At a recent meeting of the Geological Society of America, researchers announced that the colorful deposits, found in lava caves all over the world, are in fact biological in origin. Previously undetected microbes excrete waste inside the caves and the buildup of what one geomicrobiologist terms "bug poop" creates these impressive displays.

This discovery — that something long thought to be mineral turned out to be biological — has implications for researchers looking for life on Mars. Based on photos of the surface, it appears that Mars holds, or at one time held, lava caves similar to those where the microbe waste was found, and similar microbes might have thrived inside those caves. Mars researchers may want to consider taking samples of apparent mineral deposits to determine if those deposits are, in fact, "bug poop."

Lava Cave Minerals Actually Microbe Poop [National Geographic via Neatorama]

The problem with the Thunderscreech was that the supersonic propeller blades would cause rapid-fire shockwaves, even when the plane was sitting on the ground. Test pilots refused to take it up, and officials would order it to be towed far from the test center before firing up the engines, and only one of the two prototypes ever flew, logging only 10 hours. Why? Because those shockwaves would case nausea, spasms, seizures, and loosening of the bowels. What a ride. You can hear the otherworldy banshee wail of one here.

So the word spread that the soundwaves generated by the engines were causing the pooping, and like a game of telephone, soon folks began believing there was a secret low frequency that could unlock the human sphincter. NASA performed tests of low frequencies because they were worried their astronauts might start crapping out upon launch. They mounted cockpit seats on vibration tables that were blasted with 160 decibels in the range of 0.5 hertz to 40 hertz, but no one sounded off into the brown. Even more recently companies have built extremely massive subwoofers that have failed to make anyone prairie dog it, despite the massive amounts of low frequencies being pumped out.

Although this hasn't stopped it from seeping into poopular culture, probably most famously in Transmetropolitan, where Spider Jerusalem carries a Bowel Disruptor that operates on the brown note principle. It even has settings from "diarrhea" to "prolapse." Ouch. Although it was probably ripped off from Steve Meretzky's (of Infocom fame)The Superhero League of Hoboken computer game from 1994, Spider put it to a lot better use. In fact, Ben Folds used the brown note with Improv Everywhere in a 1996 concert hoax involving diapers and chocolate syrup. Now that's entertainment. Mythbusters even tackled the legend on an episode, and they recorded no poop at all.

So, until science comes up with a new method for causing uncontrollable evacuation, bowel disruptors will sadly remain science fiction and not fact. Which is a real pity, because we sure could have used one during the upcoming presidential elections. We'll have to just stick to vomit guns.

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• C.H.U.D.: This is probably one of the best known sewer monster movies, which is what happens when you bury nuclear waste under New York City. Luckily, a cop, a reporter, his girlfriend, and a street bum band together to fight it. And if you've always wondered what it stood for, you can quit: "Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller". But wait a minute, one of the containers in the film also says "Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal" on it. Thanks for making it confusing filmmakers. It's also the name of a movie website, where it stands for "Cinematic Happenings Under Development," and they've lovingly named their message boards the "Sewer Chewer".
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• The Blob: In the 1988 remake of the Steve McQueen classic, a meteorite falls to Earth that contains a strange visitor who looks like, well... a blob of jelly. It soon starts attacking people and then retreats into the sewer system, where it can roam free and wreak havoc. (In the original film, it doesn't make use of the sewers for some reason). Written by Frank Darabont, and starring Kevin Dillion, it faded quickly into the bad remake file.
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• Them: In this 1954 film, radiation causes ants to grow to enormous size and seek out somewhere homey to set up a new nest. Namely, the Los Angeles sewer system. The ending of the film promises future atomic horrors, and it went on to become Warner Bros highest grossing film for that year. Apparently mutated ants + the sewer = big money.
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• Weird Science: While it didn't exactly come directly from the sewers, Lisa uses her science-magic powers to turn Wyatt's annoying older brother Chet into a shit monster. Literally. He becomes gross ball of farting poop until he finally apologizes to Wyatt and Lisa de-mutates him at the end.
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• Dogma: In Kevin Smith's religious comedy, the Golgothan is the excrement monster that Jason Lee sends after Jay and Silent Bob. He's made up of all the evil shit from all over the world, and even has his own action figure that farts when you squeeze it. Unlike the Charmin.
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• Monsturd: We shit you not (sorry), this is the actual title of this 2003 direct to video gem. A serial killer escapes from jail and gets chased into the sewers, where he falls into a pool of chemicals. As you'd expect, the chemicals transform him into a half-human, half-poop monster who goes on a killing spree.