Criminal Activity

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger: Involuntary time travel comes with plenty of disadvantages, not the least of which is finding yourself suddenly and unexpectedly naked without any money. Fortunately, the predestination paradox can be a handy survival tool. Time traveler Henry often finds himself sent to the same points in time and space as his younger self, and teaches him how to find clothing, pick locks, and steal wallets. It's sort of like illicit father-son bonding, just with himself.

The Joy of Sex

The Time Traveler's Wife: Another unexpected side effect of time travel is that a horny, adolescent Henry is every now and then confronted with a nearly equally young, equally horny duplicate of himself. This makes for some rather spectacular instances of masturbation, but it's really awkward when his father walks in on him.

—All You Zombies— by Robert Heinlein: The Unmarried Mother was an intersex, though apparently female, teenager who was seduced by a mysterious older man. Many years and a sex change later, she, now he, is sent back in time, where he meets and makes love to a very familiar girl.

The Man Who Folded Himself by David Gerrold: Daniel Eakins is the sort of time traveler who throws caution to the wind, sampling all that time travel has to offer: foiling assassinations, visiting great moments in history, and using his knowledge of the future to bet on the ponies. So it's no wonder that when he meets up with the same- and opposite-sex versions of himself, he tends to get it on with them.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score: When the alien nudists get a hold of the time travel code tattooed on Fry's rear end, they're mostly interested in stealing artifacts from 20th Century Earth, although they do at one point take a time out for Nudar-on-Nudar nookie.

How to Win a Fight

The Kid: Russel Dritz's dirtbag ways may go back to his childhood, when he was picked on by bullies and lost his mother to illness. When Rusty, his younger self, ambles into Russel's life, he finds there are some subtle ways that he can change the past. First on the agenda: Getting the kid into a boxing ring so he can learn how to throw a punch.

How to Become Rich and Powerful

Back to the Future, Part II: The 2015 version of Biff decides that all of his troubles would be solved his he had been extremely wealthy in the past. So he steals Doc Brown's time-traveling DeLorean and, with a 2015 sports almanac in hand, travels to 1955, when he gives the almanac to his younger self. And it seems to work: Biff is rich beyond his wildest dreams, he's quietly had his rival George McFly murdered, and he's married to George's now artificially-endowed widow Lorraine. Of course, it all goes to hell when that pesky Marty McFly appears on the scene.
Gargoyles "Vows:" In move that revealed the entire series as one big predestination paradox, David Xanatos travels back in time on his wedding day to give his younger self a collection of priceless gold coins, along with instructions on how to invest the proceeds from their sale. Is it cheating? Probably, but in Xanatos's mind, it makes him the very definition of a self-made man.

By His Bootstraps by Robert Heinlein: When Bob is pulled thirty thousand years into the future by a slightly older, though no wiser version of himself, he discovers that humans have become a primitive, compliant people. Diktor, a fellow native of the 20th Century, explains that a technologically advanced person could easily become king of these sheep-like folks, and gives Bob a list of 20th Century items to bring to the future. Bob complies, but travels to a point ten years before he meets Diktor. It takes Bob a shockingly long time to realize that he's in a Heinlein story and that he is himself Diktor.

How to Win the Girl of Your Dreams

Futurama: Bender's Big Score: Fry is distraught when Leela, the love of his life, is won over by an older and more mature stranger named Lars. When Lars is revealed to be Fry's older (and this time wiser) duplicate, Fry should probably recognize that he could woo Leela if only he'd successfully reign in his adolescent nature. But it being Fry, he fails to take the lesson to heart, and quickly moves on to another girl.

How to Travel Through Time

The Time Ships by Stephen Baxter: In Baxter's sequel to H.G. Wells The Time Machine, we learn that the Time Traveller didn't build his device completely unaided. A mysterious benefactor gave the Traveller a sample of a radioactive substance to study, a substance that ultimately makes time travel possible. Of course, like all mysterious strangers in time travel stories, the Time Traveller's benefactor is, in fact, an older version of himself.

