stays away from the dating world, if you care), then all is not lost.

Cartoon Network's latest live action Ben 10 movie, Ben 10: Alien Swarm debuts at 7pm and, to be honest, you could watch worse this week.

Thursday

It's Thanksgiving, which means all of the usual Thursday night confusion takes a break to go eat with its family, and we're left with the choice of two marathons. The Discovery Channel lets rip with a Mythbusters marathon from 9am through to 3am, while Syfy, surreally, goes with a James Bond movie marathon, starting at 8am. Because... someone had to?

Even stranger is the order of the movies they're showing: Dr. No at 8am, License To Kill at 10:30am, Live And Let Die at 1:30pm, The Spy Who Loved Me at 4pm, Tomorrow Never Dies at 6:30pm, Casino Royale at 9pm, For Your Eyes Only at midnight, and The Man With The Golden Gun at 2:30am. Um... Okay?

Friday

Thanksgiving takes out all of today's regular programming as well, leaving us with the second day of Syfy's Bond In No Obvious Order Whatsoever Marathon, again starting at 8am. Today's movies are Thunderball at 8am, From Russia With Love at 10:30am, You Only Live Twice at 1pm, Diamonds Are Forever at 3:30pm, Casino Royale again at 6pm, GoldenEye at 9pm, Goldfinger at midnight and, finally, Never Say Never Again at 2:30am.

Seriously, are these being shown in order of someone's particular preference or something?

Saturday

Things begin to get back to normal with the appearance of a crazy gimmicked Syfy Original Movie: Beyond Sherwood Forest takes Robin Hood and his Merry Men and then puts them head to head with magic and monsters. It's kind of genius in its simplicity, really. Plus, look! Lois Lane!

Sunday

Of course, as usual, the week ends with a new episode of The Venture Bros on Cartoon Network at midnight. You're all watching this by now, right? It's probably the best season to date, even if we haven't approached anything as compelling as The Nozzle yet...

Monday

The week starts off softly, with nothing worth watching until 8 p.m., when you have too many shows even for TiVo to choose from. Shall it be the second night of the so-disappointing-I-may-cry The Prisoner on AMC? New episodes of House on Fox (in which House treats a porn star and decides to bring together his dream team of minions) or Heroes on NBC (in which Tracey loses control of her ability, Matt fights inside his mind with Sylar and OH MY GOD PLEASE MAKE IT STOP ALREADY)? Or a marathon of nature doc redux Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel, which offers six hours of stunning footage and soothing Sigourney Weaver voiceover?

I'm saying TiVo Planet Earth for when you need to be reminded how amazing life can be, and watch House, because you know they'll get some good jokes out've the porn star patient.

Tuesday

While The Prisoner finishes up its run over on AMC at 8pm, ABC's V decides that it's time to copy - Sorry, I mean, "homage" - another sci-fi classic as Erica is forced to team up with a Visitor officer to protect Visitors from death threats in this week's episode, "Wow, do you remember Alien Nation with its buddy comedy pairing of human and alien cops? We sure do." Oh, wait. It's actually called "A Bright New Day."

(If you're in the mood for something a little more classic, Syfy is running an Outer Limits marathon from 8am through 3pm.)

Wednesday

With no new episodes of Mythbusters, you might as well spend the day either (a) not watching television, or the much-more-likely (b) flipping between Syfy's The Twilight Zone marathon (8am through 3pm) and AMC's classic run of Young Frankenstein (1pm), Ghostbusters (3:30pm) and, um, Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines (8pm). Someone's told them that T3 isn't a comedy, right...?

Thursday

As if the traditional Thursday evening crush isn't enough, Syfy are willing to suck your life away with a First Wave marathon from 9am through 3pm, and AMC are willing to contribute with the original Stargate movie at 2:30. Before you know it, you'll be choosing between Flashforward on ABC (Everyone keeps trying to solve their FFs just like they've been for the last few weeks, except Bryce is finally getting off his ass and wondering about his future girlfriend a bit more) and Vampire Diaries on the CW (Jeremy takes up drawing and Elena discovers something terrible, which may just be a future script for the show), both at 8pm.

And then you have to choose again between Fringe on Fox (The truth behind the Observer! And Walter wants a milkshake, with guest-star Kelis. Okay, sadly that part about a guest-star isn't true) and Supernatural on the CW at 9 (The Winchester Bros. team up with Bobby, Ellen and Jo to send Lucifer back to Hell. Don't be surprised if things don't go to plan, considering it's still relatively early in the season). We might just watch Community and 30 Rock instead, though, and catch up with everything else online later, if that's okay with you guys.

Friday

Relive the first wave of post-Lost network television with Syfy's Invasion marathon (8am through 3pm), before switching over to watch Dustin Hoffman worry about his paycheck in Outbreak on AMC.

Let's be honest, Fridays are really all about the evening shows, though; Smallville finally tries to get to the bottom of Lois' future abduction/visions on the CW at 8pm (Kneeling before Zod is optional, I believe), while CBS' Ghost Whisperer is worried about someone dying at the same time, which makes no sense. Wouldn't that just mean she'd have someone else to whisper to? Why do they never think these things through?

At 9pm, you can choose between Medium on CBS, wherein Allison develops a strange sensitivity to light, or Syfy's Stargate Universe, wherein everyone catches their breath and uses those weird psychic projection stone things to talk to those they've left behind. Alternatively, you could switch over to Cartoon Network for a new episode of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, before ending the night with the latest episode of Sanctuary at 10pm on Syfy.

Saturday

Syfy tries to get your attention with a triple bill of cut-rate dragon movies (In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale at 9pm, Fire And Ice at 11:30 and Dragon Sword on Sunday at 1:30 in the morning), but there's no way that can compete with AMC's quadruple bill of the Alien movies: Alien starts at 5:30, followed by Aliens at 8pm, Alien 3 at 11 and Alien: Resurrection at 1:30 on Sunday morning. The first two, at least, are worth it.

Sunday

Oh, people. You all know by now that Sunday is Venture Bros day, right? I don't know what else to tell you aside from that, apart from the episode being entitled "Self-Medication". Oh, and that it's on Cartoon Network at midnight, and is really the most essential piece of television in the entire week. Don't leave home without it.

Monday

What better way to start off the week than with a Syfy marathon of Stargate SG-1 running right now, from 8am all the way through to 3pm? Sure, there's that whole "work" thing, but come on. It's Stargate!

Otherwise, your television thrills are limited to an 8pm conflict between new episodes of House on Fox (A teenage girl can't distinguish between fact and fiction "after a wild night out." Am I the only one who feels like this could be either awesome or hideously embarrassing for all involved?) and Heroes on NBC, where Sylar is still trying to take control of Matt's body and Claire has to face off with her father's Sorority Girl Army. And, yes, I did accidentally make that sound more interesting than the actual show. Sorry, everyone.

Tuesday

For those calling in sick, I'd recommend skipping Syfy's Tru Calling marathon (8am through 3pm for those whose love of Dushku overpowers their bad-show gag reflex) and tuning into AMC, which goes dragon crazy with a 12:45 airing of Dragonheart (Dennis Quaid and a dragon voiced by Sean Connery!) followed by a 3pm re-run of Reign of Fire (You could stay tuned for a 5pm Batman Begins and 8pm Terminator 2: Judgment Day as well, if you were feeling particularly lazy).

If you'd rather get a delayed British take on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, then James May On The Moon (BBC America at 8pm) takes Top Gear's Captain Slow and puts him in the driver's seat for an hour long look back at those heady days where men were men and the Moon seemed an obtainable destination.

Otherwise, click over to ABC for the second episode of V and see whether it still feels like FlashForward meets... Well, the old V, really (The official PR for the episode says "A seeker among the Visitors tracks Erica and Father Jack. Chad seeks redemption by investigating the aliens ahead of his next newscast while law enforcers press Erica for information concerning Dale M…").

Wednesday

Thank God for Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel at 9pm. Without their investigation into whether cars will automatically burst into flames after crashing (Surely we have empirical proof that the answer is no already?), I'd have to find some way to pretend that Glee (Fox at 9) was a scifi show just to have something to write about for today. I figured I could always claim that it was set in an alternate reality where people aren't creeped out by Will Schuester trying to rap.

Thursday
If it's Thursday, then it's time for all the shows to run up against each other again. Sure, you could pretend that the networks aren't showing anything and watch a double bill of Demolition Man and End of Days on AMC (Sly and Arnold! In two of their most underrated - for a reason - movies! It starts at 8pm, if you're tempted), after spending the day watching Syfy's Star Trek: Enterprise marathon (8am through 3pm, as ever), but come on. I know that you can't resist the big shows people are talking about.

On FlashForward (ABC, 8pm), Aaron discovers the truth about his daughter's death, Janis returns to work and Mark and Olivia's martial troubles bring everyone down yet again, man. Things are much more fun over in Mystic Falls where Vampire Diaries (the CW at 8pm) brings a mysterious new teacher, arguments over medallions and, according to the CW, "Damon finally reveals to Stefan the stunning reason he has returned to Mystic Falls." If I watched the show and/or cared, I couldn't wait!

9pm brings the real reason to wrestle over the remote; Fringe on Fox gives Olivia, Broyles and Peter a new reason to be suspicious of Massive Dynamic when the impossibly shady corporation turn out to be involved in a kidnapping case, but Supernatural (The CW) looks much more fun than even Walter Bishop could provide:

Super fan Becky uses Chuck's phone to trick Sam and Dean into attending a Supernatural fan convention, complete with fans dressed up as Sam and Dean. One of the activities is a live action role-playing game, but things quickly turn sour after a real ghost appears on the scene.

Seriously. How could anyone resist that?

