If you need some cheese served by Satan, Voodoo Moon is your flick

Look, I knew what I was getting into with Voodoo Moon. The title alone has a "kill it with fire" feel, and the Netflix reviews were none too kind. But Pop Punishment is all about embracing the bad, and that means low-budget straight-to-DVD clunkers, too. I will say that I judge movies like Voodoo Moon by a different… » 9/09/11 3:56pm 9/09/11 3:56pm

It's never too late to be pissed off about Halle Berry's Gothika

Did Halle Berry fire her agent after Monster's Ball? I could easily look this up, but I prefer to speculate. It's frankly baffling that she followed up her Academy Award-winning turn in the indie hit with Die Another Day, Gothika, and Catwoman-all of which qualify for inclusion in this column. (Note that I'm leaving… » 9/02/11 2:30pm 9/02/11 2:30pm

The true enemy of Fright Night is the weirdly sincere Fright Night II

Diehard fans of the 1985 Fright Night are likely wondering what they've done to deserve yet another Hollywood reboot. But the new Colin Farrell-ed Fright Night isn't the real enemy here. The worst Fright Night retread is the 1989 sequel, Fright Night II, which pits original heroes Charley (William Ragsdale) and Peter… » 8/19/11 4:24pm 8/19/11 4:24pm

Eco-horror cheesefest Frogs has the most misleading title ever

I can't overstress how misleading the title Frogs is. This is a film ostensibly about killer frogs, in which the frogs don't really do any of the killing. To be fair, they are a constant presence-lurking in every shot and ribbiting their way into your nightmares. (Honestly, without amphibian reaction shots the movie… » 7/29/11 3:25pm 7/29/11 3:25pm

In which our critic wishes for more of last summer's supernatural…

I'm not much of an outdoor kid, so when it comes to summer, the things I look forward to most are the big, dumb movies and the trashtastic TV shows. Some of these guilty pleasures are better than others, but come fall, most seem like bizarre heatstroke-induced dreams. ABC's The Gates was one of those "Did this actually … » 6/17/11 2:30pm 6/17/11 2:30pm

In which our critic does hardcore psychoanalysis on Demonic Toys

Has anyone done a Freudian reading of 1992's straight-to-video horror flick Demonic Toys? I hate to be, you know, that guy, but there's something about this movie that lends itself to further analysis. While it's hardly original-or even very good-it's occasionally quite effective, and I think that speaks to… » 6/10/11 2:46pm 6/10/11 2:46pm

In which our critic gets some Pazuzu in his woowoo while watching

Would that we could listen in on the pitch meeting for Exorcist II: The Heretic. "It'll be like the first Exorcist for people who thought that was too nuanced and subtle." "Well, it sounds pretty bad, but what if we shot huge chunks of it from a demon locust's perspective?" "Perfect. And then maybe some unnecessary footage … » 6/03/11 2:51pm 6/03/11 2:51pm

In which our critic expresses concern about hairstyles of the future…

The first thing I wrote in my notes when I started watching the pilot of Cleopatra 2525 was, "OMG, Gina Torres' hair." It's not just that it's awful-I legitimately can't tell what it's trying to do. Are those futuristic pigtails? And is that an appropriate hairstyle for a 26th Century woman? I guess we'll have to wait… » 5/27/11 2:30pm 5/27/11 2:30pm

In which our critic ponders propaganda and religion in "Starship…

I know I'm not alone in thinking that Starship Troopers is a masterpiece. Directed by Paul Verhoeven — who made Showgirls, another of my unironic favorites — it's absurdly enjoyable scifi camp. Giant bugs, a cameo by Rue McClanahan, and ‘90s B-movie princess Denise Richards: what more could you ask for? » 5/20/11 1:00pm 5/20/11 1:00pm