How to Save the World

Heroes "Five Years Gone:" One of the great things about the power to travel through time is that if you get that whole "save the world" business wrong the first time, you can just keep trying. And Hiro Nakamura has the added benefit of traveling through time to change events himself, and leaving instructions for his much less bad-ass past self.

Doctor Who "Time Crash:" The Doctor meets up with himself a great deal, if for no other reason than two or three or five Doctors are better than one. But sometimes it's just to ensure a little predestination paradox magic. The Fifth Doctor watches the Tenth Doctor create an artificial supernova that cancels out a giant hole in fabric of reality. Naturally, the Tenth Doctor only knows how to do this because he watched himself do it when he was the Fifth Doctor.

Doctor Who "The Parting of the Ways:" Rose Tyler gets her own predestination paradox going when she looks into the heart of the TARDIS. The TARDIS gives her the power to transcend time and space, letting her leave the message "Bad Wolf" to herself in the past that ultimately lead Rose and the Doctor back to this time and place.

Teen Titans "Titans Tomorrow:" When the Teen Titans travel to the future, they're eager to see what they're like as adult superheroes. But the future is unexpectedly bleak, with many of the Titans turned to violence and destruction, tearing the United States in two and turning the Western half into a police state. Fortunately, the Titans are able to learn from their future selves what set these events in motion, and are able to prevent their dystopic future.

Babylon 5: To add another wrinkle in the predestination paradox, Jeffrey Sinclair finds that his entire life is being guided by his future self from the past. Sinclair eventually learns that he is the great Minbari historical figure Valen, and Sinclair must eventually travel back in time, become Valen, and write the prophesies that will guide Sinclair's life in the future. Fate, or proof that his talents transcend time and space?

Syndrome (The Incredibles)

You, sir, truly are Mr. Incredible! You know, I was right to idolize you. I always knew you were tough, but tricking the probe by hiding under the bones of another super?! Oh, man! I'm still geeking out about it!

Fannish Traits: Fashioning himself as Mr. Incredible's sidekick Incredi-Boy for one, but even the business of making the ultimate superhero-killing machine and luring Mr. Incredible to his island lair to fight it was fannish in its own warped way.
What Drove Him to Evil: A demoralizing rejection at the hands of Mr. Incredible left him with a inferiority complex and bitter grudge against the superpowered community.

Henchman #21 (The Venture Bros.)

Dude I can't believe we didn't get blown up. We're like those guys on TV who never get shot. Yeah we're like main characters.

Fannish Traits: He keeps a closet full of collectible weapons, has a side job with the Atomic Comic Collection Connection, and debates whether the Smurfs are mammals. Fortunately, #21 lives in a comic book world, and his genre savvy is one of the things that keeps him alive.
What Drove Him to Evil: #21 was actually kidnapped and pressed into the Monarch's service at age 15, but he keeps up his henching because he finds it kind of awesome.

The Trio (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Warren: What the hell is that?
Andrew: Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh?
Jonathan: Uh, thermal exhaust port's above the main port, numbnuts.
Andrew: For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised design from Return of the Jedi.
Jonathan: That's a flawed design!

Fannish Traits: In addition the van with the Death Star mural, dialogue amongst the Trio (Andrew and Jonathan in particular) is a constant stream of science fiction and comic book references (notably, Jonathan claims fluency in Klingon). And their attempts at bank robbery and Slayer killing are pretty much straight out of the supervillain handbook.
What Drove Them to Evil: Repeated social, scientific, and mystical missteps, which required the Scooby Gang's constant meddling. That, and they hoped it would get them girls.

Superboy-Prime (DC Comics)

On my Earth, I read all about you, Polar Boy. You were a substitute Legionnaire who was let into the clubhouse because people felt sorry for you. Y'know, I almost feel sorry for you. Almost.

Fannish Traits: Raised in our universe reading comic books (and named after Clark Kent), Superboy-Prime is so distraught with the current direction of the DC Universe, that he tries to retcon the universe so it resembles the DC comics of his childhood.
What Drove Him to Evil: Pretty much the entire DC writing staff.

