Not only is it the lovely Jewel Staite, Dr. Keller, but now she's all wet and it looks like she's scared — who can compete with that? No one! Not even if I came bearing baskets of baby bunnies could I out-cute Keller. She's classic cute, and has the cult following. Sigh, I'll step aside for such a worthy adversary.

Sure, a lot of us have seen the pictures of them on a date before, but there was no PHSYICAL CONTACT. But beside Keller and McKay canoodling towards my eventual black heart, this episode, "Brain Storm," is jam-packed with goodies. We've got even better pics of Dave Foley, Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

[Subduction Leads To Orogeny]

So it was no huge surprise that Dr. Jennifer Keller and Dr. Rodney McKay were going to start taking their flirting to a whole new level this season, I just didn't know it would break my heart to see them flirt so. Take care of him Keller, McKay is a jewel. Producer Joseph Malozzi included some pictures from the set of "Brain Storm" where Keller and McKay flirt and mingle amongst the brainiest of science minds including one Bill Nye the Science Guy and Neil deGrasse Tyson, very cool Atlantis.

Also it appears as if Kids In The Hall alum Dave Foley will have a little cameo in the "Brain Storm" episode. Classic. If this is what happens when Atlantis lets Gero direct, I say let's put him in the director's chair more often.

[Joseph Mallozzi]

So what's it like going from a show like Firefly that's kind of gritty and down on their luck to a show like Atlantis where there's lots of fancy gadgets?

Everything's clean. Isn't it like super clean? I'm always afraid to put my hand on the glass. I'm just leaving fingerprints all over that set all the time. Everything's nice and gleaming. The best thing about it for me is that they're in their groove. They've been at it for so many years that they're very blase, and they shoot like 10 pages in 12 hours, which is unheard of. And we wrap every day at the 12th hour, which is also unheard of. So it's just like this well-oiled machine, they're all reading each others' minds or something. But I guess that comes after 10+ years of working together. I felt new for a bit, I don't feel that new any more.

Was it fun having the alien spore taking over your body? (Shakes her head.) No? Dude, alien spore!

No! It was the weirdest thing in the world. I was basically pinned to the bed literally, they had a prosthetic blanket that went over me, and they glued pieces of the blanket to my face. So once I was in, I was in. It took like half an hour to get out, and then another half hour to in, so if I really really had to go, they would let me out, but I knew it would be a big hassle, so I just laid off all the fluids and I went to the happy place, that's where I was. Yeah. That was so bizarre. I just laid there and David Hewlett (Rodney McKay) was feeding me at one point. It was a bonding experience. It wasn't that bad. I basically laid there and relaxed in a very comfortable bed. It could have been worse. An odd way of working, for sure.

So I understand that Dr. Keller gets tied up in the woods in like every other episode of Stargate. What's up with that?

Yeah, I don't know what that's about. In season four, I was kidnapped and bound and gagged. This year, it's happened to me twice so far. And I just read yet another script where I am again bound and gagged. I don't know what I did.

Is there a site somewhere where they're charging five dollars a minute? Is it a fetish thing?

Maybe that's what it is. I'm starting to wonder. It's a fetish thing. And it's the same writer every time that writes the episode where I'm being kidnapped. Maybe he likes seeing me dragged through the woods. I don't know what's going on. And you know what? I don't question it. I guess. At least he's writing for me.

So I understand Joss Whedon said you had to gain weight to play Kaylee. Was that annoying? Was it fun?

I was daunted at first by the prospect. He basically told me he wanted Kaylee to be voluptuous and rounded and womanly. So I stopped all exercise, cease and desist with the gym membership, went in the garbage, and I ate cheeseburgers for three weeks. It was bliss. And then I started to feel kind of full and I had no cravings, because I ate everything in sight. And then I was like, eh, this is boring. With Serenity he let me be myself and not gain the weight. So I was happy about that. I was sick of being full.

So in your mind, are Kaylee and Simon off somewhere spooning?

