Collider is reporting, based on an unknown source, that Warner Brothers has canceled Jerry O'Flaherty's CG animated Thundercats origins story, based on the animated pilot. If you remember correctly, the Thundercats had to vacate their homeworld when it was destroyed.

And that sounds like a remarkable origins story, unlike most of the heroic origins that are being floated around Hollywood right now. Plus it has alien planets and cat people — sound familiar? But no, that couldn't possibly make any money. Plus it looked amazing, judging by the concept art of Third Earth.

But the "good" news is the flash video game is still being made along with The Orb of Madness, where you get to play Panthro. So, that's something.

But we're still baffled. Hasn't Avatar proved that alien features directed towards everyone can and do make money? So why get all gunshy over another alien features that not only has a bankable pre-existing audience, but more awesome cat people? Plus the merchandising alone has got to be making someone at Warner Brothers hungry. Hollywood, we urge you, this is one of the classic properties we want made into a film, we don't need a Labyrinth remake or another Neverending Story, just one good Thundercats film.

Reality TV producers are planning a new series based on Forks, Washington, the town that Meyer set her Twilight saga in. Right now, the crew is seeking out a cast based on everyday people that live in Forks. So nothing to do with Twilight at all, unless you overlook the fact that the half the town has converted to Twilight tourism, hawking Bella Berry Shakes, inviting tourists into their Twilight themed hotel rooms, and throwing a vampire birthday for Bella in which 1,000 young girls were in attendance.

This is a Twi-themed bedroom from the hotel The Pacific, in the Forks area.

And no this isn't the documentary called Twilight In Forks, this is an entirely different reality-based show about Forks. But still, the crew insists that the project will focus on the riveting lives of the ordinary people in Forks, not those who think they are vampires, or werewolves — because who wants to see that, besides the 100 people a day who clamor into Forks looking to get a piece of Edward?

[WENN via Cinimatical picture via Pyzam]

The First Avenger: Captain America is also aimed at a 2011 release (22 July, following Thor's May 20th release date), and Fangoria has let slip that the movie will start shooting in June next year, following Thor's principal shoot, which starts next month. We know that the movie will be directed by The Rocketeer's Joe Johnson and written by the team of Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, probably best known for both Chronicles of Narnia movies, but beyond that, everything's been kept pretty much under wraps.

IMDB's plot synopsis just reiterates the character's origins during WWII, and it's a fair bet to assume that we'll see a lot of period action in Cap's solo movie. In fact, we're wondering if that's pretty much all we're going to see, because his arrival in the present day is so linked to Avengers lore to tell too much of that story without including the Avengers ahead of their own movie, which seems pretty unlikely. We already know that Avengers scriptwriter Zak Penn is a fan of Mark Millar's Ultimates retelling of Avengers history, so perhaps we should prepare for The First Avenger to repeat The Ultimates' first issue, which told the backstory of Captain America leading up to his accidental suspended animation, allowing for the Avengers movie to continue from that point, introducing him (and new viewers) to the characters from all the other movies who'll have teamed up to form Marvel's mega franchise.

Of course, we'll have to wait for casting announcements for the movie to start surfacing, allowing for more detailed and informed guesses as to what we're going to see during the First Avenger - not to mention what timeframe we're going to see it in - but don't be surprised if Marvel's 2011 movie slate will seek to expand the superhero genre in more epic, mythical directions (Thor) and more gritty, realistic "War Is Hell" ones at the same time.

The eagle eyed folks over at Slashfilm pointed out a major detail from the new Iron Man 2 trailer. It seems that for a split second in the new trailer Black Widow exposes a S.H.I.E.L.D. badge on her catsuit. The badge was previously removed from any official stills, as it would expose the secret of who she is and why she's working inside Stark's company. Here's the picture...

When we spoke with Scarlett Johansson back in the comic con the actresses played especially coy about her character's ties in the film.

What is your relationship to the other characters in the film?

Well I'll tell you that um, my character... there are two sides to my character. She's a bit of a shape shifter, I suppose. There's a side of the character that's kind of demure and covert - I wouldn't say that she's submissive, but she's blending in to the Stark Industries [team, as an assistant]. Then the other part of the character is a really aggressive, bad-ass character, that is sure of herself and is going to kick the shit out of you if you get in her way. So that's as about as much as I can tell you, and how that relates to the other characters.

