DISTRICT 10:
So I finally saw District 9 and it was better than I had hoped. I'll definitely take a sequel. As for him tackling a video game property? I'll just say I wasn't thinking Halo when I saw D9 that's for sure...

THE CASE OF KIRK V TAM:
I'm sorry, but a walking coma patient who occasionally spazzes out and can be turned off by a phrase can't beat a walking man bomb who at worst can be distracted by the phrases "I have some Romulan Ale" and "Green poon at 4 O'clock, set phasers for fun."

First there was their tête à tête:

Then came the battle of the shows... seriously. Twilight Zone at #12 and Firefly #3?! sigh.



I guess it's a tie after all.
WAIT! Bonus Round!!!
When Summer Glau does something strangely wonderful like THIS, THIS, THIS or THIS and of course THIS then maybe she'd be in the running.
THE SHAT WINS, THE SHAT WINS!!!


V PRODUCTION SHUT DOWN:
The remake of the classic series V was shut down for undefined reasons. Don't these rich Hollywood high rollers realize that while they may be able to glide through some weeks off, the rest of the below the line production staff really takes a hit. They have to think of everyone while they run through their "creative issues".



PITCH US YOUR IDEAS:
I actually did pitch this to SyFy (back when it was Sci-Fi) and this was the mock-up I did for it. They do love their reality shows after all. One line pitch... Take overweight CosPlayers and slim them down until they really look sharp in their costumes and then a final judging by a crowd at ComicCon. I'm still available SyFy, feel free to pick it up, you know how to find me.



SUPER-BABY DNA:
So now we can add a third parent to the classic 2 parent embryo. Wow, we as humans are really taking this science ball and really rolling with it.



IT'S A DISASTER:
Ahhh "Avatar". I guess the all those complaints about the overuse of CG, lack of story and character, super inflated budgets, and too much action that get sent my way when I'm excited for Michael Bay movies must not apply to James Cameron. I'm still definitely seeing it even though...

remember. the guy also made "True Lies" and "Titanic".


Until next time...
This is Garrison Dean, signing off.

I took my camera down to San Diego, came back, and ran it through the Disaster computer and this is what came out. Sure, you've read the news, seen the panels, watched the TRON Trailer, but did anyone make you feel like you were there?

And yes, it's long (for the internet). It's supposed to be long, it's supposed to be watched when you can relax and enjoy it like humans used to do with television. So go to the link for HD, and kick your feet up for a few minutes and relax. But don't worry, it's still geared for people with an unhealthy attention span. And gents, you'll be rewarded for sticking with it. But, if you only have minute to kill might I suggest this video.

And on a personal note, I just want to thank Kid Robot for handling their own Disaster like pros and I can't wait to get my Wood Labbit.

This is Garrison Dean saying SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A FLYNN'S ARCADE SHIRT!!!

Click to expand the image below.

Chart design by Stephanie Fox!

The series Captain Stargood, clearly a naughty tip of the hat to the Andersons' squeaky-clean series for kids, is the brainchild of a group of retro-satirist fans who call themselves the Stargood Players. They've whipped up a couple of episodes of the series, creating all the fantastically cheesy sets themselves. You can even peruse publicity shots for the show (see one above) that are almost authentic enough to be convincing - except for those bizarre breasts.

The whole Captain Stargood concept resembles a goofy cross between Forbidden Planet and the British potty humor mag Viz.

According to the Captain Stargood site, which is packed with fun details and trivia:

Fresh from the success of a popular series of animated commercials, the shows creators, early-1960s wunderkind puppeteers and filmmakers Oswald Larsen and L. B. Laurence, were approached by network television execs anxious to cash in on the growing national fascination with the Space Race. A notorious megalomaniac, Larsen demanded and surprisingly received, total autonomy in the show's production. Apparently satisfied with the limited footage they were shown of the requisite spaceships and puppet derring-do, the team was given carte blanche for their production. The show debuted on time, and by some reports, fared quite well in the ratings.

Then someone actually sat down and watched the show.

