I speak, of course, of the Secret Origins Of Explosions (And The Walking Away From In Slow Motion Thereof), brought on by this week's new X-Men Origins: Wolverine trailer. PVIII asked the obvious question:

how come no one ever looks at the big explosion they've caused? They're always walkin' with their backs to 'em. I mean, if I were the impetus of widespread destruction, I'd probably take at least a picture or something.

And suddenly, there was so much explanation, I thought we were all back in the middle of that Battlestar Galactica episode where Anders and Ellen told us everything we ever wanted to know about cylons but were afraid to ask:

gaming09: "ever look into a hot flame, gotta squint so its pointless either way, plus u can smile when not facing it adn be like, shit i just blew something up, yeahhh...imma get a beer, and f* that bitch sally"

braak: "This was actually answered in an issue of Doctor McNinja: it turns out, by not looking at the explosion, and casually walking away from it as though it doesn't exist, you become completely immune to the effects. Explosions are kind of big, passive-aggressive attention hogs. If you ignore them, they can't hurt you."

geesejuggler: "Becuase only losers looks back and oogle at the explosion they just made. Not looking back says "Yeah, I know it was awesome but I'm awesomer, punk!" Besides, if you look back, you might flinch from the debris flying. Only wimps flinch!"

I'd like to take this opportunity to proudly own my wimpage. But PVIII wasn't satisfied:

Now explain the slow-motion.

Luckily, the exposition torrent continued:

NerD!!!: "There were no slo-mo-walking-away-from-explosions... scenes before John Woo. They hadn't been created yet. John Woo had to create them. Once he did, they've never been separated. Sure occasionally slo-mo will go off with somebody else (Zack Snyder), and explosions well, they'll go around with anybody.... I lost my train of thought, and I just know I need to rent Broken Arrow again."

Not that everyone was all about the learning, when it came to the Wolverine trailer; some of you wondered what the hell was going on with the other mutants:

jbq: "Cyclops was kind of a let-down. Why de-hunk the guy? Haven't you guys in Hollywood already made the poor sap suffer enough on screen, but you had to get a big-ass nerd to play him now?"

TomSkylark: "Actually, Scott's pretty much always been something of an awkward guy. He was the shy, quiet one out of the original five students, and only in recent years (with some really deliberate re-writings of the characters personality in response to new situations) has he become anything approaching a 'hunk' or badass."

tande04: "Whedon had the best Cyclops. I think thats just because he effectively turned him into Wes from Angel and Wes always was my favorite character."

Min-T: "Real quick: isn't Deadpool, like, horribly disfigured and must wear a mask? Why is he, you know, played by the very hunky Ryan Reynolds? Unless this is during the time where his healing factor was increased or whatever and he looked normal... but I thought that was way later. Or should I just completely disregard any knowledge I have of the actual comic and characters."

Joshua Gacusana: "I say just disregeard the knowledge based on this is hollywood and the tend to muck up the stories and characters rather extensively. See Venom/Topher. /End my fanboy ranting"

AngryEddy: "I always figured that actors had a clause in their superhero contracts that required 73% of screen time was spent showing their faces - which is why in every damn Spider-Man movie, Tobey's mask gets torn to pieces show half his face is exposed (or he just loses it entirely). I suspect Ryan Reynolds wouldn't be keen on a mask hiding his face the whole time either, but they could work around that by having more of his face remain undamaged. Or maybe Ryan Reynolds is so damn cool that he'd just roll with it. Do it Ryan. Do it for the fans."

The above clause, of course, is called "The Sylvester Stallone in Judge Dredd OH GOD WHY Clause." Overall, though, I was happily surprised to see that people were relatively optimistic about this movie that I, sadly, have to admit seems completely unnecessary and a few years too late. Not that I'm actively hating on it, like JeffriesTuber, who offers up this thoughtful critique:

It's not nice to use the word 'retarded.' It's insensitive. But I will say that this looks gay.

Thankfully, the love for the film can overpower the hate, as this touching exchange shows:

Zach Ingalsbe: "holy shit, I'm going to kill someone.

I have a fucking Deadpool tattoo, and they have ruined the character.

yep

people will die"

Alizarin: "You do realize that well, this is how it works right? I mean, I don't want to hear it I'm a Phantom of the Opera fan (um book not musical). Hahaha. My boy (yes I have a tattoo too) has been mutilated in well over 12 movie adaptions, and several stage and TV ones too. This is only one for Deady. He might get more, and they might, eventually get it whatever is 'right.' In your eyes. (Not that they've gotten mine right...yet) I'm not saying this to be combative, I'm just trying to talk you down off the ledge. You sound angrier than I was when I found good ol' predictable Timmy Burton cast Johnny Depp as The Madhatter. I don't want anyone to have to feel that way."