I'm curious as to how your character balances out Whiplash and the other villains. A lot of people are saying two villains is too many, what does your character bring?

We don't know whether the character is villainous. She does have a dark past, and she is very seductive and distracting. We are not sure exactly where she's coming from, and what her intentions are, I'm not saying that will all be revealed. But there are a lot of characters in this movie, and a lot of new characters. And it is a balancing act. I think that between the huge explosive action, the romance, the battle of good versus evil - even within one's self - there's a nice balance between all of us. And I think fans will be excited to be taken down all these different journeys. They all really play into one another, and it doesn't feel like a lot of different films coming together. It feels like an ensemble. And you know, who can have too many villains?

In the comics your character works with Sam Jackson, do you have any scenes with Sam?

Um, I have worked with Sam Jackson.

She kept a tight lid on the plot details there, but this assumption seems to go along with comic books, and the "duality" issues that Scarjo is talking about above. Not a huge surprise, but a welcomed addition that keeps in canon with the comics.

The film stars Leonardo DiCaprio as a powerful CEO, Page as his assistant, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a khaki suited bad-ass and Ken Watanabe as the bad guy. The basic plot is being heavily guarded and all imdb has to say about the picture is that, "A CEO-type becomes involved in a blackmailing scandal." But from the trailer I think it's safe to say that this blackmailing is at least happening from inside someone's thoughts, because "your mind is the scene of the crime." Also, is Page screaming "Wake me up!" at one point?

Out in theaters July 16.

[via Apple]

Here's the trailer:

Anime News is announcing that the kick-ass director of Sky Crawlers, Ghost in the Shell and the hotly anticipated Assault Girls film, Mamoru Oshii, is taking on a live action retelling of this classic robot. Which means it will most likely be massively better than the Imagi CG film we've been waiting for, which sadly just looked creepy in this teaser trailer.

The director has already adapted the material once before, mounting a stage production just earlier this year. The show featured a 6-metre tall (i.e., one-third scale) stage robot that was reportedly capable of free standing movement.

The story's hero is little Shotaro Kaneda, whose scientist father dies after spending his life building the ultimate weapon, a giant robot. After his passing, the robot is then given to the son, who uses it exactly the way you or I would: to fight crime and other evil robots. Originally titled Tetsujin 28-gō, this manga was created by Mitsuteru Yokoyama in the 50s. Then it was adapted to an anime series, and later translated to the states as Gigantor.

Superhero Hype has the latest news about Martin Campbell's, from Casino Royale, Green Lantern.

The entire thing will be shot by cinematographer Dion Beebe, who not only shot the amazing-looking Equilibrium, but won an Academy Award for Memoirs of a Geisha.

He'll be working with production designer Grant Major, who worked on The Ruins and King Kong and took home an Oscar for his work on Lord of The Rings. And costume designer Ngila Dickson, who also received an Academy Award for LOTR.

And finally Art Director François Audouy who helped bring the gorgeous scenes from Watchmen to life, is joining the crew. So it seems that Warner Brothers isn't screwing around with this picture, and is investing big money for big turn out. Gone are any campy expectations we had for this film, we're now expecting something much more epic.

Also, our insider sources tell us that production is readying in New Orleans, and should be expecting up to a thousand construction workers for sets and special effects at peak production. Rumors on the internet would lead us to believe that filming would then start in March, ending in either July of August 2010.

[Image Via Geek Tyrant]

Despite early concerns that Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel would topple James Cameron's crown this weekend based on advance ticket sales, the second week of release for Avatar bodes incredibly well for the long-term prospects for the movie; it brought in an estimated $75 million, a staggeringly low drop-off when compared with its opening $77 million.

More impressively, Avatar's success comes despite the second most-successful film of the weekend, Sherlock Holmes breaking the record for the most successful Christmas opening of all time (Its estimated $65.4 million easily beating previous holder Meet The Fockers' $46.2 million), and amid the most successful weekend domestic box office gross of all time; this weekend, American cinemas took an estimated $285 million, up from July last year, when the opening of The Dark Knight led American theaters to a $260 million best. With these kinds of numbers, it's no surprise that box office records for IMAX were broken this weekend thanks to Avatar (Earning $12.1 million globally), or that the movie is #1 in all but one of its 108 countries of release right now (India is the only hold-out, but even there, it's #2). If this keeps up, then we may have discovered a film that'll topple Titanic off the most successful movie of all time title after all...