Control Freak (Teen Titans)

All these would've worked on the real Titans. It's just, your powers are... stupid! I don't wanna fight you anymore.

Fannish Traits: It's no surprise that, with his obsession with science fiction and television, Control Freak becomes an accidental fan of the Titans themselves. He's genuinely miffed when he has to face off against the Titans East instead of the main Teen Titans, and he's pissed when he realizes he's not on the list of their most notorious villains — after all, he's a recurring character.
What Drives Him to Evil: Mostly, because villains look cool.

Joe Jackson Stevens (Powers)

Every time they report about her, they ruin her. Every time they say her name, they chip away at her soul. The Indians say that a photograph steals your soul. Imagine if they are right. The world has no rights to her soul. If only I could get her attention.

Fannish Traits: Despite an avowed hatred of capes, Stevens has a profound obsession with Retro Girl, as evidenced by his diary entries and some rather sticky photos found in his apartment.
What Drove Him to Evil: Stevens is just plain unbalanced. He goes Mark David Chapman on Retro Girl because he wants to preserve her unblemished memory for the masses.

Red Mist (Kick-Ass)

Seriously. This whole superhero thing's been bubbling away for years, but you were the first to get out there and have the balls to do it, man. I'm your biggest fan. This is like meeting Elvis or something.

Fannish Traits: Mist claims to be such a huge fan of Kick-Ass (and superhero comics), that he follows Kick-Ass's lead and dons a ridiculous red suit to fight crime.
What Drove Him to Evil: It's not clear that Red Mist was ever on Kick-Ass's side, but whatever the case, he was probably getting paid good money to turn on his fellow vigilante.

Tim the Fanboy (Fans!)

These guys are the president and vice-president of a very cool club! They've fought a vampire, a mind-control conspiracy, and an ancient god! Share in the coolness! Join now!

Fannish Traits: Whereas most members of Bilberg University's Science Fiction Club are fans of science fiction, Tim is a devotee of the Club itself, turning down a spot at Harvard so he could worship at their feet. That, and he dresses like Harry Potter.
What Drove Him to Evil: Tim tends to become utterly devoted to a cause, only to turn on it completely when it lets him down in the slightest. When the Science Fiction Club is overwhelmed by the time traveling warlord General Maximillianna, Tim decides that she must be the superior moral force, and quickly joins her forces.

Ray Thompson (Justice League "Legends")

"Holy hijacking, Catman!"

Fannish Traits: Ray is so nostalgic for the superheroes of his childhood, that after they perished in a nuclear holocaust, he psychically resurrects them so they can continue their adventures.
What Drove Him to Evil: The sole survivor of the nuclear holocaust, Ray just wants to recreate the world of his idealized childhood. But when his illusion is shattered, he goes on a rampage that threatens to destroy reality.

The Mad Hatter (Batman)

As the great Lewis Carroll said: "One, two, one, two, and through and through the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back!"

Fannish Traits: Jarvis Tetch is so obsessed with Lewis Carroll's Alice books that he dresses as the Mad Hatter, only eats hat-themed food, and constantly quotes Carroll.
What Drove Him to Evil: Psychosis. The Hatter has trouble distinguishing between Wonderland and reality, and has developed a frightening obsession with girls named Alice.

Mock Turtle (Astro City)

There was Narnia, with Caer Paravel. And Alice's Wonderland. And more. And children could find them, children like me. If I could find the right wardrobe, go through the right looking glass —

Fannish Traits: Like the Batman villain above, Martin Chefwick was obsessed with fantasy realms, including Wonderland, Narnia, and Oz. And, while he didn't mistake the real world for Wonderland, as a child he often went off in search of a gateway to a fantastical realm all his own.
What Drove Him to Evil: He wanted to impress a girl.

Stewie Griffin (Family Guy "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven")

No way, I'm getting Patrick Stewart to sign it. Picard has it all over Kirk. He's poised and measured and doesn't wear a cheap rug. Rather, he accepts even baldness with a quiet cool that says, "I am in command. You are safe with me. I will cradle you in my arms through any crisis in any galaxy."