Feel the love, you cynical motherfuckers. Between this and the explosion history lessons, there's no way that you people can't feel proud about what you give back to the site. Pat yourselves on the back... and then walk away in slow motion. You deserve it.

Just leave a comment on this post, and we'll be using a random number generator to pick out two winners. We'll cover the shipping, and you do the watching. Please limit yourself to just one entry, otherwise you'll be unfairly stacking the pack. If we find out you've been leaving more than one comment, we'll pull your plug faster than you can say "Neo." We'll select two different winners on this Wednesday, April 9th, so comment away, cross your fingers, and good luck!

Update! We have our two winners: DWolvin and Angryride were selected at random by a non-sentient random number generator. Make sure you contact us with your full name and mailing address so we can send your DVDs along.

The film is a Matrix-meets-cyborgs story featuring incredible animation, tons of bullets, lots of John Woo signature slow-motion, and even some cyborg doves. It's arguably, in this blogger's opinion, superior to the original Appleseed, and is at its best when things devolve into pure bullets and octane action. Thankfully, the multi-layered story is cerebral fodder as well as eye candy, so you won't get bored while you watch another clip of armor-piercing bullets get emptied into mindless robo-slaves.

This sequel is much darker than the original Appleseed movie, and has borrowed plot elements from The Matrix, Ghost in the Shell (another property from cyberpunk manga artist Masamune Shirow) and the Terminator series. Where the original film dealt with the unrest between humans and genetically engineered bioroids, this film expands that idea with a techno-organic virus that has the ability to infect human bodies and wants to destroy all mankind. A subplot deals with the main heroine Deunan taking on a new partner, a bioroid clone of her android colleague and lover, Briareos.

There's a lot of slow-motion in this film, and the robotic doves play an interesting part in the film. Since those are John Woo's signature tools, was that his idea, or something you came up with?

In the beginning we shot a 40 second "test" video, and we included some of those action sequences with the doves flying in it. I obviously respect John and see him as an inspiration, and in the beginning I was nervous about how he would react to those scenes, especially the ones with all the bullet casings hitting the ground.

He was a very good sport about it. And the doves, we decided to make those robots because we wanted them to figure into the plot and not just be a prop or simply something onscreen. So we made that adjustment and it fit in perfectly.

How did this story develop?

The story is actually much closer to the original manga than the first film. The world that it takes place in is closer to the world in the first film, but our story in this one is much closer to the original comics.

Our budget on this film was triple the original, and that was because we wanted to explore emotions in CGI characters a lot more, to see how an animated character could express emotion. We also spent three times the amount of time working on this in order to do that.

We really wanted to improve as an anime and move things to the next level, not just make something look "cool." We shot real actors throughout the script and used them as a model for our CGI characters.

Did you take the actors out to locations?

No, that was all done on a studio stage using traditional motion capture techniques. That process took about a month, and we would film the actors with props and weapons that are used in the film, but it was all on a stage.

Is it true that some of the costumes worn by the characters were designed by Prada? How did that come about?

Yes, the owner and designer Miuccia Prada saw the original film and she really loved it, but she said the costumes in it looked terrible. When she found out we were doing a sequel she offered to design the clothes for it, and in some of the scenes you can even see the textures in the materials and it looks amazing.

Are there plans to continue this series using the same team?

Yes, we are starting work on the next film, and we have a plan to make a live-action version of Appleseed as well. That's just in the planning stages, but that's our next step.

Was the original artist, Shirow Masamune, involved in the production at all?

He got involved in terms of the script, and he gave us some notes. He was also involved in the designs of the mecha and the world in the movie. It's been one of the rare times that he's been involved in the production of the movies made from his properties.

What should we take away from this production as a sequel?

We really concentrated on the characters in the movie and making them as realistic as we could in terms of expressions and emotions. We were able to improve the acting in all areas, and we really wanted to focus on how they act throughout the story.

Appleseed started as a manga (comic book) and has been adapted into several Japanese TV miniseries as well as a feature film that came to the West in 2004 under the title Appleseed. Ex-Machina, coming is produced by John Woo, who is famous for his brilliant Hong Kong actioners like Hard Boiled, as well as stateside movies like Mission Impossible 3, Face/Off, and more. He's a master of action, and the Appleseed universe will be right up his alley.

What will thrill audiences about Appleseed is that it combines human emotional entanglements with its freaky post-human futurescape, making it work as a drama and an SF thriller. When Gaia's experimental new Bioroid Tereus comes on the scene, he looks just like the pre-cyborg Briarios and — in one of those DNA-as-destiny plots — he falls for Deunan the same way his DNA twin Briarios has. Love triangle plus genetic engineering! I'm there.

Exclusive Appleseed Clip [IGN]