In the episode "Fallen Star," Easton plays a washed-up rock star who used to play in front of 80,000 people, and now she plays to small nightclub crowds. She's about to kill herself, when a mega-fan from the future travels back to stop her. It turns out that in the future, not only have they discovered time travel (by inhabiting the bodies of people in the past) but they've also ruined music. Everybody just listens to cookie-cutter bland music — not the vibrant adult-contemporary "quiet storm" slow jams that Ms. Easton belts out. It's a tragedy.

But by preventing Easton from killing herself, the time-traveling fan totally changes the future — it's now a better world for your great-grandchildren to grow up in, because everybody's listening to songs like the one you can hear Easton singing at the end of the above clip. Easton's character still has to die, of course, but luckily her backup singer randomly dies and they're able to transfer Easton's consciousness into the backup singer's body — so she can inspire the world, with lyrics like, "I'm growing stronger/Like a flower in the rain/I can feel the power/I can see the light/I can hear my heart telling me/It's going to be all right."

Monday

With Heroes and House both taking a break for the holidays, it falls to Syfy to keep us entertained today, and they're definitely trying their hardest, with Stargate: The Ark of Truth at 9am, followed by Stargate: Continuum at 11.

Meanwhile, if you went down the rabbit hole last night, you'll be happy to know that Alice continues (and concludes) at 9pm.

Tuesday

Even if the day wasn't almost entirely otherwise devoid of SF entertainment, the return of ABC's Better Off Ted (ABC at 9:30pm) would still be at the top of our to-do list. In the first episode of its new run, the employees of Veridian Dynamics find their thoughts turning to reproduction, as Ted and Linda meet their genetically compatible matches, while Veronica tries to convince Lem to donate to a sperm bank. Oh, Ted. How did we get by without you?

If satires on corporate America are a little too close to the bone, then try the first episode of Outer Space Astronauts on Syfy (also 9:30); it's a new sitcom set in outer space - Maybe you missed that in the title - but we're a little worried about it based on the episode description being "Capt. Ripley invites aliens over to the O.S.S. Oklahoma for a pizza dinner, but the aliens want the ship, too." Uh, hilarity may ensue?

Wednesday

Oh, Syfy. With a Jericho marathon from 8am through 3pm, you know how to spoil us. From there until 9pm, it's a bit of a science fiction wasteland in terms of things that aren't re-runs, so consider it the Television God's way of telling you to leave the house and go and do some holiday shopping or something. Then be back in front of the visual entertainment box in time for 9 o'clock, when Discovery has a new episode of Mythbusters, with Jamie and Adam putting more gunslinging myths to the test.

Thursday

Remember 1990s SF vampire series Kindred: The Embraced? I definitely don't, but Syfy is looking to remedy my oversight with a marathon of the entire 1996 series starring former Soul Man C. Thomas Howell, starting at 8am.

Otherwise, with FlashForward, Vampire Diaries and Supernatural already in reruns, it falls to Fringe to keep the science fiction flag flying with its new episode "Grey Matters" at 9pm on Fox. Featuring the return of Leonard Nimoy as William Bell:

Friday

Get your day started off in the right way with Syfy's Outer Limits marathon, starting at 8am. You'll only wish it was Twilight Zone a couple of times, honest.

Depending on who you believe, there's either a rerun or new episode of Batman: The Brave and The Bold on Cartoon Network at 7pm (If it's a new episode, then it'll be the Plastic Man-guesting "Long Arm Of The Law," but some schedules have last season's "Duel of The Double Crossers!" listed. Your guess is as good as mine at this point).

But even if it is a new episode, that might not be enough to steal your attention away from Syfy's Sanctuary mini-marathon, starting at 7pm and ending with a brand new episode, "Penance," guest-starring Amanda Tapping's fellow former Stargate cast member Michael Shanks, at 10pm.

Or you can keep up with the latest double bill of Dollhouse on Fox at 8pm, with the "Meet Jane Doe"/"A Love Supreme" match-up offering Topher discovering the potential effects of science, Echo losing control of her multiple memory downloads, and the return of Alpha.

Once that's done, you might find yourself switching over to Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow on Cartoon Network at 10pm, just to look at how shiny the whole thing is.