Fannish Traits: From our list of convention disasters, Stewie built a working transporter for the sole purpose of kidnapping the entire cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
What Drove Him to Evil: Stewie has always been evil, but in this case, he was simply annoyed he didn't get to ask his question at the convention.

Melllvar (Futurama "Where No Fan Has Gone Before")

Fry: Melllvar's got a spaceship.
Melllvar: Yes, in mint condition... and you made me take it out of the package!

Fannish Traits: Another from our convention disasters list, Melllvar creates a paradise for the cast of the original Star Trek so he can hold his own private convention. Then he makes them battle the Planet Express crew to the death for his fanboy affection.
What Drove Him to Evil: Non-corporeal beings only seem evil until you learn that they're harmless 34 year-olds still living in their parents' basements.

Ben Meyers (Smallville "Action")

I'm sorry, Lana. But there's a hero living among us, and there's only one way he'll accept his calling. You need to die.

Fannish Traits: A fan of the Warrior Angel comic books, Meyers is upset when he learns that the hero's love interest won't die in the film adaptation like she does in the book. To maintain the purity of the movie, Meyers decides to simply kill off the actress playing the love interest himself. And, when he discovers Clark's unusual abilities, he believes Lana must endure the same fate.
What Drove Him to Evil: Hollywood's obsession with happy endings.

Mysterious Fan Boy (X-Statix)

If we're really being honest here, and I hope we are, I'd started to love the new X-Force, even though their high mortality rate did unsettle my bowels. And now they go and change the whole thing. If that was all they'd done I might be able to forgive them. But they have done the unforgivable. They've killed the best of them. I mean, how do those people expect us fans to react?

Fannish Traits: Arnie Lundberg wears his fandom proudly. He is such a huge fan of X-Force in general and U-Go Girl in particular that when his favorite team member gets killed off, he takes an entire town hostage, controlling and disfiguring its citizens, a la the Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life."
What Drove Him to Evil: A combination of childhood taunting, relative omnipotence, and U-Go Girl's death. But it all works out for him since he joins the newly renamed X-Statix team so they can keep an eye on him.

Comic Book Guy (The Simpsons)

Lucite...hardening. Must end life...in classic...Lorne Greene pose...from...Battlestar Galactica. Best...death...ever!

Fannish Traits: There's very little in the Comic Book Guy's life that doesn't center around fandom. And, in the Treehouse of Horror episode "Desperately Xeeking Xena," he becomes a villain known as "The Collector," who steals his favorite celebrities and places them in PET bags for safe keeping.
What Drove Him to Evil: The desire to preserve his favorite actors in mint condition.

The Catgirl Menace (Something Positive)

I'm tired of you comic creators thinking just because you make something you own it! You don't! It's ours the minute we read it! And the fans know better than you do what's right, otherwise we'd be making comics, not reading them!

Fannish Traits: Not precisely scifi, but too powerful to be ignored, the Catgirls walk around in adorable cat ears and will read anything with the word "Neko" in the title.
What Drove Them to Evil: Someone dissed their obsession du jour, Neko Neko Holy-Chan. Fortunately, they lost interest when they realized the comic creators were changing the comic in a way that disagreed with their fan fiction and shattered their little yaoi fantasies. Some creators just like their straw fans to smack you in the face.

Sang-hyun (Thirst): If the path to Hell is paved with good intentions, Sang-hyun sprinted down the road and locked the gate behind him. In attempt to reduce the whole of human suffering, he volunteers to be a guinea pig for the Emmanuel Virus vaccine, but the experiment goes awry, leaving the priest with an unnatural thirst for human blood. And, though he tries to keep himself from killing, the comatose patients in the hospital where he works are almost too delectable to bear.

Ivan Isaacs (Priest): There are bad-ass priests...then there are bad-ass priests who sell their souls to the devil to become even more bad-ass. Fallen priest Ivan Issacs sells his soul to Belial for a second chance at life — and vengeance. Now an undead revenant sustained by only by his rage, Isaacs stalks the midwest with a blade, a sawed-off shotgun, and his superhuman strength.

