It's not just that most of your regular shows are on holiday break this week; the rest of programming is also affected by marathons and special programming that you'd probably be better off avoiding.

Monday, for example? There's really not much to be looked for at all. Fasten your grump-belts: You're going to run into a lot of that this week.

Tuesday

It's not SF, but Dirty Jobs is at least weird enough to occasionally seem like urban fantasy, right? For those who don't believe me, Discovery is running a marathon of the show from 12pm through 12am to convince you otherwise. For fans of Robin Williams' later work, AMC has Jumanji at 1:45pm.

(Edit: There's also a new episode of Better Off Ted on ABC at 9pm, which I highly recommend and would've earlier if I hadn't accidentally thought it was a rerun. Sorry!)

Wednesday

We're still a couple of days before the holiday itself, but that doesn't mean anything to a time lord, which explains why BBC America has two Doctor Who Christmas Specials already: "The Christmas Invasion" (David Tennant's first episode) at 12pm, and "The Runaway Bride" (Catherine Tate's first episode!) an hour later.

Thursday

Dear Syfy, I know it gets a lot of viewers, but a Ghost Hunters marathon for Christmas Eve? Unless they're looking for the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, I'm not a big fan (8am through 5am the following morning). Just watch BBC America's rerun of Doctor Who's "The Next Doctor" (5pm) instead.

Friday

Dear Syfy, Twilight Zone from 8am, then some trashy movies (Monster Ark at 9:30am, Copperhead at 11:30, Ghost Town at 1:30pm and Stephen King's Desperation - sadly, not a film about the desperation of a horror writer with a face like a shaved lion - at 3:30) before Serenity at 6:30, Total Recall at 9pm and Star Trek: The Next Generation from 11:30 through until 4:30am on Saturday? You're forgiven for that Ghost Hunters thing.

And for those who'd rather watch something with a little more (admittedly dubious) educational value, Discovery has a Mythbusters marathon from 12pm until 6am the next day.

Maybe you shouldn't watch the whole thing.

Saturday

Awake post-festive revelry and wondering if there are old SF B-movies to stave off sleep? AMC has you covered, with a triple-bill of The War Of The Worlds (3:30am), The Day The World Ended (5:30am) and Earth Vs. The Spider (7:15am).

Alternately, Syfy has a horrorfest happening, starting with Stay Alive at 9am, Rest Stop at 10:30, The Descent at 12:30, Autopsy at 2:30, then the first three Saw movies (4:30, 6pm and 9pm, respectively) to scare you out of any post-Christmas Day bluster.

Of course, anyone who isn't watching Doctor Who: The End Of Time part one on BBC America at 9pm should consider themselves (a) not in America, (b) someone who may have watced it online the night before, but we won't talk about that or (c) not our friends. Sorry, it's just the way it is (For those concerned: It's an unedited version, at 1hr and 15mins, including commercials).

Sunday

Catch up with the first four episodes of weird, quasi-animation Outer Space Astronauts on Syfy at 9:30am and then just throw away the remote; the same channel has In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale at 11:30am, followed by Beyond Sherwood Forest (Monsters! Robin Hood! Together!) at 2pm and Dragon Wars at 4, before Men In Black II (at 6pm) and Nic Cage's "What if Indiana Jones was happening today and shit?" National Treasure at 8. What better way to end the week than with Cage, after all?

Monday

Get your day started off in the right way with Syfy's Highlander: The Raven marathon, from 8:30 in the morning until 3:30 in the afternoon. Wait, did I say "right"? I meant, "It's Highlander, surely you can find something better to watch on another channel."

The CW, meanwhile, takes advantage of everything else in primetime being on holiday break by starting a weeklong catch-up for The Vampire Diaries at 8pm, with two episodes running each night until Friday.

Tuesday

You know you're in trouble when a new episode of Syfy's Outer Space Astronauts is the highlight of the day (It's on at 9pm). Otherwise, it's an Early Edition marathon on the same channel from 8am through 3pm and another two hours of The Vampire Diaries on the CW at 8pm for you. Suddenly, NBC's Glee/American Idol mash-up The Sing-Off seems very tempting, doesn't it...?

Wednesday

Again, it's a Syfy marathon from 8am to 3pm (Today, Moonlight) and two hours of Vampire Diaries (from 8pm on the CW) to keep you busy today, although your sanity may be regained with the help of a brand new Mythbusters on Discovery at 9pm (It's called "Hidden Nasties," which can only bode well) and you can always wash your brain out at the end of the day with Eastwick's new episode, "Tea and Psycopathy":

After Jamie reveals to Roxie that Darryl is his father, she sets about having a dinner party where father and son can bond. However, Jamie has a secret, darker plan for the evening. Meanwhile, Kat embraces her newfound power by healing every patient she is exposed to, but her compassion leads to drastic physical consequences. Max asks a reluctant Joanna to help him crack a famous unsolved Eastwick murder, but their snooping leads them to a perilous situation with Eleanor.

Admittedly, after a plot description like that, I'm not sure anyone needs to actually watch the show.

Thursday

I don't remember Level 9, but Syfy definitely does; that's their 8am through 3pm marathon for the day. Aside from the CW's two hour Vampire Diaries block - 8pm until 10pm, remember - your night is both free and clear for you to tune into the special Christmas compilation of Saturday Night Live sketches on NBC at 8pm, just to see if "Dick In A Box" is still funny years later.

Friday

Finally, Syfy's daytime marathon comes through with the goods! It's Stargate SG-1 all day from 8am to 3pm.

As well as (an old) Christmas episode of Batman: The Brave and the Bold, you can be advance-grateful for Dollhouse's latest double bill ("Stop-Loss"/"The Attic", Fox 8pm) for giving you something new to watch instead of another couple of episodes of The Vampire Diaries on the CW at the same time. If you need any more reason to tune into the Whedon world, this double bill includes the episode where Victor's contract expires...

Saturday

Syfy put in a strong showing with a monster movie marathon (9:30am: Mutants, 11:30am: Lockjaw: Rise of The Kulev Serpent, 1pm: Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning, 3pm Ginger Snaps II: Unleashed, 5pm: Ice Spiders, 7pm: Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer, 9pm: My Name Is Bruce, 11pm: Alien Apocalypse and finally at 1am, the infamous Mansquito).

But U.S. viewers who haven't already found a way to watch it will be much happier with BBC America's Doctor Who afternoon, which runs old episodes from 2:30 before the 8pm Inside The Tardis behind-the-scenes episode, and the 9pm premiere of the uncut The Waters Of Mars. Thank you for being so good to us, American Beeb.

Sunday

I think you might want to leave the house for the day. Do some last-minute holiday shopping or something, because there's not really a lot to keep you inside and in front of the television... Maybe you should TiVo all those Vampire Diaries and watch them...

Monday

With Heroes and House both taking a break for the holidays, it falls to Syfy to keep us entertained today, and they're definitely trying their hardest, with Stargate: The Ark of Truth at 9am, followed by Stargate: Continuum at 11.

Meanwhile, if you went down the rabbit hole last night, you'll be happy to know that Alice continues (and concludes) at 9pm.

Tuesday

Even if the day wasn't almost entirely otherwise devoid of SF entertainment, the return of ABC's Better Off Ted (ABC at 9:30pm) would still be at the top of our to-do list. In the first episode of its new run, the employees of Veridian Dynamics find their thoughts turning to reproduction, as Ted and Linda meet their genetically compatible matches, while Veronica tries to convince Lem to donate to a sperm bank. Oh, Ted. How did we get by without you?

If satires on corporate America are a little too close to the bone, then try the first episode of Outer Space Astronauts on Syfy (also 9:30); it's a new sitcom set in outer space - Maybe you missed that in the title - but we're a little worried about it based on the episode description being "Capt. Ripley invites aliens over to the O.S.S. Oklahoma for a pizza dinner, but the aliens want the ship, too." Uh, hilarity may ensue?

Wednesday

Oh, Syfy. With a Jericho marathon from 8am through 3pm, you know how to spoil us. From there until 9pm, it's a bit of a science fiction wasteland in terms of things that aren't re-runs, so consider it the Television God's way of telling you to leave the house and go and do some holiday shopping or something. Then be back in front of the visual entertainment box in time for 9 o'clock, when Discovery has a new episode of Mythbusters, with Jamie and Adam putting more gunslinging myths to the test.

Thursday

Remember 1990s SF vampire series Kindred: The Embraced? I definitely don't, but Syfy is looking to remedy my oversight with a marathon of the entire 1996 series starring former Soul Man C. Thomas Howell, starting at 8am.

Otherwise, with FlashForward, Vampire Diaries and Supernatural already in reruns, it falls to Fringe to keep the science fiction flag flying with its new episode "Grey Matters" at 9pm on Fox. Featuring the return of Leonard Nimoy as William Bell:

Friday

Get your day started off in the right way with Syfy's Outer Limits marathon, starting at 8am. You'll only wish it was Twilight Zone a couple of times, honest.

