Monday:

Clash of the Gods -
On a realllly slow night, catch up on what made Hades keeper of the Underworld, as well as Greek beliefs in the afterlife. On History Channel at 10 PM.

Movies:
Watch Paul W.S. Anderson's Death Race starring Jason Statham and dream of what the prequel/sequel will be like. On Cinemax at 8:15 PM.

Tuesday:

Nova -
Learn about personal genetic profiles, which could predict your likelihood of certain diseases, and discover a Texas algae farm, where they turn the green stuff into biofuel. On PBS at 9 PM.

Warehouse 13 -
Pete and Myka have to repossess a samurai sword that is about to be given to the President, and they discover an evil version of their Warehouse. There's a rival "collector" competing for their items — maybe we'll finally get a recurring adversary for our duo. That's on Syfy at 9 PM.

The Universe -
A new season of Universe begins with dying stars, stars turning supernova and their effects, and the real threat posed by Earth's nearby stars. Discover a whole new danger, on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
An earthquake drops a little-league baseball player into Camelot — yes, that Camelot — in A Kid in King Arthur's Court. The best part is keeping your eyes peeled for appearances from Kate Winslet and the newest James Bond, on Disney XD at 5 PM.

Wednesday:

MonsterQuest -
Large tigers, or maybe jaguars, which roam the eastern states, take a bite out of the season finale on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
Isaac Asimov's stories "inspired" the 2004 Will Smith vehicle I, Robot, but will you be inspired to watch it on FX at 5:30 PM?

Thursday:

CSI: -
On an extremely slow night, CSI is a repeat of an episode that sends the team to Comic Con-esque convention where a TV producer who's planning on remaking a beloved science fiction series is murdered. Watch to make fun of the obvious stereotypes, and keep an eye open for Ronald D. Moore, on CBS at 9 PM.

Movies:
It's scifi movie throwback day on FMC, beginning with 1956's On the Threshold of Space at 10:30 AM and culminating with the attack of live mold from space in 1958 in Space Master X-7 at 8 PM.

Friday:

Eureka -
Allison's baby shower means eco-friendly gifts! Also, drowned scientists are found, where drowning isn't really the most logical explanation. Time to celebrate, on Syfy at 9 PM.

Monk -
Monk faces is up against what may or may not be an alien abduction, when a girl goes missing a and small town has reports of a UFO, on USA at 9 PM.

Movies:
Soothe your apprehensions about the upcoming "next generation" sequel by watching the original Ghostbusters, on AMC at 8 PM.

Saturday:

Being Human -
Mitchell gets sucked into the vampires plot and before he learns a tad bit about what they're really all about, he's recruiting the terminally ill. Meanwhile, George struggles not to tell Nina about his ... time of the month. Annie has had enough of the household poltergeisting and decides to put it to good use, but with mixed results. On BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:
Syfy continues it's epic run of original movies with Phantom Racer. It's a beautifully fast race car with 550 horsepower, that only runs ... on blood. Yes, I just said blood. Starring Greg Evigan of My Two Dads fame — watch the racer's hood clamp down on people at 9 PM.

Or if possessed cars aren't your thing, Batman Begins is on AMC at 8 PM.

Sunday:

True Blood -
Hell is itching to break out in Bon Temps as Bill, Sookie and Jason return home to town controlled by a very different power. Sam and Andy, meanwhile, have been lured to Merlotte's and are avoiding the bloodthirsty townfolk at all costs. Maryann can't be controlled by a simple glamour (did anyone except Bill really think she could?); Hoyt and Jessica confront Maxine; Sookie reaches out to Tara. Hopefully we'll see the return of fighting Tara and stronger Sam soon, because this maenad is seriously getting on my nerves.

Defying Gravity -
When does stop mean stop forever? The crew decides where their own limits are, way out in space, on ABC at 10 PM.

Movies:
The Showtime series about a girl who turns into a grim reaper and collects souls has a movie wrapping up loose ends: Dead Like Me: Life After Death is on Syfy at 9 PM.

Monday:

Spectacular Spider-Man -
Venom is back, and talkin' like a frat guy. Spidey and Venom will have a bro-off, after Venom totally frames the wall-crawler. Meanwhile, alien spores infect John Jameson. The latest episode is on 7:30 PM on Disney XD.