Tom Waltz told Comic Book Resources that, although it seems that Legion: Prophets may feature background characters and events to the Paul Bettany-starring movie out January 22nd, there's more going on that may seem at first apparent:

Our comic provides an exclusive expansion on some of the ideas and themes presented in the film and, perhaps, a hint at things to come should there be a movie sequel... Each of these people have been chosen as prophets to protect the only hope for humanity in the apocalypse - a special child, who is yet to be born (for more on that, you have to see the movie!). As the apocalypse strikes and angelic possession begins to plague the planet (again, see the movie!), all five of these seemingly ordinary folks quickly find out they have special gifts and powers that set them apart from other humans... as well as a unifying mission they've all been given hints to through strange (and sometimes horrific) visions. These are standalone issues, though the fourth issue does feature all five prophets. And did I mention these are not all of the prophets in 'Legion' lore? Hint, hint.

Does that mean more Legion comics, or just that Legion: Prophets leads directly into the movie? You can find out for yourself; the collection of Legion: Prophets is in stories now.

The Many Faces of "Legion" [Comic Book Resources]

Collider's Steve Weintraub spoke with Sherlock Holmes producer Dan Lin, who was also one of the producers on the on-hold Justice League: Mortal movie. When asked about the status of the movie, he said,

It's on-hold right now as DC sorts out its strategy but as you've talked to Alan Horn and Jeff Robinov it seems like they're building to Justice League instead of going with the team movie first and doing individual movies after that... They're unveiling their DC strategy in January so you'll hear more about that and they'll speak about that in the new year.

If true, this model has seemed to be working out for Marvel, and with good reason: It gives audiences a chance to get to know the individual characters so that they can anticipate the potential of a team-up, as opposed to spinning characters out of a team after the fact. It makes a lot of sense for the Justice League concept, in particular, considering that that has always been the team that's meant to be an all-star league for DC's superheroes. DC Entertainment are expected to make an announcement of their immediate plans next month; wonder if we'll find out about plans for Flash and Hawkman movies to accompany Green Lantern after all...

Producer Dan Lin on the Justice League Movie, Suicide Squad, and Stephen King's It [Collider]

In a season full of swollen special effects blockbusters and annoying Christmas stories, badboy Brit director Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes is a welcome respite. It's a simple whodunnit with Victorian flourishes and a lot of incredibly hammy acting from star Robert Downey, Jr., playing Holmes as a badass Hunter Thompson type. When he's not solving crimes or using his powers of observation to kick bad guys in the nuts, Downey's Holmes mopes in his rooms, taking drugs and testing new kinds of explosives. Jude Law plays Watson with tweedy aplomb. Downey and Law have such incredible chemistry together that every scene featuring the two of them crackles with homoerotic zing and makes you fall completely in love with these two masters of logic who can also fight like Irish wrestlers (did I mention the great Irish wrestling scene? oh yeah).

The movie isn't based on any particular novel in Arthur Conan Doyle's celebrated series about the detective whose superpower was minute observation and deductive logic. It bears some resemblance to Hound of the Baskervilles, in that there's a rash of seemingly supernatural events that Holmes works to reveal as perfectly-explainable elements of a conspiracy. In the case of this film, the "supernatural" occurrence is that a hanged murderer has turned up alive and is attempting a hostile takeover of an ancient Illuminati-style group of aristocrats who believe in black magic.

Holmes gets involved in the case when he's hired by old flame Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams, looking spicy in her tweed ladysuits). Adler, an extremely minor character in the novels, emerges in this film as a wily and formidable third member of the Holmes-Watson team. The only thief who ever outwitted Holmes, she's working for a mysterious man who wants Holmes to investigate the murder of a chemist whose life turns out to be intertwined with the mysteriously resurrected murderer.

It's a perfectly serviceable plot, which reaches a very steampunk scifi conclusion. But this film will not win you over with storytelling - it will seduce you entirely with individual scenes and scenery. As I said earlier, every moment with Holmes and Watson crackles with manic energy, whether Watson is trying to convince a very stoned Holmes to stop experimenting on flies in his rooms, or Watson watches in horror as Holmes alienates the doctor's fiancee by observing that the pale stripe on her ring finger suggests she discarded her previous beau for "someone better."

