Dinosaurs . . . in space!
Dinosaucers, a cartoon show from the 1980s, was all about a bunch of nice dinosaur aliens called Dinosaucers who come from a planet in "counter-orbit" to the Earth where dinosaurs became intelligent. (See the amazing "extended theme" from Dinosaucers above.) They team up with a band of nice human teenagers to fight some evil intelligent dinosaurs — and meet some unintelligent Earth dinosaurs in the process. One of the Dinosaucers special powers is that they can de-evolve into giant-sized dinosaurs to fight. The three of you who saw the Super Mario Bros. movie will recognize this plot device. Special fun fact: Coke owns the rights to Dinosaucers, but apparently has never used this for the powers of evil.

Hell . . . in space!
Hellraiser Bloodline, one of many less-than-stellar sequels to the original (and amazing) Clive Barker flick, takes our familiar hell minions (you guessed it) into space! Set in the future, the movie poses the all-important question of what would happen if you opened a hell dimension portal — while on a spacehip!

Orcs . . . in space!
Warhammer is a miniatures game, a comic book, and a phenomenon. Basically the premise is that all your favorite D&D monster classes have been transported into space. Swordfights — in space! Orcs — with spaceships! Nothing could go wrong.

Lesbians . . . in space!
One of my favorite randomly-generated films from the brain of John Carpenter is Ghosts of Mars, starring Natasha "Species" Henstridge, Ice Cube, and Pam Grier. The plot is simple enough. A future Martian colony discovers an ancient Martian hoozit that turns everybody into Burning Man zombies. The Martian police force is called in to investigate, and that's when we find out that Mars is a matriarchal society run by lesbians. I love that you can have lesbians in space, but that's not even the main point of the movie. Instead, it's all about shooting the shit out of those zombies. Go, Ice Cube!

Evil clowns . . . in space!
The title pretty much says it all: Killer Klowns from Outer Space. This flick from the late 1980s was clearly the result of a coke-fueled pitch meeting where some studio exec literally did scream, "Wait, wait, let's do scary clowns . . . BUT FROM SPACE!!!" Then somebody did another line and said, "That's craaazy!" And that line, my friends, became the tagline on the poster. Guess what the plot is? Aliens who look like clowns kill a bunch of people.

Fantasy Island . . . in space!
Oh Ron Moore, beloved creator of the new Battlestar Galactica, what possessed you to pitch a show that is basically Fantasy Island in space? FOX just greenlit Virtuality, Moore's post-BSG TV project, for fall. The plot? A bunch of astronauts zooming through space for a long time need to stay focused and not go nuts, so NASA provides them with cyber-holo-pods where they can jack in and live out any fantasy they want. I predict that every week, we will get a new fantasy and a lesson. Sadly, there will be no dwarves yelling, "Da spaceship holopod! Da spaceship holopod!" before each fantasy starts.

Civil War reenactments . . . in space!
Look, I love space-western TV series Firefly, but I have to admit the show is one giant Civil War reenactment. They talk in funny frontier talk, steal cattle, and visit frontier planets that look like Scarlet O'Hara's bum. And of course several of our main characters fought in a civil war against the Man and lost. So yeah, it's the Civil War . . . in space!

Hello Kitty . . . in space!
Every kid always dreamed of sending Hello Kitty's perky little whiskered face into the wide reaches of the cosmos, and that's why anime Tamala 2010 is so satisfying for everybody. Especially because Tamala, the Hello Kitty-esque hero, is a punk rock weirdo who winds up hanging out with gay hustlers in a bar on another planet.

Vampires . . . in space!
Lifeforce is one of those movies that brings all the goodness into one place: The bad guy is a naked lady alien space vampire who wanders around sucking the "lifeforce" out of anyone who gets in the way of her lithe undressed limbs. I think there might be some kind of deeper message about fear of aging, but really it's all about the naked vampire alien making out with science dudes until they wrinkle up into freaky husks. It's directed by Tobe Hooper, who brought you the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Poltergeist, so it's gotta be good.

Pregnant men . . . in space!
Oprah never saw Enemy Mine, which is why she was so shocked to meet real-life pregnant man Thomas Beattie. If she'd seen the Dennis Quaid-meets-pregnant-alien-dude flick Enemy Mine back in the 1980s, she would have known that sometimes a guy just has to give birth. Actually, the alien in Enemy Mine comes from a race of non-gendered lizardy people, but since we've thought of the character as a guy up until the time he becomes pregant, there's definitely a shock when he pats his belly and starts crooning to the unborn fetus.

(Thanks, Erin, for the funny line!)

There's an ancient prophecy about the Urn of Apollonia, which must be taken to the Temple of Vanity by Sheila E... or we're all doomed.
Score: Minus 10 points
Drinking game: Take at least three swigs of vodka, gin or Southern Comfort, and then attempt to give yourself a swirlie in the kitchen sink.

The hero is the chosen one, who's more special than anybody else ever.
Score: Minus 100 points.
Drinking game: Attempt to drink your own urine.

Characters share useful information with each other, instead of having wacky misunderstandings designed to move the plot forward. Bonus points if they ask each other smart questions.
Score: Plus 70 points.
Drinking game: Have a beer with a sake chaser.

The hero has a miraculous gadget (which may rhyme with ironic brew diver) allowing him to get out of literally any difficult situation with no hassle.
Score: Minus 10 points.
Drinking game: Make yourself a sonic screwdriver out of orange juice, vodka and ultrasonic vibrations. Drink the whole thing in one go.

The main characters are real people, with believable flaws and non over-the-top personal issues. Which they don't resolve in the course of an hour.
Score: Plus 20 points.
Drinking game: Have a shot of the good whiskey. You know, the 20-year-old single malt stuff.

Someone has a superpower that totally defies the laws of physics. Like shapeshifting, which allows him/her to go from being a tiny human to a buick-sized monster by pulling extra mass out of somewhere.
Score: Minus 5 points.
Drinking game: Pour a shot of tequila into your eyes and pretend you're melting into a shape-shifting puddle of goo, which can change its size and mass.

Aliens are genuinely alien, and don't resemble a race or nationality from Earth.
Score: Plus 20 points.
Drinking game: Mix every alcoholic beverage you've got into a bowl, and stick your head into it.

There's a space god, who wears a tunic or toga and talks all mythic, while warping reality.
Score: Minus 1,000 points.
Drinking game: Make a ceremonial libation to the space god, with some sangria, preferably an entire pitcher's worth. Drink the whole thing, while chanting, "What does God need with a starship?"

Events have real consequences, that aren't undone via "reset button" or silly trickery. Bonus points if characters get mortally injured and don't run around for 20 minutes afterwards.
Score: Plus 10 points.
Drinking game: Pour everclear on your hands and light them on fire.

Techno-babble and crazy jargon that makes no sense. Or, if you're reading a book, a description of how a spaceship works that goes on for more than two printed pages.
Score: Minus 5 points.
Drinking game: Hook your blender up to your microwave, using a multiphasic ion-shielding photon decoder. Make a daiquiri, and nuke it in the microwave. If there's anything left, drink it.

Can you suggest any more entries to make this the perfect get-drunk system, erm we mean evaluation tool?