Torchwood: Children of Earth -
Finally, your chance to watch the miniseries that's gotten rave reviews in the U.K. Tonight, discover a whole new side to Captain Jack Harkness, the slutty blue-eyed rogue who's a friend to both the women and the boys. Meanwhile, one morning, all the children of the world freeze in their tracks, and it's up to the team to figure out why — before the world ends. New Torchwood is on BBC America at 9 PM, and it's preceded by "Inside The Hub," a one-hour special that'll give you a crash course in all things Torchwood. Also, after the episode ends at 10:15, there'll be an extra 15 minutes of behind-the scenes featurettes and interviews.

Movies:
Matthew Vaughn, director of the upcoming Kick-Ass, brings us a not-so-sweet story about a man who finds a fallen star that turns into a beautiful woman (Claire Danes), in Stardust. Unfortunately an old witch, played by Michelle Pfieffer, wants nothing more than to cut said star's heart out for her own use. Plus Robert De Niro like you've never seen him before. The movie airs on TMC at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

Warehouse 13 -
The freak of the week on Warehouse 13 is forcing people to act our their subconscious desires. Meanwhile everyone's favorite crazy uncle, Artie, manages tries to discover the source of those wild power surges. America's attic airs on SyFy at 9 PM.

Better Off Ted -
Veronica is fighting the CEO of another big company (who happens to be her father). I know, we're as shocked as you are — we always assumed beautiful, gorgeous, comedic genius Porita was chemically made, like that bio computer from a few months back. Phil and Lem look for a cure for baldness, and we have to meet Ted's father in the show I now call, "Please get off my TV, title character, you're wasting my Phil and Lem time," on ABC at 9 PM.

Torchwood: Children of Earth -
Part Two begins on BBC America at 9 PM. Trust me you. won't. want. to. miss. it.

Movies:
Robin Williams desecrates our dead Presidents, and Stiller doles out more of that wacky "bup bup boop boop" delivery that was so successful for some reason in the early 00s. But that being said, the tiny living dioramas are delightful. It's like Mannequin, but you don't want to sleep with Teddy Roosevelt. Night at the Museum is on FX at 8:30 PM.

Wednesday:

Monsters Inside Me -
You know why people wear shoes? So they don't get threadworm which travels up your esophagus to reproduce in your lungs and basically hang out in your body for years without being detected, so that's why. Learn to fear the ground on Animal Planet at 9 PM.

Not The Specific One, But The Same Idea

MonsterQuest -
Feral-dog packs that attack humans are investigated on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Torchwood: Children of Earth -
In part three, everything the show's been building up to so far comes to fruition, and we get our first glimpse of the mysterious 456. Plus, Captain Jack has another shocking revelation, one which may change how you view him forever. Part Three begins on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:
Jackie Chan's remake of Around the World in 80 Days features a cameo from Arnold Schwarzenegger. Who wouldn't want to miss that? On Disney XD at 5 PM.

Thursday:

Moments of Impact -
Watch teens flee an erupting volcano, and a traffic stop becomes a gunfight — all in super-slow motion, on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Naked Science -
An analysis of NASA's Project Constellation, the government's lofty aspiration to establish a human outpost on the moon by 2020. On National Geographic Channel at 10 PM.

Torchwood: Children of Earth -
If you thought the first three parts were shocking and upsetting, part four ups the ante quite a bit more, with an ending that will leave you screaming at your television set. That's on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:

Joss Whedon's masterpiece sendoff for the Pirate Space Western series Firefly airs tonight. Gather up your loyal browncoats and practice swearing in Chinese on the SyFy Channel at 6:30 PM.

Friday:

Eureka -
Carter's love life perks up with the introduction of Dr. Tess Fontana, who's brought in by Allison to re-open Section Five. When something more sinister is opened, Carter and Tess learn the secret behind the objects that move on their own. On SyFy at 9 PM.

Torchwood: Children of Earth -
The world descends into anarchy and the future of the human race is in jeopardy, when Part Five begins on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:
Matthew Broderick uses his considerable war games skills to fight Godzilla. He teams up with some people to prevent the radioactive lizard from destroying Manhattan, but who's going to stop Roland Emmerich from desecrating an icon? Find out on FX at 6 PM.

Saturday:

Kings -
The end is here. You may weep openly. Once you dry your tears, though, watch Jack preparing to be crowned — when Silas turns up alive. David sets out to warn him about the plot against him, and the biblical show finishes its run on NBC at 8 PM.

