Here's a list of all the movies with production budgets of $170 million and over, for the past ten years. (We chose the threshold of $170 million because there were a ton of movies clustered around the $150 million-$160 million mark.) Movies that failed to make back their budget at the U.S. box office are underlined.

2009:

Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince: $250 million

Avatar: $237 million (according to AP)

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen: $225 million (according to NY Post)

Terminator Salvation: $200 million

G.I. Joe: The Rise Of COBRA: $175 million

Up: $175 million

2008:

Quantum Of Solace: $230.6 million

Prince Caspian: $225.6 million

Iron Man: 186.5 million

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull: $185.5 million

The Dark Knight: $185.5 million

Wall-E: $180.5 million

2007:

Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End: $317.4 million

Spider-Man 3: $272.9 million

The Golden Compass: His Dark Materials: $213.4 million

Rush Hour 3: $187.4 million

2006:

Superman Returns: $295.3 million

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: $223.1 million

X-Men: The Last Stand: $209.3 million

Poseidon: $171.3 million

2005:

King Kong: $232.5 million

Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion The Witch & The Wardrobe: $197.6 million

Sahara: $176.8 million

Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire: $150 million (2005 dollars)

2004:

Spider-Man 2: $232.2 million

Troy: $199.9 million

Van Helsing: $182.8 million

The Polar Express: $186.6 million

Alexander: $175.4 million

2003:

Terminator 3: $238.4 million

The Matrix: Reloaded: $176.7 million

Master And Commander: $175.6 million

The Matrix: Revolutions: $175.6 million

2000:

The Perfect Storm: $175.6 million

1999:

Wild Wild West: $221 million

The World Is Not Enough: $173.3 million

The 13th Warrior: $206.8 million

Notes: All figures are in 2009 dollars, adjusted for inflation. These figures are just production budgets, and are based on the most accurate figures we could find. They don't include marketing budgets. And of course, many of the films which failed to break even at the U.S. box office did make a profit when you factor in international box office.

Conclusions:

There hasn't been a movie as expensive as Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End since 2007, so you could argue that, over all, movies are not getting more expensive. However, after a few years where there were four mega-budgeted movies per year, the last two years have each seen six movies with budgets over $170 million (in inflation-adjusted dollars.) And as we mentioned above, this year had the most movies costing $200 million or more of any year, with next year likely to see even more films over $200 million.

And the listing above doesn't reflect this fact, but we also found a steep rise in the number of movies costing around $150 million every year — this seems to be the safe point for a film that is expected to do well, but may not be a blockbuster. Films like X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Batman Begins, Star Trek and many others all have production budgets in the magic $150 million zone.

At the same time, Hollywood seems slightly better at picking winners lately. We haven't had a year where most of the hugely expensive movies failed to make back their budget at the U.S. box office since 2004, when two historical epics, The Polar Expressand Van Helsing all bombed. Or 2003, when one of two Matrix sequels underperformed, along with Terminator 3 and Master And Commander.

One thing jumps out at me: There were apparently no budget busting movies in 2000, 2001 or 2002. Apparently the first X-Men movie, which came out in 2000, had a budget of only about $75 million. And the Star Wars prequels, hideous though they were, were apparently on the cheap side, costing around $120 million each (in non-adjusted dollars.)

Why would this be? Well, look at the three big-budget movies from 1999. Notice anything the three of them have in common? Hmmm... Other mega-expensive bombs in the late 1990s include Speed 2: Cruise Control, Lethal Weapon 4 and, of course, Waterworld. The only mega-budget movies to make money in the latter half of the 1990s were Armageddon and Titanic.

Sources: Know Your Money, Forbes.com, Listphobia, The Numbers, IMDB, Box Office Mojo, Wikipedia, and other sources as cited.

Talking to the BBC, Shia LaBeouf drops some big news about the next Indiana Jones outing:

"Steven [Spielberg] just said that he cracked the story on it before I left and I think they're gearing that up."

Funny he should mention that, because we sure as heck couldn't get it out of Indiana Jones Producer Frank Marshall, when we spoke with him last. But he did share this gem: one draft of the Crystal Skull script actually called for Shia to put on Indy's infamous fedora, signalling that Indy was passing the baton to his son Mutt. But Spielberg changed this ending, so that Indy kept his own hat. Which means Indy still has at least one more adventure in him — but it also means we're not done with his son, either.

It's pretty much impossible to discuss fictional archaeologists without talking about Indiana Jones, but until a year ago he arguably wouldn't have belonged on this list. If nothing else - and I'm pretty sure that that film didn't accomplish anything else - Kingdom of the Crystal Skull firmly ensconced Indy in the realm of science fiction. Which is probably a good thing, considering Dr. Jones is generally considered the quintessential fictional archaeologist, the iconic representative of everything alluring about the discipline - solving history's mysteries, going on exotic adventures, stealing priceless cultural artifacts...it's all there! That said, Indy can't really be considered the preeminent archaeologist in science fiction.

That title would probably have to go to Stargate's Daniel Jackson, who in his various incarnations headlined both the original movie and a decade's worth of television, making him arguably the most prominent archaeologist in all of science fiction. As a nice bonus, he even occasionally bordered on being a vaguely realistic depiction of an actual archaeologist, particularly when he used his linguistic know-how in the original movie to decipher the language on the other side of the Stargate. And honestly, who can resist the oddball charm of James Spader?

There are plenty more scifi archaeologists; in fact, far more than any one list can hope to capture. But here's a rundown of some of the most notable.

