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Posts Tagged “

please god no

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Disaster Movie

21 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Go See Disaster Movie

The cast of Disaster Movie lines up and gives us 21 reasons why the movie's opening night should be deserted. There isn't a single gag or parody in this tragic comedy that could possibly justify its existence. Click through for the full poster. More »

11:40 AM on Thu Jul 3 2008
By Meredith Woerner
56,077 views, 64 comments

Latest by n/a: @Pickens: A Month? Wow, you are giving them more credit for effort than they probably spent. Unless, of course, you are counting the two weeks waiting for producers' checks to clear. more »

pointless sequels

Action Movie Sequels Nobody Asked For

More signs that the end of days is nigh: the bendy-bullet, killing-machine movie Wanted is rumored to become a full-fledged trilogy. And boozy has-been superhero Hancock may get yet another chance to sully the screen with some terrible plot devices. Click through to find out who's back, and who's still dead, in the next pointless installments. With spoilers. More »

8:20 AM on Thu Jul 3 2008
By Meredith Woerner
4,318 views, 34 comments

2012

The World Will End In Lameness, In Emmerich's 2012

Roland Emmerich's 2012 will combine themes from Deep Impact, The Bible and The Day After Tomorrow to bring you one regrettable ticket purchase. Latino Review got their hands on the first spec script for Roland Emmerich's Mayan Apocalypse movie 2012. The big bad in this epic film is an ancient Mayan calendar that predicts the end of the world in 2012. Supposedly on that date the world will freak out Day After Tomorrow-style and end humanity, but it's pretty much the same crappy weather movie Emmerich made before, but with one totally insane twist. More »

8:20 AM on Wed Jun 25 2008
By Meredith Woerner
4,084 views, 50 comments

Latest by n/a: Who keeps giving this schmuck money to make movies? more »

life on mars

Easy To See Why The American Life On Mars Needs A Total Reshoot

We already had an American version of British time-travel show Life On Mars — it was called Journeyman, and it ruled for the half season it was on the air. Sadly, someone decided we needed a literal cover version of Life On Mars, and we wound up with a shadow of the Brit version, as you can see from this side-by-side comparison of one of the most disturbing sequences from the original. More »

5:36 PM on Fri Jun 20 2008
By Charlie Jane Anders
7,736 views, 47 comments

Another Jumper Makes Me Want To Jump To My Death There's actually talk of a sequel to the underwhelming teleporting-mutants-vs-fundies movie Jumper, according to star Hayden Christensen. The studio is "having those conversations, I hear about them," Christensen explains. But would he reprise his role as David Rice? Most likely, he says: "It was set up to become that — a trilogy — if it did well. And I think they're happy with how it did so they want to make another one. But I don't think they're rushing to get into production." [Winnipeg Sun]

22 comments

bird flu

Bird Flu Baddies To Peck You To Death With Congested Beaks

The Sci Fi Channel brings us deadly contagious birds driven mad with a flu so nasty they want to kill. The sickly fowl set their beady eyes on a lost flock of teens stumbling through the woods. Now it's up to the kids to destroy these sniffles-afflicted birds before they reach the city and spread their germs, thus destroying the planet. All seems lost, until the hero devises a rudimentary weapon that launches chicken soup and ginger ale. Birds zero, humans one. Bird Flu will air on Sci Fi as a movie and then be released onto DVD August 30th. [Dread Central]

2:50 PM on Fri May 30 2008
By Meredith Woerner
526 views, 15 comments

Latest by Final: lawlz, when did they let the rasslers start writing the movies of the week. more »

austin powers

Will Fembots Make A Return In Austin Powers 4?

If you've been having withdrawal symptoms from seeing Mike Myers dressing up in elaborate costumes and making fart/sex jokes, hang in there! DirectorJay Roach says another movie about superspy Austin Powers could be in the works. And Roach confirmed that star Mike Myers was also "thinking about it." There's no script, or any other solid evidence of Austin Powers 4, but "it's something, that [is still alive]...he's got other stuff to do too, and that one's completely driven by Mike. If he wants to do it, I'll definitely want to be involved. But I don't know yet when that's gonna happen." Perhaps this will be the internet-rumored Austin Powers: For Your Thighs Only version. Gisele Bundchen was also rumored to be in the running for Austin's gal-pal. And since he's already visited the 60s and 70s, my guess is Austin will have to solve crimes in the 80s. [MTV Movie Blog]