Reports are sketchy on the exact chain of events which followed, but horror-stricken executives infamously later described what they witnessed as "unwatchable," "twisted," and "utter sh*t." Perhaps worst of all were the unauthorized commercial sponsorships interspersed throughout the show, for products wildly inappropriate for impressionable youngsters. One account blamed these unfortunate additions on L.B. Laurence's desperate attempts to recoup advance monies, which had disappeared under somewhat cloudy circumstances.

By this time untold thousands had been spent, but the increasingly detached and bizarre Larsen refused to alter what he now claimed was his "unflinching look at the world of tomorrow." Threatened with massive law suits, the two young filmmakers fled with what they could grab and disappeared, never to be heard from again. The networks, fearing massive legal action from concerned parents, promptly destroyed the remaining prints and set about attempting to disavow all knowledge of the show.

Over 40 years later, prints of some of these lost episodes began appearing under mysterious circumstances on the doorstep of N.Y.-based designer and illustrator Laird Ogden. He and fellow sci-fi buff Larry Basinait, along with the Stargood Players, are pleased to make them available again here after all these years…

Nicely done. Can't wait to see the continuing adventures of Captain Stargood, especially if he manages to work those Blackhole Condoms into the plot.

via Captain Stargood Official Site

MOON:
I don't really understand why people feel the need to compare a small budgeted film about one man's personal struggle with isolation on a space station with a massive action film about giant robots fighting each other simply because they are both sort of in the same genre. But then again I also don't see how a film featuring a fairly big movie star, an academy award winning actor, and directed by the son of one of the biggest rock stars of all time can be considered "independent" just because they slowly release it only in theaters where the seats are at least 30 years old. In any case, the folks marketing "Moon" have caught on to the counter programing buzz and are rolling with it as you can see from this new ad.

IT'S A DISASTER!!!:
Every so often I feel a film is just being marketed poorly. This is often laziness and misdirection on their part. Occasionally it is arrogance when they think there is more to their film than is actually there. So, in my own arrogance, I try to help them along. Last year I felt "Hulk" needed some help. Today my mission is one that blends swimmingly with my own love of Disaster. Please enjoy this special holiday treat that I made just for you. Click on the youtube for a bigger version.

UPDATED: Visit this link to see it in true HD with film scratches and all its "vintage" glory.


This is Garrison Dean, thanking Dr. Emilio Lizardo for the inspiration for this video.

X-BABIES:
From zombie heroes to killing Cap, do you get the feeling that maybe Marvel doesn't really think through all of their wacky ideas? I mean, X-Babies?! This will end badly.



EMOTIONAL ROBOTS:
There were so many complaints about the confusing design and lack of emotion in the first Transformer that Michael Bay went out of his way to add a sidekick character in this one that really can show that the Autobots are nothing but heart.



CAPTAINS TABLE:
I don't normally say things like this, but these two seem like good well meaning guys who are working on a really fun business venture. So I'll just mutter. sorryboutthis.


FUTURE WHOOPS:
An massive underground bunker devoted to dangerous experimental science... What could possibly go wrong?



COMMENTER AWARENESS:
Well, summer is upon us. This means that there are people out there with a bit more time on their hands now that they aren't burdening professors with sophomoric ideas on politics and philosophy. Instead, they inflict us with their thoughtless fandom. Reminding us what high art G1 Transformers were and how badly their memories have been raped via countless adaptations and sequels. They aren't really trolls as their opinions can be valid and they aren't looking for a fight, so they don't quite deserve good old Donald Sutherland. I think their problem isn't really a need for attention or a lack of intelligence, but rather a lack of direction. So they just need a street sign. So use this to point them in the right way.


IT'S A DISASTER!!!:
I'm sorry you guys. Pointing out disasters is taking a week off. As the man who created the tag "Michael Bay is Awesome" I am taking a moment to honor the man as he unleashed one of his greatest works of art on the world. My review? (and this is honest) It was awesome, I really enjoyed it. Though I will admit it was a bit much. But, complaining about excess in a Michael Bay movie starring 40' tall robots is like telling the waitress at Cheesecake Factory that your salad is too big.