Friday

Jericho fans! You have the Syfy marathon of the day (8am through 3pm, which I'm sure you already know by now) to keep you happy during the daylight hours; the rest of us will be watching the original The War Of The Worlds movie on AMC at 10:15am (And avoiding the following Star Trek: Nemesis at 12:15pm, a movie which can best be described by blogger Kevin Church here), instead.

Still, Friday evening starts the weekend off right with the double bill of Batman: The Brave and The Bold ("The Fate of Equinox!" Yes, the exclamation point is part of the title) and Star Wars: The Clone Wars (following last week's surprisingly brutal, "Are Jedi really advocating using flame throwers against living beings what the hell?" episode) on Cartoon Network, starting at 7:30pm (Clone Wars is at 8pm, if you have an aversion of Batman. And if you do, then I'm very, very sorry.)

If you're in the mood for MOR dramas teasing the supernatural, then CBS is the place to be tonight, with new episodes of both Ghost Whisperer (8pm, with Jennifer Love Hewitt "pulled into a murder mystery by a real estate power couple" - Yes, this is what people want to watch, apparently) and Medium (9pm, which at least includes a potentially amusing-for-the-wrong-reasons subplot about posting videos of someone on the internet and "getting into trouble") on offer.

The rest of us, we'll be considering Smallville on the CW at 8pm (It features the Wonder Twins! You know you want to), Stargate Universe on Syfy at 9pm (The crew of the Destiny get a message from their future selves from the past. Or something) and Sanctuary on the same channel at 10pm.

Saturday

If you're not looking forward to Syfy's Ice Twisters at 9pm ("A sci-fi novelist is summoned to help scientists after an experiment in weather manipulation goes awry and produces deadly tornadoes made of ice," apparently), then we'd suggest that AMC's double bill of trilogies is the best way to spend your day. Start with the Mad Max trilogy (Movies starting 1:30, 3:30 and 5:30pm) before a night of The Matrix trilogy (The three movies begin at 8pm, 11pm and 1am on Sunday, respectively). Otherwise, the only thing left is Discovery's Surviving 2012... which is about all the prophecies, and not, sadly, advice on making it through Roland Emmerich's latest.

Sunday

It's the best night of television this week! Who knew, right? Start things off right with Syfy's latest screening of Serenity at 6:30 before switching over midway through - Hopefully missing Alan Tudyk's least favorite scene ever in the process - to catch the premiere of AMC's brand new take on The Prisoner at 8pm. If Ian McKellan and Jim Caviezel can't bring Patrick McGoohan's classic paranoiafest back to life, I'm going to be very depressed.

Of course, the best way to finish the evening off is coming at midnight, with the latest episode of The Venture Bros on Cartoon Network. Can we all just admit that it's the smartest and funniest show on television already?

Hell House
Here's the first clue that you might not want to go to a particular house looking for treats: If it's called the Hell House. Okay, to be fair, in Richard Matheson's 1971 novel, the house is actually called the Belasco House, but even in the book that should be a clue, considering it was named after a man who performed unspeakable acts of "blasphemy and perversion" in it. Turns out that it wasn't necessarily Ernesto Belasco's fault, though; the house itself corrupts and feeds upon the weaknesses of all who enter. Which is to say: Don't count on candy.

Monster House

Sure, the eponymous house from this 2006 animated movie may have been possessed by the spirit of a vengeful carnival giantess, but that doesn't really explain the "eating people" thing, nor the house's ability to use a telephone (Is the telephone part of the house? Or did the house break off a piece of itself to be able to dial the number?). And while it looked like the house was destroyed, and the spirit released, at the end of the movie, we're not convinced. After all, doesn't the bad guy always come back in a sequel? As the movie demonstrates, though, anyone approaching the house, even if garbed in inventive and amusing costumes, don't tend to fare well. Or leave, for that matter.

House of Mystery/House of Secrets/Sinister House Of Secret Love
Two of these three houses are probably very familiar to anyone who's read some Sandman at some point. The Houses of Mystery and Secrets were firmly placed in Morpheus' dream realm in that series, along with their owners, Cain and Abel - But both of them, and the little-known third house in the family, existed long before that, as settings for the Crypt Keeper-esque introductions in three horror anthology comics throughout the fifties, sixties and seventies. While both the Houses of Mystery and Secrets have since been revived both in Sandman and their own series (Both focusing as much on the houses as any characters), the poor Sinister House has been left unopened for decades, keeping that love that little bit more Secret. Candy possibilities: Nil for Mystery and Secrets, but don't be too surprised if the Sinister House is so grateful for the visitors that it gives you something after all.

House

One of the favorite films of the teenager that was Graeme at the time, this 1986 horror comedy about a Vietnam vet who ends up living in a haunted house that's also responsible for the disappearance of his son offered up the dubious pleasures of George Wendt in a non-Norm role and three increasingly disappointing sequels that proved that, even though you think you've cured the House of its Hauntedness, there's always more left somewhere (You hear me, Monster House?). Nevertheless, being the haunted house in a horror comedy, trick or treaters should best be warned: "Ironic" deaths based upon your costume are probably all but guaranteed.

House
No, I'm not getting forgetful in my old age; this 2006 novel shares a name only with the 1986 movie - Well, that and the idea of a Haunted House. But in this "Christian Horror" novel, there's one easy out from this (and any) terror abode: Sacrifice that impresses Jesus. Quite how much he'd be impressed with trick or treating - or the whole Halloween concept in general, for that matter - is open to question, however, so I wouldn't ring that doorbell thinking you've got an easy out, if I were you.

House On Haunted Hill

If someone offers you what seems like a ridiculous amount of money just to stay one night in any particular location, it's a fair bet that said location is haunted. And likely to try to kill you. On the plus side, Frederick Loren's house may be haunted, but it only seems to become supernaturally active after midnight, meaning that any trick or treaters before the witching hour should find themselves able to leave intact (Although, most likely, without any snack success). Just don't say yes if he asks you to come inside and join the party.

The Haunted Mansion

Disney's favorite ghost-filled abode may be 40 years old this year, but isn't spooky ageless, when it comes down to it? Ignore the Eddie Murphy movie version and you're left with probably the only place on this list where trick or treating is most likely not only accepted but encouraged. Yes, you'd probably have to sit on a weird train thing taking you through the entire house to meet all the various ghouls and beasties and ask each one if they'd want a trick or a treat, but still. It's a Disney thing: Kids enjoying themselves is what it's all about.

Monday:

House -
A police officer with a fear of heart disease heads to Princeton General on FOX at 8 PM. Because that's what apparently killed the last three generations of men in his family at age 40, he's terrified of the same. But was that really what it was? Also, the Darth Vader dictator's case is still hanging over Chase's head (I love House, but I'm so over this storyline) and House faces ghosts from his past ("ghosts"? We can hope).

Heroes -
On NBC at 8 PM, the newly found Sylar is led by Samuel on a voyage of self-discovery, while the arrival of Hiro proves fortuitous for Emma and her abilities. Meanwhile, Peter is asking Noah for help finding someone to heal Hiro.

Big Bang Theory -
Wil Wheaton guest stars as a participant in a trading card competition. Turns out Sheldon has a deep seated resentment for him, so he enters the competition too. Also, Wolowitz asks Penny to set him up with one of her friends, on CBS at 8:30 PM.

Extreme Paranormal -
A team of paranormal investigators, on A&E at 10 PM, use extreme measures (such as replicating deaths to "invoke" the ghosts of those killed in a 1980 riot) to find what's haunting the New Mexico State Penitentiary.

Movies:

Experience the flaming-skull magic once again! Nic Cage is Johnny Blaze in Ghost Rider on FX at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

Nova -
Lizard expert Eric Pianka tracks down the elusive monitor lizard in Australia, and showcases them using "lizard-cam" technology on PBS at 8 PM.

Ghost Lab -
The brothers head to Chicago on Discovery Channel at 10 PM and also to the Mortuary in New Orleans.

Movies:

A San Francisco detective helps an alien cop track down an otherworldly murderer in Alien Nation, on the Fox Movie Channel at 8 PM

Wednesday:

Spectacular Spider-Man -
It's Valentine's Day and Peter jeopardizes his relationship with Liz Allen to stop a meeting between Tombstone, Hammerhead and Doc Oc. And on Disney XD at 9 PM, only Spider-Man can head off the impending gang war.

Ghost Hunters -
On Syfy at 9 PM the team probes Chicago's Congress Theater's claims of floating apparitions and disembodied voices.

MythBusters -
Which has better gas mileage: clean cars or dirty ones? On Discovery Channel at 9 PM, it's the "hangover episode," where Tori, Kari and Grant study myths stemming from beer and liquor.

Destination Truth -
Incan ruins are investigated on Syfy at 10 PM and the team looks for evidence of a humongous bird in Alaska.

Eastwick -
Some sorta of crazy moon beam eclipse thingy is affecting the women on ABC at 10 PM, and it's leading them all to free their inhibitions. Meaning, Kat gets freaky on top of a piano, Roxie and Mia have an awkward moment with the cute brothers they're each involved with and Joanna runs a troubling story.

Movies:

On Disney at 8 PM, Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire. One of Sabrina the Teenage Witch's aunt has a date with The Nanny's employer, who happens to be a vamp, too.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
On ABC at 8 PM, Mark has to answer to the Senate, in order to get the team funding and I hope we get to see more of his flash-forward in the process. Janis (the possibly pregnant-in-the-future FBI agent) questions her flash in regards to her current relationship status. Also, Olivia finds out some interesting tidbits about Mark's flash — possibly about the prevalence of alcohol in it?