Doctor Who

Despite his stated policy of pointing and laughing at archaeologists, the Doctor does seem to spend a lot of time with them. If I had to guess, it's probably because nothing beats an archaeologist when you need to accidentally release an ancient evil. There's Professor Parry and his assistant Viner from the Patrick Troughton classic The Tomb of the Cybermen – I think you can guess which bunch of monsters they awaken (hint: it's not the Daleks). But nobody beats Marcus Scarman in Pyramids of Mars when it comes to unleashing evil; he lasts for maybe thirty seconds of episode one before the all-powerful alien Sutekh murders and possesses him.

The new series has only introduced one archaeologist, but Professor River Song is fairly important, what with her being the Doctor's wife and all (or not…I'm still not completely clear on that point). Still, she's not the first such scientist to play a major role in the Doctor's life – that honor goes to Professor Bernice "Benny" Summerfield, a hard-drinking, wise-cracking archaeologist from the 26th century. Originally created by new series scribe Paul Cornell in his novel Love and War, she both accompanied the seventh Doctor and had her own adventures in a horde of novels and audios.

Star Trek

Jean-Luc Picard was a huge archaeology buff, studying under the preeminent archaeologist of the 24th century, Richard Galen. He was even entrusted with completing Galen's final project, which revealed…well, I think I've dealt with that before. Picard also romanced the ethically dubious Vash, who was really more of a looter with a diploma than anything else.

Captain Kirk, on the other hand, showed no particular interest in the field. It probably didn't help that every archaeologist he ever encountered was a crazed degenerate with woman issues, whether it was Robert Crater in "The Man Trap" or Roger Korby in "What are Little Girls Made of?" It's almost as though the Federation's apparent policy of stranding one or two people on an uninhabited planet for years at a time to dig through the remains of a dead civilization was somehow flawed.

DC Comics

Want to become a superhero without all the hassle of locking yourself inside a nuclear reactor? Archaeology might just be the career for you! It's actually unclear whether there are any ancient idols in the DC Universe that won't give you superpowers. There's Carter Hall, who upon touching a stone knife remembered his past life as Prince Khufu and so becomes Hawkman. Rex Mason became Metamorpho when he was exposed to the radioactive Orb of Ra. The Silver Age Blue Beetle*, Dan Garrett, discovered the mystical scarab that gave him his powers during an excavation in Egypt. Adventurer Adam Strange was engaged in some archaeological work when the Zeta Beam transported him to the planet Rann. Sven Nelson died shortly after uncovering the Tomb of Nabu, but his son Kent would be trained by Nabu's spirit to become Doctor Fate. Oh, and the Tim "Robin" Drake's dad Jack was an archaeologist as well, but he somehow managed to never get any superpowers out of the deal.

*OK, technically a Charlton, not DC, character. But you get the idea.

Revelation Space, by Alastair Reynolds

In his 2000 novel, Reynolds follows Daniel Sylveste as his excavations on the planet Resurgam reveal newfound details about the long-dead Amarantin civilization. From this starting point, Reynolds weaves a tale of cyborgs, assassins, cosmic mysteries, and antimatter implants, all of which sounds pretty awesome. It's almost enough for me to forgive him for not knowing how to spell "Alasdair." Almost.

Isaac Asimov

Archaeology forms a pretty big part of my second favorite Asimov book, the criminally underrated Pebble in the Sky. The Sirius-born Bel Arvadan comes to the primitive backwater known as Earth in the hopes of evaluating the local claims that humanity originated there. Naturally, he gets a bit distracted by a plot to wipe out all of humanity and never does get round to doing any excavating. Which is why Foundation, set millennia later, finds the foppish Lord Dorwin blathering on about some very promising leads regarding humanity's origins recently discovered in the Arcturus system. For obvious reasons, this line of inquiry doesn't pan out, and shortly thereafter galactic civilization pretty much collapses, which I'm guessing led to some serious budget crunches in a galaxy's worth of archaeology departments.

Babylon 5

Ian McShane took some valuable time out from being a total badass to play Dr. Robert Bryson in the B5 television movie The River of Souls. Dr. Bryson brings an orb on board Babylon 5 that apparently contains a billion tortured souls. For some reason, the orb holds the secret to immortality. Either way, this is a serious enough situation that Martin Sheen shows up as a Soul Hunter to demand the orb be returned to him. This eventually happens, but not before Dr. Bryson and the billion souls team up for some serious havoc-wreaking.

"Omnilingual", by H. Beam Piper

This 1957 short story centers on the efforts of an archaeological team to decipher the language of an ancient Martian civilization, a task that at first seems all but impossible. They eventually figure out a road to decipherment with the discovery of some linguistic common ground: the periodic table of elements.

Saga of Seven Suns, by Kevin Anderson

The husband-and-wife xenoarchaeological team of Louis and Margaret Colicos accidentally set off Anderson's seven-book battle royale of elemental forces when they discover ancient technology that can turn gas planets into stars. This is great news for lovers of solar energy, but bad news for the super-intelligent, all-powerful aliens that live on gas planets (it's also bad news for people who don't want to be wiped out by super-intelligent, all-powerful aliens). Not the greatest advertisement for archaeology I've ever heard, really.

Futurama

I'm fairly sure we've yet to see any actual archaeologists on Futurama. If I had to guess, they're probably hiding out of shame at the general terribleness of their work.

Mystery Science Theater 3000

Speaking of shame, the wonderfully, horribly Canadian MST3K entry The Final Sacrifice probably involved archaeology. The film isn't really coherent enough for me to speak with certainty, but I believe the father of hero person with the most lines Troy McGreggor got killed by an evil cult because he was investigating the ancient Ziox civilization. Although, on second thought, I think Crow and Servo clearly established Troy's father was really Miami Dolphins great Larry Csonka, who is not generally considered an archaeologist. Not yet, anyway.

