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San Francisco, 5:53 AM
Fri Dec 25
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Avatar Won't Make You Go Native
In Avatar, an ex-marine leaves his body and enters an alien world. And James Cameron hopes the same thing will happen to you, thanks to totally-immersive CG and 3-D. By that measure, Avatar fails. But it delivers a fantastic ride. More »The Lovely Bones: Hitchcock Meets Dali In Purgatory
The man who managed to film Lord Of The Rings has chosen to adapt introspective afterlife novel The Lovely Bones, and once again he's taken some liberties. But the result is a surprisingly seamless fusion of Hitchcock and Salvador Dali. More »Awesome 1980s Retro Satanism in "House of the Devil"
"The Road" Leads to a Sentimental Post-Apocalypse
The vast, dying landscapes in The Road are edged with flame, telling a story of the world unmade in stark images. While the design in this film is eloquent, its characters aren't. What lurks beneath their silence? More »There's No Intelligent Life on Planet 51
New Moon, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Celibacy
Turn Off Your Brain and Watch the World End in 2012
Roland Emmerich's 2012 is jammed with every cliche and trope ever found in a Hollywood disaster movie, while giving the Earth an over-the-top pummeling. It's a reasonably fun flick at times, if you don't think about it...at all. More »"The Box" Contains A Conspiracy Wrapped In a Mystery Wrapped In 70s Retro
Ewan McGregor Finally Made A Decent Star Wars Movie
"The Fourth Kind" Is A Hoax
Alien abduction flick The Fourth Kind bills itself as containing "actual footage" from case histories. But this footage is so poorly faked that it insults the audience's intelligence. So why are people still calling this movie scary? Spoilers ahead. More »Smarmy Writers and Battle Stags Defeat Gentlemen Broncos' Bad Hype
Battlestar Galactica Movie Reveals The Cylons Never Actually Had A Plan
Astro Boy: Subversive, Awesome Flying-Robot Action
The Wild Things Don't Really Love You
Spike Jonze is known for making uncomfortable films — I still can't think about the ending of Being John Malkovitch without squirming — but Where The Wild Things Are may be his coldest comfort yet. Major spoilers below... More »"Paranormal Activity" Is As Scary As Real Life
At the theater where I watched a preview of Paranormal Activity last night, somebody ran out of the auditorium and threw up. It was that scary. And the most terrifying part isn't what's "paranormal" - it's the normal, everyday realism. More »Pandorum Delivers Zombie Mutant Banality – In Space!
If you are going to see Pandorum don't make the mistake I did and enter the theater without a gigantic bong hit. Reefer is the only cure for space monster ennui! Spoilers ahead. More »Your iPhone Is Rupturing Bruce Willis' Spleen
Bruce Willis looks like shit in his new movie Surrogates, and that's the point. His robot self is cheesy, fake-looking and ridiculous, and the flesh-and-blood body slumped in a neural-net chair is saggy and fragile. Spoilers for Surrogates ahead. More »Cloudy Is The Cherry On Top Of This Summer
Everybody Wants Pieces of Jennifer's Body
If Nice Machines Battle Evil Machines After You're Dead, Will You Care?
In most post-apocalyptic movies, we bring destruction on ourselves with our advanced science, and there's a cautionary message about trusting technology. But the lyrical 9 may be the first film that shows good machines fighting evil ones, after we're dead. More »"Gamer" Is a Sex and Violence Epic With Balls
The awesomeness of exploitation flick Gamer is going to surprise you. Packed with insane violence, decadent sex, and (yes!) musical numbers, the movie is a blood-dark satire of futuristic videogame culture that will push all your buttons. Spoilers ahead! More »