So Sir Bay, as you dominate the Box Office and as the world Twitters away about your Bill Brasky-like facts, I want to share this fact. You naysayers are right, Michael Bay has no heart. It was replaced by God with a never ending controlled explosion so that he may forever bring to the world more grandeur. In honor of his sacrifice I created this painting which I titled

"Deliver Us Some Awesome"

Garrison Dean's real name is not Garrison Dean and he understands that some of you may be crazy enough to want wallpaper.

via ReThink Clothing

FREAKY WEATHER:
Yeah, it's raining tadpoles in Asia. You gotta take care of that.



STAR WARS ARCHITECTURE: This week we learned how much Star Wars influenced modern architecture, but I wanted to point out a couple of important examples that were left out.
More than meets the London Eye as it were...


And who can forget Bollywood's excitement for the re-releases. They added some much needed improvements to one of their most famous landmarks. R2's head even projects a little film about the building's history!


And did you know that George Washington was not only our founding father but the 2nd biggest Star Wars fan ever? I say second biggest because the biggest fan ever was...


STOP IT SNORG:
... this guy!!



VINTAGE DISASTER:
With Transformers 2 coming out this week I want to take a moment to remember the good old days of terror before we discovered that Transformers would be the finest example of rock em sock em robotry to meet the silver screen. The days of FLAMES ON OPTIMUS?! BEE IS A CAMARO?! And of course... Transformers In Name Only.


MICHAEL BAY IS AWESOME:
Seriously. They have begun scientific testing on Michael Bay and are beginning to prove that awesome is just hardwired into his biology. There is nothing he can do about it. Look at this example. Scientists are hoping they can develop a drug, or at least a therapeutic routine, from these studies that can be administered to individuals who fail to Shut Up and Eat Their Awesome.



CURRENT DISASTER:
The upcoming film Event Horizon 2 changed its title this week and released a new poster showing off some of its assets as it were.



Later kids. This is Garrison Dean signing off.

Through education Dr. Steven C. Schlozman is an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and a lecturer at the Harvard School of Education. He is also an avid sci-fi and horror fan - and, apparently, the world's leading authority on the neurobiology of the living dead. He has even drafted a fake medical journal article on the zombie plague, which he calls Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome, or ANSD (the article has five authors: one living, three "deceased" and one "humanoid infected").

Schlozman's foray into necro-diagnostics began when he volunteered to give a talk for the "Science on Screen" lecture series at the Coolidge Corner Theatre in Brookline, MA. He conducted extensive research by talking with George Romero and immersing himself in genre literature and memorabilia - which is why the alternate title for his lecture is "A Way Cool Tax Deduction for a Bunch of Cool Books, Action Figures and a Movie."

So yes, Schlozman's lecture is actually quite funny, and liberally sprinkled with other pop culture references including Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly. But the underlying science is serious. His lecture is a tour of the human brain, using the living dead as a narrative theme.

According to Dr. Steven C. Schlozman, this is your brain on zombies:

The Frontal Lobe

This part of the brain is involved with "executive functioning" - enabling us to think carefully and solve problems in an abstract way. Clearly, there's not much going on there if you have the misfortune of being afflicted with living deadness. But we do know that zombies can see us and sense us. Schlozman concludes that zombies possess just enough frontal lobe activity to "listen" to the thalamus, through which sensory input is processed.

But the frontal lobe function most relevant to understanding zombie behavior is the control of "impulsivity"-the general term for when you do something and, if you had two more seconds, you might not have done it. For instance, if in a fit of rage you have the sudden urge to punch your boss in the face, the frontal lobe intervenes and allows you to consider why that might be a bad idea.

