We'll admit it; we're as unconvinced that the world needs any more literally mash-ups after Sense And Sensibility and Seamonsters, but that doesn't mean that we're not willing to jump onboard even a quickly deccelerating bandwagon if it could bring us some spending money before the holiday gift-buying season. Therefore, dear publishers, we'd like to suggest the following additions to your catalog:

Great Expectations Of The Third Kind
Orphan Pip still encounters Magwitch and Miss Haversham and all the familiar characters from Charles Dickens' classic novel, but he also finds himself compelled to build mountains out of mashed potatoes and travel to America so that he can meet some aliens who like to play music - A subplot that underscores the original theme of Pip's world changing as he moves up the social classes.

The Mayor Of Casterbridge From Another World
Thomas Hardy's depressing late-nineteenth century novel about the hardship of man especially when he is an emotionally-closeted alcoholic who has sold his family would gain all manner of poignancy if you included the brand new element of him also being an alien, don't you think? It may also make the enforced reading of this for high school students slightly less like elongated torture, but that may just be a personal thing.

War And Peace Of The Worlds
It's often been said that the only problem with Tolstoy's lengthy opus is that Napoleon's assault on Russia doesn't end suddenly when his entire army dies because of a common cold, and I'd like to think that this suggested addition would remedy just that very problem, as well as adding the kind of literary flare that only a death ray or two can bring. Plus: We're sure we can bring it in under 1000 pages. Like, well under.

The Remains Of The Day The World Stood Still
Admittedly, this one is recent and so copyright may be a problem, but think about it: Stevens devotes his life to Lord Darlington, but it's all a cover for his real identity as Klaatu, potential harbinger of doom to the entire planet. Can reconnecting with a former love give him the emotional intelligence he needs to make everything alright in the end? And by "everything alright," I mean "the world still exists."

Mansfield Park Of The Apes
The easiest rewrite of them all: Keep Jane Austen's novel pretty much exactly as it is, but make everyone an ape and add a prologue that explains that it all takes place after a great disaster that has made ape the dominant force on the planet. Just go through the body of the text and add "hairy" as an adjective a few times and you'll be done.

Knight Rider
If ever there was a show that was made to have a Thanksgiving episode, it's this awkward updating of the worthy 1980s "Good Samaritan - With a car" show. Given the unlikely life lessons that the reboot's Mike Tracer has a tendency to give the new KITT, I can easily see Mike spending the episode explaining the history of the holiday in his own lunk-headed fashion in between saving native Americans from a villain with a completely obvious name like "White Settler Pilgrim Bastard Jr." And then, when he's done, he'd drive up to some bar with the rest of his crew, where some woman would show him her cleavage, and then ask if his car was the only thing he liked fast and lubed. The episode would end with him turning to the camera and saying "Now that's what I'm thankful for!"

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
We journey to Kashyyyk, where the Wookies are celebrating their annual Life Day. Planning to convince the Wookies to join the Republic in their struggles against the evil Count Dooku and his seperatists, Padme gets captured and has to be rescued by Anakin, Ahsoka and a brand new Jedi that we've never seen before. Who looks like a turkey. After a brave and ferocious battle, Padme is rescued, but the turkey Jedi sacrifices himself in the process. The end of the episode sees the Wookies and our heroes gathered around a great feast, as Yoda reminds everyone about the brave sacrifices that have been made so that everyone could be there that day, and says something about "Thanks, we must be giving on this day." And then R2 makes that farting noise and everyone laughs.

Lost
This one's easy: Everyone on the island sits down for a special Thanksgiving dinner, while we flash-forward to see the Thanksgivings of everyone once they get off the island. Hurley eats turkey while talking to the ghosts of Charlie and Mr. Ecko, Kate gets frustrated because Aaron won't sit up straight at the table, Sayid and Sun just have normal days because they're not American, and Jack just drinks and feels more sorry for himself than normal because the Snoopy balloon in the Macy's parade was kind of shitty that year. The episode ends with Ben appearing in Jack's apartment, and making some snide comment about how terrible his life is and why Jack has to go back to the island. "It's time to give thanks for everything you've become, Jack," he'll smirk, and then the screen will cut to black with that thud noise they always do.

Heroes
The episode starts with a flashback to the eclipse that gave everyone their powers, while Mohinder gives us a boring monologue about how everything changed that day... and not only for humans. We see a turkey in a slaughterhouse suddenly gain increased intelligence, the power to speak and superspeed. After giving a short speech about why he doesn't want to die, the turkey escapes, and is pursued by HRG... but why is he working solo? We find out in a climactic final scene where the turkey's life is saved by Sylar, Peter and Nathan, who reveal the shocking truth: The turkey is another lost Petrelli! Cut to Angela looking at a bowl of stuffing and saying "My sweet little boy... Soon we will be together again."

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Finally daring to take the series in a whole new - and somewhat "special episode of Bewitched" - direction, the episode features Skynet's most shocking plan yet: Sending a Terminator back to 1621 to interrupt the first Thanksgiving ever and kill the Pilgrim ancestor of John Connor (who, in a cost-cutting measure, can be played by Thomas Dekker, the current John Connor). You can bring in all of the regular cast to play various bit-parts, and keep them all fairly consistent with their usual characters. Just remember to have them say "thee" instead of "you," to make sure it's historically consistent. Who wouldn't want to see Summer Glau ride up on a horse to save Connor's ancestor by saying "Come with me if thee wants to live"?