Primeval -
The series finale sends the team back in time to prevent the poisoning at the hands of Helen Cutter of the earliest humans, to stop their evolution. On BBC America at 8 PM.

Being Human -
The U.K. comedy series finally gets its American debut. A werewolf, vampire and a ghost share a flat, and together they learn how to deal with their "special needs" like transmorphing under a full moon or needing to feed on human blood. Make sure to tune in to BBC America at 9 PM, to give this hilarious show a warm American welcome.

Movies:
Goblin sharks attack Malibu, when a tsunami brings them to shore. Oh, and a massive wave cuts lifeguards and construction workers off from what we can now call "the mainland." Malibu Shark Attack is on SyFy at 9 PM.

Stay up late and catch Park Chan Wook's I'm A Cyborg But That's OK, which I sadly missed last week (thanks to everyone who pointed that out). Adorable Young-goon believes that she is a cyborg, and has therefore stopped eating, etc. Now it's up to another slightly demented patient to bring her back to humanity. See the robot/human love on the Sundance Channel at 1:30 AM.

Sunday:

True Blood -
Daphne wants Sam to come out of his monster closet, while our favorite star-crossed pair of lovers (Hoyt and Jessica) play out their unrequited love on the small screen. Bless you for being so ridiculous, True Blood, on HBO at 9 PM.

Dr. Who -
UPDATE: Sorry this sort of disappeared in the morning craze, but it's back. Dr. Who's Planet Of The Dead premieres in America this Sunday on the BBC America at 8 PM. The Doctor in the middle of a desert alien with the bionic woman and they gotta get away before they're victim to the swarm.

Additional reporting by Caitlin Petrakovitz.

Monday:

Spectacular Spider-Man -
School's back from winter break, and so is the Sandman. But more importantly — superhero fiestas! Peter is invited to Flash's birthday party, and may never get this teen-angst thing under control. Meanwhile, is that Venom he keeps spotting?

The Spectacular Spider-Man: First Steps:

Movies:
There can only be one, until there was a fourth, movie, that is. Highlander: Endgame with Christopher Lambert as Connor MacLeod is on TMC at 10 PM.

Tuesday:

Warehouse 13 -
Thank your lucky Battlestars — Cylon Number Six (Tricia Helfer) is back as a guest star on this week's Warehouse, complete with her sexy walk and even sexier authoritative talk. Pete and Myka assist the much-missed Helfer as a string of bank robberies in Chicago leaves people stunned. Meanwhile, Artie tries to get to the bottom of a security breach at the warehouse. Warehouse 13 returns on the newly spelled SyFy channel at 9 PM.

Warehouse Promo

Better Off Ted -
Veridian makes a perfume for women... that causes hornets to attack. Linda is thrown under the bus by the company and Phil and Lem's friendship is tested yet again by the depositions. Support your local nerds, on ABC at 9 PM.

On The Set With Phil And Lem (le nerd sigh)

That's Impossible -
How long until we have real Terminators? And will they really look like Governator Arnold? The possibility of robotic soldiers who are able to think is discussed, and current research and developments are showcased. Welcome to your A.I.-dominated future, on the History Channel at 10 PM.

Wednesday:

Monsters Inside Me -
Now that this micro-terror show has already ruled out swimming, sleeping or even DRINKING WATER, what's next? Try not breathing. Tonight the show that scares the bejeezus out of us all continues to with a seminar on the sexual reproduction of parasites, including those of botflies and worms, which flourish in your lungs. I really, really hate this show.

Cough Up Blood With Monsters Inside Me:

MonsterQuest -
Forget Shark Week, killer crocs are on the prowl on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
Robin Williams escapes from a board game, only to face wild monkeys... and oh yeah, a stampede of elephants. Jumanji is on AMC at 8 PM.

Thursday:

J.K. Rowling: A Year in the Life -
Harry Potter and his origins are revealed in this special about the children's author. America finally gets a look at Rowling's intimate life, filmed in the year leading up to the release of the seventh HP novel. Elizabeth Vargas's interview with the richest woman in England airs on ABC at 8 PM. Can't wait? Check out this documentary from across the pond, of the same name.

Are We Alone? -
By checking out the extreme climates and studying areas with little to no water, can scientists prove extraterrestrial life exists? Some travel to the most extreme locations on Earth, including Death Valley in California, to discover if life on other planets is even possible.

And maybe some Sookie-Bill love will be shown while Anna Paquin's on Letterman on CBS at 11:30 PM.

