pseudo science

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Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
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gallahad
12/11/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Obviously it's Glenn Beck recharging his life force.
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HeartBurnKid: Agent of R.O.A.C.H.
12/11/09

@gallahad: Did he rape them before he murdered them? And was this in 1990?

The world wants to know, and Beck won't answer the question!
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bonniegrrl
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
It's times like these I wish The Man Eating Cow would avenge their deaths.
[www.thetick.ws]
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Strakus
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
The part that always cracks me up is that the popular explanation always leaps straight across all of the weird-but-still wantonly improbable solutions before arriving at aliens. Yes, we are essentially dead certain that these are cases of people not being familiar with what carrion feeding and decomp can look like, with plenty of media hype, slotting into predetermined myths, and maybe even a few creepy butchers. But hell, a laser-wielding hoaxster is *still* profoundly more likely than little graylings with a taste for headcheese.
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stereobot
12/11/09

@Strakus: Dude, it's aliens. RTFA.
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cynopt
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Clearly this is the work of the French.
Fetchez la vache!
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Hachiken
12/11/09

@cynopt: "...and your mother smelled of elderberries!"
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Segador
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
I thought UFO Hunters busted this myth a while back. Insects and larvae make amazingly straight, laser-like cuts in skin and muscle as they devour an animal's body. They showed it actually take place with time-lapse photography.
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crashedpc - Haifisch
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Most of the jokes have already been made, so I'll just say: poor cow.
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Goodnightbabytron
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Something inhuman is doing this. So it's probably just people.
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crashedpc - Haifisch
12/10/09

@Goodnightbabytron: *golf clap* Very good, sir. Very good.
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Eldritch
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
See, everyone? This is what happens when Magical Trevor's tricks go wrong!
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Bootknife-Jackson
12/10/09

@Eldritch: it was Orko trying to make a milk shake
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bookwench
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Ugh. I was eating when I clicked on this.

Maybe I should put a caution before this part: people who find CSI gross should stop now.

I'm going to provisionally say "not lasers" because lasers strong enough to cut through meat that quickly would also leave visible scoring on the bone, if not outright cut through it, which isn't being mentioned.

From the photo, the legs are broken but the skin over them is intact, which rules out something with strong jaws biting down and breaking them - anything biting has teeth which would tear the skin severely over the bite area.

The dislocated back hips could be the animal being dragged, not necessarily a fall. That might also account for the broken legs leaving the spine and ribcage intact - an animal being dragged will kick out and possibly get it's legs caught struggling without causing the skin damage that teeth would cause.

As far as I know the general order of soft-tissue predation on a body goes eyes & face, guts, then major muscle groups. The skin is tough so the exposed soft bits go first, and when they do get into the guts & muscles the skin gets torn in a fairly jagged fashion from the predators ripping at it, not chewing or slicing.

So what you want an explanation for are broken bones without surface damage and something that would cause clean slices which would damage or remove skin. You don't need an explanation for where the meat under the skin went, necessarily, because once the skin is gone natural predation will go for that part - it's exposed and easy to get to.

And having gotten that far, I can't think of anything except good old boys on jeeps with lassoes and scalpels.
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odinbearded
12/10/09

@bookwench: The slices on the skin come from the gas caused by decomposition. The body swells, splitting the skin. After the gas vents, the skin appears to have been sliced. Alternatively, dehydration can cause the skin to contract and crack.
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Segador
12/10/09

@odinbearded: But that's not exciting. Get with the program, buddy.
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odinbearded
12/10/09

@Segador: Damn. You're right. That explains why my ghost hunting show wasn't picked up.

It Was Just The Wind, You Jackass probably wouldn't make good TV.
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Strakus
12/10/09

@odinbearded: I would watch in a heartbeat. I would start a fan club. I would start up spinoffs, like IWJTWYJ: Miami.
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bookwench
12/11/09

@odinbearded:

Huh... I've never seen dehydration cause clean "slices" on the kangaroo corpses that are all over the sides of the road out here. Guessing maybe roos have thicker skin which won't tear the same way?

Also, the cow is in a puddle in the pic. I'm thinking dehydration is possibly not the cause.
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♠ Final ♠
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Yeah, it's always happening around the San Luis Valley... not so much Denver. The only conversation this time of year is if the ranchers are going to buy more hay or sell more cows. I would be surprised if it was just some weirdo farm hand that can't buy hay or move the cattle he can't feed. However, I've got some family land around there and my friend caught some weird Earth Lights (no, I'm not going to call it a UFO,) on film when he was staying in my cabin down there.

Strangest thing I've ever run into down there would be a hill billy that had a growing operation down there and he thought he Alpaca got to his bud.
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Anekanta - Go Play!
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
These things are always bizarre--precise cuts, indicating intelligence. But if aliens are doing this--or even some government agency or something--then why don't they just raise their own cattle?

This moostery is udderly baffling.
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Edited by Anekanta - Go Play! at 12/10/09 3:38 PM

crashedpc - Haifisch
12/10/09

@Anekanta - Go Play!: *beats Anakanta with a raw steak*
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Anekanta - Go Play!
12/10/09

@crashedpc - Haifisch: A rare retort! Well-done sir! Looks like I've been T-boned!
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Edited by Anekanta - Go Play! at 12/10/09 6:22 PM

crashedpc - Haifisch
12/10/09

@Anekanta - Go Play!: *throws pork rinds* Counter THAT, SWINE!
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Anekanta - Go Play!
12/10/09

@crashedpc - Haifisch: Aw, no need for that... I'm just hamming it up!
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Skippy Thebushkangaroo
12/11/09

@Anekanta - Go Play!: oh, the moo-hammity!
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Anekanta - Go Play! promoted this comment

Eugenia
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Either UFOs, or more likely, cosmetic or pharmaceutical companies that are trying to get some animal parts for free for their products, by stealing.
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burlybax
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
No one seems to consider that possibility of the ranchers doing this to their own cattle to gain a little notoriety, like many farmers have done with crop circles.

They cut muh cattle with lazurs...
Hey why is their blood on your pocket knife?
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bonniegrrl
12/10/09

@burlybax: Trust me when I say the ranchers aren't doing this themselves for fame. Believe it or not, not everyone wants their own reality show or their photo in the paper next to a UFO headline.

Considering how much a single cow costs in the first place that would be like wrecking a brand-new Porche for fun. Too expensive.

There's a BIG difference between making a big crop circle in your field, and killing your own livestock.
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Bill-Lee
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Whenever you see something like that, a wizard did it.
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Perhaps Not
12/10/09

@Bill-Lee: I concur. Clearly wizards. With laser-beam eyes and Superman capes.
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bogulmon001
12/10/09

@Perhaps Not: More than one cape? That's stylish.
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Perhaps Not
12/11/09

@bogulmon001: Who can know the minds of laser wizards?
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LittleDragon
12/10/09

In reply to Mysterious Cattle Mutilations In Denver - Again
Beef! Its what's for dinner.
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