Oh, and this post is probably work-safe, unless your coworkers are looking over your shoulders at the words on your screen. Or unless you start reading aloud. Some of the videos are a bit saucy, but they're from YouTube.

Tuvok (from Star Trek: Voyager):

Vulcans are automatically sex on legs, because of that whole repressed emotion thing, and the fact that it explodes - erupts! - every seven years with Pon Farr. But Tuvok is especially primed for slash fiction, because of all the smouldering glances he shared with Tom Paris and Chakotay, among others. Plus he's kind of an exhibitionist:


There's a whole web page devoted just to Tuvok slash fiction, with titles like, "Tuvok and Chakotay make a deal. But is it worth it?" Tuvok goes into Pon Farr a lot. There are even multiple stories of Tuvok hooking up with the mirror-universe Bashir, from Deep Space Nine. And Tuvok and Gul Dukat hooking up. Yay!

Jayne (from Firefly):

Jayne, you ignorant slut. For some reason, all of the men aboard the tiny ship Serenity are drawn to the manly brusqueness of the mercenary who would kill them for a nice hat. This Firefly Slash archive is full of Jayne/Mal, Jayne/Simon, Jayne/Mal/Simon. And there's more here. But no Jayne/Wash? Anyway, the Simon/Jayne pairings are surprisingly sweet and tender, with River giving Simon dating advice and Jayne admitting he really wants to turn the doctor out, instead of turning the doctor in. Here's a great passage from one story':

Simon arched his back, pushing up to meet Jayne's caress. His nails dug into Jayne's arm as he moaned low in his throat and shifted sinuously on the bed, spreading his legs wider. Jayne grinned down at him before taking his mouth again, his hand moving with delightful slowness, tongue stroking deep inside him, over and over, possessing without force. Simon gasped against Jayne's mouth, unable to summon any other response to this sure and gentle claiming.

His head felt like it was swathed in cotton and he stared dreamily as Jayne broke their kiss. Jayne watched him with a small, strange smile and nuzzled his cheek, making a satisfied noise under his breath. His hand tightened deliciously.

"Oh god," Simon gasped. "Yes, just like that!"

(Jayne pic from evinou)

Prowl (from Transformers Animated):

There have been a lot of Transformers named Prowl, but the latest version is a robot who turns into a police motorcycle. And for some reason, that's just unutterably sexy to a whole generation of slash-fic writers. Here's Prowl seducing Optimus Prime:

But Optimus a fast learner, and once he calmed, Prowl was quick to reward him. He turned his head inwards, placing careful, soft nips along the thin white plates of Optimus's jawline. So delicate-no wonder he wore the mask during battle. Removing a hand from Optimus's hip joint, Prowl ran it up the other mech's side, palm resting against the smooth curves of headlights as his fingers teased at the underseam of red chest plates. Optimus shuddered, whispering his approval in an unconscious reversion to a heavily accented, uniqe Cybertronian dialect that was so different from the formal, bland Cybertronian used by the Elite Guard.

And here's a debate about the Prowl/Jazz pairing, with links to some great stories. And here's a great essay on Transformers porn someone wants to see.

Miles Vorkosigan (from Lois McMaster Bujold's novels):

Miles Vorkosigan may have been pretty busy, rising above his tragic family life and his disability, to become one of the greatest heroes of ImpSec. But it turns out he's had lots of spare time to hook up with his handsome but dim-witted cousin Ivan Vorpatril, and his stepbrother, emperor Gregor Vorbarra. A treasure trove of Vorkosigan slash stories is here. And there are even more here. And there's the epic slash novel A Deeper Season, which you can read here.

Neroon (from Babylon 5):

Neroon is part of the warrior caste of the Minbari Star Riders clan, and a fearsome adversary. But he's also a legendary lover, especially when it comes to Marcus Cole, the human he fights in a deadly one-on-one battle. The two warriors come to respect each other and (in the minds of slash-fic writers, anyway) to embrace passionately. (Maybe that's why Marcus was a virgin for so long? He was waiting for the right guy to come along?) There are tons of Marcus/Neroon stories here, including this passage:

The feel of Neroon's warm lips caressing his caused Marcus to whimper, feeling the love that Neroon held for him.

"This is our first time together, Marcus. I would have it a memorable and pleasurable experience for you, my beloved."

Marcus bowed his head and then smiled shyly up at his husband. "I love you, Neroon and I will admit that I am nervous about tonight but I know that with you here beside me I can face anything. I want this, Neroon. I've waited all of my life for this moment. I love you, Neroon and I am ready for our first night together. One of which will be repeated for many years to come," Marcus said with a teasing smile as he leaned up and kissed his beloved.