Depending on who you believe, there's either a rerun or new episode of Batman: The Brave and The Bold on Cartoon Network at 7pm (If it's a new episode, then it'll be the Plastic Man-guesting "Long Arm Of The Law," but some schedules have last season's "Duel of The Double Crossers!" listed. Your guess is as good as mine at this point).

But even if it is a new episode, that might not be enough to steal your attention away from Syfy's Sanctuary mini-marathon, starting at 7pm and ending with a brand new episode, "Penance," guest-starring Amanda Tapping's fellow former Stargate cast member Michael Shanks, at 10pm.

Or you can keep up with the latest double bill of Dollhouse on Fox at 8pm, with the "Meet Jane Doe"/"A Love Supreme" match-up offering Topher discovering the potential effects of science, Echo losing control of her multiple memory downloads, and the return of Alpha.

Once that's done, you might find yourself switching over to Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow on Cartoon Network at 10pm, just to look at how shiny the whole thing is.

Saturday

It's All Disaster Movies All Day on Syfy, starting with Earthstorm (9am) before offering up Meteor (11am), miniseries 10.5: Apocalypse (1pm), Ba'al: The Storm God (5pm), Ice Twisters (7pm), Annihilation Earth (9pm) and finishing with Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York at 11pm. Why so many disaster movies? Why not? Over on BBC America, there's a Doctor Who triple bill of edited versions of "Journey's End", "The Next Doctor" and "Planet of The Dead" starting at 7pm, but you should really wait until tomorrow, for reasons you'll discover in a second.

Sunday

...What's that, you say? A Doctor Who marathon on BBC America starting at 1pm, including 1hr 15 minute (ie, unedited from U.K. broadcast, apart from ad breaks) versions of The Next Doctor and Planet of The Dead? I thought you'd say yes. The full rundown of episodes is:

1pm: Voyage of The Damned
2pm: Turn Left
3pm: The Stolen Earth/Journey's End
5:30pm: The Next Doctor
6:45: Planet of The Dead

All of this is a lead-in to next week's premiere of "The Waters of Mars," and the following week's "The End of Time," of course. But do you care why it's happening, as long as it's happening?

Monday

It's the usual Monday evening decision between Fox's House, wherein the West Wing's Joshua Malina guests as a former patient of Wilson's who's now a little bit too close to dying for everyone's comfort, and NBC's Heroes, which promises an "unexpected destination" for Claire and Peter, who are struggling to come to terms with the truth. Both of them air at 8pm, so feel free to choose House and read our Heroes recap, instead. You know it'll be easier on everyone.

Tuesday

Prophets of Science Fiction on the Science Channel at 9pm is about it, now that V has slunk its way off-screen for a few months (And am I the only person who spent the last episode waiting for a big lizard reveal, only to be thwarted? They even talked about skinning an alien just to tease us, the bastards). But in many ways, this documentary about science fiction creators whose work predicted the future is likely to be less frustrating than ABC's alien drama, even if it may not be more entertaining.

Wednesday

While Mythbusters carries on Kari-less on Discovery at 9pm (Adam and Jamie look into whether you can escape from jail using antacids, while I continue to unfairly criticize newgirl Jessi Combs purely because of my love for the missing Ms. Byron), ABC's Eastwick begins to draw to a conclusion with new episode "Tasers and Mind Erasers."

Thursday

With the CW shows on reruns, your evening viewing is wide open for a helping of Flashforward at 8 pm on ABC and Fringe at 9 on Fox. This week's FF promises to reveal more about Demetri's future death, Zoey's flashforward and, most excitingly, what actually caused the flashforward itself. Meanwhile, Fringe gets out the Lovecraftian influence as "Snakehead" reveals a spooky squidlike creature burrowing into host bodies. Calamari will never be the same again.

Friday

If new episodes of Ghost Whisperer and Medium on CBS (at 8pm and 9, respectively) or Stargate Universe and Sanctuary on Syfy (at 9pm and 10, respectively) don't float your boat — Although, SGU sees Young handing over command of the Destiny to Camille when he's accused of murder aboard the ship, so maybe you should tune into that just in case — then there's only one thing that could take your attention (Well, beside Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network at 9).

And that's the return of Dollhouse, with two new episodes starting on Fox at 8pm. "The Public Eye/The Left Hand" sees Senator Wesley From Angel finally stop talking and start doing something in his so-far-useless campaign against the Dollhouse, while Topher and Adelle meet a programmer with a connection to Echo and - Oh, never mind. All you want to know is this: It's the episode with Summer Glau. See? Now you'll tune in.

Saturday

NBC is showing the best Fantastic Four movie ever made, The Incredibles at 8:30pm. I'm sure most of you already own it on DVD though, right?

Sunday

Sure, Sunday night still belongs to The Venture Bros (a new episode is on Cartoon Network at midnight), but we're still kind of tempted by Syfy's Alice revival, from the people who brought you Tin Man. Bringing the story up to date and adding in various contemporary re-readings of famous scenes, there's always the possibility of things going totally wrong and it turning out to be another Prisoner, but we have hope nonetheless...

Monday

If you'd rather not think about Turkey Day, you may want to skip both House (Fox, 8pm) and Heroes (NBC, 8pm) this week; both shows are having holiday-themed episodes.

House and his team treat "an exceptionally brilliant physicist" more successfully than they handle their own relationships, and the Petrellis have a "surprise guest" for their special turkey dinner. Maybe we'll see Sylar eat some turkey brains or something.

Tuesday

V wraps up its four-episode mini-run on ABC at 8pm with the lying title of "It's Only The Beginning" Here's the official network blurb:

Erica works with newly-formed allies to uncover a biological threat they suspect the Visitors have been plotting. Aboard the Mothership, Anna meets with a special guest while managing the investigation into the murder of a V. Chad does a segment on the V Healing Centers, demonstrating their amazing medical abilities, but then finds himself conflicted by some of his findings.

Findings like them eating mice, Chad? We can but hope.

Meanwhile, BBC America provides a non-fiction alternative with Apollo Wives (8pm), a documentary where the wives of the Apollo mission astronauts talk about what it was like for them to watch their husbands risk their lives flying to the moon and then return as some of the most famous people on the planet.

Wednesday

If you're not interested in Mythbusters taking on dumpster myths on the Discovery Channel at 9pm (Kari fans, it's her last episode before maternity leave), and the idea of another episode of ABC's Eastwick at 10pm leaves you cold (Roxie gets seduced by Darryl's art world connections, Joanna learns about the magical version of Einstein's theories and Kat stays away from the dating world, if you care), then all is not lost.

Cartoon Network's latest live action Ben 10 movie, Ben 10: Alien Swarm debuts at 7pm and, to be honest, you could watch worse this week.

Thursday

It's Thanksgiving, which means all of the usual Thursday night confusion takes a break to go eat with its family, and we're left with the choice of two marathons. The Discovery Channel lets rip with a Mythbusters marathon from 9am through to 3am, while Syfy, surreally, goes with a James Bond movie marathon, starting at 8am. Because... someone had to?

Even stranger is the order of the movies they're showing: Dr. No at 8am, License To Kill at 10:30am, Live And Let Die at 1:30pm, The Spy Who Loved Me at 4pm, Tomorrow Never Dies at 6:30pm, Casino Royale at 9pm, For Your Eyes Only at midnight, and The Man With The Golden Gun at 2:30am. Um... Okay?

Friday

Thanksgiving takes out all of today's regular programming as well, leaving us with the second day of Syfy's Bond In No Obvious Order Whatsoever Marathon, again starting at 8am. Today's movies are Thunderball at 8am, From Russia With Love at 10:30am, You Only Live Twice at 1pm, Diamonds Are Forever at 3:30pm, Casino Royale again at 6pm, GoldenEye at 9pm, Goldfinger at midnight and, finally, Never Say Never Again at 2:30am.

Seriously, are these being shown in order of someone's particular preference or something?

Saturday

Things begin to get back to normal with the appearance of a crazy gimmicked Syfy Original Movie: Beyond Sherwood Forest takes Robin Hood and his Merry Men and then puts them head to head with magic and monsters. It's kind of genius in its simplicity, really. Plus, look! Lois Lane!

Sunday

Of course, as usual, the week ends with a new episode of The Venture Bros on Cartoon Network at midnight. You're all watching this by now, right? It's probably the best season to date, even if we haven't approached anything as compelling as The Nozzle yet...

Monday

What better way to start off the week than with a Syfy marathon of Stargate SG-1 running right now, from 8am all the way through to 3pm? Sure, there's that whole "work" thing, but come on. It's Stargate!

Otherwise, your television thrills are limited to an 8pm conflict between new episodes of House on Fox (A teenage girl can't distinguish between fact and fiction "after a wild night out." Am I the only one who feels like this could be either awesome or hideously embarrassing for all involved?) and Heroes on NBC, where Sylar is still trying to take control of Matt's body and Claire has to face off with her father's Sorority Girl Army. And, yes, I did accidentally make that sound more interesting than the actual show. Sorry, everyone.