There are plenty more, of course. Who are some of the biggest ones I missed?

Okay, so here are the movies that blew us away and horrified us this year:

BEST:

10. Let The Right One In. This intense, beautiful Swedish movie about a 12-year-old boy's relationship with a vampire did the near-impossible: it almost made us forget the blah Twilight. It's a parable of the world-destroying power of adolescence, that stays with you long afterwards.

9. Teeth. This year saw a boomlet in feminist horror movies, between this film and Zombie Strippers. But the raw satire of vagina-dentata movie Teeth was sharper, and the story of how Dawn comes to realize her toothy mutant pussy is a superpower rather than a curse is a beautiful spin on adolescence.

8. Speed Racer. Pretty much everyone hates this movie except us — Entertainment Weekly listed it twice on its year's worst lists, even as the mag praised the bland Benjamin Button. But we really did love this film, for its crazy, surreal CG vistas and fun follow-your-heart storyline. Racer was the last thing you'd expect from the Wachowskis: a film about family values, in which Speed learns that love for family trumps everything else. (And Susan Sarandon and John Goodman, as Speed's parents, pretty much run away with the film.) This movie is a cult classic waiting to happen.

7. Cloverfield. Of all the movies on this year's "best" list, this is the one I can least imagine wanting to watch more than once. But that's okay, because the one time you watch it, you'll be blown away. At least in the theater, the movie's shaky-camcorder gimmick actually works: it's totally immersive, and you really follow these yuppie dorks as they fight their way through pubic lice and monster debris to save their friend.

6. Sleep Dealer. We called it one of the best small-budget science fiction movies in years, in our review back in October. Set in a future where Mexicans do menial labor in the U.S. via telepresence, Dealer is a commentary on immigration and racism. But it's also a brilliant thought experiment and a character piece. And it has the hottest cyberpunk node-installation scene since the flawed-but-fun Existenz.

5. Iron Man. This movie exceeded our expectations, delivering a mind-expanding story of the military-industrial complex instead of just a superhero punch-em-up. I was so excited, I wrote a giant essay instead of a simple review.

4. City Of Ember. It could have been just another young-people-discover-their-world-is-a-lie movie, but instead it becomes a post-apocalyptic masterpiece. Thanks to Martin Laing's gigantic sets and Gil Kenan's beautiful direction, the subterreanean city becomes a real place. You can actually feel the terror and claustrophobia when the lights start going out. And Bill Murray is in rare form as the corrupt, short-sighted mayor.

3. Synecdoche, NY. Charlie Kaufman gave us Being John Malkovitch and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, but this is probably his weirdest, most surreal movie. Caden (Philip Seymour Hoffman) is suffering from a weird, nonsensical ailment that is making his autonomic functions shut down, and meanwhile his daughter is turning into an anemic fetish model. So he creates an ambitious, incomprehensible work of art — a recursive model of New York inside a New York warehouse, complete with actors playing real people. And it's a comedy. I laughed so hard at the stuff about Caden's therapist, and his attempts to make himself cry when his tearducts have shut down, I nearly choked on my popcorn.

2. The Dark Knight. This movie got us so worked up, we reviewed it twice. Sure, it was too long — and did the Joker really have to put explosives in the hospital and the boats? — but its ambition pays off, in the end. The story of Harvey Dent's fall from grace is epic enough to support all of the movie's endless incidents and action set pieces. And we're still debating the movie's politics (Pro-torture? Pro-surveillance? Anti-hero? Nihilistic or just anarchic?) months later.

1. Wall-E The only movie in years that I've wanted to watch again, right away. If I hadn't been starving and late for dinner, I would have watched it two or three times in one sitting. The first half hour, featuring the cute-bot in the post-apocalyptic abandoned Earth, is poetic and slapsticky. But then Wall-E gets into space, and it just gets crazier and more satirical, all without ever being mean or cheap. Plus it's a moving robot love story.

Even though 2008 was a pretty awesome year for movies, I still ended up with way more candidates for the "worst" list than the "best" list, sadly.

1. Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. This is one of those movies that I was so-so about at the time, but it's gotten worse in my mind since then. Too much Shia, especially Shia of the Jungle. Criminally underused Karen Allen. Mostly, too much boring retreading of past Indy movies, and CG ants, and a totally crap alien head-melting ending.

2. Hancock. All we could think about were ways it could have sucked less. Like if it was really a comedy instead of a bland romp that turns melodramatic halfway through. It had one joke, and ran it into the ground like... like a drunken superhero who smashes into the asphalt when he flies. A couple of funny moments couldn't rescue this dud.

3. Doomsday. Actually, this one belongs on a special so-bad-it's-great list. You'll be getting drunk/stoned and watching this one on DVD long after most "good" movies are forgotten. Just for the cannibals who dance to Fine Young Cannibals, and Malcolm McDowell's SCA kingdom. Yes, it's pretty terrible, but in a wonderful way.

4. X-Files: I Want To Believe. Wasn't this a show about people who investigate things? Apparently not, or at least the movie turned into a dull relationship drama. Bleh.

5. Jumper. I liked the clips of the "jumpscar" special effect and the whole bus-attack thing, but it didn't make for much of a movie. Even with a script by David Goyer, the whole thing is underwhelming. You keep waiting and waiting for David (Hayden Christensen) to step up and become a hero — or at least become interesting to watch — and it never happens.