The Amygdala and Anterior Cingulate Cortex

Absent a properly functioning frontal lobe, a zombie is driven entirely by base emotions - such as rage - that are housed in the primitive parts of our brain, notably the amygdala. There's precedence for this in nature. A crocodile brain, for instance, is mostly driven by the amygdala. Researchers have confirmed this by introducing lesions into the amygdala of animal specimens: the result is a drop in the attack and retreat response that correlates significantly with the amount of damage that's done to that region of the brain. A crocodile without an amygdala isn't really a crocodile. As such, Schlozman argues, "you can't really be mad at zombies, because that's like being mad at a crocodile," adding that it's the delicate balance between frontal lobe and amygdala "that makes us human."

That balance is maintained by the anterior cingulate cortex, which modulates and dampens the excitability of the amygdala as it talks to the frontal lobe. So, when the amygdala gets all stirred up by fear, anger or lust, the anterior cingulate cortex steps on it a little bit, giving the frontal lobe time to think everything through before it sends signals toward the motor cortex and we act upon those impulses.

A zombie would have a dysfunctional anterior cingulate cortex, rendering it unable to modulate feelings of anger. The result? Hyper-aggression.

The Cerebellum and the Basal Ganglia

Science may once and for all settle the heated debate over whether "the infected" in 28 Days Later could be classified as zombies.

Schlozman says "no," observing that "the infected" possess "some sort of higher cortical function going on that allows them to hunt humans." Moreover, the fake zombies in 28 Days Later exhibit fluidity of motion. They can run, jump, climb and quickly change direction-activities that the true Romero zombies are incapable of performing.

Clearly, zombies suffer from cerebellar and basal ganglia dysfunction (duh!). Those are the parts of the brain that make fluidity of motion possible. The basal ganglia helps us with coordinated movement. The cerebellum helps us with balance. In fact, if you visit the website of the National Institutes of Health and read about cerebellar degeneration (such as ataxia), the symptoms match the familiar gait of the living dead: "a wide-legged, unsteady, lurching walk, usually accompanied by a back and forth tremor in the trunk of the body…"

Mirror Neurons

This is recent, cutting-edge research in the field of neuroscience. Schlozman describes mirror neuron theory as a "neurobiological model for empathy, which suggests, in a very hopeful way, that we might be wired to connect with one another." Regions of the brain are recruited in response to social interactions in which we watch and thus experience the experiences of the "other."

As a press release issued by the European Science Foundation explains it: in

Just as the same mirror neurons fire when observing and doing certain tasks, so other mirror neurons may be triggered both when experiencing a particular emotion and when observing someone else with that emotion.

But, Schlozman asks, what if the things we're fighting have brains that are incapable of connecting? In response, we disconnect from each other. Schlozman quotes a veteran of the Battle of Yonkers in the book World War Z: "Shock and Awe! But what if the enemy can't be shocked and awed? Not just won't, but biologically can't?"

At the Battle of Yonkers, the humans hit the zombie horde with everything they've got. But the zombies keep coming. They don't look scared. They don't look excited. They don't look enraged. And that actually freaks out the humans more than anything else, prompting the humans to turn on each other.

Schlozman suggests that mirror neurons also help explain the popularity of the zombie genre among the living. While watching these movies, "we like the permission to look at these things that look human - but aren't human - and have utter and complete permission to blow their heads off." In other words, we get off on the thrill of guiltless violence. We enjoy a brief vacation from empathy, and take our crocodile brains out for a spin.

By way of example, I came across an interview with actor Mike Christopher Berhosky, who played the iconic Hare Krishna zombie in the 1978 movie, Dawn of the Dead. Berhosky describes the audience reaction to the film's screening:

I got bashed in the head and everyone CHEERED. Took the wind right outta' my sails. Everyone hated the Hare Krishna devotees for their incessant pestering and swarming them at the airports and such….Killing off my character had the effect of releasing a lot of pent up frustration….bashing in the Hare Krishna zombie's head was much more than getting rid of another pesky zombie…it was VENGEANCE.

But the fun lasts only up to a point. As the movies progress, Schlozman says, we start to feel uncomfortable with the loss of our humanity-that we are "so willing to forsake those mirror neurons."