Tuesday

For those calling in sick, I'd recommend skipping Syfy's Tru Calling marathon (8am through 3pm for those whose love of Dushku overpowers their bad-show gag reflex) and tuning into AMC, which goes dragon crazy with a 12:45 airing of Dragonheart (Dennis Quaid and a dragon voiced by Sean Connery!) followed by a 3pm re-run of Reign of Fire (You could stay tuned for a 5pm Batman Begins and 8pm Terminator 2: Judgment Day as well, if you were feeling particularly lazy).

If you'd rather get a delayed British take on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, then James May On The Moon (BBC America at 8pm) takes Top Gear's Captain Slow and puts him in the driver's seat for an hour long look back at those heady days where men were men and the Moon seemed an obtainable destination.

Otherwise, click over to ABC for the second episode of V and see whether it still feels like FlashForward meets... Well, the old V, really (The official PR for the episode says "A seeker among the Visitors tracks Erica and Father Jack. Chad seeks redemption by investigating the aliens ahead of his next newscast while law enforcers press Erica for information concerning Dale M…").

Wednesday

Thank God for Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel at 9pm. Without their investigation into whether cars will automatically burst into flames after crashing (Surely we have empirical proof that the answer is no already?), I'd have to find some way to pretend that Glee (Fox at 9) was a scifi show just to have something to write about for today. I figured I could always claim that it was set in an alternate reality where people aren't creeped out by Will Schuester trying to rap.

Thursday
If it's Thursday, then it's time for all the shows to run up against each other again. Sure, you could pretend that the networks aren't showing anything and watch a double bill of Demolition Man and End of Days on AMC (Sly and Arnold! In two of their most underrated - for a reason - movies! It starts at 8pm, if you're tempted), after spending the day watching Syfy's Star Trek: Enterprise marathon (8am through 3pm, as ever), but come on. I know that you can't resist the big shows people are talking about.

On FlashForward (ABC, 8pm), Aaron discovers the truth about his daughter's death, Janis returns to work and Mark and Olivia's martial troubles bring everyone down yet again, man. Things are much more fun over in Mystic Falls where Vampire Diaries (the CW at 8pm) brings a mysterious new teacher, arguments over medallions and, according to the CW, "Damon finally reveals to Stefan the stunning reason he has returned to Mystic Falls." If I watched the show and/or cared, I couldn't wait!

9pm brings the real reason to wrestle over the remote; Fringe on Fox gives Olivia, Broyles and Peter a new reason to be suspicious of Massive Dynamic when the impossibly shady corporation turn out to be involved in a kidnapping case, but Supernatural (The CW) looks much more fun than even Walter Bishop could provide:

Super fan Becky uses Chuck's phone to trick Sam and Dean into attending a Supernatural fan convention, complete with fans dressed up as Sam and Dean. One of the activities is a live action role-playing game, but things quickly turn sour after a real ghost appears on the scene.

Seriously. How could anyone resist that?

Friday

Jericho fans! You have the Syfy marathon of the day (8am through 3pm, which I'm sure you already know by now) to keep you happy during the daylight hours; the rest of us will be watching the original The War Of The Worlds movie on AMC at 10:15am (And avoiding the following Star Trek: Nemesis at 12:15pm, a movie which can best be described by blogger Kevin Church here), instead.

Still, Friday evening starts the weekend off right with the double bill of Batman: The Brave and The Bold ("The Fate of Equinox!" Yes, the exclamation point is part of the title) and Star Wars: The Clone Wars (following last week's surprisingly brutal, "Are Jedi really advocating using flame throwers against living beings what the hell?" episode) on Cartoon Network, starting at 7:30pm (Clone Wars is at 8pm, if you have an aversion of Batman. And if you do, then I'm very, very sorry.)

If you're in the mood for MOR dramas teasing the supernatural, then CBS is the place to be tonight, with new episodes of both Ghost Whisperer (8pm, with Jennifer Love Hewitt "pulled into a murder mystery by a real estate power couple" - Yes, this is what people want to watch, apparently) and Medium (9pm, which at least includes a potentially amusing-for-the-wrong-reasons subplot about posting videos of someone on the internet and "getting into trouble") on offer.

The rest of us, we'll be considering Smallville on the CW at 8pm (It features the Wonder Twins! You know you want to), Stargate Universe on Syfy at 9pm (The crew of the Destiny get a message from their future selves from the past. Or something) and Sanctuary on the same channel at 10pm.

Saturday

If you're not looking forward to Syfy's Ice Twisters at 9pm ("A sci-fi novelist is summoned to help scientists after an experiment in weather manipulation goes awry and produces deadly tornadoes made of ice," apparently), then we'd suggest that AMC's double bill of trilogies is the best way to spend your day. Start with the Mad Max trilogy (Movies starting 1:30, 3:30 and 5:30pm) before a night of The Matrix trilogy (The three movies begin at 8pm, 11pm and 1am on Sunday, respectively). Otherwise, the only thing left is Discovery's Surviving 2012... which is about all the prophecies, and not, sadly, advice on making it through Roland Emmerich's latest.

Sunday

It's the best night of television this week! Who knew, right? Start things off right with Syfy's latest screening of Serenity at 6:30 before switching over midway through - Hopefully missing Alan Tudyk's least favorite scene ever in the process - to catch the premiere of AMC's brand new take on The Prisoner at 8pm. If Ian McKellan and Jim Caviezel can't bring Patrick McGoohan's classic paranoiafest back to life, I'm going to be very depressed.

Of course, the best way to finish the evening off is coming at midnight, with the latest episode of The Venture Bros on Cartoon Network. Can we all just admit that it's the smartest and funniest show on television already?

Monday:

Heroes -
Matt takes a risk trying to rid himself of Sylar as Noah, newly launched on his "helping" kick, asks Tracy to help a boy who's similar to her younger self, on NBC at 8 PM. Gretchen and Claire are, of course, headed for some good old-fashioned hazing, but they definitely have larger problems facing them.

Castle -
Novelist Castle (Nathan Fillion) learns that a dead man wearing vampire teeth is discovered in a graveyard ... with a stake through his heart. The ensuing investigation leads him and his partner to uncover a group of vamp fetishists, and a victim who was writing a graphic novel. Also, Fillion changes back into his familiar browncoat while discovering the faux-vampire's body.

Bloodlines: The Dracula Family Tree -
It's not a new special, but in the interest of Halloween on Saturday, on the History Channel at 10 PM is a look at the historical roots of the Dracula legend, not surprisingly tracing it back to the Romanian Vlad Tepes (aka Vlad The Impaler) from the 15th century.

Tuesday:

Ghost Lab -
The brothers visit Chicago on Discovery Channel at 10 PM to probe a tattoo parlor, and ghostly prostitutes who haunt a bed-and-breakfast that used to be a bordello.

<em.2009 Scream Awards -
The fourth annual show awards the best in horror, scifi and fantasy genres, and this year, on Spike at 10 PM, George Romero receives the Scream mastermind Award, to be presented to him by Quentin Tarantino. Footage from New Moon will be aired, though it's not clear whether it will be new or a mash of the same stuff we've seen.

Movies:

The classic Peanuts movie It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is on ABC at 8 PM.

Wednesday:

MythBusters -
The team tests out kitchen myths on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM, including cheese's suitability as cannon fodder.

Ghost Hunters -
Colorado's Briarhurst Manor is home to a ghostly child and female spectre, on Syfy at 9 PM.

Destination Truth -
Are there werewolves in Romania? On Syfy at 10 PM, the team investigates Romanian sightings and heads to Chile to file reports on a dinosaur-esque creature.

Eastwick -
On ABC at 10 PM, as the magic-ridden town prepares for its own version of Christmas, the women are floundering: Roxie has visions of a funeral, while Kate tries to help Joanna win Will back. (Do you think the women will defy expectations and dress for Halloween as a psychic, a man-eater and Mother Earth? That'd be unexpected.)

The Real Wolfman -
Stories of a wolfman terrorizing the French countryside get aired, on the History Channel at 9 PM. Criminologist George Deuchar and cryptozoologist Ken Gerhardt use modern tech to figure out the truth about the "real" wolfman.

Movies:

Hayden Panettiere, Tim Curry, Jay Leno and Lauren Bacall give voice to Scooby and the gang in Scooby-Doo an the Goblin King, as they try to stop a carnival magician from turning the gang into Halloween monsters, on Cartoon Network at 6 PM.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
The team works to figure if the attacks on Mark, Demetri and Janis were a coordinated effort by the same group, on ABC at 8 PM. Of course, at home, Olivia is all abuzz over her discovery about Mark's own future glimpse. Lloyd's autistic son Dylan goes missing, and Simon makes contact again. Plus not only does Dominic Monaghan join the show, so does True Blood's Bon Temps pot-stirrer Daphne.