Saturday

It's All Disaster Movies All Day on Syfy, starting with Earthstorm (9am) before offering up Meteor (11am), miniseries 10.5: Apocalypse (1pm), Ba'al: The Storm God (5pm), Ice Twisters (7pm), Annihilation Earth (9pm) and finishing with Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York at 11pm. Why so many disaster movies? Why not? Over on BBC America, there's a Doctor Who triple bill of edited versions of "Journey's End", "The Next Doctor" and "Planet of The Dead" starting at 7pm, but you should really wait until tomorrow, for reasons you'll discover in a second.

Sunday

...What's that, you say? A Doctor Who marathon on BBC America starting at 1pm, including 1hr 15 minute (ie, unedited from U.K. broadcast, apart from ad breaks) versions of The Next Doctor and Planet of The Dead? I thought you'd say yes. The full rundown of episodes is:

1pm: Voyage of The Damned
2pm: Turn Left
3pm: The Stolen Earth/Journey's End
5:30pm: The Next Doctor
6:45: Planet of The Dead

All of this is a lead-in to next week's premiere of "The Waters of Mars," and the following week's "The End of Time," of course. But do you care why it's happening, as long as it's happening?

These are the science-fiction universes where you can transfer your consciousness into a robot body permanently, and wave goodbye to those annoying bones and excretory organs forever. And tomorrow, we'll have a list of the ten best robot bodies you can plug your brain into, and control temporarily.

Note: To some extent, there's some overlap here with the list we did a while ago of people who died and went to cyber-heaven. So we left out a few examples from the earlier list, like Dr. Ira Graves and Juliana Soong in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Mindscan, by Robert J. Sawyer
Wealthy Jake Sullivan is dying of a rare medical condition, so he pays the Immortex corporation to scan his brain and load him into a new, immortal robot body. There, he meets a children's author, Karen, who's also gotten a robot body so she can keep her copyrights for centuries. They fall in love — but Jake's original meat body, who's still not dead yet, decides to sue to get his personhood back from the robot duplicate. And after Kate's meat body dies, her son sues to get control over her estate.

Robotrix

In this bizarre, messed-up Hong Kong movie, an evil super-rich business man loads his brain into a robot body. And a sexy crime-fighting babe gets killed trying to stop him — so two female scientists, in shiny fetishy labcoats, put her naked body on a table with an also-naked robot body, and then transfer her consciousness into the robot. So she can go out there and kick some robo-butt. (We have a couple more clips from Robotrix here.)

8th Man aka 8-Man:

In this early Japanese anime series, Special Agent Brady gets killed, but downloads his brain into a robot body and becomes the 8th Man, a robot superhero who has superior speed, strength and reflexes, and he can change his appearance at will. His alter ego is Tobor, a private detective. Watch him deal with a Godzilla-esque robot from outer space, in this awesome clip.

Stargate: SG-1, "Tin Man"
The SG-1 crew winds up on a planet where a man named Harlen copies their consciousnesses into robot bodies. In an interesting twist on the usual "minds transferred into robot bodies" concept, it turns out that the crew's original bodies are intact, and they're eventually free to go. The robot duplicates meet their original selves, and the robots are a bit jealous of the "real" crew, who get to go home. Witness this exchange between robot Jack O'Neil and the "real" Jack:

ROBOT JACK: Somebody stole my life. That's what happened.

O'NEILL: You talking about my life?

ROBOT JACK: Hey, I've got every right to it that you do. I was kind of hoping I could figure out away to undo all this, get myself back into my body, where I belong.

O'NEILL: Well it's occupied, thank you.

The "Ware" series by Rudy Rucker
Cobb Anderson is an aging computer scientist who's best known for committing treason — he gave the robots free will and liberated them from the restrictive laws of robotics. Now the robots, who are living on the Moon, have come up with a scheme for Cobb to live forever — they've created a perfect robot duplicate of his body, and they want to digitize his consciousness and load it into the new shell. The only catch: to scan Cobb's brain and duplicate it, they have to slice it up, thus destroying it in the process.

Sliders, "State Of The Art"

The dimensional travelvers visit a world where robots have taken over — and the robots' creator, James Aldohn, has found a process to transfer a human consciousness into a robot body. The only downside: it's an untested procedure, and he needs to use the visitors as guinea pigs. Weirdly, the scene where Katherine McClellan's robot body gets switched on has inspired some really odd slow-mo Youtube fetish vids.