Movies:

Bill Murray and crew are headed out to protect the city on AMC at 5:30 PM for Ghostbusters II.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
On Cartoon Network at 7:30 PM we finally get to hear Neil Patrick Harris as the Music Meister as he uses his power to hijack a satellite, so he can control people with music... and take over the world. Yay for singing villains.

Ghost Whisperer -
On CBS at 8 PM, the whisperer must help Chad Lowe come to terms with his past and the ghost that's making him pay for it.

Smallville -
Oliver's kidnapped by Victoria (aka Roulette) and warned that his life is danger. Then, when he's arrested for Victoria's death, Oliver turns to Chloe for help. Also, Ms. Lane is upset with Clark for keeping Oliver's suicide attempt a secret, all on CW at 8 PM.

Dollhouse -
Finally, the way Sierra came to be a doll is revealed when she faces her Rossum Corp connection as an Active, on FOX at 9 PM. And of course, her link includes obsession and murder. This episode is directed by Jonathan "Will Riker" Frakes, who also directed several episodes of Roswell.

Stargate Universe -
Destiny seems primed for a collision with a star, and of course all her power goes out, too, leading the crew to consider abandoning her on Syfy at 9 PM. With a name like Destiny, though, are they serious? Apparently so, as they hold a lottery to fill the only working escape shuttle.

Sanctuary -
Magnus takes in those ousted by the Cabal in the attacks on the Tokyo and London sanctuaries, and Kate sets a one-of-a-kind creature free, on Syfy at 10 PM.

Movies:

An Alien breeds inside Sigourney Weaver, on AMC at 8 PM.

Saturday:

Movies:

Silly college kids take a wrong turn and end up mixed up with real (live?) deadly ghosts in Ghost Town on Syfy at 9 PM.

Sunday:

Movies:

On Encore at 10:15 PM Pierce Brosnan tries to warn of an impending volcanic eruption a little too late, in Dante's Peak.

Monday:

House</em -
On FOX at 8 PM Foreman's preparing to explain the death of a dictator to the review board, while King Midas incarnate is realizing just how cursed he is when his son falls under House's care ... or, Foreman's care, as the team remains his for now.

Heroes -
Lydia's alarmed on NBC at 8 PM, when Samuel tries to extend his brood. Peter makes a connection with a reluctant Emma over some swooshy lights, and Sylar tries to remember who he used to be. Also, Gretchen reveals her hidden agenda to Claire, and we get the lesbian kiss many people have been watching this season for. But then what will we watch it for after that?

Big Bang Theory -
Immigration is coming for Raj unless he gets a new job, so Sheldon hires him. When did Sheldon start a business? Also, Howard really doesn't get the concept of third wheel with Leonard and Penny on CBS at 8:30 PM.

Movies:

Global warming attacks the planet and Dennis Quaid must save ... as many as he can in The Day After Tomorrow on FX at 5:30 PM. Psyche yourself up for 2012 with a reminder of Emmerich's appetite for destruction.

Tuesday:

Ghost Lab -
The brothers examine the evidence of ghosts in Arizona, including a full body photograph of an apparition, on Discovery Channel at 10 PM.

STARZ: INSIDE ZOMBIEMANIA -
Move over vamps — zombies have risen to take over. Richard Roeper hosts a look at Zombies through the film lens of history on Starz at 10 PM. The piece takes look at zombies and their starring roles in films being with 1932's White Zombie and up to 28 Days Later. Writer/director/zombie aficionado George A. Romero and the author of Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z, Max Brooks, are featured along with others influential in the zombie movement.

Movies:

After zombies on Starz, at 11 PM watch a plague infect residents in Quarantine.

Wednesday:

Ghost Hunters -
TAPS heads north of the border on Syfy at 9 PM to investigate Canada's Fort Henry, the nation's most haunted locale.

Destination Truth -
The team enjoys a Turkish dance troupe on Syfy at 10 PM.

Eastwick -
Joanna's ex-fiance (wait, what?!) surprises her before her date with Will tonight on ABC at 10 PM. Meanwhile, Roxie starts investigating her killer roommate, and Kat turns to a divorce attorney — finally.

Movies:

Joshua Jackson is a photographer who's haunted by mysterious images of a woman who supposedly died in a car crash in Tokyo, in Shutter, on HBO at 5:30 PM.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
Remember Bryce? The suicidal doctor? On ABC at 8 PM, he thinks a flash is the key to a patient's recovery but Olivia's skeptical (and with her trouble with flashes, who wouldn't be?). Demetri and Mark's flashes are dividing them and Nicole (the creepy kid's babysitter) shares her flash: murder. Wait, wasn't she trying to atone for the future previously?

Vampire Diaries -
Stefan's on a truth kick and reveals to Elena his family's history, and how his rivalry with Damon got started. Damon, meanwhile is trying to take control of Vicki's life, causing, well, some problems obviously. And the sheriff and mayor try to keep every safe-ish on CW at 8 PM.

Supernatural -
The boys are traveling again, this time to see an 11-year-old boy whose beliefs all come true. Too bad his conjurings also include the monsters of lore. Cas thinks this child's a threat and wants him... taken out, on CW at 9 PM.

Fringe -
On FOX at 9 PM the team started decoding dreams when people are being turned into monsters via what sounds like a backdoor in their brains. And Broyles meets with Nina Sharp — whoa, is more lip-locking action in store?

Movies:

On Cinemax at 5:45 PM is the Edward Norton-version of Incredible Hulk, featuring two spectacular cameos by Lou Ferrigno.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
The Dark Knight returns to Cartoon Network at 7:30 PM, to fight the metal man Shrapnel, with OMAC by his side.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars -
On Cartoon Network at 8 PM, Padmé is investigating a Separatist conspiracy, when the Jedi Council asks for her help.

Ghost Whisperer -
Melinda heads to the morgue when she's haunted by the ghost of a surgeon who's stuck reliving a failed operation on CBS at 8 PM.

Smallville -
The Blur is becoming an outlaw, and who knows how he'll react when Jor-El gives him the power to hear people's thoughts. Elsewhere, the Toyman is crashing a Queen Industries party to get to Oliver and force him to admit he killed Lex on CW at 8 PM.

Stargate Universe -
On Syfy at 9 PM, the ship's power reserves dip to a critical level, and the crew is ordered to use the power for essential services only — but we've seen how well they obey orders already. Plus, Rush announces they won't survive past a few days, so that should help with the whole "morale" thing.

Sanctuary -
The Cabal attacks sanctuaries around the world, using Ashley in support of their cause. Tesla an Henry try to defuse the the onslaught, without killing Ashley of course, on Syfy at 10 PM.

Movies:

Gene Hackman stars as a man fending off death in the ocean in The Poseidon Adventure on FMC at 6 PM.

Saturday:

In lieu of their usual Saturday night movie, Syfy is doing a Saw mini-marathon. The puzzle begins at 4:30 PM and covers the first three movies.

Sunday:

Super Hero Squad Show -
A bratty little kid gets control of the world with the help of a sparkly magic tiara. Time for the squad to think like kids if they want to save the world, on the Cartoon Network at 7 PM

Venture Brothers -
The Bros. are back, and Captain Sunshine is joining them. Plus, is Brock seriously gone for good?!? Find out on Cartoon Network at 11:30 PM.

Movies:

Wolvesbayne is a new movie about a werewolf hero who takes on a vampire cult, on Syfy at 9 PM.

Avatar

Producer Jon Landau says that the character Jake Sully begins as a more vulnerable and sensitive character, and gradual becomes the sort of person who can lead a nation into battle. He also says that we won't see any Na'Vi or Avatar sex, just romance. [IGN]

Thor

The casting call has been put out for Marcy Lewis:

(20) Is a college student. Aloof, jaded beyond her years, she thought her internship with scientist Kate Spelling would be an easy 6 college credits. However, she's been stuck for months in this small New Mexico town and relegated to a wide range of unglamorous activities. Kate has been particularly hard on Marcy, making it her personal project to see that Marcy lives up to her potential. Marcy deals with her situation both by using subtle irony and by being an overt wiseass.

[Spoiler TV]

Doctor Who

Yesterday, we told you about the sonic screwdriver explodey scene, and the latest news is about what takes place before that. The TARDIS crashes into a garden, destroys a garden shed, and skids to its resting place. At some point, the smoke comes pouring out of the TARDIS, and Amy is dragging the Doctor away, crying "Come on!" (she still in her policewoman outfit and he in David Tennant's suit). He keeps trying to escape her grasp, screams "I must save her!"

Oh, and that TARDIS? If you peer through the brush, you can see it (Update: I mistook this for the Series Five TARDIS, but it's the Series Four):

[Planet Gallifrey]

And there's more! Here is a shot of the Doctor saying something to Amy, and Amy grabbing him by the tie and dragging him into a black car:

Planet Gallifrey says the dialogue goes something like this:

Doctor: (...), I hate (...). As much as I would like to say goodbye, (...) .... I'm sorry.
Amy: NO!
Doctor: No—no—Amy—no, what are you doing?!

Another line of dialogue heard on set:

Twenty minutes till the world ends and do you know who I am?

In another scene, the Doctor and Amy are running toward a white screen and the Doctor turns to someone in hospital overalls. Set reporters heard something about a coma and staring at a dog.

[Planet Gallifrey]

Commenter bluehinter adds a bit more:

Back in Llandaff, a scene was shot with The Doctor, Amy, and Rory where they look up at the sky (presumably at the CGI "spaceship" that other people were filmed watching earlier) then a dog barks, and Matt goes towards the beer garden, and begins talking down to something on the ground (presumably the dog, or something else to be CGIed in later).

He says "Hello, Prisoner X" and then we hear something about a "Level 20 planet scanning the earth" and "6 billion people."

