Have you ever woken up with no memory of the past 48 hours and a weird lump in your neck?

Circle one:        Yes        No        More than once        Not sure

Do you find yourself making gagging noises when you try to say certain words or think of certain images?

Circle one:        Yes        No        Only occasionally        Doesn't everybody?

Do you have a blurry videotape of an IMF conference where the attendees take off their heads?

Circle one:        Yes        No        You can't watch it        It's only for a split-second, but if you freeze-frame...

Did you lose your last job after you overheard your supervisor talking about Project Cydonia?

Circle one:        Yes        No

Do the numbers on your "tax refund" check spell out the coordinates of a Martian colony site?

Circle one:        Yes        No        Venusian, not Martian        No, they're code for "Bush=symbiont"

Have your friends and family disowned you after you were accused of horrible but unspecified crimes?

Circle one:        Yes        No        All except my mom        Yes, until I kidnapped them and reasoned with them

Does your Geocities page with pictures of Richard Armitage's neck-tentacles keep getting taken down?

Circle one:        Yes        No        Yes, plus my MySpace        Yes, and hackers "Jokerized" my only copies

How many of your friends and acquaintances have disappeared and been "scrubbed" from public records?

Circle one:        1        a couple        a dozen or so        Everyone I've ever met

Do you find yourself with a compulsion to vote for Alan Keyes for everything — including American Idol?

Circle one:        Yes        No        Not recently        Sometimes it's Mitt Romney

Does the ice-maker on your refrigerator always include a little humanoid with giant eyes inside every cube?

Circle one:        Yes        No        Not every cube

George/Bush alien handshake picture from UFO Watchdog.