Friday:
Eureka -
Carter has to get all certificated as sheriff again, and it hurts his soft little human brain. But this is Eureka after all, and problems can only be solved via more problems, so Allison heads out to scan the town with her DNA-monitoring system, injuring Deputy Lupo in the process. The season continues on SyFy at 9 PM.

Movies:
Keanu Reeves is the disaffected tattooed savior known as John Constantine. Tune in for Rachel Weisz, but stay for the devil. Constantine is on AMC at 9 PM.

Saturday:

Kings -
Here it is, folks: the end. The first part of the finale airs tonight, as Silas continues trying to pawn off Port Prosperity on Gath, throws Jack and David in jail, and generally looks unhappy. On a brighter Michelle looks for ways to save the jailed David. The show that NBC sent to Saturdays to die airs at 8 PM. It's wrong what they did to this series, just wrong, and if you caught the last episode, you should agree.

Primeval -
A strange woman from the future appears, as a stampede of homicidal rhinos head through an anomaly ready to attack. But, trust me, this future lady is way more interesting than the pack of CG rhinos. Find out her secret on BBC America at 9 PM.

Primeval Promo

Movies:
Monsters and gods rule the SyFy Channel all day. The games and fights begin with Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God, followed by Rock Monster, Grendel, The Book of Beasts, the recent Thor: Hammer of the Gods and finally The Scorpion King. The hunt for monsters begins at 9 AM.

Sunday:

True Blood -
We need more quality time in Dallas — lots more. Let's hope the Hillbilly road show made of Eric, Sookie, Jessica and Bill can entertain us for just a little while longer, in the big bad city. Oh and if you didn't think this show could get any sexier, ED QUINN will be making his fanged debut. True Blood is on HBO at 9 PM.

True Blood Promo:

Movies:
Watch the world NOT be destroyed on the conclusion of NBC's latest campy miniseries em>Meteor on at 9 PM. Wouldn't if just be a peach if they actually let it explode?

Additional writing and reporting by Caitlin Petrakovitz.

Monday:

The Universe –
What's "Beyond The Big Bang" after all? Physicists and historians gather round to talk creation and utilize some nifty animations showing how the universe was made, on The History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
Could anyone replace Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice? Seriously I'd love to see someone try to remake the ghost with the most, and fail miserably. Even the cartoon was funny, but sadly not the same without MK. Watch the original on ABC Family at 9:30 PM, and marvel at how young and innocent Alec Baldwin looked.

Tuesday:

There's a Doctor Who marathon from 8 AM to 4 PM over at the SciFi Channel — nothing wrong with that.

Life After People –
What will happen to the city of cars when we all disappear? Will Detroit's vast car lots become dangerous land mines? Also looks like the future aliens will have a long-horn cattle problem if they ever try to settle on Earth after we're gone. Seriously hasn't this show run out of topics yet? "It will get old, deteriorate and be covered with plants" seems to be the answer for everything. But maybe cars will be different. Check it out on the History Channel at 10 PM.

Wednesday:

MonsterQuest –
Think crocodiles only eat pirate hands? WRONG, these creatures are large and in charge — just ask the cast of Lake Placid. In fact, since I can't find a clip from this week's episode on the The History Channel at 9 PM, I'm going to include my favorite Placid moment, to get you revved up for super ginormous crocodiles.

Mythbusters –
The boys pin cars against the rain and proceed to bust up all the weather related car myths on The Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Ryan Reynolds is on Letterman — shilling for The Proposal, no doubt — but maybe he'll talk a little Deadpool, which is infinitely more interesting than yet another rom com. We'll have to wait and see on CBS at 11:30

Conan plays host to William Shatner, and McLovin (Christopher Mintz-Plasse). So there's really no reason not to tune into The Tonight Show on NBC at 11:30.

Thursday:

Mini Joan Of Arcadia marathon on from 8 AM until 3 PM on the SciFi Channel. It's all about a modern day Joan of Arc (kind of.) Oh, and God is a hottie.

Movies:
There's a bit o' Bond to get you through the night, from the SciFi Channel. At 6:30 PM Roger Moore stars in the movie with maybe the best theme song, Live and Let Die. After that, Pierce Bronsan takes the reins to ensure Tomorrow Never Dies.

Friday:
Batman The Brave And The Bold -
Batman gets zapped to the future, where animals are humanoid, and now we're the pets, or urm... slaves? But whatever — there are CAT PEOPLE, on the Cartoon Network at 8:30 PM.