Sherlock Holmes is, more than anything else, a feast for the eyes. The sets are sumptuous, the costumes will feed your erotic tweed fantasies, and the CGI backgrounds recreate a rich, believable Victorian London of hulking industrial projects and factories. Director Ritchie deliberately stages this world to feel like steampunk: This isn't the quaint, twee land of Victoriana; it's a modernizing urban world of science and steamships and laboratories. Even when Holmes is fighting, we watch through the lens of rationality. In a couple of truly great fight scenes, we hear Holmes planning the trajectory of his punches in voiceover before he executes them perfectly. Though it's a little hard to swallow this asskicking version of Holmes, it's still amusing to imagine that his great mind allows him to plot out the perfect way to knock out a thug.

Unfortunately, if you aren't a sucker for hard Victorian concept design, Sherlock Holmes is going to feel like a lot of style and not much substance. There are long, meandering chase sequences that lose their steam after a while, and the central premise of the conspiracy plot makes almost no sense. There are moments when the action becomes downright boring just as it should be picking up, like when Holmes and Watson are fleeing the bad guys on a half-built steamship - or when the resurrected murderer is executing his nefarious plan.

These flaws are particularly grating when you add in Downey's over-the-top acting and an accent that caroms all over the place. There's an obvious setup for a sequel here, and one hopes that somebody can tamp down Downey's prancing a bit before Sherlock Holmes 2: Steamy Boogaloo gets underway.

But if what you want is some goofy diversion and epic steampunkery, then Sherlock Holmes is going to satisfy you like nothing else. When it works, this flick is like a brilliant and well-oiled machine - and those moments are almost enough to make you forgive its failings.

The Guardian's Ben Child feels like we've seen a lot of this year's SF before:

Earlier this year, sci-fi actioner Pandorum proved that you can concoct an entertaining - if rather artistically bankrupt - thriller in space by splicing together bits of other popular genre flicks: in this case, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Alien and Brit horror flick The Descent... [W]ouldn't it be nice if 2010 saw just a little more originality entering the sci-fi arena? So far this year we've had Avatar (supremely entertaining but predicated on every space opera cliche from Star Wars onwards, via a bit of Dances With Wolves, Princess Mononoke and Ferngully), Moon (very much picking up where the likes of Solaris, Dark Star and Silent Runnings left off) and the aforementioned Pandorum. The only truly inventive flick that springs to mind is District 9, Neil Blomkamp's excellent satire of apartheid era South Africa, and even that managed to rock out the exosuit battle scene from James Cameron's Aliens for its barnstorming denouement.

We're tempted to offer up the usual "There is no such thing as a new story" excuse, but it's a good point; even this year's "new" stories have been very familiar. Even with the new voices coming into SF cinema, are we running out of new things for them to say?

Where should sci-fi boldly go in 2010? [Guardian.co.uk]

(Note: some of these scenes contain spoilers and / or some serious violence. Beware!)

Serenity

Serenity is Joss Whedon's sort-of-final-chapter for his much beloved television series, Firefly. But it's also a stand-alone story, offering any new viewers a chance to discover the crew and the world of the show anew. And what better way to throw a new audience into the world than a wandering tour of Serenity herself. In the opening shot of the movie, Whedon uses a long-take to fully draw us into his world. You can watch the first minute and a half of the six minute masterpiece here.

X-Files - Triangle

In this episode of the X Files, most of the on-screen action is depicted in a series of long takes and uncut sequences. There are some edits, but they are disguised to make the whole episode feel seamless. And the effect is pretty impressive.

Oldboy

It's not strictly sci-fi, but the action-filled, vengeance-fueled martial arts epic, Oldboy, has garnered a lot of praise for its unflinching take on violence and anger. That's pretty evident in this fight scene. It includes a hallway, a giant gang, and an enraged man with a hammer. And it's visceral impact is heightened by the fact that it all takes place in one seamless take.

Children of Men

Children of Men is a movie that relies on the long single take for a couple of breathtaking scenes, including the particularly moving one from which the picture above comes. But the one that is most impressive is the roadway assault scene. Watching it, its brilliance isn't immediately clear. It's not until you realize that there's no way a camera could fit inside the car that you realize the casual scene took enormous innovation and patience to pull off.