The Ventromedial Hypothalamus

In the movies, zombies are always hungry, no matter how many supporting actors they consume. The most likely explanation is that zombies don't have a properly functioning ventromedial hypothalamus: the region of the brain that lets you know whether you've eaten enough. The result is hyperphagia. Zombies will eat and eat and eat, but never feel satiated.

That raises a slightly awkward question: If zombies are constantly eating, then how come they never poop?

Schlozman doesn't know for sure, but he has at least one promising theory: Maybe the living dead are constipated.

Now we know why zombies are always moaning.

Mark Strauss is a senior editor at Smithsonian magazine.

GAMER:
Now, I'm sure that controlling Gerard Butler is really special and the pinnacle of the FPS experience, but aren't there better ways that we could use that technology. And for that matter wouldn't it make for a more interesting picture?



GAY PENGUINS:
Scientists have discovered this week that two gay penguins have adopted a child and are wonderful parents. Now this may come as a shock to some of you but the rest of us have known for a while that many animals are gay. But sadly what should have been a unifying scientific discovery for the world has begun to create a rift in the gay communities of the animal kingdom as the new Out Magazine explains.


GHOSTBUSTERS:
Hey, the new IKEA catalog is out and it has something for everyone. Even the Keymaster!


THOSE GALACTIC HEROES:
Hey, who knew Mon Mothma was a spy?! It clears up that whole "It's a TRAP!" thing though.



CONSIDER IT CAPTIONED:
Commenter, and blog buddy, Plague's caption for the Michael Bay shot was too good not to re-post here in its full glory so anyone who missed it the first time can see it here.


TOTAL DISASTER:
io9ers... Get your ass to Mars so you can avoid the slew of remakes coming down the road.

This is GarrisonDean saying tune in RIGHT NOW!!!

TERMINATOR:
Well I guess it's true, the franchise really is on its last legs.



V:
Well I'm sure that for those of you in the antiseptic world known as Canada the new V will seem frighteningly real and terrifying. For the rest of us, well, they canceled Sarah Connor so an hour was just freed up for the week.


FLASH FORWARD:
A show where people see the future. Some people see days of terror, some see sad days, while some see... happy days.


STAR TREK:
New Blu-Ray editions of the Star Trek films came out this week with some new special features showing that they were really trying to break some new ground on the first film by working with some different artists and concepts... it didn't fly.



PEDISEDATE:
Well, a very very big mystery was solved this week. The Mystery of "what the living hell is that exactly?" in the io9 logo.



IT'S A DISASTER!!!:
Now I say this as someone who is a big fan of the original series so take that as you may, but...

Have a good holiday everyone. I need it.

Garrison Dean's real name is not Garrison Dean.

BLAMMOIDS:
Not sure exactly what these are but I think they must tie in with the new "reboot" from Bryan Singer. Guy doesn't know when to leave well enough alone huh?


STAR TREK:
Everyone wants to know who they'll battle next. How about the most dangerous, deplorable, and despicable race in the universe? The Kardashians.

GLOBAL WARMING:
... is the least of these guys problems.


THE ROAD:
So I was going to do a goofy, Devlin Emmerich style poster to mock the new trailer that was coming out, but as I began to put pieces together I kind of liked what I was doing so I took it kind of straight. Nothing silly here I just kind of like it and I'll bet dollars to doughnuts it's better than what they come up with.


IT'S A DISASTER!!!
Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus?! Poor Debbie Gibson. Poor poor Golden Gate Bridge, they just put you back together after Magneto. Guess What...



ROACH:

Well, I have to say guys, I'm very proud of you. I'm not going to turn the Disaster column into a ROACH forum, but for this week I am going to make an exception. Plenty of you have joined up, and I'm going to do my best to have The Potentate respond to as many of you as he can.
But, you guys are awesome and are taking this as seriously as I am, I expect the death ray will be done in no time! Before long I will begin putting up the profiles of the super villains on the site. Because the response has been so great, I have decided broaden the scope (and lessen my work) by starting a Blog and believe it or not a Facebook Group. So find ROACH wherever to keep posted on all our goings on!