Vampire Diaries -
Vicki the Vamp can't resist her own blood lust and ends up making the school's haunted house extra scary. And on CW at 8 PM, psychic Bonnie surprises Damon with her ability when he tries to repossess a necklace that she has.

Supernatural -
A witch plays high-stakes poker with Bobby, letting him wager 25 years of his life up against freedom from his wheelchair. When he loses and Dean tries to save him, he begins to age into an old man too — on the CW at 9 PM.

UFO Hunters -
On the History Channel, beginning at 8 PM, is an hour of interviews about UFO sightings and those close to them. First, an investigation of mysterious men threatening eyewitnesses, followed by an examination of Area 52, a theorized UFO research base in Utah.

Movies:

Thir13en Ghosts is on AMC at 10:45 PM. A collector dies, leaving his fortune, which happens to include some ghosts on his property, to his nephew.

Friday:

Ghost Adventures Live! -
On the Travel Channel at 8 PM, a crew is locked inside the Trans-Alleghey Lunatic Asylum in West Virginia, reportedly one of the nation's most haunted sites.

Smallville -
Mia (a.k.a. Speedy), a young girl Oliver offers to train, double-crosses him, on the CW at 8 PM. And Lois asks for Clark's help pursuing an on-air TV news host gig, but matters get complicated when the station offers the gig to both of them as a pair.

Stargate Universe -
The water supply dwindles (Seriously? Yes.) on Syfy at 9 PM. As such, Col. Young and Lt. Scott visit a frozen planet for drinkable water, while the crew tries to track an intruder.

Sanctuary -
A superhero gets trapped by Magnus on Syfy at 10 PM, but his lack of finesse throws the team off. Meanwhile, the discovery of remnants of an eggshell puts Will and Declan on the trail of a creature loose in the city.

Movies:

Meet the immortal Lestat on Syfy at 6:30 PM, in Interview with the Vampire.

Saturday:

Ghost Hunters Halloween Live -
On Syfy at 7 PM is a six-hour special that allows you to give feedback during the program. This year, the annual Halloween investigation is at the Essex County Hospital and hosted by Josh Gates of Destination Truth.

Movies:

AMC is running all-day marathon of spooky delights including Young Frankenstein, Amityville Horror, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, 13 Ghosts, and Return to House on Haunted Hill to name a few.

The Syfy Channel will be running a marathon as well with Final Destination 1 & 2, Interview With A Vampire, and lots of helpings of Ginger Snaps.

Spike is playing Friday The 13th Part III at 12 PM.

FX is running I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Ghost Ship, The Invisible, and Constantine on repeat for the morning then, of course Halloween and Halloween H20 starting at 4 PM.

The 1941 Spencer Tracy version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is on TCM at 8 PM.

Sunday:

Movies:

V -
Beginning at 1 PM on Syfy, revisit the original 1983 miniseries about aliens invading Earth and the humans trying to stop the takeover. Both parts are showing, and are immediately followed by 1984's sequel miniseries, V:The Final Battle, picking up with L.A. alien fighters.

Monday:

House -
A police officer with a fear of heart disease heads to Princeton General on FOX at 8 PM. Because that's what apparently killed the last three generations of men in his family at age 40, he's terrified of the same. But was that really what it was? Also, the Darth Vader dictator's case is still hanging over Chase's head (I love House, but I'm so over this storyline) and House faces ghosts from his past ("ghosts"? We can hope).

Heroes -
On NBC at 8 PM, the newly found Sylar is led by Samuel on a voyage of self-discovery, while the arrival of Hiro proves fortuitous for Emma and her abilities. Meanwhile, Peter is asking Noah for help finding someone to heal Hiro.

Big Bang Theory -
Wil Wheaton guest stars as a participant in a trading card competition. Turns out Sheldon has a deep seated resentment for him, so he enters the competition too. Also, Wolowitz asks Penny to set him up with one of her friends, on CBS at 8:30 PM.

Extreme Paranormal -
A team of paranormal investigators, on A&E at 10 PM, use extreme measures (such as replicating deaths to "invoke" the ghosts of those killed in a 1980 riot) to find what's haunting the New Mexico State Penitentiary.

Movies:

Experience the flaming-skull magic once again! Nic Cage is Johnny Blaze in Ghost Rider on FX at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

Nova -
Lizard expert Eric Pianka tracks down the elusive monitor lizard in Australia, and showcases them using "lizard-cam" technology on PBS at 8 PM.

Ghost Lab -
The brothers head to Chicago on Discovery Channel at 10 PM and also to the Mortuary in New Orleans.

Movies:

A San Francisco detective helps an alien cop track down an otherworldly murderer in Alien Nation, on the Fox Movie Channel at 8 PM

Wednesday:

Spectacular Spider-Man -
It's Valentine's Day and Peter jeopardizes his relationship with Liz Allen to stop a meeting between Tombstone, Hammerhead and Doc Oc. And on Disney XD at 9 PM, only Spider-Man can head off the impending gang war.

Ghost Hunters -
On Syfy at 9 PM the team probes Chicago's Congress Theater's claims of floating apparitions and disembodied voices.

MythBusters -
Which has better gas mileage: clean cars or dirty ones? On Discovery Channel at 9 PM, it's the "hangover episode," where Tori, Kari and Grant study myths stemming from beer and liquor.

Destination Truth -
Incan ruins are investigated on Syfy at 10 PM and the team looks for evidence of a humongous bird in Alaska.

Eastwick -
Some sorta of crazy moon beam eclipse thingy is affecting the women on ABC at 10 PM, and it's leading them all to free their inhibitions. Meaning, Kat gets freaky on top of a piano, Roxie and Mia have an awkward moment with the cute brothers they're each involved with and Joanna runs a troubling story.

Movies:

On Disney at 8 PM, Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire. One of Sabrina the Teenage Witch's aunt has a date with The Nanny's employer, who happens to be a vamp, too.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
On ABC at 8 PM, Mark has to answer to the Senate, in order to get the team funding and I hope we get to see more of his flash-forward in the process. Janis (the possibly pregnant-in-the-future FBI agent) questions her flash in regards to her current relationship status. Also, Olivia finds out some interesting tidbits about Mark's flash — possibly about the prevalence of alcohol in it?

Movies:

Bill Murray and crew are headed out to protect the city on AMC at 5:30 PM for Ghostbusters II.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
On Cartoon Network at 7:30 PM we finally get to hear Neil Patrick Harris as the Music Meister as he uses his power to hijack a satellite, so he can control people with music... and take over the world. Yay for singing villains.

Ghost Whisperer -
On CBS at 8 PM, the whisperer must help Chad Lowe come to terms with his past and the ghost that's making him pay for it.

Smallville -
Oliver's kidnapped by Victoria (aka Roulette) and warned that his life is danger. Then, when he's arrested for Victoria's death, Oliver turns to Chloe for help. Also, Ms. Lane is upset with Clark for keeping Oliver's suicide attempt a secret, all on CW at 8 PM.

Dollhouse -
Finally, the way Sierra came to be a doll is revealed when she faces her Rossum Corp connection as an Active, on FOX at 9 PM. And of course, her link includes obsession and murder. This episode is directed by Jonathan "Will Riker" Frakes, who also directed several episodes of Roswell.

Stargate Universe -
Destiny seems primed for a collision with a star, and of course all her power goes out, too, leading the crew to consider abandoning her on Syfy at 9 PM. With a name like Destiny, though, are they serious? Apparently so, as they hold a lottery to fill the only working escape shuttle.

Sanctuary -
Magnus takes in those ousted by the Cabal in the attacks on the Tokyo and London sanctuaries, and Kate sets a one-of-a-kind creature free, on Syfy at 10 PM.

Movies:

An Alien breeds inside Sigourney Weaver, on AMC at 8 PM.

Saturday:

Movies:

Silly college kids take a wrong turn and end up mixed up with real (live?) deadly ghosts in Ghost Town on Syfy at 9 PM.

Sunday:

Movies:

On Encore at 10:15 PM Pierce Brosnan tries to warn of an impending volcanic eruption a little too late, in Dante's Peak.

Monday:

House -
James Earl Jones plays an African dictator charged with crimes against humanity, who's checked into the hospital. Meanwhile, Wilson is still dealing with the crazy-addict-without-an-outlet House on FOX at 8 PM.

Heroes -
On NBC at 8 PM, Hiro tries to forget his own problems by helping strangers in trouble. Angela tiptoes with Nathan around his past and Tracey makes a splash in an effort to get her job back.

Big Bang Theory -
Furthering complicating your DVRing, on CBS at 9:30 PM Sheldon tries to Pavlov's Dog Penny, but using chocolate, instead of ... dog food or whatever. The other single boys try to pick up women at a Goth nightclub, and let's hope that Leonard and Penny actually have better sex soon.

Movies:

Please join me in reliving your childhood, and watch Halloweentown on Disney at 8 PM. Debbie Reynolds lives in a town where Halloween is a way of life. All Hallow's Eve is now threatened and she and her grandchildren must save the day in typical Disney fashion.

