Naked caveman scaring hikers = the most Lynchian local news story we've …

This is the news report that will win every single Peabody Award this year. CNN/El Paso news station KVIA recently took what was essentially a story about a "butt naked" squatter living in an abandoned building outside of El Paso and weaved it into some sort of surrealist horror drama. » 10/17/12 9:20am 10/17/12 9:20am

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Homosexuality will lead to race of super-ducks, claims homeschooler in …

The following letter to the editor by 14-year-old Jasmin H. was published in the October 3 edition of Canterbury, New Zealand's Northern Outlook. In this strange missive, the youth claims that that the global gay agenda will lead to a frightening new species of monogamist ducks. Or something. It's not entirely clear!… » 10/15/12 12:35pm 10/15/12 12:35pm

The 8 Weirdest Real-Life Science Fiction Political Ads

Elections tend to be a surreal time, what with motormouthed candidates perpetually promising a chicken in every underfunded classroom and gasoline pumps that shoot champagne instead of petrol. Here are eight times politicians channeled the realms of science fiction, horror, and fantasy for the express purpose of… » 10/15/12 10:50am 10/15/12 10:50am

Sheep born with upside-down head does not want your sympathy

No, he only wants to dine upon this delicious pasture. Meet Terry the sheep. He lives in the United Kingdom and was born with his head screwed on backward. Despite his flip-flopped dome, Terry is in good health and goes about his sheep business as usual. It's unclear what caused Terry's condition, but one thing is… » 10/03/12 3:15pm 10/03/12 3:15pm

Posting erotic cartoons on your neighbors' cars is not how you break…

In today's modern, hustle-and-bustle internet era, getting your comic book out there can be difficult. You must differentiate yourself from the legion of aspiring illustrators, and sometimes a rip-roaring marketing gimmick can do wonders for your career. » 9/28/12 11:00am 9/28/12 11:00am

In 1910, the plot of Alien went down in a local newspaper

Between the gargantuan frog steaks, the flying stegosauruses, and the giant mosquito robots, old-timey newspapers were a nightmarish fantasy realm where the Teapot Dome scandal may have well have been Warren G. Harding's scheme to build a utopian cloudopolis powered by Liptons. » 9/20/12 4:15pm 9/20/12 4:15pm

Breaking Bad IRL: real guy named Walter White wanted for cooking meth

Bad news everybody, the portal between fiction and reality has disintegrated. Time to go home and wait for my house to be stomped into paste by some combination of Gorgo, Mazinger, and a giant Keith Richards from that one 1990s Rolling Stones video. According to the Tuscaloosa News, a one Walter White has been placed… » 8/16/12 2:05pm 8/16/12 2:05pm

Spider lives in woman's ear for five days, everyone on the planet…

The notion of spiders clambering into our orifices while we sleep may sound like the purview of Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, but for a one "Ms. Lee" who visited China's Changsha Central Hospital yesterday, it was a shudder-worthy reality. » 8/09/12 1:25pm 8/09/12 1:25pm

This is history's greatest news article about someone shooting a…

We've seen vegetables transformed into musical instruments, but we haven't read nearly enough news stories about legume-based artillery. Thankfully, this blurb from the November 2, 1907 edition The Fargo Forum and Daily Republican satisfies our inexplicable craving for 105-year-old news stories about angry farmers… » 8/08/12 10:35am 8/08/12 10:35am

Massive dead humpback whale washes up in seaside swimming pool

If you thought over 100 frenzied sharks eating a dead whale was a tremendously unpleasant reason to go in the water, here's a swim hazard that's depressingly weirder. A 38-foot-long dead humpback — that Australian cetacean rescue experts speculate was hit by a ship while migrating — washed up in an ocean bath abutting … » 8/01/12 10:40pm 8/01/12 10:40pm

Furry-like "goatman" in Utah perplexing hikers, baffling non-goatmen

Unlike Sasquatch or Ogopogo, the Goatman is a largely unheralded cryptid whose half-man, half-goat exploits are primarily confined to Maryland state borders. Fortunately for all you self-avowed Goatmaniacs out there, the Goatman has popped up recently in Weber County, Utah, where a photographer shot him clambering near … » 7/20/12 10:25am 7/20/12 10:25am

The greatest breakthroughs in scarecrow technology of the 1930s

Since time immemorial, humankind has tirelessly attempted to perfect that ominous barnyard manikin, the scarecrow. And if these news reports from the 1930s are any indicator, that decade was a particularly febrile time for anti-corvid homunculi. The following anecdotes come to us from British Pathe (above) and old… » 7/15/12 2:05pm 7/15/12 2:05pm

Suburban Satanists chagrined that somebody stole their "VOTE FOR SATAN"…

And now, a news report that out-Satans that Christmas light fiasco that ignited the Eastern Tennessee media market last December in a geyser of hellfire. Obviously, we're not thrilled that anybody's lawn ornaments were stolen, but seriously, this is the apotheosis of regional news. » 7/03/12 10:25am 7/03/12 10:25am

Canadian newspaper accidentally rewrites the entire history of…

On June 21, the Ottawa Citizen issued the following correction, which — if left unamended — would've violently upended the last 500 years of heliocentric thinking. In related news, Nicolaus Copernicus' tomb has spontaneously combusted in Frombork, Poland. Tiny mushroom clouds were similarly reported over Johannes… » 6/25/12 6:35am 6/25/12 6:35am