As for shirts, hopefully what was initially going to be a 4-6 week wait will be shorter than that thanks to the response. I also want to say that I will definitely get these done in time for Comic-Con so any of you going down there can spot fellow ROACHes from a mile away. The Potentate also told me to tell you that for the more "powerful" of you out there he has added 2XL and 3XL sizes. Check out the Blog, or the Facebook page for more info as it comes. And if this does well enough The Potentate definitely wants to make shirts for the various departments, especially for TICK.

But for now... go get one! They'll be nice, trust me.

Spread the word... ROACH is here!


You nerds are alright. Until next week...

Garrison Dean's real name is not The Potentate

CAPRICA:
I still haven't watched it.
And by the way? I didn't want your stupid Zune anyways, my Sansa works just fine.



STAR TREK:
Lens flares, clever creative enhancement or blinding nuissance? Discuss.

Seriously though, I am really excited for this film. The ship looks awesome.

New Kirk, Old Kirk, Picard etc... Who's the best captain? Keep in mind, Janeway never put srtipper poles in the shuttlecraft.



THE ROAD:
Well, the film adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" finally got a more secure release date. It had been held up for some retooling after the test screenings decided that it was entirely way too dark and depressing to be released in its current form.
So the studio put their best minds behind it and problem solved! Now it's a story of a father and son in a post apocalyptic wasteland looking for salvation while on the run from cannibalistic marauders, but they're aided by a giant cartoon bear named Rhoadie who's as loveable as he is clumsy. Watch as they get into any number of crazy misadventures. From Rhoadie scaring off bad guys to the time when they all wake up in a fallout shelter and Rhoadie accidentally eats all the food while he's dreaming. UH OH! Here is a shot from the improved film where Rhoadie is trying to catch up to his buddies.


SUPERDORKS:
So it's decided. The unchecked goodie-goodieness of these pathetic fools wedged into bike shorts who call themselves "Superheroes" is about to be thrown back into their face! The police can handle muggers and bleeding heart liberals can feed homeless people. These sods want to be Superheroes?! How can one be a Superhero without a Super-Villain as their Arch-nemesis!!! I call on you io9ers.. join me and my organization as we reduce these comic-store rejects to whimpering piles of goo on their city streets and the basements of their mothers.

Join R.O.A.C.H. (thanks to NefariousNewt for the Acronym) to fulfill your villainous destiny! Plus, how can you say no to a logo like that, especially after you look at their website. The only thing super about that, is that it's super shitty.

DISASTER:
Oh guys... Wolverine has a confession.



Alright, have a good week, stay frosty.

GarrisonDean's real name is not GarrisonDean and he once went to college.

BIG MAN JAPAN:
Clearly Big Man Japan's biggest enemy is the same thing plaguing us all.



PROBO:
Well the Belgians created the creepiest thing evar. I guess it's the love child of the Feebles and Patch Adams or something, but it allowed me to get out this very important public service announcement which I lovingly dedicate to my Dutch wife who taught me that the only thing you need to hate a large group of people is a shared border.



ROBO PENGUINS:
I for one welcome our new robotic penguin overlords and offer my services for your propaganda machine.


COMMENTER AWARENESS:
I'm going to break from the norm just a little bit this week and start a new new little segment. You see I got started here by posting appropriate pictures in comment threads, which to be honest can be one of the most annoying things on the internet and is one step closer to the 4Chan-inization of society.
So, in the effort to keep things somewhat well designed and civilized I am designing premade images for you to use when words fail. This week, a handly Troll graphic. Don't feed the troll, just img src him with this poison pill the next time someone hops on a Blade Runner, or Dr. Who thread just to say they don't see what the fuss is all about and that it's really overrated, or that the Prequels were actually better than you old farts give them credit for, then watch him wither and die. So get out there and use this people. If it isn't overused and misused by the end of next week I will feel I failed. (ahem, I'd really love to see it used occasionally on a certain gaming site I know of)


ALIEN COMMUNICATION:
Again, breaking from the norm here. Some Egghead over at Oxford thinks that we would have a tough time really communication with aliens we meet in a first contact. It inspired me to do this little cartoon. Sure it's a break from my usual photoshopperie, but whatever, I have a column and you don't so neener-neener.

