There are so many great things about this rambling, bizarre movie (also featuring an aged Boris Karloff) that I can't capture them all for you. But suffice to say that the whole thing basically wobbles between psychotic scenes like this one where the scientists try to scare women with skeletons, and scenes where they stare at the blinky lights on computers and say things like, "We musn't kill anyone! We should show our research to the Institute!" Plus there's a lot of groovy 60s furniture, a weird guy in a funny hat, a dwarf, and the Igor substitute beating each other up sometimes. If anyone can explain the actual plot to me, I'll eat my DVD. [Fear Chamber via IMDB]

Yes, it turns out that Randy secretes a weird chemical, called Orgasmine, when she climaxes. And this is the neurotransmitter that causes orgasm. I didn't include this full scene because it goes on and on, but there's a part where the scientists' boss at the institute, Dr. Pandreck, spies on them having sex. And she somehow deduces the truth about Orgasmine, and realizes (in a fake Russian accent) that whoever controls the supply of Orgasmine will control — the worrrrld! Because once you can make people horny or orgasmic just by dosing them with a small amount of Desiree's neurotransmitters, you can make people do anything. It's probably a metaphor for communism or something.

He uses acrylic, oil paint, watercolor, and ink to create stunning portrait paintings of these supermodel-grade beings from another planet. What's truly fascinating is the way he uses alien standards of beauty, rather than adhering to a human idea of what's sexy.

While perhaps not beautiful to traditional Homo Sapiens, these aliens are engaged in deeply spiritual acts that even humans can understand — like meditating and getting high in the nude. Images by Naoto Hattori

Naoto Hattori's main page via Pink Tentacle

The new USB fleshlight is basically an input device that can translate your onanistic thrusts into movements of the mouse. Theoretically it could be used to translate thrusts into other things too, like shooting in a game or moving around in a virtual space. You'd just have to write the controllers to do that.

However, the beauty part of using the fleshlight as a mouse is that the setup is plug-and-play. Plug the old fleshlight in, start thrusting, and you're moving the mouse.

The question is, why the hell is anybody marketing these things? Apparently they come with some kind of awful videogame that is mostly hand-controlled but later switches to thrust control. The game involves you trying to seduce a nurse, and Machulis sums it up nicely:

You have to sit there hitting the "hand presents" or "take medicine" button for 10 minutes. Then she takes off her shirt. Then you have to fondle her by clicking for at least 15 minutes. Notice the problems here?

"Hitting". "Clicking".

All you can do with the fleshlight is move the mouse. You can't click shit. So, you've gotta spend ~20 minutes doing things with your regular mouse before you can do anything with the fleshlight. And you sure as shit ain't gonna have both the mouse and the fleshlight going at once, unless you want to know what it's like to have your penis actively fighting your hand.

Due to popular demand, I actually included pictures of the action scenes. And yes, it really took me about 10-15 minutes to get to this point. My hand hurts. And not in the fun way. And, of course, once you do get the payoff, you find out that the male character (i.e. you) looks like a radiation experiment gone awry. Bugged out eyes, missing half his chest hair...

The fun in this device, however, is going to be all the hacks you could do on it. Think about it: now you have the first-ever cock controller! You could buy stocks . . . with your cock! Read a blog . . . with your boner!

Continues Machulis:

Assuming I can figure out a nice, cross platform way to unfuck the HID shit, expect to see libinteractivefl on sourceforge sometime soon, 'cause you know handing out headshots with this thing in an online shooter would be beyond awesome.

TMI About the Interactive Fleshlight [Slashdong]

• 
  
• Originally titled The Wiz Kid, this 1982 movie was meant to be a parody of Carrie. They both end at a dance, although Carrie's ending was quite a bit darker.
• 
  
• The plot of Zapped! is pretty simple: Science student Barney is working on a experiment, and through a series of events that he isn't aware of, other things (like whiskey) get added to his formula, and eventually this leads to a lab explosion. However, as a result both Barney and his lab rat (who we never see again) have developed telekinesis. Barney uses his powers to make Heather Thomas' shirt pop open, helps buddy Peyton (Willie Aames) woo Heather, makes his baseball team win, and finally lands a girlfriend. However, his girlfriend doesn't think he should use his powers for "evil", and this leads to a rift between Peyton and Barney. All is patched up in the end, however, and there's a huge naked scene to top it all off, as seen above.
• 
  