6. The Day The Earth Stood Still Unlike my colleague Nivair, I hadn't pre-judged this one. I really thought it could be a good film in its own right, even if it wasn't true to the original. I was horribly, eye-searingly wrong. It starts out great, but then Keanu goes on a boring road trip while droning about the environment and eating at Mickey D's. Giant robot Gort shows up here and there, but he can't stop the movie from standing still.

7. The Happening could have been an interesting film — people start killing themselves in horrible ways, for no reason. But then it had to turn into a horror film about trees trying to destroy us, until they change their minds. People stare in horror and despair — at trees. Ohh kay.

8. Meet Dave. With a script by MST3K's Bill Corbett and a cool concept (a tiny guy lands on Earth in a human-sized spaceship that looks like him), this could have been a fun ride. Instead, it's a showcase for Eddie Murphy doing funny voices.

9. Space Chimps We got one great animated science fiction movie, so of course Hollywood had to punish us with an avalanche of drek. Including this horrific Andy Samberg vehicle about monkeys in space. Probably Fly Me To The Moon belongs on this "worst movies" list too, but none of us saw it. It was too soon after Chimps, and it just looked like pure torture.

10.The Spirit could have been sorta great too — we love Will Eisner, and Frank Miller used to be one of the greats, 20 years ago. But Miller has turned into a self-parody, and he decided to go all-out with the crazy camp in this film. Weirdly, even though this film is a visual maelstrom and features an eyelinered Samuel L. Jackson dressing as a Nazi and torturing cats, the film's biggest problem is that it's boring.

And then there were a lot of movies that were neither "best" nor "worst," they just were. Like, say, Incredible Hulk. It wasn't a great movie, it wasn't a terrible movie, it was just adequate. Call it "the credible Hulk." Or Death Race, which I couldn't bring myself to hate despite the lackluster third reel. Or Wanted, which was as dumb as ten piles of rocks but looked purty. Or Star Wars: Clone Wars, which was a fun, if forgettable, TV show, which got put on the big screen due to George Lucas' hubris.

I can't tell if Destroy Malevolence's "Greatest Hits Of George Lucas" - I'm not the only one who thought that the train sequence was reminiscent of Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom, right? - was what made it the most satisfying episode of the series so far, but I have to admit: there's just something perfectly Star Wars-ish about watching the heroes trying to rescue the kidnapped Princess - who fights back herself, of course - from the bad guys' new destructo space weapon.

Bringing Padme into the show helped humanize the characters by giving them something other than How Terrible And Serious The War Is to talk about - and also bringing in a welcome, if still somewhat awkward, romance to the show. Maybe I'm slow - and anyone who's read me writing about Watchmen is nodding furiously at this point - but I didn't realize until this week how important romance actually is to Star Wars feeling like Star Wars to me; it's the (normally missing) part of the holy trinity of the whole thing, next to humor and action... and, ideally, all of them being done in the slightly inept, uncomfortable way that only Star Wars can manage (By which I mean: the humor in SW has never really been actually funny, nor the action flawless; it's always slightly... off, in its own way). More Padme would definitely be a welcome thing, here.

The animation also seemed better this week - Part of that is because it focused on the set pieces and didn't have to show characters "acting" as much, and so accentuated its strong points - and, given the comic relief being kept to a minimum (as was the attempts to make us care about the clones, interestingly enough) and definitive victory for the good guys, this was easily the best episode of the series so far - and the one episode to date that makes the show seem like a success in total. Here's hoping that next week won't ruin it all with an all-Ahsoka half-hour.

The Hollywood Reporter is somewhat schizophrenic about the success of the summer's movies; in a piece called "Summer exceeds boxoffice expectations," they point out that despite three movies grossing over $300million domestically (The Dark Knight, Iron Man and, somewhat surprisingly, Indiana Jones And the Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull), fewer movies crossed the $200million mark this year when compared with 2007.

Internationally, the picture is slightly rosier, according to Variety, with Universal having their most successful year ever outside of the US, despite being third in terms of studio grosses (behind Warners, who were helped by The Dark Knight being the first massive blockbuster Batman movie in foreign markets, and Paramount, whose Indiana Jones is currently the top movie of the summer internationally). Interestingly, Variety mentions that part of this success is down to the non-genre fare (Sex And The City, Mamma Mia! and, stunningly, What Happens In Vegas) performing much more strongly than initially suggested (Hellboy II and Speed Racer both flopped internationally, showing that non-American audiences would rather watch Carrie Bradshaw try on wedding dresses than Guillermo Del Toro's imagination at work, which is depressing on multiple levels). Perhaps everyone else needs to get with America's superhero fetish; four out of the top ten movies this summer in the US featured men in tights. The reason? Perhaps the shitty American economy, believes Warner's Dan Fellman:

There’s no question that the poor economy historically has given the motion picture a boost... Also, the [release schedule] was spread out and wasn’t grouped together as it was in ’07, when it was all in May. We opened ‘The Dark Knight’ after the May crunch and had the marketplace pretty much to ourselves for a big tentpole film.

We're guessing that next year's going to be a much different affair; studios will have learned the lesson of spacing releases out, but the WGA strike - and still possible actors strike - may have made that lesson moot; the next Harry Potter movie has already been pushed back to next year because Warners have no other big movies ready for the summer, and it's unlikely that they'll be the only ones with that problem. This time next year, expect to see reports of a slower year... And maybe one where audiences got the time to revisit their favorite movies a lot more.