Neroon growled low at the feel of his lover's lips against his as he took Marcus into his arms. Slowly he began to kiss his way down Marcus' neck causing Marcus to moan in pleasure at the feel of Neroon's lips across his skin. Slowly Neroon's hands removed the silk robe from Marcus' shoulders.

More here. And here.

Molly Millions (from Neuromancer):

Okay, so there are only a couple of stories about the heroine from William Gibson's Neuromancer, including a steamy hookup with 3Jane. But we want more! Someone write some, and send us the link.

Obi-Wan Kenobi (from Star Wars):

He may be kind of a dick, but at least the Jedi master is generous in bed. Around the time Phantom Menace came out, there was a craze for Obi-Wan/Darth Maul slash, showcasing how the Jedi and the Sith Lord could have worked out their antagonism. Here they are, dancing around together and trading longing glances:



But he's also hooked up with his teacher, Qui-Gon, his grown-up student, Anakin, and pretty much anyone else who comes by the Jedi temple.

Ford Prefect (from the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy):

Ford Prefect shows Arthur Dent the wonders of the universe, but what else does he show him? And why exactly was Ford so eager to take Arthur with him when he fled the doomed Earth? Story synopses include "The Earth blows up, the boys get it on." Or: "Aliens force Ford and Arthur to have sex." Find out more here. And here. Ooh, and here. Oh, and if you're dying for pregnant Arthur Dent, try here.

Susan Calvin (from Asimov's Robot series):

There are only a few slash fic stories featuring Asimov's misanthropic heroine that I could find, but they come highly recommended.

Rodney McKay (from Stargate Atlantis):

Our favorite silly nerd character from Stargate has been keeping busy in the slash fiction world. Apparently there's a whole shipper community called McShep, for McKay and Sheppard. One story has the intriguing synopsis, "John and Rodney must refrain from having sex for twelve hours." In another story, "John gets caught with his hand in the Rodney jar." Oh my! More here. And here. And here. Ooh, and here's a video:

Aeryn Sun (from Farscape):

She may have had a tumultuous relationship with John Crichton on the TV series, but in the world of slash fic, she's gotten together with Zhaan, Chiana and a host of others. A typical passage:

Aeryn pressed her fingers over the nipples and began to manipulate them lightly, using the friction of the cloth to give Zhaan added pleasure. Letting go of the sensitive peaks, she slid her hands up over them. Zhaan's nipples traced circular patterns over Aeryn's palms. I'm going to make you mumble too, she thought, I won't be alone in that.

Zhaan arched her back, pushing her breasts into Aeryn's hands. Aeryn let go and pressed her own breasts into Zhaan's, pulling the priestess over for another deep kiss. As they slid together into the motions of the kiss, their tongues languidly caressing, their bodies moved closer, breast against breast, belly to belly, sex to sex.

The priestess nudged Aeryn back against the wall, still continuing to kiss her. Aeryn was melting—she was sure of it—the cold wall against her back, the warm woman in front, and every part in between aching for Zhaan's touch. Her hands stroked Zhaan's back, then moved lower, cupping her ass.

In the maelstrom of fannish squee that is the social network LiveJournal, there lurk thousands of Harry Potter fans who have taken Rowling's novels into their own hands. They write fan fiction, or fanfic, about everything from Harry's first kiss to that time Snape got busy with Draco in the potions closet. Yeah, most of these stories are about relationships, sometimes sexual and sometimes just romantic.

A longtime tradition among fanfic writers holds that a story about two characters having gay sex is called "slash." Possibly this began with the Kirk/Spock stories of the 1970s, but perhaps it began earlier in the misty fandom days of yore. Usually slash fic isn't "canon," which is to say it diverges from the novels or series the fans are writing about. If only because the characters aren't gay in the universe of the original story.

That's what made Rowling's announcement about Dumbledore so weird. Suddenly, there was canon slash, if you consider the Dumbledore/Grindelwald pairing. But a lot of fans thought the idea of writing about Dumbledore was more squick than squee. As LJ member alexis_sd wrote recently:

Sex and Dumbledore just don't mix well for me. I'd rather see him as an asexual meddlesome old man or my brain might explode.

And over on fanfic haven FictionCentral.net, a conversation thread devoted to the idea of Dumbledore/Riddle slash was greeted with a lot of skepticism and "yuck."

For other fans, however, Rowlings' outing of the meddlesome old man was a challenge. Could they make him sexy? Who would he have sex with? Obviously his boyhood friend Gellert Grindelwald, with whom he was once obsessed. Later, Grindelwald became evil but for one magic summer he and Albus shared everything - and now we know that "everything" isn't just slash. It's canon.