Making babies? God I hope so. I think that was the whole intention there.

You're like the only Joss Whedon character ever to have a happy ending.

That's true! Yet. I mean, who knows? He's doing these comic books now, Serenity comics, and and every time I read it I flip to the end to see if Kaylee is still alive.

We want you to be alive for Serenity II.

I know! You have to ask him. I get asked about Serenity II all the time. And I'm like I'm not the one who writes it. Talk to that guy. (Points at Joss.)

Reasons your future self will be mad at you if you're not watching The Middleman now:

1) The characters have conflict without hating each other or being drama queens. And they're likeable. Really. I know, it's hard to imagine. When trainee superhero Wendy Watson lets her boss, the Middleman, down, he gives her a really sweet talk about how sometimes you have to follow your emotions and it's okay. The characters all insult each other, but you can tell they like each other, which is rarer than it should be. (Except for Ada, the robot secretary, who seems to hate everybody for reals.) The two leads, Natalie Morales and Matt Keeslar, manage to be likable, obnoxious, clever and dumb all at once. It's like watching a master class. Plus they're both as cute as buttons. (Okay, I'm shallow.) Keeslar is like a young Bruce Campbell sometimes, making his ridiculously square milk-drinking character seem the hippest person in the room.

2) It's actually funny. I don't know why this is, but most attempts at doing "funny" science fiction on U.S. television fall flat for me. Like the Sci Fi Channel's Eureka, which always seems a little too cute and full of pizzicato violins signifying "wackiness." But The Middleman is the rare scifi comedy that actually has humor, both through crackling dialog ("A man asked me that question once. I kicked his male reproductive organs into his watch pocket. Now he must check the time whenever he wishes to copulate") and through bizarre situations like Wendy assaulting a robot interrogation practice dummy. It's both witty and silly, without giving itself a sprained eye tendon from winking too much.

3) It's got a nice Men In Black vibe. In last week's episode, we learned that there are alien refugees living on Earth among us, disguising themselves as rich plastic surgery victims to explain their weird features. And our heroes aren't here to mess with the aliens, but to protect them and keep their secret for them. The world isn't just full of monsters and genetically modified gorilla gangsters trying to destroy everything, there are plenty of aliens and weird creatures who are neutral or good. And MM and Wendy, our heroes, are privy to this whole secret world in the process of saving it. It makes you want to know more.

4) Each episode is just crammed with stuff. Each of the show's episodes so far has had an engaging "A" plot, with some fun "B" plots involving Wendy's flighty roommate Lacey or her butthead ex-boyfriend Ben. There's always at least one or two fun twists, like Wendy having to fly down to Mexico to rescue the Middleman and their teacher, Sensei Ping from a ton of Mexican wrestlers who are using a perfect diamond to create an unbreakable force field inside a pyramid. That thing that so many shows do ineptly, where there's a big A plot and a personal B plot, really works here. I care equally about Wendy's work life and personal life and am happy to see them intersect.

5) There are insane gadgets. Like a scientific gadget that detects things beyond the realm of science, a BTRS scanner. And Wendy's ray gun, which sadly has "training wheels." And the big shiny answer ball, the HEYDAR, which plugs directly into Ada the android's head and lets her scan all of the world's information feeds. And the goggles which let Ada see through the Middleman's eyes. Plus teleporters! And the Middlemobile!

6) It's comic-booky, in the right way. Not surprisingly, with comics dominating the movie world, you're also seeing more of a comics influence on television, with shows like Heroes being self-consciously comic-booky. But The Middleman just revels in the best comic-book traditions, like mad science and crazy magic existing side-by-side. (The way you'll have Iron Man hanging out with Doctor Strange in Marvel Comics, for example.) It's not just based on a comic, it's actually a comic book in video form. The non-stop onslaught of superintelligent gorillas, weird aliens, crazy robots and more, reminds me of the best bits of Warren Ellis' Nextwave, Matt Fraction's Casanova and a whole host of great Fred Van Lente comics. That really should be all I need to say: "It's very Van Lente." And that should make you program your TiVo and stay home for it.