The Outer Limits, "The Brain Of Colonel Barham"

Colonel Barham, a dying astronaut, volunteers to have his brain loaded into a robot body so he can go to Mars before the Soviets — although, in this case, it looks like they keep part of the meat brain alive, so it's an edge case. In any case, the arrogant Col. Barham goes nuts once he's in a robot body, and he starts trying to kill anyone who messes with him. Somehow, his robot body has the ability to control people's minds and turn them into zombies.

Caprica

We couldn't leave this Battlestar Galactica prequel out — that plucky Zoe Graystone gets killed in a terrorist bombing, but luckily she's figured out a way to back up her brain electronically first, because the human mind only takes up about 300 MB of disk space.

Skinned by Robin Wasserman

Lia Kahn is rich, young and beautiful — unfortunately she's also fatally injured in a car accident. So her dad pays for her consciousness to be transferred into a new robot body. She no longer eats or has any sense of smell, and she doesn't feel touch the same way she used to. Is she still the same person she used to be? Even she isn't sure, and her old "popular kids" clique at high school isn't sure whether to accept her either. Think you had a hard time fitting in in high school? Imagine doing it with a robot body, in a culture that's uncomfortable with uploaded humans. (Read an interview with the author here.) Another novel with a similar theme is Nightmare In Silicon by Colette Phair.

Star Trek: "What Are Little Girls Made Of?"

Captain Kirk's mind gets copied perfectly into an android body, except that he's obsessed with being sick of Spock's half-breed interference, because that's what Kirk was muttering to himself when his mind got scanned. I love the spinning table with the two naked Shatners on it (at around 5:20 in this video.) Of course, they don't destroy Kirk's original fleshy body, probably just because they don't get around to it.

Runners up:

The Red Skull And Zola both transfer their brains into robot bodies in Captain America Reborn

The Creation Of The Humanoids

Osama Tezuka (creator of Astro Boy) writes a story of a dying person whose consciousness gets transferred into a robot body in the Phoenix series.

Fragile Machine

Starr Saxon, aka Machinesmith, becomes a gay robotic supervillain in issues of Daredevil and the Fantastic Four. (See top image.)

Ghost In The Shell: Innocence shows a world where cyborgs have abandoned their last bits of humanity and have become fully robotic.

Battle Angel Alita also includes some of the best cybernetic bodies — thanks to Cash907Censored for suggesting it.

In Dragonball Z movie 2, Dr. Willow dies, but he downloads his brain into a robot body.

The story "The Robot Who Came To Dinner" by Ron Goulart features a detective who's downloaded his brain into a robot body.

Jens in Galidor: Defenders Of The Outer Dimension

Doozy Bots

Assassinated in the Act

The Jennifer Morgue by Charles Stross: Some people have a monkey on their back; Ramona Random has a succubus. If Ramona doesn’t have sex, the demon gnaws at her mind. If she does have sex, it devours her partner. It makes her questionable girlfriend material, but a highly effective assassin.

Goldeneye: Bond henchwomen often use their seductive powers to get what they want, and what Xenia Onatopp wants is a good orgasm. Unfortunately for her partners, she nothing brings Xenia to ecstasy quite like squeezing a man to death between her powerful gams.

Worshipping the Queen of Sheba (American Gods by Neil Gaiman): Bilquis, an incarnation of the Queen of Sheba, doesn’t get loving any more from the worshippers who once prayed to her and held sexy fertility rites in her temples. So she maintains her power the best way she knows how: by posing as a prostitute, having sex with her johns, and promptly devouring them with her vagina. Judging by the screams of ecstasy, it’s not an entirely unpleasant way to go.

Getting it on with Alien-Possessed Women

Torchwood “Day One”: Cardiff is ground zero for alien mischief, so when a beautiful woman leads you into the bathroom for some anonymous love, stay on your toes. She might have a fetish for sexy time in the stalls, but she might also be possessed by an alien gas that wants to suck the sperm – and all the energy – from your body.