Other hookups that fans have imagined for Dumbledore include broody potions instructor Severus Snape, the ubiquitous Harry Potter (he's done everyone in fanficdom by now), and even the mega-evil Tom Riddle, who later became Voldemort.

With the help of ravenna_c_tan, along with several other slash experts on LJ, we've put together a starter kit of Dumbledore slashfic for you. Things are about to get a little NSFW, so hold on to your wands!

Flash and Circle
By: Ibycus
What: Dumbledore/Grindelwald/Riddle
Sample quote:

Albus stands frozen in the doorway, watching the pair of them. If either one has heard him, they give no sign. Gellert is standing just behind the boy. He seems to have forgotten that he is not alone: he gazes into the fire. Absently, he runs his fingers through the boy’s hair. The boy shivers, and Albus can see his intertwined fingers clench hard, just for a moment, before he relaxes.

Gellert leans over the boy, whispers something in his ear that makes the boy whimper and wriggle, and Gellert laughs softly. His laugh is a rich, warm chuckle, and as always it makes Albus’s skin prickle. He watches as Gellert curls around the boy, stroking his chest – the boy gives a stifled gasp when Gellert’s clever fingers twist and pinch – and kissing his face.

At last Gellert rises, his robes brushing against the boy’s bare shoulder, the curve of his back, and turns to look at Albus.

“Look,” he says, and holds out his hand. “Albus, look. I’ve found us a toy.”

Limbo
By: Titti
What: Dumbledore/Snape
Sample quote:

You look at him questioningly, hoping that he'll volunteer something, because you've learned through the years, that no amount of prodding will overcome this particular tone, the one reserved for fumbling first years (and reckless lovers, Severus likes to add). "As you wish," you finally say, but he only snorts in response.

You lie next to him, and you begin to explore his body with meticulous precision. Your time with him is so precious that you don't wish to miss any detail.

He looks at you with a mixture of lust and curiosity, and you still don't understand, but then a jolt of… something… you can't even describe the sensation of lust, desire and pain that gushes through your fibres.

He brushes your hair. "It's the potion," he says calmly. "Don't fight it, and you'll feel fine soon enough."

You should be upset, but this is Severus, your own scheming snake, and you trust him not to hurt you.

"This should make it easier." His lips are on yours before you can ask what will make it easier.

Your kisses are normally languid preludes to nights spent together, but tonight nothing is as it should be. Another jolt assaults you, and the taste of his lips isn't enough.

You push him onto his back, pinning him to the mattress with raw magic as your tongue thrusts inside his mouth. You expect him to summon his wand, to defend himself from this unauthorised use of magic. Instead, he lies there, legs spreading to give you more room.

For Blood and Wine Are Red
By: Penknife
What: Dumbledore/Grindelwald
Sample quote:

The scones were burnt. It suddenly seemed intolerable; no matter what he did, the house seemed to be full of shabby, dirty, ruined things. Gellert toyed with his scones, giving Albus ambiguous glances over his teacup. Aberforth munched in silence, and Bathilda told a long story about the problems she'd been having with her drains.

"We really should be going," Bathilda said after what seemed like an eternity. "It's a pity we couldn't see poor Ariana."

"I'm sure she'll be desolated to have missed you," Albus said. "But she's been terribly weak today, and I didn't want to ask her to dress for company."

Gellert met his eyes in a question, and Albus didn't return to contemplating the convolvulus teapot. Yes, that's a lie.

"I'll come by to look at the books," Gellert said.

"Feel free," Albus said, and wondered if Gellert knew how his heart raced at the words.

P,Q, R, S
By: Panjianlien
What: Star Trek/Potterverse/Red Dwarf - this is a cross-universe story where Jean Luc Picard has sex with Harry Potter and Dumbledore while in the body of Severus Snape. So incredibly complicated and wonderful that it must be read.
Sample quote:

“Easy there,” Jean-Luc murmured, his fingers splaying out against the lightly stubbled cheek.

Stubble? Picard groaned inwardly and kept his eyes shut tight. It was worse than he thought. He hadn’t just gone to bed and not remembered it. He’d gone to the holodeck and not remembered it. Damn. The Captain of the Enterprise shouldn’t be doing that. The captain of a child’s tub toy shouldn’t be doing that.

All right. He admitted it. He really did need a vacation. He would even tell Beverly. And he wouldn't put it off any longer. Ignoring the soft-haired head now resting peacefully on his belly, willfully pushing away the sensation of the broad, warm palm that still cupped his empty balls, Jean-Luc took a deep breath.

“Computer, end program.”

The head shifted position slightly as its owner sighed. “If you want me to go, just say so, Severus. You don’t have to go invoking Muggle cultural references.”

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