​Why Bitching About Children's Cartoons Is Such A Noble Pursuit

We have a very special mail column today, in that it is slightly different from my other mail columns! I hope you don't mind. If you do, I'm a still a fake mailman in the future being chased by rogue armies, post-apocalyptic thugs, and god knows what else. I have bigger problems than your feelings. » 4/16/14 8:33am Wednesday 8:33am

​Could The Star Wars Sequels Be Worse Than The Prequels? Absolutely.

Did I tell you guys that after the apocalypse happened, magic returned to Earth? Yeah, it's pretty wild! One day I was stopping in a town on my mail route and then this guy told me to pick a card and put it back in the deck without him seeing. And he still knew what it was! It was crazy! Also, I'm pretty sure there are … » 3/26/14 8:02am 3/26/14 8:02am

​Who Would Be The Worst Green Lantern In The Universe?

Greetings, all! You know I'm writing to you guys from the future, right? I don't know how it works, since I'm a fake mailman and not a quantum physicist. Doesn't matter. What matters is could one of you maybe bury a big box of booze, guns, and porn by the oak tree three miles north of Portland? I'm, uh, asking for a… » 3/19/14 8:30am 3/19/14 8:30am

Where the hell are all the great female supervillains?

So the other day, I run into this guy in a weird uniform. He tells me he found an abandoned milk truck with a body inside, so he took the clothes, and now he's masquerading as The Milk Man, and trying to unite the disparate peoples of the post-apocalypse by reminding them of the milk service America used to provide.… » 3/05/14 8:23am 3/05/14 8:23am

Dear young people who have Star Wars prequel nostalgia: Stop it

Yes, this time we tackle the totally new question of which Star Wars movies are better. I heard there might have been a little bit of a discussion about this subject pre-apocalypse, but it's not been explored here in the post-apocalypse. In fact, I haven't given it the tiniest bit of thought before. This is all… » 2/26/14 8:17am 2/26/14 8:17am

Will a superhero movie ever win the Academy Award for Best Picture?

Greetings, folks. Sorry if I'm a bit snappy today in my answers; but I'm in a bad mood. I set up the first mailbox in town so people could drop off their letters (and I didn't have to personally pick them up), but someone, I don't know who, keeps pooping in it. I know civilization's been destroyed for 30 years, but… » 2/19/14 8:15am 2/19/14 8:15am

​Why the 1989 Batman movie is still the best

Greetings, friends! I'm proud to announce my first line of specialty stamps available here in the post-apocalypse! It's a set of drawings of refrigerators, light bulbs, fast food, air conditioners, toilet paper and the like. I call it the "Shit We Really, Really Miss" collection. Now onto your letters! » 2/12/14 8:07am 2/12/14 8:07am

​Why Guardians of the Galaxy could be Marvel's first flop

So you guys had the Super Bowl this week, huh? We only dimly remember it in here in the post-apocalypse. I mean, we all know it was the ultimate football championship, pitting the two best football teams in the entire world to see who could best kick the ball with their feet, but other than that, it's a mystery to us.… » 2/05/14 8:15am 2/05/14 8:15am

​Why reading superhero comics is like making a deal with the devil

Hello, postal pals! It's another cold, snowy day in the post-apocalypse, and I'm stuck on the road, by which I mean I'm in the middle of some forest somewhere. It's so cold I had to cut open my horse so I could crawl inside to stay warm… except my horse was a pony, and I can really only get my head and shoulders in… » 1/22/14 8:04am 1/22/14 8:04am

​What is the nerdiest fandom on the hierarchy of nerds?

Greetings, post-apocalyptic postal service users! I heard you all are experiencing the "polar vortex," and there's some debate about whether it's a result of global warming, or proof that global warming is bunk, or whatever. As a person living in the future, I feel you all should know two things: 1) global warming is… » 1/08/14 8:22am 1/08/14 8:22am

​Will Disney ever release the pre-Special Edition Star Wars movies?

Happy new year, folks! I wish I could tell you what year I'm in, but to tell the truth after our smartphones died and people stopped making calendars, we post-apocalyptic survivors kind of lost track of dates. So for New Year's Eve, we all kind of get together and pick an evening and get really, really drunk. It's a… » 1/01/14 9:03am 1/01/14 9:03am

Game of Thrones’ Sansa Stark Is Awesome: A Treatise

Hey, folks! It's about that time of the year where I head to an abandoned cabin and have constant sex with Olivia Williams, so there will be no "Postal Apocalypse" next week. My apologies! But get those end of the year questions ready, because "PA" will return on January 1st, 2014! (At Ms. Williams's discretion, of… » 12/18/13 8:22am 12/18/13 8:22am

​Why people's problems with a female Doctor Who are wrong, wrong, wrong

Look, before we get started, let me assure you all that I know the character is called The Doctor, and not Doctor Who. But you can't just have an article headline, even on io9, that only mentions the Doctor, because many people won't realize you're referring to Doctor Who. The same is true in my time, but inevitably… » 12/11/13 8:35am 12/11/13 8:35am

​Why do we hate so many female characters so much?

I seem to recall in 2013 there was a big deal about Thanksgiving and the first day of Hanukkah coinciding. Well, since the post-apocalypse happened so soon after that, I guess that's why we kind of ended up merging Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and Christmas into a month-long celebration of gift-giving, drinking, and good… » 12/04/13 8:20am 12/04/13 8:20am