The Outer Limits “Caught in the Act”: Chaste Hannah wants to wait until marriage before going all the way with her boyfriend Jay. When an alien lifeform takes control of Hannah’s body, premarital abstinence flies quickly out the window as she starts seducing every man on campus. But this isn’t sexual liberation; it’s a hunger for man-meat that goes way beyond genitalia. When Jay starts tailing his suddenly unfaithful love, he discovers that she’s absorbing men into her body during the act.

Death by Snoo Snoo (Futurama “Amazon Women in the Mood”): After all the men died out on Amazonia, the Amazon women devised a method of punishing male trespassers that fulfills the needs of the hetero sex-starved population: Snoo Snoo. Evidently, dying of a crushed pelvis only sounds like fun.

Alien Sex Vampires

Liquid Sky: The aliens who land on the roof of artist Margaret’s loft find human endorphins especially tasty. Initially, they’re content to nibble on the endorphins released during heroin use, but they quickly learn that the orgasmic variety is far more satisfying. So they start murdering Margaret’s partners at the height of their sexual pleasure, leaving Margaret behind to deliver avant-garde monologues in her neon makeup.

Lifeforce: When a beautiful naked woman found imprisoned in the tale of Hailey’s Comet crawls on top of you and starts kissing you wildly, it’s probably not because she thinks you’re neat. It’s much more likely that she’s searching for a convenient orifice through which to suck out your soul, leaving you a desiccated, undead ghoul.

Angel “Lonely Hearts”: Angel & Co. hunt down a demon that kills its host when close to another naked body. But it’s not looking to snag its host’s energy; it’s just leaping from body to body during sex, looking for the perfect body to inhabit forever.

Having Sex with Your Proxy Self (Kaiba): In a future where memories can be stored, traded, and implanted in someone else, having sex with someone who shares your memories can be a form of near-masturbation. But the experience is so intense that it can make your head (and the rest of your body) explode.

Death by Rapid Pregnancy

Fringe “The Same Old Story”: When you’re a human specially designed for rapid aging, and your sperm is similarly designed, it’s best to use protection when sleeping with a fertile female partner. But even condoms fail from time to time, and those rapidly gestating pregnancies tend to kill the mother.

Species II: The same rules apply to men infected with alien DNA. Female alien hybrids can handle nine months’ worth of pregnancy occurring in the span of a few minutes. Female humans just don’t have the wombs for it.

Magically Boinked to Death

Dresden Files: Storm Front by Jim Butcher: When Harry Dresden is sent to investigate a pair of lovers whose hearts exploded in the act, he comes across a wizard who draws his energy from sex and lust. The wizard sent his target a coital heart attack, and her unfortunate partner got his own dose of cardiac overload.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer “Where the Wild Things Are”: Buffy and Riley’s repeated and enthusiastic lovemaking literally wakes the dead, freeing a crew of sexually repressed poltergeists. Once freed, the poltergeists try to ensure that they’ll have a steady supply of sexual energy by getting Buffy and Riley to continue their round-the-clock shtupping until they die of exhaustion. Fortunately, the rest of the Scoobies come to the rescue with a spell to pry the lovers apart, at least temporarily.

Kryptonite Condom (Wanted by Mark Millar): Perhaps taking a cue from Mallrats’ speculation on how Clark Kent and Lois Lane might copulate, supervillain Professor Seltzer once devised a kryptonite condom to take down his own Superman-like nemesis. Apparently, the hero’s girlfriend never quite got the radioactive rubber on him, leaving us to wonder whether a kryptonite diaphragm would have been more effective.

The Classic Coital Coronary

Star Trek: New Frontier: Vulcans are known for their remarkable stoicism, which breaks down spectacularly every seven years during an individual’s pon farr, during which a maddened Vulcan must mate or perish. But not every Vulcan has the constitution for the intense consummation. The Vulcan Voltak had a heart attack while between the sheets with his new wife, Enterprise Dr. Selar, leaving Selar widowed and throwing off her pon farr cycle.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine “Let He Who Is Without Sin…”: Curzon was a great diplomat and a notorious womanizer. So it’s apt that he irreparably strained himself with attempting the sexual ritual of jamaharon on the pleasure planet of Risa, although he didn’t give up the ghost (or, in this case, the symbiont) until several days later.