• Scott Baio played the lead character Barney Springboro, although the role of the rich boy best friend Peyton was supposed to be played by Greg Bradford. The producers decided to cast Willie Aames instead, hoping for a little more star power (Aames had just come off of Eight is Enough, and was also cast in Paradise with Phoebe Cates... a sort of Blue Lagoon ripoff with more T&A and Willie's willy). Bradford apparently held a grudge against the producers for this.
• 
  
• Baio and Aames would go on to star together in Charles in Charge, and Aames would also go on to appear as... Bibleman.
• 
  
• Heather Thomas was cast as snooty cheerleader Jane Mitchell, but she was never into the nudity in the film. In fact, she had the producers put a line in the credits stating that they used a body double for her topless scenes. That wasn't enough, however, and she later sued them, stating that no one reads the credits anyway, and people would assume those were her breasts on screen. Um, duh?
• 
  
• To that end, Thomas wears a body stocking in the famous scene at the end where Baio makes her dress fly off. Thanks the the wonders of DVD (which this film just appeared on for the first time in February), you can see this pretty clearly.
• 
  
• Even more bizarre was the fact that when an advertisement came out in the Los Angeles Times, readers complained that the characters in the poster could see up the girl's skirt. Now mind you, the advertisement didn't show that, and the complaints were based on the point of view of the painted versions of Scott Baio and Willie Aames. As a result, the artist had to go back and extend the skirt, so even Baio and Aames can't quite see up it. Stupid, but true. See the main image up above for the modified artwork, then weep for humanity.
• 
  
• The film has a couple of scifi cameos, including Merrick Buttrick who went on to play Captain Kirk's son David in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, and Eddie Deezen who would later be ubernerd (the only role he played) Malvin in WarGames.
• 
  
• There's also an entire Star Trek parody scene in the movie when Barney comes home after the lab explosion and his parents think he's on drugs. He gets grounded in his room, and uses his new powers to make a model spaceship fly, apparently through an aquarium, and into his dog's mouth.
• 
  
• The most bizarre role in the film probably belongs to Scatman Crothers, who had worked on The Shining just a year or two before. Imagine going from working with Stanley Kubrick to playing a pot-smoking baseball coach. There's a truly bizarre scene where he gets high and imagines he's with Albert Einstein and fleeing from his wife, who is chasing after them with a salami-firing bazooka. Strange, but true.
• 
  
• There's a whole fan club devoted to Zapped! at MSN Groups, and they feature things like in-depth analysis photos of all the different versions of the movie. Particularly whenever Jane's clothes pop open.
• 
  
• Oddly enough, Zapped! spawned a sequel in 1990, Zapped Again!. In this update, a student finds Barney's old formula hidden in a wall, and uses it to more naked abandon. Linda Blair stars as a fairly hot teacher, and the only cast member to return was was Sue Ane Langdon, who played randy teacher Rose Burnhart.
• 
  
• The Onion covered it best when they published this image from their Alternate History newspaper:

Luckily, the rat gets his chow. Or will the chow fight back? After all, once you're a zombie, all your body parts take on a life of their own.

It won't surprise you to find out that this brilliant movie is the brainchild of my personal deity Brian Yuzna, with special effects provided by Screaming Mad George. They're the same team who provided you so much pleasure several weeks ago with this NSFW scene from Faust where a lady's body parts suddenly get a little . . . out of proportion. Basically, you always know you're watching a Yuzna flick because there will be lots of creative gore mixed with foot fetishism and weird sex.

I highly recommend Beyond Re-Animator — this scene hardly does justice to a movie where one of the bad guys spends most of the movie as a severed torso swinging from bar to bar through the prison. And of course, the zombie rat and zombie penis meet again several times . . .

Beyond Re-Animator

After watching the movie, all the way through, it's never entirely clear to me exactly why the Daleks want to capture healthy human women in stripper heels in the first place. They make a huge show of "interrogating" the women, but never actually ask any questions. It's also not clear if they want to mate with these women — which would be quite out of character for the Daleks, who are obsessed with racial purity on Doctor Who. Even when they finally accept human DNA, only one cell in a billion is worthy of cultivation.

Abducted starts with three women picking up a fourth (who's really a Dalek agent) and then as they're driving down the street, they run over a super-fake looking alien and their car is wrecked. Even though there's a woman-skinning serial killer at large, the four women wander off into the forest, split up and then decide to remove their clothes randomly. And that's when the Daleks grab them with their teleportation device. I love the fact that the women don't notice they've been teleported to an alien spaceship and are surrounded by Daleks, until one Dalek makes a throat-clearing noise.

