The Orgasmatron Booth
Maybe I should be more surprised that Woody Allen would come up with one of the most well known pieces of SF sextech in Sleeper, his one and only SF movie to date, but all I can think is that anything that demonstrates how easily people can be replaced by machinery is right up his 1970s comedy neuroses alley. Sure, science may have tried to create the real thing, but the fact remains: Is there a closet that I can walk into and experience multiple climaxes without the presence of another human being and risking repetitive strain injury? No. And that's the true tragedy here.

The Excessive Machine
Unlike the Orgasmatron, Barbarella's Excessive Machine is made for evil purposes, apparently (Unless you think that "Executioner" is some kind of porny euphemism), but you can't deny that with a little reworking, this organ-based organ-replacement could bring happiness to a great many people everywhere, while being more aesthetically-pleasing to look at than any of the inventions seen so far on popular internet destination Fucking Machines (Dear everyone: That link is very NSFW. Do not blame me when you click on it in your place of employment and get in trouble. The clue as to why may be in the name of the site).

Sex Rays Of Various Types
Whether it's Flesh Gordon's Sex Ray or Orgazmo's Orgazmorator, there's no denying that there's something primal about the idea of making that penis/gun substitution a little more literal than usual. The best variation of this idea belongs to 2000AD's satirical Big Dave strip from the 1990s, wherein Saddam Hussein unveiled his plan to defeat the West once and for all by using his Love Gun - built by aliens, of course - to turn opposing armies gay, and therefore - proving the reasoning behind the US military's ban on homosexuals - useless as soldiers.

Freaky Virtual Reality Sex
http://io9.com/5054503/the-dos-and-donts-of-cybersex
Lawnmower Man's face-melty sex scene may look somewhat cheesy now - and make you go "Hey, it's Frank off Lost! But young!" - but let's face it; Second Life really doesn't compare to the virtual reality insect fetish sex that this movie promised us. Science fiction loves to suggest that VR will open up all new worlds of sexual exploration (Even Star Trek: Deep Space Nine had Quark's holodeck suites, which you knew were dens of perversity and characters fantasizing about Dax and Kira getting it on with them), but the reality has proven to be somewhat lacking.

Sexbots In General
I know, I know. Sexbots; they're the android dream for all of us, whether they're Cherry 2000, Battlestar Galactica's Six or any of a large number of other possibilities, there's something amazingly alluring to many people about the idea of a lifelike play partner that only does what you tell it to do (or maybe not). But when I don't care how realistic they think robots are getting, that whole dead-eyed look just doesn't do it for me just yet. Give me a call when they've reached Tricia Helfer level - or maybe Sky-Doll.

Here are five orgasm weapons you'll want to stick in your holster.

The orgasm gun from Orgazmo delivers orgasm from a distance via a cheesy "raygun" special effect and can be used to stop bad guys (or give unsuspecting girls a zap). Orgazmo, made by South Park guys Trey Parker and Matt Stone, is a scifi comedy about Mormons, pornography, and this strange device. Can a nice Mormon boy who accidentally becomes a porn star save the world with his orgasm gun? You'll have to rent this flick to find out.

In Larry Niven's "known space" books, he introduces the Tasp — a weapon that delivers intense zaps of pleasure right to your brain. It can be used to incapacitate enemies, who are left writhing on the ground in ecstasy. Or it can be used to slowly train somebody you want to enslave, by giving them pleasurable rewards each time they obey you. Eventually, they'll get addicted to your Tasp and do anything to get another jolt. This is a major plot point in Niven's Ringworld, where the Puppeteer alien has a Tasp installed in one of his heads and uses it to control the other creatures who venture to the Dyson Ring with him.

Ming's ring in the 1980 Flash Gordon movie seems to have some kind of orgasm-inducing, mind-controlling power. As you can see in this video we posted of Ming controlling Dale with the ring, falling under its glowing ray results in writhing and solo dirty dancing moves. Could be good at parties. Or in the throne rooms of Emperors who make speeches about "pathetic Earthlings." Either way.

And although sex ninjas aren't exactly scifi, there is simply no cause to leave out the importance of orgasm weapons in the anime miniseries La Blue Girl. It's the simple tale of rival ninja clans who fight with sex instead of swords. The first person to have an orgasm loses, and often becomes enslaved to the ninja who gives the orgasm. Plus monsters can play too, which makes it even harder to resist those orgasms. After all, a monster can have an infinite number of pleasure-inducing tentacles as you can see here.

There's a really messed-up orgasm electrode in Robin Cook's cheesy medical thriller Brain, about some scurrilous doctors who create a brain-based computer by using the brains of hapless co-eds. In one scene, our hero finds out about the brain experiments, and discovers the secret of using women's brains. The bad guys have their unlucky vicitms half-dissected but still alive, suspended in cerebro-spinal fluid, their brains exposed and their bodies (inexplicably) still attached. (Also, unexplained is why they need only ladies, other than that it's way sexier.) They've implanted electrodes in the women's pleasure centers to get them to perform computer work in their heads. "When we stimulate her, she has the sensation of 100 orgasms," the evil doctor tells our hero. "It must be sensational because she wants it constantly." I love that this doctor knows exactly what 100 orgasms would feel like, as if "orgasm" is a unit of pleasure measurement.