Jesse Custer (Preacher): Jesse Custer may be one of the good guys, but get him in the wrong mood, and even God Himself shakes in His cowboy boots. He starts fights at the drop of a hat, is best friends with a vampire, and when he's bound to Genesis — granting him the powers of the Word of God — he drives his foes to suicide and even commands a fellow to do unspeakable things with his own genitalia. And he's on an ultraviolent mission to find God and make Him answer for His crimes against the world.

Reverend William Stryker (X-Men): Nothing says "scary" like an imagined genocidal mission from God. As if it weren't bad enough that Stryker is on a personal mission to exterminate all mutantkind, he has to use his televangelism to recruit new hatemongers. In fact, Stryker's power and charisma as a preacher are far more frightening weapons than the Sentinel arm he picks up in his anti-mutant travels.

Bishop Antony Lilliman (V for Vendetta): Certainly the whole notion of a fascist party that constantly spies on the whole of Britain is frightening enough, but party member Bishop Lilliman is particularly creepifying with his participation in the Larkhill experiments and his penchant for ordering up little girls like they're entrees. He's so busy attempting to molest a jailbait-outfitted Evey that he can't even heed her warnings about V.

Reverend Henry Kane (Poltergeist II): Adults might be inclined to give the creepy old reverend who comes traipsing into their front yard the benefit of the doubt, but kids and dogs know when "creepy" crosses the line into "absurdly evil." Listen to your dogs, Mom and Dad, or else you'll never know when Pastor Overly Friendly is a Satanic cultist with a penchant for murdering his followers and stealing their souls.

Brother Justin Crowe (Carnivale): The Methodist answer to radio priest Charles Coughlin, Brother Justin has the added title of Creature of Darkness. He uses his radio program as a mass-scale vehicle for his supernatural powers of manipulation, bringing people's greatest sins and darkest desires to life in horrifying visions. And where manipulation fails, Justin can always draw his strength from violence, mowing innocents down with a not-so-subtle scythe.

Caleb (Buffy the Vampire Slayer): In seven seasons of villains, Caleb may have been the most chill-inducing of the lot. Nathan Fillion gave him sufficient charm to understand how he managed to lure two girls to his death, and his link with the First Evil gives him the power to defeat even the Slayers. But Caleb takes on-screen violence in the Buffyverse to an uncomfortable level when he unflinchingly stabs his thumb into Xander's eye.

Brother Blood (Teen Titans): For centuries, the Church of Blood consisted of two members: a father who held what might be the prayer shawl of Christ (and its powers of invulnerability) and a son who would eventually slay him and take his place. But one of these Brother Bloods eventually realized that religion could be used not only to attain superpowers, but to take over the world. His brainwashing, baby-stealing, no-exit cult even managed to attract powerful government officials, despite the distinctly Satanic-sounding name.

Paladin Alexander Anderson (Helsing): Alucard is the most powerful vampire on Earth, but even he is thrown off guard by the Vatican's top vampire hunter, Father Anderson. Engineered with superhuman abilities and the capacity to regenerate, Anderson himself seems, at times, more monster than man. And he'd be less fearsome if his hatred for vampires didn't extend to all non-Catholics — and if he lost that rictus grin.

Anthony Tipet (The X-Files): After getting out of prison for bludgeoning his wife to death, Tipet begins to preach the "Via Negativa," the notion that the path of darkness is the best way to get close to God. And he gets to put his philosophy into action when a super-amphetamine turns him into Freddy Krueger, granting him the ability to kill folks in their sleep, and — for creepy bonus points — opening his third eye.

The Confessor (Astro City): The Confessor may have been modeled on Batman, but he has something in common with one of the other priests on the list: Thirst's Sang-hyun. This one-time priest wears a cross to immolate his cursed flesh and focus his mind on something other than his relentless hunger for blood. But at least he's not too distracted to use his vampiric powers to fight crime.

Mr. Eko (Lost): Priest was only Mr. Eko's second job title. Earlier in life, he was a warlord and a drug smuggler, the sort of man who would threaten to burn down his own brother's church to get what he wants. And even after taking on the role of village priest to atone for a life of violence, Eko is still a man to be feared. When guerillas threaten his village and attack Eko, he still has, much to his dismay, the strength and killer instincts to take them down.