Let's get the bigger publishers out of the way first: With the exception of a preview of Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale's next project, Captain America: White, Marvel pretty much lets this week slide to focus on the latest issue of Secret Invasion and a hardcover collection for Joss Whedon's (disappointing, let's be honest) Runaways story. DC, on the other hand, just seem to be letting it slide altogether, with the exception of Final Crisis: Requiem, a one-shot memorializing the dearly-departed Martian Manhunter. Instead, turn your attention to Dark Horse Comics, which is happy to fill the gap with their new Hellboy spin-off, BPRD: The Warning and equally new Indiana Jones series, Indiana Jones And The Tomb Of The Gods.

Perhaps, however, you'd rather read about robots in disguise who don't go around raping each other; if that's the case, then you should definitely pick up the first issue of Transformers: All Hail Megatron, the "What if the Decepticons took over the Earth?" series that we've told you about already and happen to be waiting for with baited breath. Watching Megatron rule our planet with a literal iron fist seem too much of a downer? Then there's also Transformers Movie Prequel: Saga Of The Allspark premiering this week, giving you all the backstory about the deus ex machina that Michael Bay didn't quite manage to get around to.

For the books of the week, however, you have to go to Image Comics and Ben 10 co-creator Joe Kelly. Not only does his new series I Kill Giants launch on Thursday (featuring Barbara Thorson, a fifth-grader who either has a very, very active imagination or really does kill giants, pixies and other mythical creatures in her spare time), but his children's book Captain Stoneheart And The Truth Fairy also gets a fine re-release. Stoneheart, which started life as an issue of the Elephantmen series, bills itself as "a grim tale of broken bones and broken hearts," but really it's just a beautifully-written, wonderfully-illustrated (by X-Men and Amazing Spider-Man artist Chris Bachalo) children's story... albeit one that you can now get in a deluxe package including the original script, uncolored pencil artwork and CD of the audio version of the story. You can see a trailer for the book here.

As is really honestly always the case, you can find the complete list of everything hitting stores here and then go and buy whatever you want at the store closest to you, a fact that you can work out by going here. Just make sure that your stack has a hippo or robot somewhere in there. Preferably both.Hel

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According to Canadian retailer Chris Butcher, the number of this week's Marvel releases seem unusually high in comparison to DC's:

Retailers reading over their invoices for comics and graphic novels shipping [this]week will be shocked to discover that Marvel Comics is shipping about 34 titles next week, to only about 17 titles from DC Comics. It’s a rare thing for Marvel to ship that many titles in a week ([last] week, for example, they only shipped about 17 or so), but to double the output of their closest competitor? That’s very rare indeed… Until you stop to consider that one of DC’s titles shipping [this] week is the next installment in their summer crossover Final Crisis... In addition to numerous Marvel comics scheduled to arrive in the month of June that were seemingly pushed from their original on-sale date to this week (including both [Brian] Bendis [scripted] Avengers books, both X-Men books, [Ed] Brubaker’s Captain America & Daredevil, [Mark] Millar’s Fantastic Four & Marvel 1985, and [Warren] Ellis’ last Thunderbolts) this week also includes three of Marvel’s largest lateness-plagued titles: Hulk #4, Ultimates 3 #4, and even the final issue of Joss Whedon’s Runaways all drop next Wednesday. Plus another 20 comics.

Is it some kind of attempt for Marvel to bury the second issue of Final Crisis, or just the result of trying to get late books out at least in the month they were originally scheduled to appear? We may never know, but at least it'll mean that Marvel fans have a lot to pick up this week. For everyone else, there's always Final Crisis #2, as well as the following:

Dark Horse's Indiana Jones Adventures takes George Lucas' eponymous ode to archeology and pretends that it had a Saturday morning cartoon spin-off that they're then adapting; imagine a version done by Batman: The Animated Series' Bruce Timm or Clone Wars' Genndy Tartakovsky, and you're not a million miles away from what they're aiming at. If you'd rather your childhood heroes were treated with fewer kid gloves, then you owe it to yourself to pick up the first hardcover collection of DC's All-Star Batman and Robin The Boy Wonder, in which Frank Miller cashes the checks as he gleefully creates the world's oddest Batman parody. "What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something?" as the saying goes... He's the goddamn Batman.

More respectful versions of familiar icons can be found at the apparently overbearing Marvel — Captain America: The Chosen sees Rambo creator David Morrell write about an alternate end to Steve Rogers' career, while Mythos: Captain America gives another look at his origin as America's favorite soldier. Alternatively, you could pick up the collected edition of Marvel Atlas and find out where all of Cap's origin takes place - Is Marvel's Germany in Europe, or has it been forced out by Latveria?

The two best buys of the week happen to be new books: Warren Ellis' new series No Hero brings superheroes to San Francisco to see which one survives, while Marvel's charity book What If - The Fantastic Four Tribute to Mike Weiringo completes the unfinished final story by artist Mike Weiringo - who died last August - with new art by artists like Art Adams, Alan Davis, Mike Allred and Stuart Immonen with all profits going to The Hero Foundation, which helps current and former creators without insurance or benefits.

As is always the case, you can find the complete list of everything hitting stores here and then find out where said stores are by going here and putting in your zip code. Just remember: Buying a non-Marvel comic this week isn't just a good idea - It's the right thing to do if you want to fight back against big publisher bully tactics. Potentially.

The Darabont script, titled Indiana Jones And The City Of God, follows roughly the same trajectory as the Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. The main difference, besides the missing Mutt, is that the "traitor" character is a Russian named Yuri. He's a friend of Indy's, who takes advantage of Indy's trusting nature to borrow Indy's truck and get inside a military base. So it makes a lot of sense that the CIA mistrusts Indy afterwards. There's no Irina Spalko in the script at all.