Tuesday:

The Universe -
Space based weapons and battles! Tonight on History Channel at 9 PM Universe covers the possibility of such awesome epicness — what it could look like, how it'd work, and and just how destructive it would truly be. Let's hope they cover lasers and death stars.

Ghost Lab -
Discovery Channel has their own paranormal/ghost hunting team now and this new show at 10 PM sends their team to Louisiana to investigate the haunting claims of Shreveport Municipal auditorium an Myrtles Plantation. Basically, this team uses tech and science to explain strange phenomena.

Movies:

Jurassic Park, where dinosaurs are the inhabitants and humans are the dessert, is on Cinemax at 5:45 PM.

Wednesday:

MythBusters -
The boys are back in town on Discovery at 9 PM, with bullets and socks. Tonight, they solve the question: which will hit the ground first, a falling bullet or a fired one? And they also try to determine if you can literally knock someone's socks off.

Ghost Hunters -
Tonight on Syfy at 9 PM the team investigates the USS Salem for bumps... and, oh yeah, ghosts.

Destination Truth -
The destination gang travels to Chile to probe about a possible UFO sighting on Syfy at 10 PM.

Eastwick -
Roxie's haunted by a ghost, and that creepy ant lady from the pilot, Bun, is awake from her coma. She knows more about Darryl than we're privy to yet, but now she's obsessed with a curious symbol (is it the same one as on Roxie's murdering neighbor?) and Kat is refusing a divorce lawyer ... and maybe even a divorce? And of course our trusty investigator Joanna is digging away on ABC at 10 PM.

Movies:

Milla Jovovich and female empowerment may be the only reasons Oxygen is showing the zombie/corporate greed-fueled epic Resident Evil: Apocalypse at 8 PM. But there are many, many reasons to check it out.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
That creepy German prisoner we've seen in previews is finally showing up, when Mark and Janis travel to Germany to ask him for some "important information" about the blackout. Demetri, with his newfound knowledge of his death day, is all abuzz over some more terrible news, and Aaron (Mark's AA buddy for those of you having trouble keeping up already) turns to Mark for help exhuming his daughter's body, or at least where it should be. The show's already large ensemble gets bigger, on ABC at 8 PM.

Vampire Diaries -
Stefan is carefully revealing bits and pieces about his past to Elena, who goes on to hear some strange and scary things about the Salvatore fam. Psychic Bonnie seeks out her grandmother for help discerning an learning more about her ... ability, on CW at 8 PM.

Supernatural -
The Paris Hilton episode is here! Rejoice in her self-satirizing willingness to be exploited on television. Or just revel in her terrible acting and incredible stung-casting as a celebrity-impersonating demon (or ghost?). Tonight on the CW at 9 PM, the citizens of a small town are dropping at the hands of dead icons, like ... Abraham Lincoln? And James Dean's car?

Fringe -
On FOX at 9 PM, Olivia and the Scooby gang are hunting down shape-shifters, and Walter is busy making a cocktail for Liv to help her remember what Spock told her in the other dimension.

Movies:

An army of vamps has a blood orgy in Alaska, in the graphic-novel adaptation 30 Days of Night on Encore at 8 PM.

Friday:

Star Wars: The Clone Wars -
Cad Bane's new mission, on Cartoon Network at 8 PM, is to kidnap kids who are force-sensitive and bring them to Mustafar for Sith training.

Ghost Whisperer -
Eli's father has a heart attack that leads him to a reunion with his dead mother. Turns out she had a secret before her death, and it must've been a whopper because she hasn't crossed over yet. The secret's out on CBS at 8 PM.

Smallville -
Lois is infected by a zombie plague that Zod has cursed upon the city. The cure is in the blood of a Kryptonian, but Clark can't get involved without revelaing his identity to Zod, on the CW at 8 PM.

Dollhouse -
On FOX at 9 PM, Echo is a free-wheeling coed and Victor is a psychotic nephew. So needless to say, they have a tiff while imprinted.

Stargate Universe -
On Syfy at 9 PM a search team combs a desert planet for a vital mineral necessary for restoring life support aboard the Destiny. But it turns out their window of opportunity is closing fast. Also, Chloe reachies out to her mother, using the communication stones.

Sanctuary -
Afterward, on Syfy at 10 PM, the season premiere gives us Magnus as she's searching for Ashley, putting her and her allies at odds with con-artist Kate Freelander: a woman with ties to the Cabal, who divulges secrets almost immediately.

Movies:

The sequel that should really only exist inside a sealed-off virtual world, The Matrix Reloaded, is on MTV at 7 PM. Have yourself a chocolate-cake orgasm, with the sequel that proved trilogies aren't such a great idea.

Saturday:

Movies:

The venerable Brittany Murphy stars in Megafault on Syfy at 9 PM. More importantly, Green Arrow himself, Justin Hartley co-stars. When an earthquake threatens to split the world, a seismologist and a miner get involved. What're they gonna do? Stitch it back together? Sure, why not.

Sunday:

Movies:

Did you know they made a Butterfly Effect 3? It's appropriately called The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations and is on Syfy at 7 PM. Basically, time-traveling boy accidentally unleashes a serial killer while trying to solve the mystery of his girlfriend's death.

Monday:

9/11: Science and Conspiracy -
Conspiracy theories abound about the tragedy of 9/11. Tonight, experts weigh in on how plausible any of the most prominent theories really are, plus some thrilling simulations. That's on the National Geographic Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

Miss The Storm's original airing on NBC this summer? Don't worry Spike is giving you another chance. It's a typhoon of "that guy from that show" style actors in the two-parter made for TV movie. The ensemble cast of Treat Williams, James Van Der Beek, Luke Perry, John Larroquette, and the dude from JAG all play a part in controlling the Earth's weather, which I'm pretty sure will spiral out of control along with some mad grab power struggle culminating in a giant wet mess over a famous statue or building of some kind. Don't miss the first half at 8 PM, followed quickly by the second.

Tuesday:

Weird, True & Freaky -
The second of two new episodes of this show profiles people who've had plastic surgery to look like animals, including leopards and tigers. Fill your cat-people quota, on Animal Planet at 6:30 PM — long before AVATAR comes out.

Warehouse 13 -
Joe Morton from Eureka guest stars, and Claudia ... changes a light bulb? Meanwhile Pete and Myka head out to the prison system of Florida to explain some unexplained suicides. Fingers crossed it's a better version of The Happening, which wouldn't be too hard. Find out at 9 PM on Syfy.

Nova scienceNow -
Michel Gondry would do well to watch when Nova tackles the real science of sleep and the role memories play into it; also, paleontologist Jonathan Bloch's search for the pre-primate missing link on PBS at 9 PM.

Surviving Disaster -
The series premiere is tonight. This how-to show features a host acting out alternative history and what-if scenarios on camera, to teach the audience how to handle themselves during tragic moments. The first episode is at 10 PM, but if it doesn't tackle angel wars, zombie attacks, The Day After Tomorrow type storms and plagues, then what good is it?

The Colony -
We're really sorry we didn't find this series earlier, only because we would have been including it in the roundups. So apologies all around. The Colony is a social experiment, reality TV series where a random crew of people are forced to rebuild a society after a viral attack has left the world devastated. The Discovery Channel show is on at 10 PM, and while the mentality of the survivors doesn't seem all that believable, because the world didn't actually end, and there aren't any real threats — and we're pretty sure the marauders can't beat up the old man with bats and leave him to die in front of the others — it's still interesting at times. This week, the colonists trek across the river and encounter missionaries and new arrivals, who of course cause some tension. And the group is forced to make a sacrifice.

Movies:

John Travolta's super brain powers are tested on Encore at 8 PM, in Phenomenon. Or as we call it, the worst genius movie ever that we always end up watching over and over, for no real reason.

Wednesday:

Weird, True & Freaky -
The medicinal value of animals around the globe is investigated, on Animal Planet at 6:30 PM.

Movies:
Kurt Russell and James Spader headline the original 1994 film about discovering other worlds after deciphering the code on an Egyptian artifact in Stargate on AMC at 8 PM. And if you haven't had enough space-operatic thrills, hang on because Star Trek: Nemesis is on the same channel at 10:30 PM. (Although "thrills" is used loosely in connection with that second movie.)

Thursday:

Animal Armageddon -
The Animal Planet show about prehistoric creatures returns after a hiatus with volcanic eruptions more than 250 million years ago, and the impact they had on the animal life at the time. Be there or be extinct at 6:30 PM.

Movies:

Mel Brooks' classic parody of the horror genre Young Frankenstein, starring Gene Wilder, is on AMC at 8 PM.

Friday:

Eureka -
False alarm — there's no new ep, but let the mourning of Nathan Stark commence all over again with an all-day Eureka marathon with random episodes beginning on Syfy at 8 AM and airing all night, including the pilot episode at 11 PM.