He also says the February episode written by Richard Curtis will feature Van Gogh.

The Lovely Bones

Peter Jackson's post-death drama gets a moody pair of posters:

[Movie Web]

New Moon

Death Cab for Cutie is contributing a mopey track to the Twilight sequel, and premieres a few shots from the movie in their new video:

[via Cinematical]

Lost

Apparently, the first episode of the new season is going to be so laden with twists and turns that the producers have convinced ABC not to show a single frame before it airs. That's right: no clips in the promos, no teaser images, nada. They want you good and surprised. [Watch with Kristin]

There are, however, spoilers from the fourth episode. We'll learn about a connection between the Smoke Monster and the Man In Black. The fake Locke will convince an old friend to join up with him. Ben will lie to Illana about what happened inside the temple, while someone will try to convince Sun to visit the temple, claiming that Jin is there. Jacob is dead, and someone whose name has five letters will collect his ashes. Franks wants to see if his plane on the other island will still work. [DarkUFO]

Also, we now know the identity of Jacob's rumored offspring: Illana. [SpoilersLost]

Supernatural

During the episode when Sam and Dean fight Lucifer, two fan favorites meet their ends. [Watch with Kristin]

Fringe

We're headed to a small town in episode eleven. The producers are soliciting identical twins to play Tommy, a good kid who wants to see the outside world. We'll also meet Tommy's mother Rose who has a strong moral sense, and the avuncular Sheriff Velchik, an "In Town Elder." [Spoiler TV]

Better Off Ted

In the tenth episode, we learn that even execs get screwed by Veridian Dynamics. Arthur Wells, the company's brash and blunt former CEO, finds out that the company plans to vote him off the board. So he enlists Veronica to help him dig up secrets the company would rather the public not know about. Initially, Arthur and Veronica don't like each other, but they eventual bond over their shared history; after all, they both chose the company over personal relationships. We'll also meet Phil and Lem's nemesis, an obnoxious fellow scientist named Ritchie, a pretty employee named Susan, and Donald, a nervous fellow who works the Veridian swag booth. [Spoiler TV]

Smallville

Lois and Clark will be a "full blown couple" this season. [Watch with Kristin]

Zombie pics from tonight's plague episode "Rabid," including brain-hungry Lois:

[Spoiler TV]

It's unconfirmed, but IMDB is listing Emilie Ullerup as hard-drinking, hard-flirting Daily Planet gossip columnist Cat Grant in the upcoming episode "Crossfire." [Kryptonsite]

House

Cuddy and House will, in fact, hook up this season, but not before the tenth episode. And unlike last time, it won't be a hallucination. [Watch with Kristin]

Heroes

It's not set in stone, but Mohinder may get the axe sometime this season or next season (assuming the show lasts that long). [Watch with Kristin]

It looks like even when the lesbian kiss has passed, we'll still have girl-girl hazing on the table. Here's the official description for the October 26th episode, "Strange Attractors:"

THE HEROES ATTEMPT TO RESCUE THEMSELVES AND OTHERS WITHOUT THE USE OF THEIR POWERS- Matt (Greg Grunberg) goes to extreme measures to extinguish Sylar (Zachary Quinto), who continues to torment him. Elsewhere, HRG. (Jack Coleman) calls in a favor from Tracy (Ali Larter) to save a troubled young boy whose misfortunes resemble her own. While Claire (Hayden Panettiere) and Gretchen (guest star Madeline Zima) are being hazed by their new sorority sisters, they realize pledging might not be their biggest problem.

[Spoiler TV]

Sanctuary

Looks like we're in for a chase scene in tonight's season premiere:

Human Target

The fifth episode of the series is called "Rewind." Christopher Chance will be guarding someone on a plane when the plane catches fire. One person on the plane is hiding a secret. Also, Guerrero will get help from a contact named Sergei. [Target419]

Additional reporting by Alexis Brown and Charlie Jane Anders.

Only two episodes in, the Dollverse fansite is already reporting that the new season is in trouble:

Dollhouse is at real, serious risk of being pulled off air within the next few weeks due to low ratings. I have my own thoughts about the low ratings – I don't think they're down to the show but due to other factors – but the problem is it doesn't matter what I think. What matters is the numbers are way down on the networks projections. As a result, I've heard from multiple people over the weekend the show may get pulled off air. And I don't mean ‘Internet ratings experts'.

How bad are the ratings? Bad enough that the Hollywood Reporter's James Hibbard is describing them as "punch[ing] through it's previous rock bottom Friday night to discover a Fox ratings netherworld":

The show dropped 20% from last week's premiere, which was already an all-time-low for the show. I'm betting the debut of Syfy's "Stargate: Universe" zapped some viewers (cable ratings aren't available yet), but even so — this is too low for a Fox show.

More worrying, TV By The Numbers compared the profitability of the series with a possible replacement - reruns of medical drama House - and found them wanting:

The simple conclusion based on the assumptions of this model is House reruns are more profitable, even when baking in the ancillary revenue streams that exist for Dollhouse that do not exist for a House rerun. House reruns are more profitable assuming at least a 1.2 rating, even if Dollhouse has ancillary revenue and even if it only costs $650,000 per episode. If Dollhouse costs a million per episode, rather than $650,000, the House rerun is a lot more profitable.

With this sort of information available, combined with the perception that the show is once again in ratings freefall, it's no wonder that rumors have an early retirement for the show being planned, especially when many critics are echoing the thoughts of TV Guide Magazine's Matt Roush:

I know the loyal Whedon-ites will blame Fox for whatever doomsday scenario may occur, but I find the show to be at least as much at fault as the regrettable scheduling. While I find the premise provocative, I can't say the first episodes of this season have blown me away. It's not jelling for me, and besides ginormous plot holes I find hard to shrug off — I liked the twist that Ballard was the client in the season opener, but how was the target manipulated to fall in love and marry Echo, that sort of thing — it's all coming off so far as dismayingly flat, with wildly uneven performances. I know I should care about the implications of Topher being able to manipulate the Actives on a "glandular" basis, but it's hard when you feel so little for the actual Actives. (When the best work so far has been turned in by Amy Acker, who sadly isn't even a series regular, it's not a great sign.) Anyone who's read me for any length of time knows it pains me to be this critical of anything coming from the Whedon camp, and I'm still hoping some of the upcoming episodes (if they are allowed to air) will come closer to hitting the mark as several did toward the end of the first season (though none so audaciously as "Epitaph One"). I'm certainly not encouraging Fox to "put a fork" in it, given the investment so far. But I am disappointed, discouraged and not terribly hopeful.

The question may be, if Fox ends Dollhouse now, how many people will have a Firefly-esque reaction, and how many will view it as a mercy killing?

Monday:

House -
James Earl Jones plays an African dictator charged with crimes against humanity, who's checked into the hospital. Meanwhile, Wilson is still dealing with the crazy-addict-without-an-outlet House on FOX at 8 PM.

Heroes -
On NBC at 8 PM, Hiro tries to forget his own problems by helping strangers in trouble. Angela tiptoes with Nathan around his past and Tracey makes a splash in an effort to get her job back.

Big Bang Theory -
Furthering complicating your DVRing, on CBS at 9:30 PM Sheldon tries to Pavlov's Dog Penny, but using chocolate, instead of ... dog food or whatever. The other single boys try to pick up women at a Goth nightclub, and let's hope that Leonard and Penny actually have better sex soon.

Movies:

Please join me in reliving your childhood, and watch Halloweentown on Disney at 8 PM. Debbie Reynolds lives in a town where Halloween is a way of life. All Hallow's Eve is now threatened and she and her grandchildren must save the day in typical Disney fashion.

Tuesday:

The Universe -
Space based weapons and battles! Tonight on History Channel at 9 PM Universe covers the possibility of such awesome epicness — what it could look like, how it'd work, and and just how destructive it would truly be. Let's hope they cover lasers and death stars.

Ghost Lab -
Discovery Channel has their own paranormal/ghost hunting team now and this new show at 10 PM sends their team to Louisiana to investigate the haunting claims of Shreveport Municipal auditorium an Myrtles Plantation. Basically, this team uses tech and science to explain strange phenomena.

Movies:

Jurassic Park, where dinosaurs are the inhabitants and humans are the dessert, is on Cinemax at 5:45 PM.

Wednesday:

MythBusters -
The boys are back in town on Discovery at 9 PM, with bullets and socks. Tonight, they solve the question: which will hit the ground first, a falling bullet or a fired one? And they also try to determine if you can literally knock someone's socks off.

Ghost Hunters -
Tonight on Syfy at 9 PM the team investigates the USS Salem for bumps... and, oh yeah, ghosts.

Destination Truth -
The destination gang travels to Chile to probe about a possible UFO sighting on Syfy at 10 PM.

Eastwick -
Roxie's haunted by a ghost, and that creepy ant lady from the pilot, Bun, is awake from her coma. She knows more about Darryl than we're privy to yet, but now she's obsessed with a curious symbol (is it the same one as on Roxie's murdering neighbor?) and Kat is refusing a divorce lawyer ... and maybe even a divorce? And of course our trusty investigator Joanna is digging away on ABC at 10 PM.

Movies:

Milla Jovovich and female empowerment may be the only reasons Oxygen is showing the zombie/corporate greed-fueled epic Resident Evil: Apocalypse at 8 PM. But there are many, many reasons to check it out.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
That creepy German prisoner we've seen in previews is finally showing up, when Mark and Janis travel to Germany to ask him for some "important information" about the blackout. Demetri, with his newfound knowledge of his death day, is all abuzz over some more terrible news, and Aaron (Mark's AA buddy for those of you having trouble keeping up already) turns to Mark for help exhuming his daughter's body, or at least where it should be. The show's already large ensemble gets bigger, on ABC at 8 PM.