Contact

The introduction to Contact serves as a quick reminder that the universe could be an empty place that is entirely indifferent to humanity. It's almost like a counterpoint to the rest of the story that follows. And it's accomplished with a tracking "shot." It's technically a visual effect, but the purpose is clear, and it's accomplished relatively seamlessly.

Battlestar Galactica

As with Serenity, Battlestar Galactica needed to find a way to draw in the audience and show them the characters and the world they would be a part of for the rest of the series. In one of the earliest scenes in the miniseries, we get just that: a long tracking shot through the interior of the ship, showing us most of the important players of the rest of the series. A fitting beginning to a show that aimed to do things with space opera that were as-yet untried.

Cloverfield

Cloverfield's main conceit was that it was found footage, mostly untouched, from one long night of filming. As a result, most of the film is meant to look like a one-take sequence. You could choose any sequence from the movie, but this one is particularly terrifying, since being confined to one point of view makes the danger seem even more close and real.

Shaun of the Dead

The beauty of the long take in Shaun of the Dead is not the artistry of the camera movement or its length. It's that the same tracking shot was done twice, once before the zombie outbreak and once after. At the :40 mark in this video, you can see the two takes intercut with each other, showing just how carefully the two scenes were constructed.

This list is by no means exhaustive. What are your favorite long-takes in sci-fi cinema in television? Did we forget any greats?

It seemed that mouse house was interested in turning Dick's story into a Lord of the Rings type tale and even added it to their upcoming projects slate on the Disney web page later this year, complete with fancy old timey font...

Slashfilm recently pointed out that Disney webpage which slated the film for Christmas 2012 as a CG 3D production, is gone. The page is still there, but you can no longer navigate to it from the Disney home page. Plus, there's an ongoing discussion at the animation site Tag Blog claiming that the project has been canned.

It's not looking good for this Dick project. Which is sad, because we would have loved to see Disney work more with this kind of material. We miss the stories like The Sword In the Stone and its copy-cat films like The Black Cauldron in the fantasy-rich 80s. No doubt Peter Jackson's The Hobbit will help spark another fantasy movie uprising, but we'd love to see the younger generations exposed to this type of rich storytelling. Culminating with a Supernatural film.

Here's the official synopsis from PKD's story:

An ordinary man living in the Mississippi Delta, whose reluctant actions to help a desperate band of elves leads them to name him their new king. Joining the innocent and endangered elves as they attempt to escape from an evil and menacing troll, their unlikely new leader finds himself caught on a journey filled with unimaginable dangers, and a chance to bring real meaning back to his life.

[picture via maskworld]

We've already shown you the pages from the Legion movie comic book. Now here's the motion-comic trailer. Sadly there's no Watchmen-esque man/woman voice.

But if that's not enough God on human violence to fill your holiday lust, play the impossibly hard Legion computer game. In the game you're Paul Bettany, the mad-as-hell fallen angel. Armed with a shotgun, you must mow down the demon possessed masses and stop God from wiping out humanity's only hope, a pregnant waitress. Click on the picture to link to the site. Merry Christmas!

[Comic via Apple]]

Geoff Johns
Best known for his DC Comics work on titles like Action Comics, Green Lantern, The Flash and Blackest Night, Johns is more than just the man who's single-handedly changed the publisher's fortunes in the comic book direct market: He's also a movie producer and writer, working on a movie with the people behind Robot Chicken (He's also written for the TV show) and part of the brain trust behind DC Entertainment's movie development team alongside Grant Morrison and Marv Wolfman. Not lacking in talent or ambition, he's already many comic fans' Master. How long before he wins everyone else over?

J. Michael Straczynzki
The onetime Babylon 5 creator already has a lot of Master qualities down: Huge fanbase, creation of/showrunning-upkeep of epic weekly television series, a surprising amount of power within Hollywood and geek credentials from comic book work that includes a longterm run on Marvel's Amazing Spider-Man. With future projects including the movie version of World War Z, a remake of Forbidden Planet and DC's relaunch of the Man of Steel, Superman: Earth One, expect JMS to become an even bigger name in our world. But is it enough to be our new Master?