Clip:

Clip:

Clip:

Saturday:

Kings –
It's Silas' birthday and uh-oh, there's a city-wide blackout. And you guys know what blackout is code for in TV land, secret sex, and lots of it. In the darkness, David tries to explain himself to the Princess, Jack makes off for his secret man lover and I sit alone in the corner and weep for what NBC did to this beautiful series. Kings is on NBC at 8 PM.

Primeval -
The ARC is being taken over by the military, and the group has to flee to the hills. As our heroes abandon their technology, it's humans versus prehistoric Terror Birds, on BBC America at 9 PM.

Sunday:
There's a Mythbusters marathon from 10 a.m. to past midnight, which promises a lot of smashing and crashing.

BBC Earth -
The lovely series BBC Earth will be airing on BBC America. This special is dedicated "Charles Darwin and the Tree of Life," delightful. It airs at 5 PM.

First 10 Minutes

Impact –
The two-parter miniseries Impact has managed to do the unthinkable, make both Natasha Henstridge and David James Elliot unattractive. But you know you're going to watch it, because there's nothing else on TV, and you're a sucker for an apocalypse movie. The moon is crashing to Earth, and it's up to these mega cable TV show stars to save us all, at 9 PM on ABC.

Impact Promo

True Blood -
Mother of God, what have you done to my Lafayette? There had better be some explaining this episode. But it looks like this week, we're in for some Jessica and Sookie one-on-one time, so no that shouldn't be shrillingly annoying at all. Ah, I kid. I love you ladies and every melodramatic moment you give me, bad accents and all. "Keep This Party Going" is on HBO at 10 PM.

Additional writing and reporting by Caitlin Petrakovitz.

Monday:

The Universe -
This weeks episode explores the dangers of space exploration, and the many ways the cosmic void can kill you. Check it out on the History Channel at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

Life After People -
Once we're all gone, what will happen to our all our WMDs? Will they detonate eventually, after time has its way with each deadly missile? Assuming any animals survive our extinction, would they be in danger if all the bombs on the Earth went boom? Life After People is on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

The saddest little robot in all the world with the longest never-ending tale, A.I., is on 7:30 PM on Cinemax.

Meet the man who's so extreme his name has three X's. That's right Vin Diesel's XXX, the movie about some tattooed extreme sports guy who has to fight terrorists (of course), is on 5 PM on FX.

Wednesday:

MonsterQuest -
The monster gang gets to the bottom of a monkey creature that terrorized the people of New Delhi in 2001. A South Asian cousin of Big Foot? I'm thinking yes, but get all the monster facts on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Mythbusters -
Time to test the curve-the-bullet theory from the scrupulously scientific movie Wanted, on Mythbusters over on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Here Is The Actual Video From The User Challenge:

Thursday:

Eliza Dushku fans, rejoice! There's a Tru Calling marathon from 8 AM until 3 PM on the Syfy Channel.

Movies:

Watch the art of dragon riding and pouty swordplay, while watching Eragon at 7:30 PM on the ABC Family channel.

Learn how to drink beer the alien way in the SNL sketch inspired film Coneheads, staring the original players Dan Aykoyd and Jane Curtin. It airs on Comedy Central at 4:30 PM.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
Jonah Hex winds up in Gotham after a battle with Zebra-Man, and a little time traveling. After some initial misundersandings, Batman is convinced to help Hex back to his time in exchange for information. The new episode is on Cartoon Network at 8:30 PM.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Saturday:

Kings -
God save NBC's Kings. The alternate reality monarchy drama is back in action tonight. Where did we leave off? In this episode Jack and David go to Gath to "shore up" the peace, and I think we all know what that means. Also Michelle prances around with her health bill some more, and Silas tries to protect the city from a plague (which was actually made before all this scary swine flu drama so how strangely timely). Kings is back at 8 PM on NBC, for two more weeks.

Primeval -
A flesh eating fungus from the past is unleashed onto our world turning one soul into a fungus monster. BBC America at 9 PM.

Primeval Trailer:

Pushing Daisies -
It's the proper series finale for Daisies. The Darling Mermaid Darling's rival Aquadolls are killed, which means it's time for a mermaid revival. Olive and Ned team up to uncover the murderer, while Chuck hides in the wings. Watch, for the last time, our dear pie-maker and friends, on ABC at 10 PM.