The script still has the rocket-sled escape, and Indy still uses a fridge to escape a nuclear blast. There's also a huge airplane chase, a mile above the ground, which would have looked fantastic on film. (Except that a monkey poops on Indy.)

With no Mutt to ask for Indy's help, Indy just sort of gets drawn into a web of intrigue instead. He finds the crystal skull in a hotel room whose key he gets from a Grand Central Station locker, whose key he takes, in turn, from an assassin's pocket.

Marion is still in the movie, and actually has a way better part. When she first sees Indy, she punches him in the face. "I told you if I ever saw you again, I'd pop you one!" Marion is in charge of the expedition to find the Lost City of the Gods, and Indy gets signed up as her partner because he has the crystal skull. She and Indy bicker constantly and entertainingly. She's married to a jerky archeologist whom Indy hates — and who turns out to be a Russian spy. "This isn't like leaving the cap off the toothpaste! You're a goddamn Russian spy!"

There are still the giant ants, but there's also a scene where they get attacked by a swarm of killer tree frogs. Really. Killer tree frogs! "Don't let touch 'em! Don't let 'em get on your skin!" Indy shouts.

When they enter the "Chamber of the Gods," there's a star map showing the Pleiades system. There are thirteen headless crystal skeletons, and Indy somehow knows which one to put the skull on. Replacing the skull causes a huge dark machine to emerge and thunder into life, and we can see the aliens the skeletons belonged to, seated in "astronaut blast-seats." An alien mummy appears, with tubes connected from its body to a column, and it starts seeping fluids from its tubes as it connects with the alien skeleton via eye-beams. The alien speaks through Professor Oxley:

WE ARE THE ONES WHO FELL FROM THE HEAVENS. WE ARE THE NEPHALIM. WE ARE THE RUBEZAHL. WE ARE THE LIGHTS IN THE SKY. YOUR KIND HAS GIVEN US MANY NAMES. YOU MAY WORSHIP US.

And the alien reveals that his race "enhanced" humans and gave us civilization. And gave us "knowledge of the stars," including the Mayan calendar. The aliens lift up the five men who seek knowledge/power/whatever — including Indy — and offer them whatever they want. But Indy alone isn't tempted by ultimate knowledge or power, because he realizes what he really wants is Marion. Aww. Everybody else gets a poetic punishment — the evil archeologist who wants total knowledge has his head explode with knowledge, the evil dictator of Peru who wants to be the most feared and deadly becomes a poisonous tree frog. (Later, Indy steps on him.)

Just as things are reaching their peak, Indy shoots the crystal skull, right between the eyes. Blam! Things go boom. And then the alien mummy comes to life and becomes a living alien. Indy says, "Welcome to Earth," and shoots the alien. Blam!Blam!Blam!Blam!Blam! (He doesn't say the "MF" word, sadly.) The alien spaceship tries to take off, a huge saucer rising out of the ground, but it blows up.

We get more resolution on the Indy-is-a-traitor plot — President Eisenhower himself gives Indy the presidential Medal of Total Awesomeness at the end of the movie, and then it cuts to Indy marrying Marion. Awww.

Separately, there's a leaked "scriptment" for an earlier version called Indiana Jones And The Saucer Men From Mars, which is more of a straightforward B-movie about buglike aliens (who speak Sanskrit) and their ultimate weapon that the Russians are trying to get their grabby little hands on. [Thanks to Jack Morrissey's Nerdletter]

The Complete Making Of Indiana Jones [Amazon]

The site - which uses an arcane but highly notated system to score movies from 100 down to zero, based upon "acceptability" (higher numbers bring the movie closer to God), in addition to reviewing them - found itself at the center of a strange quandry when looking at the latest Lucas/Spielberg "joint": Namely, that it apparently seemed much more blasphemous than it actually was:

While all the violence and profanity in Crystal Skull were indeed morally invasive I was personally offended not only by the three uses of God's name in vain without the four letter expletive but by the single use of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive. And by Ford himself, no less. The use of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive even sounded as though it was inserted just to increase the "bad" of the film. Thus I felt this film should be restricted from anyone seeing it, but my opinion is meaningless to the CAP Analysis Model. However personally offensive some of the content was, the final score of 67 out of 100 goes to show you no matter what my personal opinion might be the results of the analysis are pure and insulated from my opinion.

In South America Indy finds Oxley but Indy's path crosses again with the Russians and again with a ghost from the past, Marion. SPOILER: This is where a special connection between Indy, Marion and Mutt is revealed. The Bible tells us that if a man has sex with a woman that he must marry her ... and stay married. [Deut. 22:29, 1 Cor. 7:2] Get married is what Indy and Marion do but decades after-the-fact. Just remember, a noble destination does not excuse an ignoble path. Sex outside of a monogamous heterosexual marriage is just plain wrong. If you don't believe me, ask God. His Word about sexually immoral behaviors can be paraphrased into one sentence: any sexual contact (including visual), conduct or activity outside of a monogamous heterosexual marriage is immoral. And if you don't like that rule or get all huffed up about me saying it, argue with the One who wrote the Rules, the One who will sit on the Judgment Throne just on the other side of our last breath.