THIS IS A DISASTER:
New stills were released from JJ Abram's Star Trek and in one of them it seems Chekov has made a startling discovery

Alright friends, I'll see you all next week, same Dean time, same Dean channel.

GarrisonDean's real name is not GarrisonDean, and he's not on Facebook.

ECO FRIENDLY:
No one wants to canoodle on an empty stomach so how about a nice light lunch?



SPACE BONERS:
A photo of Saturn's rings found this week was actually previously used in the mid 90's for a DJ Mixtape from God himself. God had spent some time in the UK and was palling around with Oakenfold and Fatboy Slim and their ilk. He did a set at Glastonbury, then released this one and only album. It was terrible.


SNIKT IS ALSO THE SOUND LOGAN'S WANG MAKES WHEN HE SEES JEAN:
Ok... So, I know that after the massive success of "The Dark Knight" making more "grown-up" and "dark" comic adaptations are all the rage, but I really really think that Fox is going too far with the old Canucklehead's first solo outing.


It's been discussed before here that Mutants clearly represent persecuted social groups but really?


Now, I know that part of Wolverine's allure is his journeys through history but I really think they could've omitted his brief imprisonment in WWII's fascist Italy. It was really bad for him...

and really really really bad for Cyclops.


DISASTER:
Bones... Hustler. is making Star... Trek Porn.. This can mean... onlyonething...



Well I think I got a lot of weirdness out of my system. I'll see you all again next week with god knows what.

GarrisonDean, Signing off.

I recently got an email from a company called "Voss & Mauser" promoting their cool new implantable GPS devices, little chips that can triangulate their position using satellite signals. GPS technology is used in most cell phones these days, and allows you to use all those nifty mapping applications that tell you where you are (or where other people with smart phones are) on a map.

But Voss & Mauser say now you can locate somebody using this implantable GPS device, or by steathily feeding the tiny chip to somebody you want to track later. You can learn all about it if you visit to the slickly-designed Voss & Mauser site (sorry - it's in German, but anybody with a high school German class or Google Translate can get through it). You'll immediately see that Voss & Mauser's design - and their technology - is a bit too scifi to be true. It's a fun ARG-like experience, but I wanted to know more. So I wrote to their contact email, praising the site and asking if it were an ARG. I got back a form letter saying they'd had so much mail that I should just redirect all my questions to their "American distributor," whom they claimed is a company called Lightning GPS.

Now here's where things get interesting. Lighting GPS is actually a real company whose business model is only a tad less creepy than Voss & Mauser's fake one. They deal with law enforcement and consumers, selling stealth GPS tracking devices called "Nav Genius" that you can hide in the navigation systems of anybody's car. Lightning GPS recommend it specifically for spying on a spouse you think might be cheating on you, or restricting the movements of your teenager in his or her car (they point out that the device can be set up to send you an alert if the car goes into a "forbidden area").

I love the idea that the pranksters behind Voss & Mauser use their futuristic-creepy ARG to call attention to actually-existing technologies that help people invade each other's privacy in the most egregious way imaginable. You can bet that if Lightning GPS could build a swallowable, trackable GPS device, they would. And they'd sell it for "concerned spouses."

Check out Voss & Mauser, and then take a gander at Lightning GPS - this is social satire at its finest.

TERMINATOR VS. DRAGONBALL!
Well it's Sunday people! You know what that means...



COSMODROME:
Aside from having like, the most awesome name for a spaceship, the new Kazakh rocket also gave us a new frame of the famous Soviet Comic Strip Anton & Viktor about a man and his loving but contentious relationship with his dog.


WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE:
Is it me, or does this film seem unusually dark and violent for a kids film? I mean, look at this screengrab from the trailer!