Father Grigori (Half-Life 2): Father Grigori is quite friendly when it comes to fellow zombie-killer Gordon Freeman, but he comes off as a bit unhinged as he wields his pump-action rifle (nicknamed Annabelle). Of course, if you watched your entire congregation get turned into headcrab zombies, you'd probably develop a few spooky characteristics, too.

Steve Newlin Jr. (True Blood): While not as eager to bloody his hands as the other preachers on this list, here's something creepy and off about televangelist Steve Newlin. It's not just his extreme hatred of vampires or his propensity for wearing t-shirts over button-downs. It's his unquestioning conviction in his moral and spiritual correctness, his ability to attract unfailingly like-minded worshipers, his ends-justify-the-means — and the sense that he's playing Dr. Jekyll to a gleeful (and possibly misogynistic) Mr. Hyde.

The board - a callback to a subplot from DC's successful 52 series - is made up of multiple phrases or, weirdly enough, math problems that tie into already-announced, rumored or completely unknown stories for Superman, Batman and their (super) friends. Some of them are obvious:

Submit and Resist are both titles tied in with the upcoming Final Crisis storyline, as already announced by DC. Same with Evil Won (Final Crisis taking place after evil has apparently beaten good in that traditional never-ending battle), First Boy/Last Boy (Crisis will, according to writer Grant Morrison, start with Anthro, the first boy on Earth, and end with Kamandi, the last boy on Earth), Girlfight (Morrison has promised a fight between Supergirl, the teen girl personification of all things good, and Mary Marvel, newly-appointed pin-up girl for evil) and Loneliness + Alienation + Fear + Despair + Self Worth (etc.), which is one possible version of "the Anti-Life Equation," DC's mythical way to remove free will in people (This version appeared in Morrison's 2006 Mister Miracle series, which has been named multiple times as the key book to read before Final Crisis).

Equally clear are Best Woman For Job - A Man, which ties into this summer's Wonder Woman storyline where it's decided that Wonder Woman has failed in her mission to bring peace to the world and needs to be replaced with a man called The Olympian; 1,000/3 = 1, a reference to Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds, which brings three different worlds of 1000 years in the future together; You Can Go Home Again, tying into this summer's Justice Society of America Annual, which takes Power Girl back to a version of her home planet, Earth 2; I Am Batman?/I Am Bruce Wayne?, about Wayne's identity crisis in Batman: R.I.P.; The Dead Shall Rise, the already-announced tagline of next year's The Blackest Night storyline; and Sightings All Around Us, which is a shout-out to DC's new "Sightings" branding for declared-important comics.

Everything else, though, is a little more shaky - 52 - 1 = 0 could be about DC's 52 alternate Earths, or simply pointing to last week's DC Universe Zero. Kings Reborn may be a reference to the potential return of the original Aquaman, who was, after all, King of Atlantis, and Rockin' Robins just might be about which Robin gets to become the new Batman. But the other ones...? Here are our entirely baseless guesses:

