The worst offender of them all is definitely Watchmen, the first in a planned line of "motion comics" for Warner Bros. While bringing in artist Dave Gibbons to supervise the animation process is to be applauded, the result is... well, less than impressive:

I can almost overlook the limited, early-days-of-Flash-animation, style movement if it wasn't for the fact that all the voices are provided by one man... even Sally Jupiter's, rendering any potential drama in her dislike of Rorschach completely comedic with the ridiculous line-readings. Would it have killed anyone at Warners to approach this as less of a books-on-tape with added pictures and more as a regular cartoon?

Of course, even if they had, the result may have been similar to MTV's adaptation of Robert Kirkman's Invincible:

Sure, they have the full cast (Although lines like "Jesus, Debbie! Seven of my colleagues were just murdered" sound unintentionally hilarious when read out loud), but they've also gone for a visual style that seems to be modeled after the opening titles of Saved By The Bell; it's just too frenetic to follow, and completely takes you out of the story.

The best of the efforts to date is Marvel's Stephen King's N, which gets it right in a number of ways: Full cast, understated visuals and - and this may be most important of all - a completely original story. With nothing to compare it to (and find it wanting, especially if you're comparing it to the animated version you'd created in your head), Marvel's animated-ish webisode at least lets you experience it on its own terms. Even if those terms are still frustrating.

The problem, really, is this: Who really wanted to see this halfway point between comics and cartoons? Was there really anyone who thought "The problem with cartoons is that too many things move. I'd rather see a static picture where maybe one guy's arm moves occasionally"?

I'm all for series like Invincible (or even Watchmen) finding a wider audience, but I'd rather see them do so with something that has more time, care and attention spent on it than the creation of a new bastard format that awkwardly removes the benefits of both of its parent mediums and seems more like a quick cash-in from people who wanted to see how easy it was to jump on this comic book zeitgeist without spending too much money.

[Invincible The Series, Stephen King's N, Watchmen Motion Comics @iTunes]

MTV's executive vice president of new media, David Gale, is ready to make the new animated venture sound like a breakthrough:

I like to think of it as cinematic comics — digital cinematic comics... I think it’s important that in this age you really give the freedom to the consumer. If all you do is put it on a Web site and ask for them to find it, it’s very challenging. I also think the evolution of download-to-own is becoming such an expected format for people to get content.

But just what is this cross-platform cartoon? The New York Times explains:

The process starts with digital scans of the actual comic book pages. They are turned into an audio-visual experience through a process called Bomb-xx developed by Gain. In the end, the formerly two-dimensional comic book suddenly pulses with music, while word balloons pop up and fill in as actors recite the dialogue and panels zoom in and out and pivot in all directions.

Yes, that's right; it's someone reading a Flash-animated comic to you. With music.

The worst thing is, this is pretty much exactly the same thing that Marvel Comics were doing in the late '60s with their Marvel Superheroes cartoons, except they had the common sense to get rid of the word balloons:

(They're still using the same technique now, for freebie trailers for books like World War Hulk.)
So, apparently MTV's new evolution of content is to rip off an idea that was already underwhelming forty years ago, but now you can watch on your cell phone. Go technology.

A Comic Book Superhero Is Headed to Small Screens [New York Times]

Specifically, Oregon's Dark Horse Comics — publisher of Star Wars, Serenity and Buffy comics, alongside non-media tie-ins like The Umbrella Academy — are planning on a couple of fixes for your Jones jones. In addition to the first issue of their adaptation of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, you can also pick up the collected, complete, edition... before the other issues have been published. Curious scheduling decision, or way to blow your mind? Find out on Wednesday.

(While you're at it, you may also want to pick up Dark Horse's Hellboy Companion, a 200-page "definitive guide to the Hellboy Universe", ahead of what's sure to be the sleeper of the season. Am I the only person who thinks that this may be the best summer for comic movies?)

If you'd rather read about other comics-turned-celluloid, then there's always Batman Vs. Two-Face, a collection of stories designed to prime you for the Christian Bale/Aaron Eckhart face-off in The Dark Knight. Or Marvel's hefty $100 Incredible Hulk Omnibus hardcover, reminding you that the first forty-nine issues of the Jade Giant's existence were actually pretty crappy (There's also Hulk Visionaries: John Byrne Volume One, which is a somewhat unusual choice for a movie tie-in considering its... uh... interesting quality).

You can also revisit former celluloid greats with DC's Superman: Escape From Bizarro World, which sees Geoff Johns and Superman: The Movie's Richard Donner co-write the return of Superman's mentally disabled clone brother.

Maybe you're wanting to read something new, though. In that case, Casey Blue: Beyond Tomorrow could be your bag. Casey may have a name like a pornstar, but really she's just your average teenager. There are boy troubles, school troubles and being the only person who can stop an alien invasion troubles. That's right, it's Buffy The Alien Slayer, but admit it - That kind of sounds just a little bit fun, right?

More kick-ass female leads can be found in Tank Girl: Visions of Booga, Alan Martin's second series reviving his 90s-zeitgeist-shagging Australian heavy-artillery fetishist. Meanwhile, Image Comics puts out Invincible Universe Primer, collecting the first three issues of Robert Kirkman's superhero series Invincible, Brit and The Astounding Wolf-Man for the low low price of $5.99, and giving you a jumping-on point for one of the more quietly successful superhero lines of recent years...

Just like every single week of the year, you can find out what's hitting the stores in its entirety by looking at the weekly shipping list, and then go and find out the ending of the new Indy movie two days early by finding your local store and picking up the collected adaptation, just to ruin it for all your friends. You're such a schmuck sometimes.

Famous names: Robert Kirkman and Cory Walker created the series, with artist Ryan Ottley replacing Walker about midway into the first year.

Crunchy goodness: 4

Spinoffs/Sequels/Copycats: As he finds success writing about undead versions of Marvel comic characters, Invincible has become the home for writer Kirkman's less successful original comic characters, including Tech Jacket, Brit and superhero team Capes. It's always good to keep those copyrights active, after all.

Memorable product tie-in: Each of the eight (to date) collections of the Invincible series is named after a TV sitcom, from the classics ("My Favorite Martian") to the ones you pretend that you weren't addicted to ("Perfect Strangers").

Deadliest spoiler: Mark's alien dad? Not only the most powerful superhero on Earth, but also the advance guard in a plot to invade and conquer the Earth. That's always embarrassing when your dad wants to slaughter your latest girlfriend.

Dave's Long Box salutes Invincible.