The X-Files “Gender Bender”: The alien Kindred lead a life of quiet isolation in a rural Massachusetts community. But when one of the Kindred ventures into the outside world, their intense alien pheromones both attract a constant stream of willing partners and give them coronaries in the throes of passion.

The Tick “The Funeral”: Many superheroes hope to go out in a blaze of glory, felled by some worthy opponent. Famed superhero the Immortal meets his fate on a mattress in Captain Liberty’s apartment, felled by her vagina. Although judging from the pending paternity suits, he died pretty much how he lived.

Powers “Little Deaths”: Philandering superhero Olympia has a similar exit, albeit accompanied by a literal blaze of glory. His alter ego's wife commits suicide over the ensuing tabloid coverage, but the woman who was on top of him at the time gets half a million dollars for the TV movie rights.

The TV version keeps the King story, originally taken from Tommyknockers, remarkably intact, all told. The main change is that instead of Jesus, it's just a random model in a picture frame talking to her. But they kept the part where the frame guy/Jesus tells her that her husband is cheating on her. And the sequence where the guy tells her that her husband put half a can of laxative in his boss' coffee, so the boss pooped his pants in front of everyone. And, of course, the guy telling Becka to kill her husband. Here's another brief freaky moment:

"Bonding Humanity and Landscape in a Perfect Circle" [New York Times]

Tonight

The Middleman's latest episode "The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown" features Kevin Sorbo as a Middleman from the past who's been frozen in time. He's brought back to fight a supervillain, the Candle, but will his obsolete manners force Wendy to kill him?

The Japanese shōnen mecha anime Gurren Lagann, about an underground future society, is on twice on Monday once at 11 and again at 11:30 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

My favorite X-Files two parter "Duane Barry Part 1" is on Sci Fi at 2 AM. If you like aliens, hostage situations and crazy folk, this is for you.

Futuristic private dick Charlie Jade is back and desperately trying to piece together the clues behind a murder mystery of a lovely young woman, the only problem is, she has no identity (which is impossible in his future), Charlie Jade airs at 3 AM on the Sci Fi Channel

Movies:
Enlist in The Federations alien bug-killing campaign before the evil being take over the universe in Starship Troopers, which is showing at 10 AM and 3 AM on TBS. Murderous soul eating car Christine is on AMC at 5:45 PM. And later, count all of the terrible one-liners in Batman & Robin on TBS at 12:30 AM.

Tuesday

Eureka has a new episode, where Allison starts to get ready for her wedding and all the genius dogs line up for a show of their own. "Best In Faux" is on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

A handsome young man tries to repair the problems of his past with a time machine, but instead he ends up going forward about 800,000 years into the future. The Time Machine will be on TBS at 12:30 AM.

Wednesday

Journey back and discover the roots of our flying saucers. According to UFO Files: UFOs: Then and Now? The Innocent Years, even Medieval times had their share of alien encounters. UFO Files is on the History Channel at 11 PM. Later, explore the secret lives of flexible bendy monsters on the History channel's MonsterQuest: Boneless Horror at 1 AM.

Movies:

Watch the original War Games before they ruin it with that awful remake /sequel, on AMC at 5:30 PM. Crazy scifi movie Mad Love, where murderous hands get transplanted on unsuspecting victims. is on at 8 PM on TMC. Later, Kirk Douglas' 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea is on TMC at 2 AM.

Thursday

Movies:

Milla Jovovich dons the world's tiniest bandages as a supreme being that can save the world from biblical alien doom in The Fifth Element on TBS. At 10 AM watch the first ever reality TV Show gone horribly wrong when an entire world is built to house enough cameras to film one man from birth until death (or escape) in The Truman Show, on TBS at 9 PM.

Friday

Stargate Atlantis "The Ghost In the Machine" brings back Doctor Elizabeth Weir, but as a creepy kill-crazy Replicator. Or is she one of the good replicators? Wait, are there good Replicators? Atlantis is on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
Get ready for high kicks and punches — and kitchen splits — with Jean-Claude Van Damme's Timecop at 10:30 PM on AMC.

Saturday

More British scifi beasties and monsters jump out of the rip in time in Primeval on BBC America at 9 PM. This weeks episode has the gang searching through the tunnels of London's underground and uncovering a bunch of gigantic spiders.