Vampire Diaries -
Stefan is carefully revealing bits and pieces about his past to Elena, who goes on to hear some strange and scary things about the Salvatore fam. Psychic Bonnie seeks out her grandmother for help discerning an learning more about her ... ability, on CW at 8 PM.

Supernatural -
The Paris Hilton episode is here! Rejoice in her self-satirizing willingness to be exploited on television. Or just revel in her terrible acting and incredible stung-casting as a celebrity-impersonating demon (or ghost?). Tonight on the CW at 9 PM, the citizens of a small town are dropping at the hands of dead icons, like ... Abraham Lincoln? And James Dean's car?

Fringe -
On FOX at 9 PM, Olivia and the Scooby gang are hunting down shape-shifters, and Walter is busy making a cocktail for Liv to help her remember what Spock told her in the other dimension.

Movies:

An army of vamps has a blood orgy in Alaska, in the graphic-novel adaptation 30 Days of Night on Encore at 8 PM.

Friday:

Star Wars: The Clone Wars -
Cad Bane's new mission, on Cartoon Network at 8 PM, is to kidnap kids who are force-sensitive and bring them to Mustafar for Sith training.

Ghost Whisperer -
Eli's father has a heart attack that leads him to a reunion with his dead mother. Turns out she had a secret before her death, and it must've been a whopper because she hasn't crossed over yet. The secret's out on CBS at 8 PM.

Smallville -
Lois is infected by a zombie plague that Zod has cursed upon the city. The cure is in the blood of a Kryptonian, but Clark can't get involved without revelaing his identity to Zod, on the CW at 8 PM.

Dollhouse -
On FOX at 9 PM, Echo is a free-wheeling coed and Victor is a psychotic nephew. So needless to say, they have a tiff while imprinted.

Stargate Universe -
On Syfy at 9 PM a search team combs a desert planet for a vital mineral necessary for restoring life support aboard the Destiny. But it turns out their window of opportunity is closing fast. Also, Chloe reachies out to her mother, using the communication stones.

Sanctuary -
Afterward, on Syfy at 10 PM, the season premiere gives us Magnus as she's searching for Ashley, putting her and her allies at odds with con-artist Kate Freelander: a woman with ties to the Cabal, who divulges secrets almost immediately.

Movies:

The sequel that should really only exist inside a sealed-off virtual world, The Matrix Reloaded, is on MTV at 7 PM. Have yourself a chocolate-cake orgasm, with the sequel that proved trilogies aren't such a great idea.

Saturday:

Movies:

The venerable Brittany Murphy stars in Megafault on Syfy at 9 PM. More importantly, Green Arrow himself, Justin Hartley co-stars. When an earthquake threatens to split the world, a seismologist and a miner get involved. What're they gonna do? Stitch it back together? Sure, why not.

Sunday:

Movies:

Did you know they made a Butterfly Effect 3? It's appropriately called The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations and is on Syfy at 7 PM. Basically, time-traveling boy accidentally unleashes a serial killer while trying to solve the mystery of his girlfriend's death.

After the epic fail of allegedly heartwarming two-part season opener "Broken," it was great to see House getting back on track this week. Patient-of-the-week is this guy you see in the clip, a videogame designer who has come down with a weird kind of organ failure that leads to the usual bewildering array of symptoms. Including, when he gets a fever, hallucinating that the entire hospital (along with Foreman and Number 13) has turned into his videogame. I love the scifi version of Foreman, though 13 doesn't turn out very well.

Some of the best scenes come when the patient decides to use "the wisdom of crowds" to diagnose himself when the team can't do it right away. He posts a $25 thousand dollar reward online for the first person to guess what's wrong with him - which, as you can imagine, leads to hilarious rounds of epic fail. The one good outcome is that his post eventually sucks House back into the team. Though House is trying to quit his job - he thinks it drives him to drugs - he cheats and starts diagnosing people online. And his first diagnosis is alien bird guy here.

Welcome back, House. Glad to have you back on the team, proving that the crowd is only wise when Gregory House is part of it.

Monday:

House -
How long will we have to suffer with this kinder, gentler House? Probably not for too much longer, as Foreman is now in control of the medical scooby gang. Can't wait to see which upstart doctor House makes cry this time, over on FOX at 8 PM.

Day After Disaster -
In the event of a nuclear attack, the first 24 hours are the most critical for deciding how many people live or die - so says the History Channel. Learn the Department of Homeland Security's plan for a nuclear attack on Washington D.C. at 8 PM.

Heroes -
While dealing with the repercussions of his heroism, Peter meets a new woman with special abilities. Claire is dealing with the ripples of her choices as well, with the revelation of her secret to her nosy new roommate. Elsewhere, Samuel hunts for memories of his brother, and Matt deals with the return of Sylar. Come on, NBC: let's keep this "not horrible Heroes" streak going, at 8 PM.

Big Bang Theory -
Lewis Black guest stars as an entomologist helping the boys settle a bet regarding the species of a cricket on CBS this week. Back on the ranch, Leonard and Penny are trying a different approach after awkward intimacy check at 9:30 PM.

Movies:

The Teen Titans track down criminal mastermind Brushogun in Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo on Cartoon Network at 6:30 PM.

Tuesday:

The Universe -
Studying star clusters, both open and globular, and what they reveal about the nature of galaxies and the expansion of the universe. Make a wrinkle in your brain with the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

In The Eye, Jessica Alba gets some poor dead girl's eyes, and suddenly she can see. As if that's not crazy enough, she begins to see dead people — not in the same awesome way as Haley Joel Osment, more in a totally creepy way that requires her to hunt down the original owner of her eyes. That's on Showtime at 8:15 PM.

Wednesday:

Ghost Hunters -
Famous rocker Meat Loaf (no, seriously) heads out with the team to investigate an allegedly haunted island in New York. This will be the first Ghost Hunters that we're actually excited about. But if he doesn't sing, we're out. Eddie is back at 9 PM on the Syfy Channel.

Destination Truth -
Ghost sightings near the site of the Chernobyl disaster send Josh and the team to the Ukraine on Syfy at 10 PM.

Eastwick -
So just who is that devilishly handsome stranger that rode into town on the back of the wind who can stir up sex? And exactly how does one stir sex? Well ABC is determined to show you, in a PG manner, at 10 PM. Joanna and Penny try to unearth some real facts about Darryl Van Horne, talking to a reporter and an eccentric shut-in. Back in town, Roxie and her daughter deal with the repercussions of her "date night" and Kat tries to get out of her marriage without resorting to killing her husband.

Movies:

The most recent, anti-climactic X-Files movie — that's The X-Files: I want to Believe in case you've already blocked it out — is on Cinemax at 8:15 PM.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
What's more important than the present? Every person on the planet is now a prophet, and it's terribly dangerous. Or maybe magically delicious. As the cast struggles to figure out how to bring forth, or avoid, their individual visions, we see more characters, more offshoots, and more of Dominic Monaghan. But who was that mysterious figure in the Detroit Stadium and why, of all places for the FBI to be checking, did they decide to hit up that venue first? All the answer will most likely not be explained, on ABC at 8 PM.

Vampire Diaries -
The CW continues to push the vampire fetish right off a clip at 8 PM. This week Elena allows Stefan to take her to the Founder's Party where of course temptation incarnate, Damon, tells her about his family's past — leading Elena to question Stefan to no avail.

Supernatural -
All I really want is to see Sarah Palin as President in the post-apocalyptic world of 2014. Don't get me wrong - definitely, NEVER EVER in real life. But tonight, as the literal bromance spends more time apart, we see an alternate reality where the Alaskan runs the country, Sam becomes Lucifer's vessel, and Castiel loves orgies (despite how well his last sexual foray went). On CW at 9 PM.

Fringe -
This week on "what will Walter say next," a bomb goes off at a Philadelphia train station. The gang is stumped, Peter is sassy, Olivia is tough and they all go to Iraq because: time peg! Let's hope this means we're dragging skeletons out of Peter's closet, since he spent quite some time there. Don't miss the Easter Egg-filled goodness on FOX at 9 PM.

Movies:

Marvel's spinoff The Meteor Man makes his movie debut (and finale?) as a bumbling inner-city superhero battling crime, and heights. On BET at 8 PM.

Friday:

Star Wars: The Clone Wars -
The second season begins tonight with two episodes, as Cad Bane attempts to steal a Jedi Holocron and Anakin and Ahsoka hunt him down. Cartoon Network delivers the Star Wars we never even knew we wanted, but now can't live without, at 8 PM.

Ghost Whisperer -
There is an evil chain mail this week. Seriously an EVIL CHAIN MAIL. So in order to avoid getting caught up in the EVIL CHAIN MAIL link, send 4 emails to CBS asking them to bring back Moonlight. Then watch Ghost Whisperer at 8 PM, or just send CBS the emails...your call.

Smallville -
John Corben is transformed into a cyborg after a car accident. As a machine man, he uses his newfound strength and powers to hunt down The Blur, and kidnaps Lois to do so. We're still waiting for CW to roll out the Wonder Twins episode, so we can stop watching already. But Brian Austin Green, who plays Corben, will tide us over until then. Don't miss the shirtless Kryptonite-powered cyborg action at 8 PM.

Dollhouse -
Echo's maternal instincts kick in on the job when she's imprinted with the emotions of a new mother. Alexis Denisof returns as Sen. Perrin and continues his hunt for the prostitution ring known as the Dollhouse. And Adelle visits November, because maybe she's not as done as a doll as we previously thought. Fox rolls out the second episode of Dollhouse season two, at 9 PM.