100% Alien - Something to do with the rumored death of 1950s alien-amongst-us, the Martian Manhunter.
Who is Wonder Dog? - Well, it used to be Rex, Nazi-fightin' pup, but for some reason, I'm seeing a Wonder Woman tie-in here...
There is No-One... Yet - Probably a Final Crisis mention of some sort, as is He Is The Force (The "astro-force" being a Jack Kirby invention as is Crisis badguy Darkseid) and He Wakes The World Ends.
The Son Rises - I'll be very surprised if this isn't a reference to Damien, Batman's bastard son, in the wake of Batman R.I.P.. Same with Murder/Suicide, Father/Son, although that one could also apply to Final Crisis villain Darkseid and his good guy son Orion.
The Traitor Among Us - Who better to have traitors (and, for that matter, an "us") than a gang of villains? It's either something to do with Final Crisis: Rogues' Revenge or Gail Simone's new Secret Six series.
No 2 For You is more than likely another Power Girl/Earth-2/Justice Society of America Annual reference, as PG has to end up back on regular Earth in time to launch her own series this summer, but 1 (JSA) 2 probably has more to do with the team's rumored break-up this summer.
Mercy Ruling and Who Questions the Question are both very likely to have something to do with Greg Rucka's Final Crisis: Revelations series, where God's spirit of retribution, the Spectre, meets lesbian private eye the Question.
TT Have No Reception reminds us all that there isn't a Teen Titans cartoon any more. Or, perhaps, that the Titans comic will be spinning off something called Terror Titans this Summer, about some unpopular teenage badguys... whereas Titans, the other TT-spinoff book is dealing with the eeeevil reborn Trigon, who just may be 4 Times As Red in his new incarnation.
No Glory No Gold seems to be a shout-out to the Booster Gold series in some way, while Paper Not Plastic feels suspiciously like a reference to a revived Plastic Man for some reason... Better than Rocket Vs. Satellite, which suggests that the JLA's spacebound headquarters is soon not going to be alone up there.

The last two, however, are just weird: Superman: Red or Blue? is, I hope, hints that we'll finally investigate Superman's political preference (Let's face it; he's an Obama man. You know it, I know it, it's pretty obvious) instead of rehash the old Superman-gets-split-in-two storyline we've seen at least twice before, and I am convinced that Post No Bills is there purely to fuck with us.

But now that we've put ourselves out there, why don't you tell us what you think the board is all about? We shouldn't be the only ones embarrassed about how off-base our suggestions are this time next year, after all.

Dan DiDio on DC Universe #0 [Newsarama]

Justice League's greatest strength — the fact that it has Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and four other pretty well-known heroes — could also be its greatest weakness, since it's hard to tell a compelling story that gives all seven of them enough screen time.

Titans, meanwhile, is the story of a bunch of teen sidekicks without their mentors, including Kid Flash, Wonder Girl, Aqualad and Green Arrow's sidekick (who has as many codenames as trackmarks on his arm.) The comics have thrown a number of other characters into the mix, including Cyborg (who's just what he sounds like), Starfire (an alien princess) and Beast Boy (a bright green shapeshifter.)

But the star of the Titans movie, from the hints Verheiden dropped, would definitely be Batman's sidekick, Robin. It sounds, reading between the lines, as if the film would be a coming-of-age story, in which Robin strikes off on his own, away from the shadow of Batman's massive swoopy cape, and goes on an adventure with his teenage friends. Both Robin and his grown-up identity, Nightwing, will be in the film. (This could also mean that two different Robins are in the film, but I doubt it somehow.) Verheiden explains:

We'll also be dealing with a transitional period in the lives of the Teen Titans. It will be a huge, fun, action movie but it's the characters first... It also won't be the Titans as young adults or anything. ... It's no secret Robin is in this movie, so what if you were him, after living in the shadow of Bruce Wayne and Batman, and now you wanted to go off on your own and become your own man, your own superhero? That's got to be a huge thing to overcome.

Verheiden says he turned in a draft of the Titans script to Warner Bros. before the writers' strike happened, and they sent some feedback. And now he's working on another pass. His goal is to make the Titans "as real as possible," and make them believable in our world, as much as teenagers with superpowers can be, with "heightened realism." And there will be "strong adversaries, or antagonists," but the main focus of the movie will be on the characters, who are at "the cusp of adulthood." [ComicMix]

First up is Amazing Spider-Man #546, which is the first issue of the new rebooted version of the character - Now, he's single, living with his immortal aunt again, and - if the MySpace previews are anything to go by - getting some girlie action from women who're happy that his marriage was retconned out of existence by the devil himself. With art by Steve McNiven, the man who drew one of the most popular comics of 2007 (That'd be Civil War, the political allegory that involved heroes punching each other in the name of liberty, for those who didn't know), and curiosity driven by the highly negative buzz for the new status quo, expect this to be sell out quickly and for Marvel's embattled editor in chief to boast that he knew he was right all along.