Reasons you can give your future self for not watching The Middleman:

Well, it is a bit fluffy sometimes, but it's a comedy, duh. The character of Noser, who apparently lives in the hallway outside Wendy's apartment and recites song lyrics, is a one-joke character who gets less funny every time he shows up. It won't make you debate afterwards as much as Lost or BSG, and it's not quite as clever as Doctor Who at its best. That's all I got.

So The Middleman is on tonight at 10 PM on ABC Family. It's about zombie trout and stuff, and it's going to be awesome. But what else is there to watch this week? Here's what I see:

Tonight at 8: there are two awesome competing movies: the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie on ABC Family, and White Chicks, the FBI weird prosthetic body transformation film, on FX. Also, neo-noir dimension-hopping show Charlie Jade is on tonight at 3:00 AM on Sci Fi. It's the episode "Dirty Laundry."

Tomorrow night, there's an "HBO First Look" at The Dark Knight at 9:30 on HBO, natch.

Wednesday night at 9, there's a new episode of PBS' science anthology series Nova ScienceNOW, focusing on birdsong and violent space weather. Meanwhile, the History Channel jumps on the Bat-mania bandwagon with Batman Unmasked: The Psychology Of The Dark Knight, also at 9. Here's a clip:

Thursday night, there's a new episode of horror anthology series Fear Itself on NBC at 10. Darren Lynn Bousman's episode, "New Year's Day," focuses on a young woman trying to escape from zombies in a post-apocalyptic landscape. Here's the previous episode, by Stuart Gordon: Also, the Sci Fi Channel is having a marathon of Jake 2.0, which was really like Chuck 1.0, all day Thursday.

Friday night, the Sci Fi Channel once again has its strongest original programming: the Doctor Who episode "Turn Left" at 9, followed by a new Stargate Atlantis, "The Seed." I loved "Turn Left," in which Donna visits an alternate world without a Doctor, almost as much as last week's episode, and you can read my recap here. As for "The Seed," all I really need to tell you is "Jewel Staite-centric episode." Apparently she gets infected by some kind of nasty spore or something. What do you care? It's Jewel Staite, on camera more than usual.

Saturday morning at 10, there's a new Ben 10: Alien Force, "Plumber's Helpers." A pair of alien plumbers kidnap Kevin, thinking he's an alien. That's on the Cartoon Network.

Sunday night at 11:30, the Cartoon Network has a new Venture Bros.: "Tears Of A Sea Cow." Also, ABC Family is showing the quaint old Tim Burton Batman 2:00 PM. To which I say, "Keep bustin'." And FX is showing Batman Begins at 8 PM.

Space Cases was the brainchild of comics/Star Trek novels/Babylon 5 writer Peter David and Lost In Space star Bill Mumy. You can see the trademark Peter David goofiness in a lot of the humor, but it also has a lot of David's cleverness and willingness to delve into intense shit.

Suzee started out as the imaginary friend of Catalina (Firefly's Jewel Staite), but after Staite left the show Suzee suddenly became real and everyone could see her. Here's a clip of Jewel escaping a space prison using her wits and her Black Canary-esque super-scream:

Suzee's a genius who understands every computer ever, and she has gills on her neck that allow her to breathe in any atmosphere. Plus she can project her mind into other sentients, including the computer in this clip. Plus, her hair rules, way more than Catalina's did. In this episode, the series finale, the lonely and damaged computer wants to keep Suzee prisoner forever. But Suzee teaches the computer that friendship means being willing to let your friends go. And then after Suzee finally leaves, Warlord Shank shows up seeking revenge for that computer virus. The computer tells Shank all about how it's learned the true meaning of friendship. And then Shank says, "Warlord Shank has learned that he doesn't care what you have learned!" And blasts the computer to atoms. Awesome.