Like it or not, there really is something compelling about Knight Rider. After all, what other show dispenses with all but three forms of dialogue altogether (Those being "exposition", "banter" and "attempts at wisdom that sadly fail," in case you're wondering), because it's so safe in the knowledge that no-one watching cares about what anyone is saying? It's that certainty in their audience's expectations - and their desire to meet those expectations - that leads to such scenes as Lead Hot Female Character (Let's face it, no-one really cares about her name) wandering around the show's faux-Playboy Mansion complaining about the objectification of women while Mike uses KITT's surveillance camera feed to zoom in on cleavage and drool (Don't worry too much about that objectification of women thing, though, audience - because not only is said LHFC happy to show off her body just as much as any of the faux-Playmates, she'll also happily tell everyone that she wants to make love on a tropical beach while listening to classical music two minutes later as a thank you to Mike for... something that I'm not entirely sure about). Or the camera's love of women's legs as they walk past, which is almost as prevalent as its love of meaningless shots of KITT speeding about.

It's easy - and probably safer for your sanity - to ignore the plot of the show (Which was, basically, Mike is trying to hunt down bad guys, finds them at the world's first The Fast And The Furious-theme bar which also just happens to employ his Iraq vet buddy, who turns out to be working with the bad guys, but the good guys win in the end when the bad guy accidentally drives off a cliff and blows up), and definitely ignore the surreal subplot (Mike's tattoo makes KITT accidentally reveal hidden files about him and the shadowy Government Agency that he works for - all of whose employees who seem to have gone to Shadowy Agency school with Bionic Woman's Berkut Group - act all shadowy and dismissive about the whole thing: What Could It Mean?), and just focus on the dodgy life lessons, instead. This is what I learned from watching last night's episode:

Being A Man Means Learning To Take A Punch Of More Than One Kind
Women Sure Look Good In Bikinis
Cowboys Are Cool

I guess I could add "When trying to escape from the authorities, look where you're going so that you don't drive over a cliff or something," but I kind of thought that that might just be common sense. Maybe not.

In the end, I'm not sure what the point of Knight Rider is - guilt-free carporn with added bikinis and ass for nervous NASCAR fans, perhaps? - but I find myself hypnotized by its shamelessness and cluelessness in equal quantities. It may be the worst show on television, but in such a way that I kind of want to keep watching, to see just where the hell it's going to go next.

(Well, apart from swift cancellation, that is.)

We've excised the two new clips that show a) Mike bluffing in a game of poker against a Phil Hellmuth type, and b) Mike getting into a fight in a casino and kicking a guy in the balls. We figured you could probably direct those scenes better in your head. What you're left with is a scene of KITT just after he's picked up Mike's love interest, Sarah (he called her on the phone!). KITT tells her that her dad is in danger while narrowly missing some college students strolling through a park.
In the third clip, KITT tries to evade capture while wisecracking with Mike and Sarah. Mike threatens to pour sugar in KITT's gas tank, and he robotically says "Don't even think about it, Mike." Somehow he manages to keep his "I really might get an important phone call at any minute, so I have this thing jammed in my ear" headset in while vamping.
Does Val Kilmer have some massive IRS debt that we didn't know about, or perhaps a secret drug habit that he's been hiding from the world? After watching these clips it's hard to imagine why he took this gig except for the paycheck. Hearing him deadpan these lines it makes us wonder why they didn't just go from Will Arnett to This American Life's Ira Glass, who can really dial it in, monotone-style. We just wish we could have been a fly on the wall when Kilmer's agent called him with this role:

"Val? It's Morty. Yeah, the folks at NBC have called me about a billion times about this thing, so I have to mention it to you. They want you to do the voice of a..."

"I'll do it."