Mark Millar
After dominating comics for the last decade with critic-proof hits like The Authority, The Ultimates and Civil War, Millar's mix of high-concept and big action did the same to movie audiences with 2008's Wanted adaptation. Mext May's independently-produced Kick Ass movie is already seeming like a blockbuster waiting to happen, and alongside new comic series Nemesis (already getting interest from movie producers) and Millar's first all-original movie project reportedly being announced at some point next year, expect to see Millar's star rise even further in 2010. But how high is Master high?

Roberto Orci/Alex Kurtzman
They wrote Star Trek, both Transformers movies, and co-created Fringe; there's not denying the success of the Kurtzman/Orci team over the last few years, making sci-fi mainstream without upsetting the genre faithful (too much). Besides continuing producing Fringe, they're working on adapting Whitley Streiber's 2012: The War For Souls, fantasy comic Atlantis Rising and working with the Iron Man dream team of Jon Favreau and Robert Downey Jr. on Cowboys Vs. Aliens. Is that enough to win your hearts over forever?

Peter Jackson
Yes, The Lovely Bones may not have been a slamdunk for genre fans' interest, but don't think that Peter Jackson has abandoned you just yet. Along with his much-anticipated collaboration with Steven Spielberg and Steven Moffatt (The two movie motion-capture Tintin series), don't discount his producing return to Middle Earth with Guillermo del Toro's The Hobbit movies. Oh, and don't forget his Weta Digital effects house, continually raising the bar on what our eyes can be fooled into believing. Maybe Jackson is already our behind-the-scenes, puppet-Master.

Russell T Davies
You could try and argue that the success of Doctor Who has more to do with David Tennant's "long streak of nothing" (Thanks, Donna) looks and charm than the writing, but all we'd do is point you in the direction of Torchwood: Children of Earth to prove that showrunner Russell T Davies is able to come up with the goods all on his own when he has to (Also, he's the one who chose Tennant, so there's that, too). Not content with not only resurrecting the BBC's longrunning SF series but turning it into the most popular drama on British television and a successful franchise, Davies has relocated to Los Angeles and turned his attentions to American television. With the adulation and respect of many in the industry already his, will mainstream audiences follow?

JJ Abrams
Maybe I'm biased, but with stewardships of Alias, Lost and Fringe on television, as well as Mission: Impossible 3, Cloverfield and Star Trek in movies, JJ Abrams feels like he's already taken the title of New Master. All he needs now is to wheedle his way into comic books to complete the media triumvirate (And, no; that Wired issue doesn't count).

Joss Whedon
Were we too hasty to count Whedon out? Sure, Dollhouse crashed and burned at Fox, but it lasted a season longer than anyone expected and was full of interesting ideas even when the execution lacked. With The Cabin In The Woods, his horror movie with Drew Goddard, upcoming as well as a new Dr. Horrible web series expected, amid rumors that he'll move into even more online content creation, will Whedon 2.0 prove that television is over once and for all? It's be an impressive comeback and reinvention, but maybe that's what we should expect from a former Roseanne scriptwriter who made himself into a television and movie powerhouse who liked things shiny.

What do you think? Vote below and share your thoughts in the comments.

Original image by Neil Crosby.

I know there's probably a term for this type of fighting, and someone who did it first. But, watching Denzel fight all I could think of was, "Get 'em Rafiki!" Wise old dude who makes spiritual references and fights with his hands, and a knife. And that's not a bad thing, because Rafiki is the shit. Here's a video for comparison.

Hollywoodscoop, the site that claimed Taylor Swift is the next Supergirl, now claims that Worthington and Reynolds are dying to dye their hair blond and visit planet Mongo.

Here's their summary of the Flash Gordon movie:

The role calls for Flash as a handsome polo player and Yale graduate, who travels to the planet Mongo, where it's discovered that the meteors are weapons devised by Ming the Merciless, evil ruler of Mongo.

First off, Worthington cannot do an American accent. Second Reynolds is already trying to convince the American public that he is, in fact, two separate comic book characters over a stretch of the next few years, Deadpool and Green Lantern. It would be absolute insanity to take on another iconic character, even if he wanted to do it.

So yeah... it's probably another fake rumor.

1. Experience a horrific trauma or terrible setback that fills you with power lust and an unhealthy desire for revenge. Really, it could be anything. Did somebody tell you that mega-knights weren't supposed to have sex with princesses even though princesses are totally hot? Did somebody unfairly lock you in a burning, underground chamber or two-dimensional space square just because you tried to rule the Earth? Do you just want a special companion who will understand your urge to convert animals into humans, but THEY keep thwarting your every move? All of these are legitimate sources of trauma and anger, and will be perfect emotional springboards from which to launch your reign of terror.