11:00 AM on Wed May 21 2008
By Meredith Woerner
909 views, 23 comments

Latest by ideaman2020: @darcymcgee: "No no...that's exactly my point. The former was NEVER witty and didn't HAVE good chemistry, thus its inexplicable nature." I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. Or maybe it's just my seventies nostalgia getting the better more »

sci-fi movie

"Scary Movie" Crew Will Destroy Our Genre

From the genius minds that gave us Scary Movie and Scary Movie 2, comes Sci-Fi Movie, supposedly coming next February. There isn't much out there yet, but I'm going to go ahead and hazard a guess that the plot consists of alien fart jokes, Star Wars sex jokes, robot sex/farting jokes, a lot of handycam monster cracks and alien boob shots a la Total Recall. We don't know who's directing this movie just yet, but if history repeats itself, we suspect Craig Mazin (director of Superhero Movie and writer forScary Movie 3&4) will be the guilty party. And a recent interview with Mazin gives some clues as to what direction he'd take Sci-Fi Movie in. More »

8:20 AM on Thu May 8 2008
By Meredith Woerner
2,675 views, 46 comments

Latest by n/a: Can we stop using Pam Anderson's picture to illustrate everything to do with these crappy movie-makers? I am seriously sick of it. Variety, people. It's the spice of life. more »

the incredible shrinking man

Eddie Murphy Plans To Shrink Our Brains

We can only hope that this summer's Meet Dave — about a tiny Eddie Murphy inside a regular-sized Eddie Murphy, who's actually a spaceship — bombs worse than Pluto Nash. Maybe then the powers that be in Hollywood will decide the demand for miniature-Eddie-Murphy movies isn't quite as clamorous as they'd supposed, and they'll put the brakes on Eddie's remake of The Incredible Shrinking Man, to be directed by Brett "I ruined X-Men" Ratner. We can only hope. [ComingSoon]

11:09 AM on Tue Apr 22 2008
By Charlie Jane Anders
734 views, 25 comments

Latest by Sharpless: I have a secret weapon, when it comes to Joel vs. Mike debates: I like both of them. HA! Take that! (I do prefer Mike, though. Shh!) more »

superbia

Sci Fi Channel Brings You Superheroes In The Suburbs

If "Justice League meets Desperate Housewives" sounds like your ideal TV show, then you're obviously the Sci Fi Channel's main target market. For everybody else, maybe the Sci Fi Channel's latest collaboration with Virgin Comics, a comic about superheroes' naughty wives (and husbands?) in the suburbs, won't be as daft as it sounds. More »

3:15 PM on Mon Apr 21 2008
By Charlie Jane Anders
3,222 views, 27 comments

meet dave

Eddie Murphy Is The World's Lamest Spaceship

The basic plot idea of Eddie Murphy's next scifi movie is utterly brilliant, and has the potential to create an instant classic. But the execution, from Norbit director Brian Robbins, looks to be utterly awful. In Meet Dave (formerly known as Starship Dave), Murphy plays a starship shaped like a human, with a tiny crew inside... led by a miniature Eddie Murphy. The teeny aliens have to control their man-sized craft and learn how to interact with the natives of Earth, including such crucial activities as dancing, shaking hands and fairground games. Hilarity totally fails to ensue, sadly.

6:30 AM on Tue Mar 25 2008
By Charlie Jane Anders
2,243 views, 38 comments

Latest by Stueymon: i laughed, and will probably end up going to see it, but it wont be my choice! more »

The Next-To-Last Starfighter Preps For Flight The long list of totally unnecessary sequels just got a bit longer. A sequel to 1984's The Last Starfighter is finishing up script revisions, and producers are doing some location scouting. Not only that, but original star Lance Guest has verbally agreed to reprise his role. Everything's coming up death blossoms!

35 comments

be kind rewind

Jack Black, Wacky White Supremacist

The sequel to Be Kind, Rewind would include a socialist revolution in New Jersey, followed by a brain tumor that causes a race war, according to director Michel Gondry. Gondry, who's already working on a film about a galactic dictator based on his own son, wanted to shoot the Be Kind sequel in one hour at Sundance, but showed up too late. Click through for Gondry's whole demented plot idea. More »

6:30 AM on Tue Feb 26 2008
By Charlie Jane Anders
2,016 views, 12 comments

greatest american hero

Believe It Or Not, "Greatest American Hero" Is A Movie

The movie version of TV's worst superhero show, The Greatest American Hero, starts filming in July, says director Steven Herek (The Mighty Ducks). And Herek wants "name" actors to play the teacher who gets superpowers from an alien suit and his main nemesis. The good news: the movie version's synopsis actually has some potential to be way more interesting than the super-dull TV show. More »

6:30 AM on Fri Feb 1 2008
By charliejane
3,739 views, 45 comments