Trailer (Sorry it's in German, can't find English)

Sunday:

True Blood-
It's been too long since we've blown a blood line and got naked with the ridiculous vampire community in Bon Temps. But this Sunday Alan Ball's blood sucking series based on the books by Charlaine Harris is back. So whose foot was that in the car? Are our worst suspicions true, and the very best character from last season is now food for worms? Will I be able to even watch this series without one redeeming character (unless the new religious ones are interesting? I'm thinking no.) Guess we'll have to wait and see, on HBO at 9 PM.

True Blood Trailer Promo

Monday

It's not too late to ditch work and sit through the Threshold marathon all day today on the Sci Fi Channel. Who needs paperwork when you have sexy Carla Gugino and her incredible brain to save the world from a crashed alien spaceship? Go Red Team!

The Middleman is back, showing M.M. fighting injustice and helping his twenty-something sidekick Wendy sort out her crazy life. In this episode, Wendy goes undercover as a sorority sister to investigate a haunted sorority house, which spells pillow fight! The Middleman airs at 10 PM on ABC Family.

Casper Van Dien (or, as I will always know him, Johnny Rico) will be on Chelsea Lately on E! with the rest of the Starship Troopers 3: Marauder cast at 4 PM.

The Japanese shōnen mecha anime Gurren Lagann, about an underground future society, is on twice on Monday once at 11 and again at 11:30 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

A sad and scruffy retired cop becomes a crusader against fascism in an alternate future. New episodes of the scifi cop drama Charlie Jade air on 3 AM on the Sci Fi channel.

Movies:

In Reign Of Fire, sad humans fight dragons with the help of Christian Bale, pre-Batman voice, and Matthew McConaughey, tonight at 12:30 AM on TBS. Plus, you can almost get to the Moon by watching Apollo 13 at 2:30 on AMC. Deep Impact, the armageddon movie that time forgot, is on soon after the dragon hotness, at 2:30 AM on TBS. And lastly, who needs Star Wars when you can watch a spoof instead? ABC Family is airing Spaceballs tonight at 8 PM.

Tuesday

There's an all day Monster Quest marathon on the History Channel starting at 8 AM. Nova will bring us another inside look at "Cars Of The Future" at 12:30 AM on PBS.

An all new Eureka is coming your way on Tuesday night. The second episode of the new season is adorably called "What About Bob." Follow the sheriff as he hunts down Global Dynamics' own Creature from the Black Lagoon. Eureka airs 9 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Wednesday

Eliza Dushku will be on Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC at 12 AM, and hopefully she'll spill some Dollhouse dirt.

The History Channel will delve into the infamous 70s UFO sightings for you, in UFO Files: UFOs of the 70s at 11 PM. Turns out the 1970s were the most active period of UFO sightings ever. (Who knew?)

Movies:

Wrong Turn is on Fox FX at 10 AM, in case you haven't gotten enough Eliza Dushku on Jimmy Kimmel. Watch her get lost in the woods and discover a sinister secret: the people in the mountains have mutated into crazy cannibals, and Eliza's on the menu.

Friday

From 8 AM to 4 PM, the Sci Fi Channel is running a marathon of Doctor Who in case you need to catch up on the tail end of season two.

Movies:

Follow Tom Cruise as he tries to save his ungrateful kids from attacking aliens in War Of The Worlds 8:30 on ABC 10:30 AM. Hang out with Big Red in the first Hellboy at 8 PM on Fox. Escape from a boring Friday night with Snake Plissken, in Escape From New York at 11:30 on AMC. Batman Begins is on at 8 PM (and many other times throughout the night) on Sci Fi.

Saturday

Find out why almost all the aliens we hear about are little gray men with big heads, in the UFO Files: New UFO Revelations: the Grays' Agenda, at 10 AM on the History Channel.

The space and time continuum opens up for another monster series Primeval. Follow the zoologist Professor Nick Cutter as he searches for his missing wife and tries to wrangle the occasional monster that steps out of the show's space and time rift. The creepy creature show is in its third season on the BBC, and the first season premieres on BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:

Out Of Time airs at 4:30 PM on TNT. And there are back-to-back Flubber movies on TCM. Follow the original Absent Minded Professor as he discovers flubber, at 9 AM. Then follow up with The Son of Flubber at 10:45 AM.

Sunday

If you're up early (or late) feast your eyes on Ghost In the Shell at 4 AM on Adult Swim. Plus, the Venture Brothers will have a new episode for fans on Sunday at 11 PM at Adult Swim.