Movies:

Earth is attacked by Martians in the original The War of the Worlds at 8 PM on TCM.

Saturday:

Mythbusters -
Labor Day weekend means fewer new shows and more marathons. Case in point: Mythbusters runs throughout the night beginning on Discovery at 6 PM, and on and on.

Movies:

The Matrix is on A&E at 3 PM, and later part two (Remember when the Coen brothers tried to call it a trilogy?), The Matrix: Reloaded is on 8 PM over at Bravo.

Sunday:

Defying Gravity -
No NEW TRUE BLOOD means I may actually see what the fuss is about this show. This week, Halloween aboard ship brings hallucinations instead of treats, and may hinder Goss' plans for worldwide promotion of the mission, on ABC at 10 PM.

There is no True Blood tonight.

Movies:

Watch Peter Parker begin his descent into angst, Spider-Man 2 airs at 7:30 PM on FOX.

Monday:

The Universe -
This weeks episode explores the dangers of space exploration, and the many ways the cosmic void can kill you. Check it out on the History Channel at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

Life After People -
Once we're all gone, what will happen to our all our WMDs? Will they detonate eventually, after time has its way with each deadly missile? Assuming any animals survive our extinction, would they be in danger if all the bombs on the Earth went boom? Life After People is on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

The saddest little robot in all the world with the longest never-ending tale, A.I., is on 7:30 PM on Cinemax.

Meet the man who's so extreme his name has three X's. That's right Vin Diesel's XXX, the movie about some tattooed extreme sports guy who has to fight terrorists (of course), is on 5 PM on FX.

Wednesday:

MonsterQuest -
The monster gang gets to the bottom of a monkey creature that terrorized the people of New Delhi in 2001. A South Asian cousin of Big Foot? I'm thinking yes, but get all the monster facts on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Mythbusters -
Time to test the curve-the-bullet theory from the scrupulously scientific movie Wanted, on Mythbusters over on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Here Is The Actual Video From The User Challenge:

Thursday:

Eliza Dushku fans, rejoice! There's a Tru Calling marathon from 8 AM until 3 PM on the Syfy Channel.

Movies:

Watch the art of dragon riding and pouty swordplay, while watching Eragon at 7:30 PM on the ABC Family channel.

Learn how to drink beer the alien way in the SNL sketch inspired film Coneheads, staring the original players Dan Aykoyd and Jane Curtin. It airs on Comedy Central at 4:30 PM.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
Jonah Hex winds up in Gotham after a battle with Zebra-Man, and a little time traveling. After some initial misundersandings, Batman is convinced to help Hex back to his time in exchange for information. The new episode is on Cartoon Network at 8:30 PM.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Saturday:

Kings -
God save NBC's Kings. The alternate reality monarchy drama is back in action tonight. Where did we leave off? In this episode Jack and David go to Gath to "shore up" the peace, and I think we all know what that means. Also Michelle prances around with her health bill some more, and Silas tries to protect the city from a plague (which was actually made before all this scary swine flu drama so how strangely timely). Kings is back at 8 PM on NBC, for two more weeks.

Primeval -
A flesh eating fungus from the past is unleashed onto our world turning one soul into a fungus monster. BBC America at 9 PM.

Primeval Trailer:

Pushing Daisies -
It's the proper series finale for Daisies. The Darling Mermaid Darling's rival Aquadolls are killed, which means it's time for a mermaid revival. Olive and Ned team up to uncover the murderer, while Chuck hides in the wings. Watch, for the last time, our dear pie-maker and friends, on ABC at 10 PM.

Trailer (Sorry it's in German, can't find English)

Sunday:

True Blood-
It's been too long since we've blown a blood line and got naked with the ridiculous vampire community in Bon Temps. But this Sunday Alan Ball's blood sucking series based on the books by Charlaine Harris is back. So whose foot was that in the car? Are our worst suspicions true, and the very best character from last season is now food for worms? Will I be able to even watch this series without one redeeming character (unless the new religious ones are interesting? I'm thinking no.) Guess we'll have to wait and see, on HBO at 9 PM.

True Blood Trailer Promo

Monday:

Underwater Universe -
Dive to the bottom of the ocean without getting wet. Learn all about deadly threats in the deep blue sea, as the special takes you to the seven deadliest zones in the history of the ocean. Check it out on the History Channel at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

Earth 2100 -
ABC imagines what will happen to our filthy, polluting butts in 2100, by consulting the experts and asking for video submissions from people all over. In their nightmare scenario, gas will be $9 a gallon and a carton of milk will be $12. Hell, screw the endangered species — that's expensive. But if you factor in inflation... maybe we'll focus back on the animals. One expert theorizes that we'll resort back to a Medieval caste system, which could be fun if it's like we get to live in an SCA gathering full-time. ABC News Special: Earth 2100 is on at 9 PM.

Trailer:

Clip:


Clip:


Clip:


Clip:


Clip:

Movies:

Buckle down for a back-to-back buster evening, with screenings of the original Ghostbusters at 8 PM and Ghostbusters II at 10:30 PM on AMC.

Wednesday:

MonsterQuest -
The monster hunters trek over to Papau New Guinea in search of a flying creature with a 20-ft. wingspan... aaaaand sold. See if the being is a terrifying giant bat, or just a dragon, on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Life After People -
So now that we know what will happen to paintings and our swimming pools (both will become overrun by bugs and disease) what about Sin City? What's in store for Las Vegas, once we're all gone? Will the animals learn how to play blackjack? Life After People is on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Mythbusters -
Can you really tunnel your way out of a cement prison with a tiny mallet? New Mythbusters puts science to work on common prison escape myths on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
Possibly the best of the Stargate movies, Continuum, is on the Syfy Channel at 9 PM. Delve deep into the man that is Ben Browder, when the world erases him (and many members of his team) from existence, at 9 PM.

Thursday:

There is an original-series Land Of The Lost marathon over at the Syfy Channel from 6 AM until 5:30 PM.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
Catwoman is getting frisky, and interfering with our main Bat's plans for a quiet crime free evening. Plus, the Red Tornado faces a difficult decision when he needs to turn off his own son. The new episode is on Cartoon Network at 8:30 PM.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Saturday:

Primeval -
Mick steals an anomaly detector to uncover what's going on at the airport. But when a Giganotosaurus appears they have figure out a way to get it back in time, before the public realizes they're in danger and panics. That's on BBC America at 9 PM.

Primeval Trailer:

Pushing Daisies -
A rich man's murder leads some breadcrumbs to the location of Emerson's missing daughter. David Arquette moons over Olive as Randy Mann. Catch the second to last Daisies ever on ABC, at 10 PM.

Trailer (Sorry it's in German, can't find English)

Sunday:

Movies:
The Syfy channel premiere of Bottom Feeders, a bloody little film about a maintenance crew that becomes the snack for the monster living in their building. Starring Tom Sizemore, on the Syfy Channel at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

Reaper -
Sam gets his chance to win back his soul from the Devil, but what game will they play? Reaper is on the CW at 8 PM.

Reaper Promo:

Reaper Promo:

Wednesday:

Tales From The Darkside marathon on the Syfy Channel form 8 AM until 3:30 PM.

Life After People -
What will happen to the Mona Lisa once we've all left the planet? Or what about the Declaration of Independence, the cable cars in San Francisco and the Liberty Bell? Does it even matter if we're all dead or gone? Answer these important eschatological questions, with Life After People, on the History Channel at 9 PM

Thursday:

Mythbusters -
What happens when you combine thermite and ice? Kaboom. Apparently there's a myth solved somewhere in there as well, but come on — things go boom! New Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Kablam Clip:

How To Make Thermite Clip:

Friday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
Bat-Mite is channeling the Great Gazoo, floating around and making Batman's life a little more troubling. Especially when he upgrades his gear. But how could the Bat get mad at that face? Check out the clips below. The new episode is on Cartoon Network a 8:30 PM.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip:

Saturday:

Primeval -
Correction and UPDATE actual summary: "Cute but surprisingly dangerous burrowing creatures called Diictodons almost cause a disaster at a hospital when an anomaly opens from the Permian era. Calamity is averted by Cutter, Connor, Abby and Becker who, in the course of the story, are obliged to get the creatures back to their own time whilst simultaneously delivering a (human) baby. A dogged journalist, determined to catch one of the creatures and expose the ARC and its secrets to the world, doesn't help the situation. Meanwhile Lester, Jenny and Sarah are confronted with an attack on the ARC, led by Helen and a small army of "Cleaner Replicas". " That's on BBC America at 9 PM.

Primeval Clip:

Sunday:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force -
Tonight is the big live action ATHF premiere. Singer T-Pain (you know the "Buy You A Drank" guy) is playing Frylock (and is also getting his own series next year). Dave Long Jr. (found in an open audition) is Carl (that's a big wife beater to fill) and Jon Benjamin will be Master Shake. Check it out, on Cartoon Network at 11:45 PM. .