The interrogation doesn't go very well, so first the Daleks bring in their sexy human agent, who dresses up like a dominatrix and threatens the women with a big bullwhip. And then the Daleks set their ray guns on vibrate and train them on the women:

Note: I actually made three clips of Abducted, but decided to put up only two because so many people have mentioned a bug where all the videos start playing at once when they click through on a post. Let me know if I should add an extra clip, or if the simultaneous launch issue would be too annoying.

Update: Here's that third clip, by request:

This is the second part in our series of vids in which people tell us strange stories about naughty things they did while consuming science fiction.

Murakami seems determined to remind us that cartoony characters aren't innocent. His massive sculptures Disney-esque characters include a sculpture of a woman with enormous breasts squirting streams of milk from fist-sized nipples and a man who looks like Cloud from Final Fantasy shooting a swirling plume of jizz into the heavens. But you'll also find Murakami's tamer t-shirt designs, wallpapers, animation (including a Kanye West video), and the Louis Vuitton bags he designed. One massive wall contains a stunning piece called Tan Tan Bo Puking (pictured up top), which features the dying moments of a bizarre Japanime god as he voids his stomach and bowels during death.

However, what really caught our eye was his Second Mission Project ko2 Advanced (Human Type) piece. It consists of three different sculptures, each one of a female mecha in the stages of transforming from a humanoid into a fighter jet. It's nearly life-sized and contains a ton of stunning detail. If there's any way you can get to this exhibit I'd highly recommend it, even if it's for this piece alone. Watch Murakami discuss it in the video below, and you can check out the other parts of his video tour here.

The MOCA didn't allow photography, but that didn't stop some people (including us) from sneaking a few camera phone photos, which you can see in the gallery above along with some NSFW images. You can also check out Eric Nakamura's Flickr set, which documents almost the entire exhibit. Just as a bit of a tip, though... the museums sell the book/catalog of the exhibit for $65, and it's tempting to walk home with it while you try to digest all the art you've just seen. However, you can snag it for only $40 at Amazon, with free shipping. If you can't make it, or the exhibit won't be traveling anywhere near you, it's the next best thing.

Top image is Tan Tan Bo Puking - a.k.a. Gero Tan, 2002 ©2002 Takashi Murakami/Kaikai Kiki Co., Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

The new year is barely three weeks old, so if you love mutant powers and nakedness, then this calendar should be right up your alley. (Sadly there is no beefcake version.) Like the first Nerdcore calendar, this one is also full of geeky dates, like the opening days for Iron Man and The Dark Knight. You'll also get nerdy trivia dates like Sarah Connor's assassination, the morning Oceanic Airlines Flight 815 departed, and the day Marty was sent back to the future.

So, if you're looking to decorate your dorm room, office cubicle, or basement rumpus room, you might want to pick one of these up. You may have a hard time convincing your co-workers or significant other that it's actually research for Heroes, but if you're able to pull it off, then we salute you. It'll certainly get a lot more attention than your old Far Side calendar.

We've broken the hour-long movie down to its best parts in the video above, while trying to maintain some semblance of a story. However, since it still doesn't make much sense (although it seems a lot clearer than the whole film), we'll break it down for you.

• 
  
• The grooviest part of the movie are the opening credits, which actually feature some Terry Gilliam-esque animations. If the whole film had been done this way, we might have loved it.
• 
  
• A scientist accidentally concocts a serum that unleashes the "killer instinct" in lab rats. They attack his assistant, and chase her inexplicably out a window. He saves her as she dangles from the ledge. What a hero
• 
  
• The scientist takes the serum in a simple Mason jar down the the ocean, and tosses it in to get rid of the evidence. But not before taking a huge whiff of the contents. Good quarantine procedures, doc.
• 
  
• The serum ends up in a shopping bag, and gets caught by a local fisherman. He decides to hang onto the jar (what?) and takes it to another fishing location, this time in a stream in the woods.
• 
  
• Whoops, he knocks the jar into the stream where it smashes to bits. A few feet downstream, the weird gardener at a nudist camp drinks some of the serum-laced water. It makes him crabby and grumpy, so his blonde sister chains him up in a shed. You know, just like a doctor would recommend.
• 
  