Movies:
TNT launches a scifi movie marathon starting at 11 AM with Jackie Chan's terrible movie about fatal formal wear The Tuxedo. Then there is Aeon Flux at 1 PM, Ultraviolet at 3 PM, Blade II at 7 PM, Blade: Trinity at 9 PM, Land of The Dead and 3:10.

Sunday

Venture Brothers will have a new episode for fans on Sunday at 11 PM on Adult Swim.

Movies:

Start your day off right with Space Cowboys where a group of aged astronauts get sent back into space to protect the world from ancient space technology. It airs on TNT at 8:30 AM. Later watch a military plane become self aware and try to blow up the world and fighter pilot Jessica Biel along it in Stealth on TNT at 1 PM.

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The film features people like Robin Williams and Neil Gaiman talking about the impact Harlan has had on the world of writing, and there's a great amount of attention to the idea of writing as a real job where you have to roll up your sleeves and dive in,. And we see that work. Even at 73 years old, he still sits down at a manual typewriter and pounds out a daily living. While Ellison claims not to be rich, he does live in a spectacular house he calls The Lost Aztec Temple of Mars on 200 acres in the San Fernando Valley, so he ain't suffering.

However, the film doesn't touch on many of the controversies surrounding him, barely mentioning two of his many lawsuits, the fact that he was fired from Disney on his first day on the job, or the controversial boob-grabbing during the World Science Fiction Convention two years ago. In fact, the hardest line of questioning comes from Robin Williams at the beginning of the film, who runs through a laundry list asking Harlan if some of the things he is credited with doing are true or not.

There's no question about the impact of Harlan's writing, and the sheer firehose pressure of material he's been able to output over his lifetime, but we would have liked to see a more objective look at the man that didn't attempt to just hero-worship him for an hour and a half. It's a decent look at his current life and lifestyle, but it breezes over his early days as a writer. You may come away feeling like you've just gotten a better look at the "Harlan Ellison" that he presents to the world, almost like an act he puts on for others. Is there a real Harlan Ellison behind this guy? The film sure doesn't let us know.

We also attended the "A Conversation With Harlan Ellison" panel earlier in the week, which was mostly a chance for people to watch Harry Knowles from Ain't It Cool News attempt to interview Ellison. Eventually things got interesting when Ellison started ranting. While he was mostly all bark and no bite, he did leave us with a lot of choice quotes which we've compiled below. Fortunately he didn't break anyone's pelvis, although he did bleed all over himself at one point.

He spent a good amount of time talking about the William Friedkin film Sorcerer, which is one of his favorites. In fact, he's written an entire book of movie criticism called Harlan Ellison's Watching, which compiles 25 years of his film writing.

When asked if he enjoyed the documentary, he said "Well, I thought to myself 'That's a weird funny old guy that I'd like to be friends with!'"

He also noted, "I've only been an asshole to assholes!"

When Harry Knowles confessed he was one of those kids who loved Star Wars back in the 70s (which Ellison hated), Ellison said "I didn't hate people like that, I just didn't want to be around them!"

He loves the Coen Brothers, but hated the movie Fargo, which he said was "Deifying morons."

Once at a book signing when a woman asked for a special favor, he said no and she refused to buy the book. He told her "I'd make more money if I killed you and sold your body parts!"

He said screenwriter Ron Bass was "a whore among whores."

When asked who were the top five public figures he currently hated, he said "George Bush and Dick Cheney (they count as one), the head of ABC Programming, Jerry Falwell, Ann Coulter, and Bill O'Reilly.

However, later he said "Who do I hate? What time is it?"

One of his favorite works for film or tv is the Outer Limits episode "Demon With A Glass Hand."

He says that he has a "great fucking life" and is glad that he owns his own house, has a ton of books and music, and has a great wife. Plus, "They just made a fuckin' movie about me, so I can't be that goddamn obscure!"

Harlan hopped down off the stage at one point to show off a book he was selling at the panel, and when he went back to the stage he tripped and fell onto his knees, and then did a "BIlly Barty impression" (according to Harlan) as he walked on his knees back to his chair. However, one of his knees started bleeding and when someone from the audience offered a band-aid, Harry remarked on how amazing it was that he had a band-aid on hand. Harlan said, "No Harry, amazing would be if he had a yak." Touché.