BATTLESTAR:
Well, it's been a week for the post coital red spinal glow to wear off and I think we've moved into the acceptance stage. But, National Geographic got all excited that they had Ron Moore reading an issue of their rag at the end of the episode to claim that Mitochondrial Eve was Hera... Uh huh. Well, thanks to Bill "I'm saying my final good-bye to my son even though I'm only taking a ship capable of traveling light years in a second a few hundred miles" Adama, here is what I think would have been a more appropriate National Geographic cover.



DISASTER:
Ok... Just how terrible is Dragonball going to be?



Until next time my friends...

Garrison Dean's real name is not Garrison Dean and he doesn't limit himself to still images.

ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Before we get started I have to let you all know that it has been discussed among the staff here and we are changing the name of this site because we felt that it attracts too many fat fucking nerds like YOU (you know who you are). So from hence forth welcome to...



BOOK OF ELI:

Denzel, and Gary Oldman in one film!? Will there be any scenery left to chew?
Their previous sci-fi effort was a lot smaller in scale, but still looks interesting from this old flyer I found.


HEROES:
Word has it that on set egos and conflicts may lead to Hayden Panetierre leaving "Heroes" which I think is a brilliant idea because I think we're all ready for her to be launched into superstardom.
Her new film should do that nicely I think.

BATTLESTAR:
So, I was digging through some old files and found some old photoshopperie (with appropriate comments which I have italicized to show their oldness) I did when Battlestar was first announced. And can I say, boy was I on to something back then. Hollywood needs to stop remaking and changing things because it is ALWAYS a disaster as I think we have learned from this dumb-ass show. Though I will admit I was apparently very culturally insensitive at the time. I guess BSG, and all it's hippie namby pamby preaching, has had some effect on me.

First off, a girl Starbuck? Jesus, what's next? DISASTER!


Uh huh... I wonder how they'll explain a Daggit with their precious "realism".


Need I say more? Am I right, or am I right?


Oh, and finally, you wanna see just how far they're going to go with this liberal claptrap? Check this out.

DISASTER!:
I will drop the faux snark for a moment...

Have a good week friends, like Kara Thrace I'm outta h...

MARVEL:
Doing their darndest to blow all possible trust they've earned after a few good flicks (Yes I loved Punisher: War Zone) they've concocted this for some unknown reason.


GAYS HAVE SUPERPOWERS:
Speaking of Marvel, writer Matt Fraction (who I believe also lead M.A.S.K. if I'm not mistaken, which I am) let us know that he intentionally used his magic laptop, which turns his fiction into reality, to conjure a nightmare political scenario for the LGBT community. He writes a story for X-Men about Mutants not being able to marry one another and BOOM it happens in the real world with gays. Not a very nice thing to do, but at least us nerds get cool images like this that I found in the Sacremento Bee of a protest at the State Capitol. TRASK!!!!


MAYHEW? NO YOU MAY NOT!:
Speaking of Prop 8. Boy did those Yes on 8 ads get out of hand.

TERMINATOR:
Speaking of bizarre yet intriguing sexual fantasies with fictional characters... Terminator went on a mini blitz this week with stills and a new trailer that showed us a brand new model of Terminator. Apparently SkyNet has given up on trying to eradicate humanity and is going to settle for seriously weirding us the fuck out.

Here is John Connor, so handsome with his short hair, and his sexy redheaded pregnant lady-friend, receiving intel on the new Terminator.


And Chekov dealing with one in action.

DISASTER:
OH! And speaking of Terminator... They released a new trailer this week. How do I feel about it? Let me see.

MUSICALS:
Spidey? Star Wars Musical Experience?! Sigh. How long before this...


DESIGN:
Speaking of Star Wars... Don't buy furniture or art from Tatooine Desert Nymphs who leave poor droids to fend for themselves.



SPLICE:
Ah the good old LoLmutants.



ATLANTIS:
Didja hear?! They found Atlantis on Google Earth!!! Here are some things I found on Google Earth that are also not total BS.

And don't even get me started on Street View!!!



DISASTER:
Oh yeah. There's a doozy of a disaster this week. Thank you Street Fighter! You there, please tell them who you are, and what that means...



Until next time!!