While no gender-specific nudity is seen, Ford is seen nude from the near-pubic area up behind a steamed shower glass wall as he is being scrubbed to remove radioactive contamination. This, along with the semi-thong nudity of a few dozen warriors, the innuendo and all the drawing of attention to the crotch make up the sexually-oriented content.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull [CAP Movie Ministry]

Crappiest effort to pay homage to a once-great franchise, while also failing to pay homage to 1950s science fiction and misapplying CGI ant swarms:

Sure, I said Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was a fun afternoon diversion, but that doesn't mean it wasn't total crap. I love Indy, and I loved the "alien skull" premise of this film, and yet the more I thought about it, the less I liked it. The ending felt like bad TV. And no, it's not cool or neato that Indy was able to survive a nuclear bomb blast by hiding inside a refrigerator. I can believe that he might escape a giant zooming rock by the skin of his teeth, but a nuclear bomb? That stretches the bounds of credibility so far that I'm not having fun anymore. I'm just feeling condescended to. Plus, as many io9 commenters already noted, the CGI ants were crap. Swarm of ants = good. Swarm of ants so fake they look like a batch of angry M&Ms (and not the good kind you can drink with the Carl Brandon Society) = crap.

Plus, why did putting the crystal skull inside a burlap sack prevent it from being magnetic? Oh I know: probably the same forces that made gold and gunpowder ferromagnetic in the movie. The force of crap.

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There's a lot to love in this movie if you've been missing the nerd swagger of Indiana Jones, the archeology professor with fists of steel and a lust for treasure. Roughly two decades have passed in real time and movie time, so director Steven Spielberg has fun with period scene-setting just to let us know we've moved from fighting the Nazis in 1938 to fighting the Russkies in 1957. Yes, you'll get to see Indy tangle with a Soviet ninja dominatrix (Cate Blanchette), paranoid government agents, and even a goddamn atomic bomb blast — and it's all perfectly good fun. Nothing brilliant, but nothing boring either. The main plot arc, which involves a crazy search across South America for the remains of classic big-headed aliens, is an homage to 1950s pop culture the way earlier Indy movies were to 1930s and 40s adventure tales.

And here's where you can see some serious X-Files stuff bubbling up, because the aliens in Crystal Skull aren't just your typical 50s invaders. They're more like X-Files creatures, connected with ancient native mythology and coveted by secret government agents. Their crystalline skeletons give people visions, and have strange unscientific magnetic powers. Supposedly if the "crystal skull" of the film's title is reunited with its crystal skeleton in some secret place that requires lots of puzzle-solving to reach, there will be some sort of singularity. I kept wanting Scully to pop up at some point and whack everyone upside the head with a rationality stick. Or a dick joke.

What I'm trying to say is that while the Crystal Skull is in many ways a successful reimagining of the franchise, it also lacks punch. Sure, there are totally cool killer ant swarms and zooming over giant waterfalls and lots of gesturing at ancient maps. But are no crap-that's-amazing moments, and certainly nothing that will make you hoot with admiration over an artfully-executed genre satire. The satire, such as it is, is just a sad imitation of the X-Files, which is even more sad because the X-Files movie will probably be less imaginative than Crystal Skull.

The only edge to the film is a clumsy, knee-jerk liberal subplot about how the evil U.S. government suspects everyone of being part of the Red Menace — even Indy! Sounds just like the evil, suspicious U.S. government today! Wow, thanks for the commentary, but honestly if there had just been cooler aliens or a weirder plot I would have been a lot happier.

Don't get me wrong: the flick is definitely worth seeing, and you won't be disappointed unless you are expecting Raiders of the Lost Ark. Star Ford can still lay on the charm, even though the film keeps tiresomely reminding us that he's REALLY OLD, and Karen Allen returns as his still-tough-as-nails and seriously cute ex-girlfriend Marion (she who could drink Siberians under the table in Raiders). Even the ordinarily-heinous Shia LaBoeuf is tolerable here, partly because he's dressed as Marlon Brando from 50s juvenile delinquent classic The Wild One, and partly because there's a long jungle chase sequence where his crotch is repeatedly and resoundingly slapped by tree branches.

There's nothing better on a weekend afternoon than being stalked through the deep jungle by a hot Ukrainian spy while you quest for the lost city of El Dorado and a bunch of crystal alien skeletons. But you might not really want to do it again. And that's exactly the thing about the new Indiana Jones flick: good for one afternoon of diversion, but not much more than that.

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull:

I think we've already spoiled the heck out of Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull before now, but some reviews do include a few details we haven't had in morning spoilers. Like the fact that Harold "Ox" Oxley (John Hurt) spent most of his career searching for the lost city of Akator — and finally found it.

And Indy almost married Marion sometime after Raiders of the Lost Ark, but ditched her at the altar. And then Marion never bothered to tell Indy she'd had his child: good old Mutt (Shia LaBeouf.) Indy doesn't approve of the guy Marion married instead of him. And Indy admits to Marion he's been with a few women since then, but "They all had the same problem," he says. "They weren't you." Awww.

Oh, and the movie abandons its CGI-light regimen in the final moments, which may spoil the film a bit for some viewers. [Comic Book Resources]

Wanted:

A new clip from July's super-assassin movie Wanted went online, although the coolest bit was already in the trailer. Actually, the coolest bit may be all the animal bobble heads on the cat-food truck's dashboard. [MovieWeb]

Lost:

The official podcast for island-castaway show Lost's two-hour season finale has gone online. It mentions that the special before the finale will include deleted scenes from the "Oceanic Six" press conference. Ben, Jack and Charles Widmore won't die until the island is done with them — and the island kept Jack from killing himself. We will see Walt again. And they won't say who Abaddon works for, but he's not the "top of the chain." [Lost Spoilers]

Battlestar Galactica:

Some tidbits from Ron Moore's podcasts on recent episodes of robot-apocalypse show Battlestar Galactica: Starbuck's pristine Viper will play a "pivotal role" in an upcoming episode. We will learn more about the Six (and occasionally Baltar) in Gaius Baltar's head, and the Baltar in Caprica Six's head, including how they work and why.

