Posty, the mailman who hurts peoples' brains when he screams, hears a knock at the door, and you can bet it's more terrible actors from the Company. Click through to find out if Posty and his sexy lady friend escape from peril.

After killing off The Constrictor by yelling at him (goodbye, our pale terribly acted friend), the Postman and his unrealistically hot girlfriend must defend themselves from a knock on the door.

Posty knows that no good can come of this new visitor and sends Latina lady away telling her that he'll come after her, "rain or shine." How much would it suck if you dated someone who used mottos from their work in personal situations?

Then Posty watches with burning eyes as sexy GF grabs the cat and heads out the door. Was the cat necessary? Why was this important, is the cat an integral part of the plot? Why doesn't the cat get ear plugs? They should have given the cat a speaking part. It would have been better than everyone from the Company. Think about it, tiny cat suits. I would have totally watched a Heroes LOLcats webisode. I can haz death hugz?

So sexy girlfriend runs out the back and hops in the car, which is clearly parked on an open street next to the house. Zoinks, you didn't see me, Companies! Then she puts in some ear plugs, and clearly neglects the cats ears.

Meanwhile Posty answers the door with a witty, "I was expecting company." Two poorly suited men enter the house. With the subtlety and acting grace of a college improv class, the two gentleman tell Posty they're just here to talk.

To which witty Posty replies, "No, you're here to listen." And then he blasts them all with his sonar call. The sound waves reach all the way to his hot girlfriend, but the impact don't seem to break the glass of her car or home (webisode money).

Cut To Black, then it's revealed that it's 13 weeks later. A woman walks down a dark basement in a lady suit and you see Posty all tied up Pulp Fiction style. She lays down a few puns written by Andy Rooney.

Poor Posty — he's all tied up and has no where to go. But more importantly, what happened to the cat?

[NBC]

There's also
more horrendous acting from The Constrictor, raising the question of just where the Company gets its second-tier hench-monsters. It seems that the creepy bald villain has taken a liking to the mailman's half naked lady as well. Click through for the recap.

Mailman runs home to his pretty nice house and is greeted by his far more attractive spouse. How is this possible? Women like this don't sleep with guys like him, especially in LA (where I think this takes place). What's the angle — free stamps? Either way, she's been waiting all day for sex and pounces on the postman like a spry little thing. But then Mailman totally ruins the mood by telling her he killed someone with his yelling super power. What a wuss. If he was a real superhero, that would have just put him more in the mood...or something.

Then she goes off to get dressed. And the mailman realizes the door is open! So he picks up that electric guitar that everyone had in high school as a weapon. Is this symbolic? Did Mailman once have a career as a rock god but his dreams were dashed after his scream-singing killed an audience? Oh, I hope the next chapter is a flashback with Mailman fronting a band clad in leather. Constrictor can be the bassist.

But back to the show. Mailman's suspicions are right: the Constrictor is in the house and is hugging his girlfriend (now fully clothed) to death. And ugh gross, he's rubbing his disgusting bald head all over her face and purring.

Thankfully the postal worker yells some more, and then yells really close to the very pale villain's head — and splat: poorly acted character brains all over the wall! But oh no, his girlfriend saw the whole thing go down, and will probably judge him or something. But no time for debate: there's a knock at the door.

[NBC]

The main character of "Going Postal," the online miniseries, has the superpower of making your brain bleed with his super-scream. He runs up against a powdery-looking bad guy who is a "Constrictor" — and that's the point where Marvel dials up their lawyers. But first our poor postal hero gets cornered by a puppy and tries to reason with the mutt about how this whole scenario is cliche, before yelling at the dog and using his powers of loudness to scare the dog off.

Posty is then cornered by nameless man in a suit (obviously the Company) and the suit's bald and pasty companion who writhes and wiggles around like an idiot. Did they let someone's kid direct this? "You're the Constrictor! Wiggle around like a snake!" Of course, the snake-man gets postal guy in a headlock and crazy camera angles ensue. Unfortunately, it never actually looks like pale guy is hurting our mailman hero, merely lovingly hugging him. Hug harder, snake guy!

Mailman escapes by yelling very loudly at the suit, whose ears start to bleed. Then the suit pulls out a gun: why didn't they use that in the first place?

The segment ends with an awesome piece of product placement for Sprint, one of the web series' sponsors. Especially since half the time when you watch the webisodes, it starts with the Sprint ad that makes fun of product placement with a fake movie that's all product placement, it's great how the camera lingers breathlessly over the Constrictor's Sprint phone. The takeaway message: If you're going to murder a man's loved ones to try and turn him into a tool of your evil Company, use a Sprint phone. And then the pale man slinks off, walking in some twisted parody of a snake-person.

[NBC Going Postal]