2. Try to do something sort of good, but discover that goodness is weakness. Give some frozen yogurt to your object of affection while explaining your plans to subjugate the continent. Oops - that drove her into the arms of your arch nemesis. Attempt to improve the planet by unleashing everyone's "true selves" via drugs in the water. Why are people so ungrateful? You are just giving them what they want! Save a cat who bites you. Yet another ungrateful creature on this planet! You'll show them!

3. Pick an outfit that says "master." Obviously black is a good way to go, especially if it's shiny, has a lot of laces and buckles, and is topped off with a flowy cape. Latex is a must, at least somewhere. Masks are also good, especially if they distort your voice, but helmets cannot be underestimated. Bonus points if your outfit conceals, but also calls attention to, some disfiguring injury that you suffered while doing evil or being traumatized into your life of evil.

4. If you would like to be a mistress, make sure your outfit is dangerously sexy. Men can be mistresses who want to build the ultimate man and control time itself, but they still have to wear corsets and high heels. In general, a mistress outfit should be skintight, possibly garnished with feathers, sequins, spikes, or inexplicable epaulets. A high collar attached to a short, kicky cape is also a good idea. Headgear should be at least as large as your head.

5. Get a submissive sidekick to call you master. Mind-controlled beefcake, robots, and deformed creatures with horns make great sidekicks. You should always have one chief sidekick who rules the minions (for more on minions, see below). Do not despair if you can't find a sidekick right away, because often sidekicks are made in giant vats rather than found on the street or in an insane asylum. A really good sidekick only has to be able to say "yes master" and carry out your orders. The rest of the time he or she or it can growl or hiss wordlessly. Also, don't forget that your sidekick can be a cat or monkey to whom you constantly whisper your plans maniacally.

6. Gather or make your minions. Like sidekicks, minions are often made not born. You can either build them out of scrap (the old robot army trick) or convert regular humans into brainwashed followers via drugs, brain implants, magical spells, or just plain terror. When crafting your minions, remember that they are your responsibility! If you make yourself a clone army, be sure you have somewhere safe to keep them and enough food to prevent them from dying before you take over the galactic rim. Masters these days often opt for solar-powered robot minions because they're easy to maintain and don't destroy the environment. It's the master's job to destroy the environment, not the minions'!

7. Set some goals. A master always has one purpose in life which he or she works on obsessively. Maybe you want to destroy the world, rule the solar system, control the spice, or simply unleash chaos because it's fun. No matter what your goals are, start small and work your way toward the bigger prize. If you want to destroy an interstellar conspiracy, start by destroying just one planet. If your goal is to spread anarchy to the world, start by blowing up a few hospitals. And if you want to remake the world in your image, filled with worshipers who understand your specialness, why not begin by taking over one city? Get a toehold before you start sprinting.

8. Know your nemesis. Whenever a master steps up to the plate, somebody (usually a pansy-ass leader) will try to stop the mastery. Keep your tentacles tuned to sounds of resistance. Is there an underground group of humans living in the sewers trying to undermine your regime? Is there somebody who is also from your race of superbeings or is possibly an old colleague who has pledged to stop you? What about an alien or mutant who hides among humans and thwarts your every move? Once you've located your nemesis, you must crush them instantly.

9. Consolidate your power. You've turned your nemesis into Dobby the Elf and sung disco to him. The entire city is in chaos. The meteor is heading for Earth, and your assassination plot is working according to plan. At last your shining cities will rise on the horizon! Everyone will shout your name! Genetically-engineered dinosaurs will rule the seas!

10. Dominate! Rule cruelly but serenely from a throne on a spaceship, a hidden island, or possibly the burned-out remains of City Hall. Send your minions out to march in the street, and explain to your sidekick once again how everything is within your grasp. Your minion will either purr happily or drool out the words, "Yesssss, master." Possibly, if you've designed the sidekick to have intellect, he or she will remind you nervously that there is still that pesky little nemesis you didn't manage to track down. SILENCE! WE WILL CRUSH OUR ENEMIES!

10.5. Go back to 1. Curses! Foiled again!