The Galactica will start looking more and more banged-up in upcoming episodes. The Admiral Adama/President Roslin relationship still has some developing to do, and the book Adama is reading to Roslin will play a bigger role in the story. The interactions between the Caprica Six and Col. Tigh in the brig will play an important role in the rest of the series (as you may have guessed from the trailer for episode 8.)

The podcast write-ups also include some info on stuff that Moore and the other writers changed from the earlier drafts of the episodes that have already aired — like Tyrol talking in the final scene of "The Road Less Traveled," when Baltar comes to his quarters. [TV Squad]

There won't be any legal ramifications from Anders' shooting of Gaeta, since it happened during a mutiny. Plus, Adama is a slap-on-the-wrist kind of guy. [ComicMix]

Stargate Atlantis:

The fifth season of Stargate SG-1 spinoff Stargate Atlantis airs starting in July, and more details are emerging. Teyla gives birth to her child, and she'll also get closer to her Wraith side after she communes with a Wraith Queen. After that contact, Teyla's Wraith genes will be activated and she'll become a host for the Wraith Queen herself. Actor Rachel Luttrell will appear in full Wraith makeup and become the leader of "an alliance of Wraith."

And in the show's 100th episode, the cast visits Las Vegas for a more light-hearted story that may involve the Replicators. And as you may have heard, Richard Woolsey (Robert Picardo) takes over as station manager and Dr. Keller (Jewel Staite!!!!) becomes a series regular. [SyFyPortal]

And new detailed spoilers for the twelfth episode of the season have come out. The team gets invited to join a new coalition against the Wraith — but the new government also wants to prosecute the Atlantis Expedition for crimes they allegedly commited. Sheppard speaks to a council made up of representatives of three groups: Kelore of Latira, Shiana of the Tribes of Santhal and Dimas of the Free People of Riva. When a representative of the council, Myrus, comes to Atlantis to tell Woolsey about the situation, Woolsey has Myrus put under arrest in retaliation. Sheppard tells the council all about the plague, and about Michael. (There are flashbacks, which makes this sound like a clips episode.)

Woolsey comes to the council to take over the Atlantis team's defense. Woolsey finds out the Genii are behind the whole prosecution, because they want the Atlantis team out of the way so they can become the military power behind the new coalition. Woolsey tries to convince Kelore that the council is backing the wrong horse and should go with Atlantis instead. Kelore isn't convinced, and then the council accuses Atlantis of conspiring with the Wraith — which is ridiculous, except for the fact that Atlantis was working with Todd. [Notes... Written On Water]

And in another upcoming episode, the Wraith-worshiping Satedan Tyre captures Ronon and tries to sacrifice him to the Wraith. Ronon gets so pumped full of Wraith enzyme, he gives into his dark side and does some damage to Sheppard. Jewel Staite's Keller gets trapped with a Wraith in one episode, and Woolsey shows his emerging courage when he's about to be killed by a Wraith. [Sci Fi Wire]

Specifically, Oregon's Dark Horse Comics — publisher of Star Wars, Serenity and Buffy comics, alongside non-media tie-ins like The Umbrella Academy — are planning on a couple of fixes for your Jones jones. In addition to the first issue of their adaptation of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, you can also pick up the collected, complete, edition... before the other issues have been published. Curious scheduling decision, or way to blow your mind? Find out on Wednesday.

(While you're at it, you may also want to pick up Dark Horse's Hellboy Companion, a 200-page "definitive guide to the Hellboy Universe", ahead of what's sure to be the sleeper of the season. Am I the only person who thinks that this may be the best summer for comic movies?)

If you'd rather read about other comics-turned-celluloid, then there's always Batman Vs. Two-Face, a collection of stories designed to prime you for the Christian Bale/Aaron Eckhart face-off in The Dark Knight. Or Marvel's hefty $100 Incredible Hulk Omnibus hardcover, reminding you that the first forty-nine issues of the Jade Giant's existence were actually pretty crappy (There's also Hulk Visionaries: John Byrne Volume One, which is a somewhat unusual choice for a movie tie-in considering its... uh... interesting quality).

You can also revisit former celluloid greats with DC's Superman: Escape From Bizarro World, which sees Geoff Johns and Superman: The Movie's Richard Donner co-write the return of Superman's mentally disabled clone brother.

Maybe you're wanting to read something new, though. In that case, Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow could be your bag. Casey may have a name like a pornstar, but really she's just your average teenager. There are boy troubles, school troubles and being the only person who can stop an alien invasion troubles. That's right, it's Buffy The Alien Slayer, but admit it - That kind of sounds just a little bit fun, right?

More kick-ass female leads can be found in Tank Girl: Visions of Booga, Alan Martin's second series reviving his 90s-zeitgeist-shagging Australian heavy-artillery fetishist. Meanwhile, Image Comics puts out Invincible Universe Primer, collecting the first three issues of Robert Kirkman's superhero series Invincible, Brit and The Astounding Wolf-Man for the low low price of $5.99, and giving you a jumping-on point for one of the more quietly successful superhero lines of recent years...

Just like every single week of the year, you can find out what's hitting the stores in its entirety by looking at the weekly shipping list, and then go and find out the ending of the new Indy movie two days early by finding your local store and picking up the collected adaptation, just to ruin it for all your friends. You're such a schmuck sometimes.