It's no coincidence that Prince's cousin started using heroin in the month of June, because there's just nothing on television. It was probably even worse back in 1987, before we had the Sci Fi Channel.

Monday:

The Sci Fi Channel has started showing Star Trek: The Next Generation on Monday nights, with four episodes in a row focusing on the bland life and tragic death of Tasha Yar: "The Naked Now," "The Big Goodbye," "Arsenal Of Freedom" and "Skin Of Evil."

Tuesday:

There are two episodes of Mega Disasters on the History Channel at 8 PM Tuesday night — a rerun about a possible asteroid impact on the Earth, and a new episode about a "Comet Storm." Basically if you want to spend two hours feeling total panic about stellar objects smashing into your backyard and giving us the dinosaur treatment, then it's a date. (With no president Morgan Freeman or oil-rigging Bruce Willis to distract you.)

Wednesday:

There's a new MonsterQuest on Wednesday at 9 on the History Channel. "Vampire Beast" tracks down the truth about a beast that could be more than human. Or not. Here's the description:

In the fall of 2007, residents of Bolivia, North Carolina started losing pets and farm animals to an unknown creature. Is it the same mystery predator with a taste for blood that preyed on goats and dogs in Bolivia more than 50 years ago?

The Day After Tomorrow also airs on Wednesday at 5:30 on FX.

Also, John Cho is on Last Call With Carson Daly. Will he let slip some Star Trek spoilers?

Thursday:

I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. There is a Smallville rerun in which Clark's super-cousin Kara tries out for a beauty pageant, if that helps. I know, not really.

Friday:

Sci Fi Channel has the U.S. premiere of Charlie Jade, a Canadian/South African show about a detective who sees alternate universes, at 8 PM Friday. I haven't yet seen any episodes, but this site says it's very very noir, with a strong Blade Runner/Frank Miller element going on. In a nutshell, a detective named Charlie Jade (my almost-namesake) discovers that there are three different Earths: the corporate-dominated dystopia he lives on, a perfect unspoiled paradise, and "our" world. The corporate-dominated world wants to ravage the unspoiled one, and ours just gets caught in the crossfire.

And then at 9 PM, Sci Fi is showing another new (to Americans) episode of Doctor Who, "The Doctor's Daughter." Humans are stuck in an endless war against bubbly fish people, and the Doctor has a daughter. (It's not a spoiler if it's the title of the episode. I think.) It's a fun episode, but ultimately falls a bit short because it's trying to juggle too many ideas. Our recap is here. Here's a piece of the episode:

And then at 10 PM, there's a new Battlestar Galactica: "The Hub." If the spoilers we ran for this episode a while back turn out to be true, this could be a pretty explosive one that changes everything forever. In any case, we find out what happened to Roslin, and Xena is back.

Saturday:

Saturday at 10, there's a new Spectacular Spider-Man on The CW. It's called "Intervention," and it deals with the Venom symbiote, which is trying to take over Spidey. Meanwhile, Aunt May is in the hospital, and Pete's friendship with Eddie is ruined.

At exactly the same time, on the Cartoon Network, there's a new Ben 10: Alien Force, "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" Ben and Gwen discover that their grandmother is an alien. And Gwen has to make a tough decision. And at 10:30 on Cartoon, the new Transformers: Animated has an awesome title: "S.U.V.: Society Of Ultimate Villainy," which we posted spoilers from before. Here is a clip, from its earlier airing in Dubai:

Saturday night, Sci Fi has two different original TV movies: Dog Soldiers and Bloodsuckers.

Sunday:

The Discovery Channel has the first two episodes (four hours worth) of When We Left The Earth: The NASA Missions. It's a bizarre history of NASA's first 50 years, featuring new footage in HD quality. Witness the first ever spacewalk, and the hair-raising challenges of converting an intercontinental ballistic missile into a vessel capable of carrying humans up into space.

Also, the Cartoon Network has new episodes of Venture Bros. and Metalocalypse at 11:30 and midnight, as part of its "Adult Swim" lineup. The Venture Bros. episode, "The Doctor Is Sin," shows what happens when a deal with General Manhowers falls through. Dr. Venture may have to sell the Venture Compound — unless he can turn it into a super-efficient science machine. And then the Metapocalypse episode, "Dethgov," is about Nathan Explosion serving a temporary term as governor of Florida. (Thanks Lampbane!)