Best Of Carl:


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Monday:

Weaponizers -
Cars are turned into weapons Death Race/Mad Max style. In fact, one of the new episodes this week (there are two back-to-back) is focusing exclusively on cars inspired by Mad Max. The other episode pits a meat truck against an ice-cream trolly. The ultimate showdown! Check it out on the Discovery Channel at 8 and 9 PM.

Weaponizers Promo:

Movies:

A classic example of "be careful what you wish for" is the film Click. When hard-at-work father, played by Adam Sandler, is granted the gift of a remote control to his life he can now fast forward through all the boring parts, like work and fights with his hottie wife. But, uh oh — turns out it's the boring parts that make up an important part of the journey of life. It's like the time I wished for more Christopher Walken cameos in my movie life, but what I received was Walken guiding Sandler down a vomit inducing journey towards self discovery, spewing out craptastic family comes first lines, while working in the "Beyond" section of Bed Bath and Beyond. Click is on FX at 8 PM.

Tuesday:

Still need that Eliza Dushku fix? You're in luck, there is a Tru Calling marathon on the Syfy Channel from 8 AM until 3 PM.

Reaper -
Sam gets a message from his Dad — from hell — which may be the key to ending his deal with the devil. Reaper is on the CW at 8 PM.

Reaper Clip:

Reaper Promo:

Life After People -
If the human species disappeared off the face of the planet, Miami would eventually be washed away and alligators would rule the Earth, or something similar to that. Life After People is on the History Channel at 9 PM

Wednesday:

Mythbusters -
What do a small girl, a screwdriver and a seesaw all have in common? The Mythbusters are finding out on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

Enjoy David Bowie doing what he does best: acting like an out of place alien astronaut who lands on Earth, in Nicolas Roeg's The Man Who Fell To Earth on the Sundance Channel at 10:30 PM.

Thursday:

There will be a Level 9 marathon on the Syfy Channel from 8 AM until 3 PM.

Movies:

Battle demons with Keanu Reeves' magical tattoos, in Constantine on AMC at 10:30 PM.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
Robin teams up with the Bat again to fight Crazy Quilt. But it sounds as though there may be some unspoken tension between the two crusaders. The new episode is on Cartoon Network a 8:30 PM.

Movies:

There's a pretty solid movie marathon over at the Syfy Channel all day, highlighting a lot of quality flicks including The Thing at 12:30 PM, Judge Dredd at 4:30 PM, Total Recall at 6:30 PM, The Descent at 9 PM and Freddy Versus Jason at 11 PM.

Saturday:

Primeval -
The latest beastie to mess with the Primeval gang has superior camouflage, and sharp pointy fangs. See how the gang captures this crafty little gremlin, on BBC America at 9 PM.

Primeval Clip:

Movies:

Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock are hippie witches who now have to fend for themselves, after "accidentally" murdering an ex-boyfriend. Think of it as a romantic comedy with magic, completely with the obligatory "we're so happy we dance around the table" scene. Practical Magic is on ABC Family at 10 PM.

Sunday:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force -
Frylock falls takes a side job in "Der Inflatable Fuhrer" on the Cartoon Network on at 11:45 PM. Don't forget next week ATHF is live action.

ATHF Promo:

Movies:

Celebrate the swine flu, by remembering when we all used to be afraid of Ebola. Outbreak, the movie where Dustin Hoffman's words save a small city, is on AMC at 7 PM.

Monday:

Movies:

In a future where cloning is possible but human cloning illegal, Arnold Schwarzenneger returns home to find a clone of himself living with his family. If only this were real life, so that Arnold could govern California and make more totally awesome movies like this simultaneously. The 6th Day is on Showtime at 3:45 PM.

Hulk is Ed Norton. That's more like it. Hulk not smash this movie. The Incredible Hulk is on Cinemax at 10 PM.

Tuesday:

Fringe -
After the mean way Oliva brought our beloved Walter to tears in last weeks episode, I'm not surprised he took off with the Observer. Okay, maybe he deserved it a tiny bit, but Olivia you are a wicked, wicked lady in a sharp business suit. This is is the big season finale for Fringe — and you know what that means: time for the William Bell cameo. I trust you all remember who's portraying the evil CEO of Massive Dynamics? Fringe is on Fox at 9 PM.

Fringe Promo:

Reaper -
Sam has to capture his jerky old high school biology teacher, while Ben is stuck fighting off attacking demons, drawn to Nina's pheromones. Reaper is on the CW at 8 PM.

Reaper Clip:

Reaper Promo:

Life After People -
What will happen to all of our precious metals, once people are wiped from he face of the Earth? Surprisingly even less interesting than the pools-of-disease theme from last week. But on the plus side, this week we find out what the horses will do without us. Run free, Black Stallion! Life After People is on the History Channel at 9 PM

Life After People Promo:

Wednesday:

Lost: A Journey in Time -
Recap your favorite Lost moments from the season and prepare for the oncoming finale, in an hour-long clip show on at 8 PM on ABC.

Lost -
So are we going to blow up the island this week, or just keep talking about it? This is it kids, the season finale of Lost. The big reveal. Jack must once again convince everyone he's right... or maybe wrong, because what is he island if not a place to revolt against Jack Sheppard? Also, we're getting Kate, Juliet and Sawyer flashbacks, and hopefully ending this tedious love quadrangle once and for all. Check it out on ABC at 9 PM.

Lost Clip:

Lost Promo:

Mythbusters -
Can you explode a car from the bumper? Find out all you ever wanted to know about locomotive lore at Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

Watch Alan Tudyck's CG robot face steal each scene from an actual human, Will Smith, in I, Robot on FX at 5:30 PM.

Thursday:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold -
Booster travels back in time for celebrity status, but winds up helping Vandal and Savage with their evil deeds. The new episode is on Cartoon Network a 8:30 PM.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip

Batman: The Brave and the Bold Clip

Smallville -
Clark's death is on the horizon, because of his incompetent friend Chloe and her never-ending ability to ruin everything. It's the Superman versus Doomsday showdown, and final episode of the season. Let's hope it goes out with a bang... that ends Chloe. Smallville is on the CW at 8 PM.

Smallville Clip

Smallville Promo

Supernatural -
The finale of the fourth season of Supernatural has the two brothers revving up to fight Lucifer to prevent the end of the world, but can these two siblings stop fighting each other long enough to actually fight the baddies? See the big fight on the CW at 9 PM

3 Supernatural Clips:

Supernatural Promo:

Supernatural Promo:

Friday:

Movies:
The Serenity crew is back, in this follow up the dearly departed Joss Whedon series Firefly and as usual they're on the run from the powers that be. Catch Serenity at 6:30 PM on the Syfy Channel.

Saturday:

Primeval-
It's the start of the third season, and the first beastie we meet is an ancient Egyptian crocodile, or the Pristichampsus. The massive croc pops by London's British Museum, after an anomaly is opened, and now it's up to the gang to send it back where it came from. Primeval is on BBC America at 9 PM.

Primeval Season 3 Promo:

Movies:

In an eerily similar world to the eerie world of I Am Legend, viewers are left wondering who this Will Smith impersonator is and where is his dog. I Am Omega is on the Syfy Channel at 3 PM.

Sunday:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Frylock falls in love, on the Cartoon Network on at 11:45 PM.

Movies:

Ah, one of my favorites. Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn will stop at nothing to gain revenge and beauty. Using Bruce Willis as their little man pawn, the two try to one-up the other all the way to a secret underground society that will give you eternal youth, even in death. Death Becomes Her is on We at 7 PM.

Additional reporting from Julia Carusillo

Monday:

Movies:

So now that many of you have seen Wolverine, tell me, which one was better? The new prequel, or X-Men The Last Stand, which is on at 5 PM at FX or Origins?

A virus is spreading, in this remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and it's not the botulism injected into lead actress Nicole Kidman's unmoving face. The Invasion is on at 3:30 PM on HBO.

Old men get launched into space to save the world and make old people jokes — because they're old, and that's why it's funny. Space Cowboys is on Cinemax at 5:45 PM.

Tuesday:

Fringe -
This week Fringe reaches into their never ending bag of creepy old man villains and pulls out... a Trekkie. How timely. But also, the Observer knows something that is upsetting Walter, which is not okay in my book. Back off, baldie, this man is a national scifi treasure. Fringe is on Fox at 9 PM.

Fringe Promo:

Fringe Promo:

Reaper -
Nina moves in with the guys, and Sam tries to trick a wealthy jerk into signing over his soul. Who is so rich, he owns polar bears for guard dogs. How do I get that rich? Reaper is on the CW at 8 PM.

Reaper Clip:

Life After People -
Learn how your pools will turn into spawning grounds for diseases, if all the humans were to mysteriously vanish from the face of the Earth right now. Life After People is on the History Channel at 9 PM

Life After People Promo:

Wednesday:

Better Off Ted -
Veronica lets down her hair on Better Off Ted — thus scaring the crap out of her entire department. The season finale of Ted is on ABC at 8:30 PM.