• The lab assistant and her fashion model roommate both turn out to (surprise!) be members of the nudist camp, and they come in for a party weekend to celebrate their friend Claire's birthday.
• 
  
• The monster, enraged by barren flesh we suppose, tears loose from his chains and sets off with his newly ugly mutant face and an axe in search of nubile flesh.
• 
  
• A call gets put in to a bored military commander who brings the cavalry, and they blow the poor monster to bits. Actually, a very small bit. They turn him into a rock or... something.
• 
  
• The group is momentarily sad, but then point out that the sun is coming out, so they strip off and enjoy life once again in the nude, and now monster-free.
• 
  

• Barbarella: This movie was all about sex, from the opening credits where Jane Fonda strips down in zero gravity, to her encounter with Dr. Durand Durand's sex organ called "The Excessive Machine." Which is basically a piano that plays with your genitalia. It's supposed to kill her, but of course Barbarella breaks it, oh my. She also has super-sci fi sex in pill form, which manages to curl her hair a bit. There's even a character named Dildano, in case you had any doubts about all the sex.

• 
  
• Demolition Man: This movie has a scene where Sylvester Stallone gets it on with Sandra Bullock's character through some high-tech sex helmets. You put them on and "think" about sex, so no bodily fluids are exchanged. That way you can do the nasty and stay "pure." Thankfully, it saves us from seeing them writhing around in bed together. A sad Stallone retires to his apartment to knit (no joke), but he gets a wrong number video phone call, so you can still see some boobies. He probably wrote that scene in himself.

• 
  
• Liquid Sky: In this 1982 cult-classic, fashion model Margaret has a troupe of tiny aliens following her around and sucking up the endorphins released by the people she has sex with, because that's where they get their fuel from. Must make finding a service station a bit rough. She has trouble hiding the ever-growing body count until the aliens help her out and start vaporizing them for her. Where else could you get a line like, "I bet you $300 I can fuck Margaret and not die!" spoken by a woman?

• 
  
• Battlestar Galactica: There's a lot of sex going on in this show, because apparently Cylons are equipped with a horny circuit that's been switched into overdrive. Except for that short, balding guy. We've never seen him try to do the deed. Plus, Cylon's spines glow red during sex, which you think would make detecting them a bit easier than the iffy blood-test solution that Baltar comes up with. Plus, Starbuck gets strapped down and has an ovary removed in a Cylon reproduction farm, which means they're just having sex for the fun of it.

  
  

• Moonraker: James Bond ventures into outer space, has slow-motion fights with laser beams and while wearing a spacesuit, manages to turn Jaws into a good guy, and also gets down with some zero gravity action with Dr. Holly Goodhead. The film's effects are pretty laughable at this point (the space shuttle has LASER BEAMS, for god's sake), but that sex scene made it all worth it when you were ten years old. Plus Q gets off a good one-liner at the end when the Prime Minister video calls Bond to congratulate him and they sex him and Dr. Goodhead floating naked under some silvery space sheets. M says, "What's he doing?!" And Q, staring at a flight path quips "I think he's attempting re-entry!" Zing.

• 
  
• Species: Scientists get a message from the stars in this film, and it sounds suspiciously like spam. "Free unlimited fuel now! Ask me how!" They follow the instructions, which involve splicing human DNA with alien DNA, and it gives birth to... Natasha Henstridge. She escapes into the wild with her supermodel good looks, and the fact that she changed her haircut. What a disguise. Even one of the scientists assigned to track her down doesn't recognize her, and they have sex. She's like Clark Kent with that damn hair. Anyhow, she's hot, struts around naked, and doesn't hesitate to kill people who get in her way.

  
  

• Demon Seed: This 1977 film featured a sentient computer named Proteus that also controlled every aspect of the house that his creator's wife lived in. As he begins to go HAL-style crazy, he tells the good doctor's wife that he just wants to have a child, and she agrees! There's some cyborg/robo sex going on, which has to be seen to be believed, including the robot's line "If you prick me, do I not leak?" If your house starts pleasing you sexually, it's either time to move, or to re-appraise your property.

• Sleeper: In this Woody Allen film, Allen mistakenly gets put into cryogenic freeze and wakes up 200 years in the future, where all men have been rendered impotent, except those of Italian descent. Orgasmatron booths are popular destinations, where instead of making a phone call you get off, and "intoxication orbs" are passed around at parties, which appear to make the holder experience sexual bliss. Sounds like a decent future to me, thank god my great-grandmother was Italian.

  

•