Stargate Universe -
The "darkest installment of the" Stargates launches this week, with a two-hour premiere, calculated to give even newbies a chance to jump in. Robert Carlyle plays Dr. Nicolas Rush, a man intent on ... well, actually we're not entirely sure. He does, however, assemble a team to tame the mysterious ninth gate, which leads to an undiscovered expanse of space. Eli, played by David Blue, is the young hotshot Rush has brought along to "voluntarily" lend his brain. The third Stargate show gives us familiar cast members (with guests Amanda Tapping and Richard Dean Anderson) but a much darker Stargate this time around — and forget exploration: the piecemeal team must work on surviving, first and foremost, on Syfy at 9 PM.

Spoiler alert? Witness two possible deaths in this four-minute preview from Syfy.

Movies:

Nic Cage uses his powers of future vision to help prevent a terrorist attack in Next on FX at 6 PM. So ... how can he foresee an attack if his "power" only allows him a two minute glimpse into the future?

Saturday:

Movies:

In a description so boring and vague that you have to wonder why they're hiding that obvious images of demons and the devil, a young Christian girl has her faith shaken when suicides rock her small town, in From Within on Syfy at 7 PM.

Sunday:

Raging Planet -
The fury of blizzards are examined on the Discovery Channel, via computer simulations. The 1995 "arctic hurricane" that devastated Tromso, Norway, is examined using archival footage and testimonials. Moral of the story? Don't get caught in a blizzard if you can avoid it. Those suckers are earth wreckers. Unleash the furry at 10 PM.

Movies:

The Incredibles makes you wonder if Marvel and Disney weren't in bed before now, on the Disney Channel at 9 PM.

Hancock 2:

So much for those reports that the sequel would focus on Jason Bateman's character developing his charity project, and working on his relationship with his superhuman wife. Bateman says he hasn't been contacted about being in the sequel, and it's implied that he may not be in it. (Of course, he may get a call next week, but it's still surprising.) [Collider]

Deadpool:

Rob Liefeld Twittered about his meeting with the producers of this spin-off film, including Lauren Shuler Donner. And Ryan Reynolds, to nobody's surprise, is on board. Also:

Deadpool movie checklist- DP in costume-check! Breaking 4th wall-check! Loads of killing-double check!

And he was excited to talk to the producers about the possibilities of featuring Cable in future X-films. [Twitter via Cinemablend]

The Box:

Here are a few more stills from Richard Kelly's Twilight Zone-esque movie set in the 1970s. [Sci Fi Scoop]

Planet 51:

A new poster for the movie about The Rock accidentally invading an alien planet. [Teaser-Trailer]

2012:

And here are some new stills from Roland Emmerich's latest disaster film. [Movies-Spoilers]

Dollhouse:

Fox released three clips from tomorrow night's season opener, "Vows." [Fox via Whedonesque]

Lost:

More set pics and reports — here's a pic of Jack and Kate at the LAX airport set, plus Claire looking very pregnant. And one pic shows the construction of an elaborate temple set, and another shows the construction of a "rugged rock face." One scene being filmed today involved three gunshots ringing out and a bunch of extras, many of them dressed in the distinctive garb of the Others, running out of the temple. More pics at the link. [Hawaii Weblog]

A source claims both Juliet and Sawyer get "closure" on the island in the season premiere. And the cab driver whom Kate car-jacks is played by David H. Lawrence XVII, the "puppet-master" from last season of Heroes. (And yes, the number 17 is really part of Lawrence's professional name.) [SpoilersLost]

Warehouse 13:

It's not too soon to talk about season two of this hit show, which will air in 2010. Producer Jack Kenny says he's already got some ideas about how to deal with the huge cliffhanger at the end of season one — Leena has been made into "some sort of sleeper agent" and we'll have to "unsleeper her" or use her to trap McPherson. We'll find out where Claudia went and what she's doing, whether trying to clear her name or find McPherson. And we'll deal with the apparent death of Artie.

And then in season two proper, we'll mix it up some more. We may see Pete and Artie go out on a mission together, or Myka and Artie. We'll explore the core foursome (Pete, Myka, Artie and Claudia) in greater detail. We'll find out more about Pete's past alcoholism and possible drug addiction, and the lingering effects of Claudia's instituationalization. And both Pete and Myka will date people — maybe we'll see more of Jeff Weaver, Joe Flannigan's character from "Elements," and Myka can date him. And we'll see their reactions to each other's dating. Also, Claudia will possibly date a "local kid in the town," and maybe Pete, Myka and Artie will have different reactions to him. And we'll see more of the Regents, but maybe not all of them — maybe they'll have a spokesperson.

Also, Kenny says he wants to do an episode about "Hitler's microphone." [iFMagazine]

FlashForward:

Speaking of recovering alcoholics, apparently FBI agent Mark Benford (Joseph Fiennes) is one. And his nanny is a devout Christian, who's making out with her boyfriend on the couch when the "flash forward" happens — so she takes the "flash forward" as a sign of divine retribution. [NY Times]

The Benfords' daughter Charlie says "I had a bad dream. I dreamt that there are no more good days." (And that's where the episode's title comes from.) By the end of the first episode, we get our first hint as to who/what is responsible for the flash. [Boston Herald]

Sonya Walger's surgeon character, Olivia, is put out that the entire surgical team flops to the floor in the middle of an operation. And her fellow doctor Bryce, played by Zachary Knighton, has gone to a pier to contemplate suicide when the flash happens. [Washington Post]

Here's the official synopsis of episode four, "Black Swan":

Olivia struggles to accept Bryce's suggestion that a patient's flashforward holds the key to a correct diagnosis and treatment. Meanwhile, Demetri accuses Mark of waiting for the future he saw in his flashforward to come true without incident, while Mark feels Demetri is letting his fear of what he witnessed envelop his life; and Nicole returns to work as Mark and Olivia's daughter's baby-sitter, and discloses her shocking future vision - involving a murder.

And some pics. [TV Overmind]

House:

In episode nine of this season, House tells someone he loves Cuddy. [EW]

True Blood:

And it's not too soon to talk season three of this show. Alan Ball says he's currently seeking someone to play Talbot, the "trophy husband" of the queer "vampire king of Mississippi" (played by Denis O'Hare). [EW]

Chuck:

Emmy winner Armand Assante guest stars as a Castro-esque dictator whom Casey has tried to assassinate numerous times. [EW]

Viktor Sakhay says that there will be more tension with the management at Buy More. And Lester will temporarily change something drastically about himself. [E! Online]

Sanctuary:

Here's a new trailer for season two of this Syfy show:

Smallville:

In his new quest to become the perfect hero, Clark is pretty icy to everyone, but especially to Chloe, for whom he refuses to go back in time and save Jimmy. But he does come to Lois in her hour of need. And Lois has sex on the brain — at least when she's sleeping. [TV Guide]

More on that: Lois has a scary/sexy dream sequence at the end of tomorrow night's season premiere, full of sweat, sex and blood. And death. And Jor-El tells Clark the reason he still can't fly is because he still thinks he's human. [E! Online]

We'll learn exactly where Lois went when she was missing for three weeks — and it'll look remarkably similar to the red dust storm sweeping over Sydney. [EW]

Here are two sneak peeks from tomorrow night's season opener:

Eastwick:

Rosanna Arquette will play Greta Noa, a New York gallery owner who's connected to Darryl Van Horne. She'll appear in two episodes, and there's more to her than we realize at first. [TV Guide Magazine]

Leaving aside characters with alphanumeric names (like Star Wars' R2-D2 and C-3PO), characters who also have serials number imparted to them by their governments but are not generally addressed as such (as in Nineteen Eighty-Four and The Giver), and characters whose first names happen to mean a number in a different language (as with many of the characters in Stardust and Mobile Suit Gundam), there are several characters who are either designated with or often called by a number:

Number One (Star Trek "The Cage"/"The Menagerie"): More than two decades before Captain Picard started referring to William Riker as "Number One," Majel Barrett filmed the original Star Trek pilot, where her character was known only as Number One. Like Riker, Number One was the Enterprise's first officer, but the novel Vulcan's Glory suggests Number One was her actual name, given to her because she possessed the top intellect of her planet's generation.

Number 5 (Short Circuit): Although roboticists Newton Crosby and Ben Jabituya were out to create artificial intelligence, they probably didn't expect any of their prototypes to suddenly gain sentience, and so assigned them numbers in lieu of names. But after prototype Number 5 becomes self-aware (and escapes the clutched of the US military), he decides that, as a living being, he should have a name, and calls himself Johnny Five.

Fifth (Stargate SG-1): One of the few characters with an ordinal number for a name, Fifth gets his name in a fairly straightforward manner: he's the fifth human-form Replicator to be created on the planet Halla.

V (V for Vendetta): Most people who live through encounters with the mysterious anarchist V think they're addressing him by a letter, and his propensity for using V-based alliterations when introducing himself seems to confirm this. But it's much more likely that V derives his name from the source of his vendetta; when he was subjected to medical experimentation at the Larkhill Resettlement Camp, he was the man in room five — marked with the Roman numeral "V."

Number Six (The Prisoner): Residents of the mysterious Village are known by a number rather than their actual names — including at least 16 individuals known only as "Number Two" — probably to protect the secrets they all inevitably carry. Number Six, the titular prisoner, protests in the opening that he's a free man, not a number, but it's implied that Number Six may be known by yet another number: Number One.

The Cylons (Battlestar Galactica): The creators of Battlestar Galactica have said that cylon Number Six is a tribute to The Prisoner, and it follows that each humanoid cylon model would have its own number, with the notable exception of the Final Five. Most cylon models are known collectively by a human name as well (the Sharons, the Leobens, the D'Annas), but individual Sixes tend to have individual human names, like Natalie, Caprica, Shelly, and Gina, perhaps because of they are so often used as infiltration agents.