And just to remind you that the reality of these devices is closer than you might think, don't forget that surgeon Stuart Meloy invented a spinal implant several years ago that gives women orgasms. He's patented it, and is in the process of doing tests to turn it into a consumer device.

Barbarella (1968). The original scifi porn film. Jane Fonda's blonde mega-mane and anime eyes radiate sexuality. It starts with a zero-G spacesuit strip show in Fonda's shag-carpeted space capsule, and then she fights off angry dolls in her ripped stockings. Plus she hooks up with a hunky space angel.
Money shot: Duran Duran puts Barbarella into his sexomatic Excessive Machine, only to have her burn it out with her over-the-top tantric energy.

Flesh Gordon (1974). A crazy pastiche of the 1930s Flash Gordon serials, featuring Flesh and his sidekick Dale Ardor. The Emperor Wang bombards the Earth with a sex ray from planet Porno and it turns everybody into a sex fiend. This is somehow a problem. Lesbian queens in black swan spaceships, bearded men with pasties, penisaurs, bearded men with drag queen makeup, sex robots... The whole thing is intensely campy, even by 70s porn standards, and feels like Rocky Horror with more nudity and less singing. And yet it features special effects by people who went on to work on the Star Trek and Star Wars movies.
Money shot: A giant claymation monster, voiced by Craig T. Nelson from Coach, grabs Dale and carries her up a wall like King Kong. Flash has to battle the lumpy creature to save his hot sidekick. Here's the trailer:

Latex and Shock (1995). Probably Michael Ninn's most famous porn films, Latex and its sequel try for a "cyberpunk" aesthetic without actually comprehending cyberpunk. But that's okay, because the actual plot about a psychotic telepath imprisoned in a future dystopia is weird enough on its own. Malcolm Stevens has the ability to read people's thoughts, and uses it to discover their sexual fantasies. (Instead of getting rich, or escaping from his asylum.)
Money shot: In the second film, a female therapist tries to use shock treatment to cure Stevens, but her assistant gets drawn into a telepathic nightmare where she's trapped with two sexy gargoyles.

Cyberella: Forbidden Passions (1996). It's just your standard-issue cyberpunk redemption-through-sex afterlife story. Mara is a famous virtual reality designer, until she dies in a fire while plugged in to VR. Instead of going to the afterlife, her soul gets trapped in cyberspace, where she meets God. And God tells her to go into other people's VR worlds and have sex with them, until she transcends this plane of existence. Yes, it's that great.
Money shot: Cyberella enters someone's cracked copy of Mac Paint and they have paint-splashing VR sex.

Orgazmo (1998). A naive Mormon missionary gets drawn into doing porn and portrays a superhero named Orgazmo, who wields a ray that causes people to climax in this film by Trey (South Park) Stone. And then, when Joe Young decides to fight back against the sleazy film producer who exploited him, he suddenly finds that he can wield the power of Orgazmo for real.
Money shot: Orgazmo flying-kicks real porn star Ron Jeremy, who explodes into little pieces... only to come back a few minutes later.

Rod Steele 0014 and The Ultimate Attraction (2000-2002). Horror auteur Rolfe Kanefsky has a sideline in scifi soft-core porn movies, which often air late at night on premium cable and then come out on "unrated" DVDs. (He also wrote the totally bizarre Emanuelle vs. Dracula.) Both of these films involve a "clicker" that can increase the horniness level of anyone you point it at, ripped off from Manara's Click. In Steele, a James Bond parody loses track of his arousal-causing gadget and it creates mayhem. In Attraction, a mom-and-pop gym's staff uses the device to save the gym from a gym mogul who wants to buy them out. Really.
Money shot: In Attraction, it turns out the clicker doesn't just increase your arousal, it can transform your body as well. Here, a dorky guy uses the clicker to turn his gym coworker into a supermodel:

After reviving the lost art of marionettes in Team America, this time Parker and Stone are bringing back man-in-rubber-suit action for a pastiche of Japanese monster movies. We've heard a rumor that Eiji Tsuburaya Productions, creators of Ultraman and many classic Kaiju costumes, may be working on this movie. But it's also possible that Nickelodeon, which is producing the movie, may use its own in-house staff.

The script, by J.F. Lawton (Pretty Woman), sounds silly enough to fit in with classics like Baseketball and Orgazmo. The Smith family moves to Japan, and Mr. Smith has a hard time convincing his eight-year-old son Johnny that Japan isn't all robots, ninjas and giant monsters, like he's seen on TV. But then it turns out pop culture has represented Japan perfectly. Johnny befriends a family of ninjas next door, while his dad discovers that all the giant monster attacks make his life difficult. When Mr. Smith's plan to build robots to defeat the giant monsters fails, Johnny decides to go to Monster Island to convince the somewhat-nice Megamonster to help save Japan.

Judging from Lawton's comments, Giant Monsters will revel in the cheesiness of guys in rubber suits whomping each other. But here's hoping the movie does more than just re-create all the old monster-movie wackiness. Parker and Trey are at their best when they take a tired stereotype and give it a weird extra twist, but it may be hard for them to do that when they're playing outside their native idiom and toning it down for the kids. Parker/Stone image by INF/Goff. [IESB]