Better Off Ted Clip:

Better Off Ted Clip:

Lost -
Lost, Lost, Lost....what you did last week was unacceptable. The screams of a thousand Daniel-loving geeks pierced the night air, how could you? Now all I'm left with is a domesticated house cat Sawyer and a plot that revolves around Kate and Jack trying to save the island. I may never forgive this show for that. But perhaps by trying to execute Faraday's final plans, Kate and Jack will actually manage to press the magic "reset button" and bring Daniel back to us — but we all know the show is too smart for that. Lost is on ABC at 9 PM.

Lost Promo:

Mythbusters -
The magic-bullet myths are tackled in this week's Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

An athletic teenaged lycanthrope experiences the trials and tribulations of high school in the 1980s. Teen Wolf — the man, the legend — is on 8:30 PM on Cinemax.

Thursday:

Nothing but Star Trek Enterprise and TNG on the Syfy Channel from 8 AM until 8 PM, and then Star Trek: First Contact airs at 9 PM

Smallville -
So this time on "Chloe does crappy things to her friends," Davis is still alive and Chloe thinks she can control him by being around him 24/7... because, yeah, she's that good. Oh wait — looks like it's not working out, and everything all of her friends and ex-fiance told her was true, who knew? Ugh, what a waste of the Doomsday character. Smallville is on the CW at 8 PM.

Smallville Promo

Smallville Clip

Supernatural -
Time to get Sam to kick the demon-blood habit, so cue the intervention music and watch as Sam spirals down a predictable drying out, Trainspotting hallucination session. Let's pray for intervening angel fights to break up the predictable coming clean episode, Supernatural is on the CW at 9 PM

Supernatural Promo:

Supernatural Clip:

Friday:

There is another Star Trek: Enterprise marathon at the Syfy Channel from 8 AM until 5:30 PM.

Dollhouse
After falling madly in love with Alan Tudyk's crazy eyes, we're dying to find out more about his Echo obsession (and who'd he download into her?), plus did anyone else catch the name of the new girl... Whiskey? The season finale is on Fox at 9 PM.

Dollhouse Promo:

Movies:

It's actually a banner day over at AMC, with Poltergeist at 1 AM, Mystery Men at 12:30, Highlander at 3 PM and Star Trek: Nemesis at 5:30 PM.... I don't think you really could do much better, as far as taste and range here, unless you swapped out Nemesis for Khan).

Saturday:

Movies:

Join Will Smith as he continues in his quest to save the earth from all forms of CG-animated miscreants, in Men in Black, at 4:15 PM on TNT.

My favorite women-power, women-kill-each-other-with-sharp-things-in-the-dark movie of all time, The Descentm is on at 9 PM on the Syfy Channel. Make sure you see it because the sequel is right around the corner.

Sunday:

It's a Mother's Day Eureka marathon on the Syfy Channel, from 9 AM until 6 PM. I have no idea why.

Movies:

Have a freaky Sunday, and remember how hard it is to be a mom, with a teenage girl stuck inside of her. The original version of the classic Disney body-swapping caperFreaky Friday is on at 6 PM on AMC.

Additional reporting from Julia Carusillo

Astronomers were checking out a star very similar to ours located about 300 light years away, in the constellation Ares, and they noticed it was surrounded by a lot of dust. Way more dust than is in our solar system. They figured it must be a young star, and the dust just hadn't been blown away or formed into planets yet. But then someone took a closer look and realized two things: it was actually a binary star, and the system was actually very very old.

All that dust would get blown away pretty quickly unless it just appeared recently. And the only way it could have appeared so recently in such an old solar system is if two really large chunks of rock (aka planets) smashed into each other. Scientists figure it happened within the last 100,000 years or so. The awe-inspiring scale of such planetary demolition inspired one of the scientists, Tennessee State University astronomer Gregory Henry, to wax dramatic:

If any life was present on either planet, the massive collision would have wiped out everything in a matter of minutes — the ultimate extinction event. A massive disk of infrared-emitting dust circling the star provides silent testimony to this sad fate.

No one is sure what might cause planets' orbits to destabilize so drastically, but statistical projections show that there is a small chance of Mercury or Venus hitting Earth at some point in the next few million years. Which would probably look exceptionally cool for the first few minutes.

Somewhat overshadowed by all the smashing planets is the fact that this solar system is the first scientists have found in which Earth-like planets orbited a binary star. Artist's conception by: Lynette R. Cook via Science Daily.

Two Planets Suffer Violent Collision. [Science Daily]

Before coming to MythBusters, Grant was in the special effects business. He worked on R2D2 for the Star Wars prequels and designed effects for Galaxy Quest, A.I., and Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines. What's the main difference between working in FX and on MythBusters? Grant said:

In special effects, you can cheat to make it look good. In real science, you have to have results.

Picking the myths to bust isn't a problem for MythBusters — Discovery has a suggestion forum that receives thousands of suggestions every day. The problem is making sure the procedure and sample size is large enough to be accurate. This is not always possible, as Grant says, because television is plagued with the same time limitations working in the movies is, which sometimes makes it hard to get accurate results. Happily, MythBusters fans are a self-regulating lot. When the fans clamor enough to Discovery, Discovery will often arrange for the MythBusters to re-visit myths in specials such as The Ice Bullet, Peeing On The Third Rail, and the Biscuit Bazooka.

Grant says the vibe on the MythBusters set breaks the tension when they're trying to get things right:

The vibe on the set is so intense that it would be difficult to be serious all the time, and the ribbing runs rampant. Only a tiny percentage makes it to the screen.

This intimate knowledge is often useful during shooting. For example, for a recent season 7 episode, the team asked, “Does driving while angry decrease fuel efficiency?” And the crew knew each and every psychological button to push on both Grant and Tory to maximize their aggro. Among the menu of annoyances was drinking highly caffeinated beverages, not being allowed to use the restroom, being told their beverages had been spiked with laxative, rough massages, and for Grant, the last straw was being forced to submerge his feet in a bucket filled with live goldfish and water. “It's apparently not as obscure a phobia as you might think," he commented.

Such inspired thinking is de rigeur every day on the MythBusters set. Says Grant:

On MythBusters, a lot of what we do does not fall into any category of things we have ever done before. There's a lot of problem solving to figure out how to even approach a given problem. A background in science or engineering helps a lot.

That background in engineering has led him to what could be called a series of geek dream jobs.

He describes waiting outside of Mann's Chinese theater, with his mother, sitting at extreme screen left, third row, when Star Wars came out in 1977. Years later, his manager asked him to open up R2D2 and completely gut and redo the electronics. “To grow up and get my degree and get a job in SFX and get 'Yeah, Monday Morning we're going to need you to open up R2D2 and replace the electronics.' What do you say?” he lapses into a weak, wide eyed squeak: “Uhh, wh-hhaat?!??!!”

He adds:

I always wanted to have a technical career that was also creative. I have been extremely lucky in that sense to be able to combine those two things. First career I had right out of engineering school was at Lucas film, not working in the movies but working in home theater. I would essentially take the latest and greatest home theater equipment and take it down to my lab and try to blow it up for Home THX, for certification.

When asked what the most dangerous thing he has ever done for the show is, Grant ponders for a moment:

It always changes. The one I can remember offhand is diving with sharks at night. That one was a good one.

The hot topic lately regarding MythBusters is the buzz that they were forced to discontinue an episode on RFID security at the behest of several corporate sponsors. When we grilled Grant on this subject, he admitted that that may have been a problem, but they did eventually film an RFID-centered episode, just not technically on the subject in question.

He explains:

The RFID chip is still embedded in Kari's arm (out of all of us I thought I would be the first cybernetic organism, but I guess Kari beat me to it), and the idea is that if you have an RFID chip in your arm and you do an MRI, will the chip explode? The one she has in her arm is different than the one you find in RIFD hobby kits. You could have the lights [in your house] turn on [automatically] and your car would know who you are, and it would be cool. It does involve minor surgery. But that show did get made.

When pressed for more juicy tidbits, he says:

I am not at liberty to discuss anything that may or may not have been yanked due to sponsors, nor would I comment even if I did, but I will say there have been show that have been pulled for taste reasons, you know, something that the network felt that if they aired it it wouldn't be appropriate for the audience.

That still sounds like a lot of fun. When asked how he could tell whether or not he was working, he shrugged and said “Heh, I guess I'm working if I'm getting paid!”

How can Savage deprive us like this by not finishing it up? Apparently he's trying to reverse-engineer the prop piece by piece, using pictures. He's convinced that he's figured out most of the off-the-shelf items used in it, but still hasn't quite make the complete gun. Here's my suggestion: make a REAL Zorg gun on Mythbusters. Well, OK, I would be cool with just the ice cube system part. And maybe a discussion about why it would be impossible to engineer the "replay" bullet feature. Or not impossible? Bust this myth!