Seven of Nine (Voyager): Names designate individuality, a concept the Borg have no use for, but sometimes it is convenient for the Collective to identify individual Borg drones. So when the formerly human Annika Hansen was assimilated into the Collective, she was given the designation Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One. Even once she was unhooked from the hive mind, she preferred the shortened "Seven of Nine" to her human name, the latter of which she does not take up again until her Borg implants are completely destroyed.

Eight (The Specials): It's fairly obvious how Eight earned its superhero name. A hive mind, Eight consists of eight individual bodies who can physically act independent of one another, but share a single consciousness.

Thirteen (House): As long as we're labeling House as science fiction, we may as well mention Dr. Remy Hadley, better known as Thirteen. In one of his trademark moves to dehumanize his fellowship applicants, Dr. House assigned each applicant a number (and occasionally a humiliating nickname). Thirteen really took to the numerical naming system, refusing to divulge her actual name to her fellow applicants, and continuing to answer to Thirteen long after she'd earned a place on House's team.

Henchmen 21 and 24 (The Venture Bros): With the exception of the ill-fated Speedy, each of the Monarch's henchman is known only to their boss as a number. Henchmen 21 and 24 (the former is known to his mom as Gary) are genre-savvy enough to be content with their numerical positions in the Fluttering Horde. When they learn their new teammate is Henchman 1, they rightly assess that he's marked for death.

84 (P.S. 238): In a school filled with superheroes, Julie Finster has a pretty routine set of superpowers: flight, invulnerability, speed. In fact, her power set is so ordinary that instead of getting a cool superhero name, she's just called "84," since she's the 84th person to possess that particular grouping of powers. Needless to say, it's a tad demoralizing.

Agent 99 (Get Smart): James Bond may have been called 007 from time to time, but Agent 99 takes use of her code number to the next level, never answering to any other moniker (okay, in one episode, her fiance calls her Susan Hilton, but that isn't actually her name). In fact, she married Maxwell Smart and bears him twins without him ever learning her real name, proving once and for all that she's the better spy.

Agent 355 (Y the Last Man): In the historical spy network known as the Culper Ring, there was a female agent code named 355, whose identity has never been definitively determined. Similarly, in the fictional Culper Ring of Y the Last Man, Agent 355 is a highly competent spy whose name is never revealed (at least not to the reader). Her odd relationship with her name parallels that of Alter Tse'elon, the Israel commando whose real first name is not spoken (until the end) for fear of attracting the Angel of Death.

Experiment 626 (Lilo and Stitch): The alien mad scientist Dr. Jumba Jookiba created 626 strange and dangerous lifeforms. The wanton destruction caused by the final experiment, 626, condemns them both to life in exile, but the experiment escapes to Earth, where a young Hawaiian girl names him "Stitch." Of course, once Stitch's destructive nature has been reigned in, there are still 625 other experiments to contend with.

1812 (Farscape): In terms of numbered names, the DRD robot 1812 gets his from a fairly unusual source. Instead of 1812 being a serial number or a numbered designation, it's a reference to the 1812 Overture, which Crichton teaches the little service bot to play.

Subject 781227 (Kyle XY): Zzyzx, the company funding Adam Baylin's research, saw the child-shaped being Adam Baylin developed in his lab as a biological computer rather than a person, reflected in him getting a serial number in lieu of a name. It's only after 16 years, an escape, and a bout of amnesia that Subject 781227 finally gets a name: Kyle Trager.

That's right — it's just like wife swappers, except it's writer swappers! So put the keys to the writers' room in a bowl, and let's get swinging...

Lost and Supernatural

In some ways these shows are opposites, even though they have so much in common — they both have long, pull-your-hair-out plots and complex characters who stray to the dark side regularly.

But Supernatural keeps it lean and mean — you pretty much just have the Winchester brothers, and one to four supporting castmembers at any given time. And Supernatural's big mysteries are relatively few, and relatively straightforward: What did the yellow-eyed demon want with baby Sam? What does Ruby want with grown-up Sam? Why did the angels pull Dean out of Hell? And we get answers to those questions on a regular basis. What's complex on Supernatural is the tangled theology of the Angel/Demon war. And few relationships on television are as barbed and complex as the troubled love between the two brothers.

Lost, meanwhile, thrives on complexity — there are easily two dozen characters you're supposed to be keeping track of at any given moment, and oftentimes, they all seem to be equally important. The show's creators have already told viewers not to expect answers to all the show's mysteries — You have to piece things together on your own, or just accept that some things are not knowable. Meanwhile, the show gives us characters whose family relationships are mostly dismal (except Hurley's, oddly) and whose relationships with each other are frequently defined somewhat straightforwardly by rivalry, love triangles, or unrequited love.

So we'd love to see the writers change places for a bit — the Supernatural writers could bring a bit of immediacy to Lost's slow-boiling storylines, and also show us a bit more of how all these people stuck on an island together have become each other's family, and have grown to love each other even as they piss each other off.

And the Lost writers could give us a world of spirits and monsters that's foggier, and weirder, than Supernatural has ever quite given us. Imagine Supernatural with more weird clues, and more of a sense that there's a massive chess game going on in which the Winchester brothers are just pawns. It could be quite a ride.

Dollhouse and Torchwood

These two shows both unkinked our brains, in different ways, last month. We finally got to see Dollhouse's unaired season finale, in which some brilliant new adaptations to the Dollhouse's business model end up destroying civilizaton itself. And Torchwood served up the shocking, twisted "Children Of Earth" miniseries, in which we find out just how valuable our children really are — and just how dark Captain Jack is prepared to get.

These shows both operate in murky waters, with heroes who have huge dark sides and make difficult (and frequently wrong) choices. They're the dark side of escapism, showing how becoming part of a secret world of amazing tech and cool fantasies can be dreadful as well as wonderful. But Dollhouse is a good deal nastier than Torchwood, giving us a for-profit venture that is bent on making people's dreams come true — but only at the expense of its "employees"' personhood. Torchwood, meanwhile, is about people who actually do try to save the world — but often as not, they make things worse.

So what would happen if Russell T. Davies and his gang started writing Dollhouse, and Joss and friends moved to Cardiff?

Well, for starters, Dollhouse would get a lot sexier. The relationship between Boyd and Whiskey/Claire Saunders would probably heat up quite a bit. (And the already-homoerotic tension between ex-cop Boyd Langton and ex-FBI agent Paul Ballard would become way more intense.) But more than that, the assignments would get a lot freakier — Just imagine what sort of missions Russell T. Davies' gnarled, twisted brain would come up with for the mindwiped "dolls" who can be anyone or anything. And if you think the Dollhouse is morally grey and disturbing now, wait until RTD wrote a few scripts. And what could RTD would do with Adelle DeWitt, the sly, wicked, frosty madam of the Dollhouse's empty-headed bordello?

As for Torchwood — sure, "Children Of Earth" was one of the best pieces of television we've seen in recent years. But just imagine Torchwood done in the style of Angel or Buffy, with more weird humor, more out-and-out struggle against the forces of evil, and more identity crisis for our heroes. Torchwood could use some more memorable villains, like the Mayor of Sunnydale or Glory. And Captain Jack needs to have a few episodes of spouting Whedonesque dialogue as he sluts around Cardiff and hits on every adult sentient being he meets. And even though Torchwood took a major leap into darkness this last time around, the show could always go darker and dirtier — especially now that the Hub and the team have both been wrecked. We can just see the story of Torchwood crawling out of the ashes and trying to figure out their role now, as told by Joss Whedon and co.? Where do they go from here?

House and Fringe

Two shows about unconventional teams who deal with weird science stuff — even as the most brilliant, curmudgeonly member of the team skirts the edge of insanity. Can't you just imagine J.J. Abrams and the rest of the Fringe team getting their claws into House's drug-addled, dysfunctional life, while the House gang goes full-throttle on Walter and the Fringe Division?

Of course, House has been on the air longer and has had more time to delve into the neuroses and relationships of its main characters. But also, one major difference between the shows is that House has romance and sexual intrigue — there's Foreteen, of course, plus the ongoing will-they, won't-they with House and Cuddy.

What the Fringe writers could bring to House: more weird science, and less weird psychology — in the most recent season, we've spent more more time figuring out the mysteries of House's mind than we have tackling medical mysteries, like weird parasites or insect-bites in unlikely spots that cause mysterious paralysis. Sure, House has been on for longer and we've been delving into the character more deeply, but the Fringe writers could pump up the show's weirdness levels satisfyingly.

Meanwhile, Fringe could use the opposite — we could use a lot more speculation about the psychology of its characters. Sure, we get hints about the weird experiments that characters like Olivia underwent as kids. But that's not psychology, it's plot development. Fringe could stand to delve a bit more into what makes its characters tick.

And think about it — this is the right time for the two shows to swap writing staffs, too — House is going into a mental institution (where we first met Walter Bishop) and Walter is going to become a lot more independent and autonomous, letting him become more like House.

True Blood and Heroes

What would happen if these two soap operas traded off writing staffs? Bringing Alan Ball and his gang to the perennially conflicted mutants might do them the world of good — and maybe Heroes' writers would get their groove back if they got to write for Lafayette, Eric and the rest.

It's weird to think that both Heroes and True Blood are soap operas, but they kind of are — the main difference is, True Blood is a lot stickier (both in the sense that people obsess a lot more about True Blood's characters, and in the sense that there are weird fluids everywhere), while Heroes often has much higher stakes and more of a comic-book, action-adventure feel.

