At Thursday’s Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, Obama joked:

“Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father, Jor-El, to save the planet Earth.”

And Obama isn’t the first presidential candidate to refer, either in jest or in all seriousness, to extraterrestrial ties:

James Traficant: The former Ohio congressman ran a much-ignored presidential campaign in 1988, earning two percent of the vote in his home state’s primary. Traficant is better known for his corruption charges, his mountainous toupee, and his tendency to pepper his speeches with the phrase “Beam me up!” Traficant probably didn’t believe that a passing spaceship would actually hear his cry and teleport him away to a better world, but he could always hope. And, considering his current residence in a federal corrections facility, he probably still spends a great deal of time appealing to Scotty.

Jimmy Carter: In 1969, Georgia state senator Jimmy Carter spotted a self-luminous object hovering in the air. Four years later, while governor of Georgia, Carter would file a report with the International UFO Bureau, claiming that what he’d seen that night was an alien UFO. During his presidential campaign, Carter promised that, if elected, he would make all government documents about UFOs and alien life open to the public. But, as with so many political promises, Carter failed to deliver once he took office.

Ronald Reagan: After the attempt on Reagan’s life 1981, his wife Nancy began to consult astrologers to cope with her fear. But Ronald Reagan had a very different interest in the stars. In speeches, Reagan sometimes imagined what the world would be like under the threat of an alien invasion. He was, in a way, strangely optimistic about the possibility, envisioning humanity united against a common enemy:

Dennis Kucinich: Perpetual Democratic also-ran Dennis Kucinich may have had a close encounter of his own. Actress and new age enthusiast Shirley MacLaine wrote in her memoir that Kucinich had seen an alien spacecraft while staying at her Washington home, an incident that came up during one of the Democratic debates:

Barry Goldwater: Conservative Goldwater won the 1964 Republican presidential nomination, but ended up losing the election to Lyndon Johnson. And, in addition to his interests in photography and amateur radio, Goldwater was keenly and openly interested in UFOs. Goldwater tried repeatedly to gain access to Top Secret Air Force records that he believed contained evidence of the extraterrestrial nature of UFOs, and gave interviews stating that he believed the government was withholding this information from the public.

John Glenn: Astronaut and Ohio Senator John Glenn launched a presidential bid in 1984, but it never made it into orbit. With his first-hand experiences in space, Glenn would be the perfect candidate for an alien encounter, but he’s never claimed he’s had one. Or has he?

He Runs the Conspiracy

Most presidents are content merely to sit in the pocket of the shadowy conspiracy that rules the country, vetoing an anti-corporate bill here and issuing the occasional questionable pardon. But Nixon is no one’s henchman. When he wants JFK gone, he takes the Comedian to Dallas and gives the order himself. When the Secret Empire framed Captain America for murder in its plot to rule the United States, Nixon wasn’t some mere co-conspirator. He was the guy with the number one printed on his freaky black hood.

He Repealed the 22nd Amendment

Why have a president when you can have a dictator? The 22nd Amendment just makes the US Constitution overlong and difficult for schoolchildren to memorize. Fortunately, Nixon realized that once you’ve got superheroes and secret police on the payroll, you don’t need term limits.

He Won Vietnam, Twice

The Vietnam War had raged for ten years by the time Nixon took office in 1969. But he realized something his predecessors did not: an atomic superman trumps guerilla warfare. With the aid of Doctor Manhattan, Nixon handily ends the conflict in a mere three months. Apparently it doesn’t take, because he uses far more mundane means several years later in Philip K. Dick is Dead, Alas, bombarding the irrigation facilities in Hanoi and Haiphong and forcing a surrender of the North Vietnamese forces in 1974. The result of this victory, however, is not peace and prosperity, but an advanced arms race and at least eight more years of Nixon.

He Battled Philip K. Dick

In 1974, the entity VALIS, which might be God, told writer Philip K. Dick that Nixon was the leader of an oppressive empire comprised of three great superpowers. Since then, Dick and Nixon have warred across the universes, from Dick’s own Radio Free Albemuth to Paul McAuley’s “The Two Dicks,” with Nixon suppressing subversive literature as fast as Dick can compose it. Dick finally dies at the beginning of Michael Bishop’s Philip K. Dick is Dead, Alas, but his ghost takes on the task of bringing down Nixon’s fascist rendition of America.

He’s Unstoppable

Nixon is nothing if not resilient. Lose the presidency? Run for governor of California. Lose the gubernatorial race? Run for president again. Accused of taking illegal campaign contributions? Assure the public that your daughters really love that dog.

Not even death can stop Nixon. Despite taking a bullet to the temple following the events of the Secret Empire, he manages to win reelection in 1976, 1980, and 1984 in Alan Moore’s history. He even manages to claim victory in the 3000 election thanks to the technology that keeps heads alive in jars and a disenfranchised robot voting bloc. When you install Nixon, you get a leader that lasts.

Other candidates may try to wow you with their corporate interests, shady backroom dealings, and public scandals, but only Nixon has an unmarred record of dystopian success. So the next time you need a leader for your warring, fascist, or just plain broken down American nation, think Richard Nixon.

Like John Edwards, Clinton promised to give the White House Science Adviser direct access to the President once again. This is huge: for eight years, no top science adviser has had the ear of the Commander in Chief. Not surprisingly, the Republican candidates are following in Bush's footsteps and showing little interest in elevating the science adviser again, or in forging close ties with the scientific community.

Also not surprisingly, candidates' science policies were at their most elaborate and promisey when they talked about climate change issues — a popular topic with broad appeal. Every single candidate promised to invest more in "clean energy" or "alternative energy." For Clinton, this meant working hard to get in line with Kyoto and post-Kyoto protocols. For Giuliani, this meant investing in more nuclear power plants. Hey, nukes are clean energy! Just be sure to keep a lot of boron around in case of meltdown.

Geek the Vote with Popular Mechanics' Guide to the Candidates [via Slashdot]