Marvel's second high-profile book is Hulk #1, another relaunch of a major character in the wake of a popular storyline. With Bruce Banner having apparently died at the end of last summer's "World War Hulk", it's been left purposefully vague just who is the bright red Hulk that stars in this new series by Heroes's Jeph Loeb (illustrated by Ed McGuinness). Loeb's reputation in comic critical circles isn't the greatest, but he consistently manages to hit the general public's sweet spot of dumb but pretty action, which is pretty much all you should want from a Hulk book. Cautiously worth a look, at least.

If you're jonesing for more monster action, you might want to pick up Dark Horse's Evil Dead #1, an adaptation of the monster movie that made Sam Raimi into a household name in houses that watch cheap horror flicks, or Friday The 13th: Badland #1 from DC/Wildstorm, which attempts to resuscitate the hockey mask horror franchise with added hacking and slashing. Horror of a different kind can be found via Virgin Comics, which launches Jenna Jameson's Shadow Hunter on an unsuspecting world with a special preview "issue zero". Yes, not content with making headlines for a failed vaginoplasty, Jameson comes to comics in the guise of a daughter of demons who gets to save the world while showing a lot of cleavage. One for the bathroom readers amongst you, most likely.

If you're looking for something to buy to hide Jenna's comic behind, you could do worse than my pick of the week: Teen Titans: The Lost Annual. Written by creator of the super teen team Bob Haney, the plot of this previously-cancelled special issue involves JFK sending the teenagers into space to bring peace, love and 60s-esque good vibes to alien races the world over. Admittedly, it's may not be as violent as Evil Dead or as scarlet as the Hulk, but there's little doubt that this 64-page, $4.99, oneshot will give you the best value for money at your store this week.

And let's face it: you'd rather have Wonder Girl in those ginchy hotpants rather than Jenna's bleach blondeness any day, right? Well, aside from that whole "fictional teenager" thing, at least...

The easiest - and maybe less productive - way to get rid of your money would be to pick up the rush-released second printing to DC Comics' Heroes hardcover, collecting all the webcomic tie-ins to the NBC show for those who missed the first printing, just in time to miss that Christmas rush. Be warned, though - It'd be fair to say that the highpoint of the book is the design, with the actual content making you long for the start of the new season of the TV show. If you're obsessed with giving your dollars to the Time-Warner corporation, then a much better bet would be the first issue of the uncomfortably-named Teen Titans Year One, which doesn't actually show the first year of the adolescent crimefighters' lives but instead the first year of their adventures together. Amy Wolfram, who wrote for the ginchy Titans cartoon that used to be on Cartoon Network, handles the script while Canadian wunderkind Karl Kerschl provides some beautifully cartoony artwork. If you're undecided, you can see a preview here.

While Marvel Comics' most interesting release this week really has nothing to do with scifi and therefore probably shouldn't be mentioned here (but it's Essential Power Man and Iron Fist Volume 1, collecting the first twenty-or-so issues of mash-up between Marvel's 1970s blaxploitation and kung-fusploitation superheroes), the publisher does see fit to launch the first of its summer movie tie-in titles this week with the first issue of Ultimate Human by Transmetropolitan writer and honorary Suicide Girl Warren Ellis and former Conan artist Cary Nord. You can't tell from the title, but Ultimate Human is actually four issues of "Who's harder? Iron Man, soon to be a major motion picture starring Robert Downey Jr., or the Hulk, also soon to be a major motion picture starring Ed Norton?" so potential fan fun to be had there, as well as potential drinking game fun from awkward mentions of new technology.

In terms of more indie books, it's all about old faithfuls, with the picks being Joss Whedon's Buffy book reaching its tenth issue and celebrates by bringing in Daniel Craig (No, really) and AiT/PlanetLar's The Black Diamond reaching the end of its cross-country road trip/chase movie/colorful exploration of the comic form. Otherwise, it's a pretty slow week; Image Comics are relaunching a book called Shark-Man, and there's something about the sheer "Sci-Fi Channel TV Movie" quality of that title that tells you all you need to know about why you might want to avoid comic stores until next week and keep drinking, instead.