So it's easy to think of ways that the True Blood team could revitalize Heroes. As Lauren points out, "Sylar would actually eat brains." The weird murder-flirtation between Sylar and Claire would get a lot deeper, and all of the show's relationships would suddenly be much more gothic and byzantine.

The dark, secret world of the Company, with its endless family drama going back decades, would gain a whole new layer of murkiness and detail, much like all the stuff we're learning about vampire society on True Blood. We'd get a lot more fun, quirky world-building moments on Heroes. And can you picture Alan Ball writing HRG, the tormented-but-suave-but-dorky family man? He would suddenly have a lot more layers. And he'd be naked.

But the much-maligned Heroes team could also bring some fun to True Blood. One of the things Heroes does really well is come up with out-of-left-field superpowers and then imagine how they would really work, and how they'd affect your life, in reality. If the Heroes writers ran True Blood, Jason would probably get powers similar to Sookies — except, of course, he would see the future. You might see a bit more of how the strange mixture of powers in Bon Temps actually messes with people's lives. Plus maybe the Heroes writers could cut loose and write the kind of beyond-dysfunctional, messed-up characters that they don't get to create that often. And it would be fascinating to see Heroes deal with the added theme of religion that crops up a lot in True Blood.

Breaking Bad and Eureka

These are both shows about science, and about the quirky people who make a living off science. In AMC's critically acclaimed Breaking Bad, we follow Walter White, a high school chemistry teacher who's got a pregnant wife and a son with cerebral palsy, and then he finds out he's got terminal lung cancer. His insurance won't pay for the treatments, so he decides to start making and selling methamphetamine to secure his family's future. Meanwhile, in Eureka, there's a whole town full of science geniuses who create oddball projects for fun and profit, with often disastrous (but never horrifying) results.

So they're both about people using science to get ahead, but Breaking Bad is about the dark, nasty side of science, while Eureka is happy and easy-going. Everybody's rich, or at least comfortable, in Eureka, while Walter White is barely getting by and needs to resort to drug-dealing to save his family from ruin. (Walter's drug-dealer name is "Heisenberg," and he uses mercury fulminate, an explosive, as a weapon. He also uses his chemistry-teacher knowledge to quadruple his meth production.)

So what would the writers of Eureka bring to Breaking Bad? Probably a lot more science shout-outs. In addition to using Heisenberg as his drug-dealer name, Walt would probably start finding himself experiencing things that are right out of classic science fiction movies. And the science would get a lot odder, with Walt possibly coming up with wild new additives to lace his meth with — meth that makes you start aging backwards? Maybe Walt would come up with some zanier ways of dealing with the drug lords he runs up against, like catching them in zero-gravity fields or something?

As for Eureka, the Breaking Bad writers might delve a little bit more into the underside of the little town of geniuses. Exactly how does their relationship with the Defense Dept. work? And what happens when some of their more potent inventions really do fall into drastically wrong hands?

Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Venture Bros.

These are two of the most vivid and fascinating animated shows on TV right now — so what would happen if you turned the Lucasfilm writers loose on the Venture Bros., and let the Venture staff have a crack at the Clone Wars?

The main difference between these shows, says Graeme, is that the Venture Bros. writers are deeply bitter whereas the Clone Wars' writers are, at their heart, very sincere.

So maybe if the Venture Bros. writers got to take a turn writing the Clone Wars, you'd immediately have more weird pop-culture humor. But you'd also get more investigation into the bitterness that's just under the surface of the Star Wars universe — the fact that Anakin is a jerk who's destined to become the scourge of the galaxy. Plus the fact that the clone army is made up of helpless slaves. All of the characters in Clone Wars would become a lot more neurotic, and the clones would become like the Venture Bros.' henchmen. Inevitably, the show would start pointing to more of the darkness in its premise, but also poking fun at it — and it might become like a better written version of Robot Chicken Star Wars along the way. Plus, it would be fantastic to see what the Venture Bros. scribes would do with Anakin.

Meanwhile, if the Clone Wars staff came over to Venture Bros., that show would become much more of a straightforward action-adventure show — it might become a bit like Johnny Quest, even. But we'd also suddenly see a lot more weird politics, and the show would start showing us different factions scheming and intriguing against each other. There might be less resolution in each episode — which is saying something, considering how little resolution Venture Bros. already gives us. And a revamped Venture Bros. would start giving us morals at the end of each episode, like "Remember, Brock, Sometimes violence ISN'T the answer."

Additional reporting by Graeme McMillan, Lauren Davis, Meredith Woerner and Annalee Newitz.

Egan wrote City Of Diamond under a pen name, Jane Emerson, and it came out in 1996. She also wrote a fantasy trilogy, the Gate Of Ivory books, from 1989 to 1992. She's also served as a producer on Dark Angel, Smallville and Tru Calling, but she's been with House since 2006.

City Of Diamond takes place on a city-ship called Diamond, one of three ships which run on a future technology given to humans by the an alien race called the Curosa — the other two are the Opal and the Pearl. The three ships are overrun by a future religious sect called the Remptionists. According to a review in the Examiner:

The leader of the Diamond, as the story opens, is about to enter an arranged marriage with an aristocratic girl from the Opal, which is run with an iron fist by the more fanatic elements of the Redemptionist faith; that leader's right-hand man is a demon, the product of the forbidden union of a human and an alien. And then there's the demon Tal's personal bodyguard, a young woman from a strange culture in which the elite are trained to be the galaxy's most successful guards and assassins; Tal's assistant, a middle-aged smuggler; Will, a city guard from the Opal with a checkered past; Will's childhood friend Hartley, who's now a politician and spy for the Opal, and a person of very dubious morality; and several others of varying importance. Put this all together and shake with some ice, let all these odd characters bounce off of one another a bit, and the result is something incredibly refreshing.

It all leads to a great deal of upheaval, conflict and a lot of sex. All in all, sounds like it might be well worth tracking down a copy — if you want to see how Egan's "House hallucinated getting laid" approach plays out on a spacebound city-ship. [Examiner]

Wired Magazine has a lovely interview with the producer, director and writer, including this picture of his home. Can you imagine being one of his children and growing up there? I'm completely jealous.

Also in the article is a long sidebar where GDT goes through and lists his future movie projects, and ranks the likelihood they'll ever get made, with the number of unicorns representing the chances we'll ever see it. The two films with the smallest amount of unicorns are the rumored stop-motion recreation of Roald Dahl's The Witches and the Del Toro and Neil Gaiman collaborative Doctor Strange project. Which is sad because if anyone could translate the mystical childlike fear from a Dahl book onto the screen (again), it's del Toro.

To promote the release of Fox's attempt to breathe new life into the X-Men franchise, corporate synergy is pushing a three minute scene from the film onto Fox's TV network, split into three one-minute segments to run one-per-night from this Sunday to Tuesday. The shows that will feature the previews will be:
- Family Guy at 9pm on Sunday, Feb 15th
- House at 8pm on Monday, Feb 16th
- American Idol at 8pm on Tuesday, Feb 17th

Of course, Fox isn't saying when the previews will run during those shows, but don't worry. American Idol is only two hours long on Tuesday. Hope Hugh Jackman is worth it.

3 Minutes of X-Men Origins: Wolverine to Air on Fox [/Film]

House
We admit it; we think that this show is already sci-fi. We've had to resort to trusting the writers - and Polite Dissent's Dr. Scott - that everything they mention on the show is real, because our knowledge of medical science is practically non-existent. But House offers everything we want in a television show: snark, soap opera and screwed-up characters. It's only one small step for man away from being Battlestar Galactica! And that's before you get to the illnesses of the week and the curious, convoluted explanations behind them. Science fiction-ish, at least.

Bones
Put aside the same-quasi science that House employs (Seriously, they could be making up everything on this show and we wouldn't know) and there's still a compelling reason why this show should be classified as sci-fi: They have their own holodeck. We'll let Slate explain it:

Angela is responsible for designing the single goofiest piece of faux-scientific technology I've seen on TV: a 3D hologram program that projects not only the revolving image of a reconstructed victim, but the likely scenarios of the killing, onto an ultra-groovy light table in the soaringly modern digs of the Jeffersonian Institution. Why these renderings can't be done on a regular computer screen, or sketched on a cocktail napkin, is never clear, but they look cool as hell.

Yes. Yes, they do... And that one piece of equipment - combined with the ridiculous inventions and experiments occasionally carried out in the name of science, and wholescale embrace of nerditry in general - is enough for us to claim this as Stealth Sci-Fi.

Numb3rs
It's not enough that mathematical genius Charlie Eppes does work for NASA, or that characters disappear because they're going off to spend six months on a space station? Okay, maybe not - although, really, writing someone out because they're going to spend time on a space station is pretty awesome - but what other show employs real mathematicians to work out the complex number-crunching necessary to explain each episode's deus ex chalkboard? It may not be sexy, it may not have time-travel or giant monsters attacking Rob Morrow, but still; we're calling this one some kind of science fiction.

24
With nuclear bombs, weaponized viruses, computer hackers taking down the country's infrastructure and whatever else Jack Bauer finds himself involved in on an annual basis, 24's world is definitely a parallel Earth with more than its fair share of super-science going on. Add to that the seemingly superhuman Bauer himself - a man who can shake off a heroin addiction by will power alone, and who isn't afraid to bite out a man's jugular vein if necessary - and we're convinced that this show is at least as sci-fi as Jericho... and also needs to crossover with Fringe immediately.

Top Chef
Everytime someone talks about "molecular gastronomy," it's clear that Bravo's foodie companion to Project Runway has some hidden roots in science fiction. Admittedly, very hidden, but we all know it's there. Plus, come on. Padma's definitely a Terminator. You can see it in her cold, steely stare whenever she tells someone to pack their knives and leave.