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Sun Nov 8
10 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #theonion more →

    Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming

    Despite What The Papers Say, Moon Landing Genuine

    How to Write a Science Fiction Novel, Onion-Style

    Why Does The President Hate DragonTanks?

    Oh, If Only The Onion Ran TV Networks

    President Obama Vetoes Mutant Registration Act

    Obama Depressed, Distant Since 'Battlestar Galactica' Series Finale

    Onion Imitates Middleman?

    Vote For The Greatest Non-Human President Of The U.S.A.!
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Discodave: R.O.A.C.H. M.O.T.E.L. Discodave: R.O.A.C.H. M.O.T.E.L.
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    Global warming is a drawback, it must be said.

    But also: do they do an online discount? Do they have the finest cotton sheets? Do they have a 24 disposal service (and when I say disposal, I mean removal of tardy or insubordinate henchmen who've been bloodily and, sometimes, unneccesarily dismembered)? Thought not.

    Just dial 1-800-ROACH MOTEL today.
     Reply
    Discodave: R.O.A.C.H. M.O.T.E.L. was starred Discodave: R.O.A.C.H. M.O.T.E.L. was unstarred
    Image of RandomFrequentFlierDent RandomFrequentFlierDent
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    Ha! That's why my lair is in my parent's basement.

    . . . oh.
     Reply
    RandomFrequentFlierDent was starred RandomFrequentFlierDent was unstarred
    Image of Bigdamnhero Bigdamnhero
    09/19/09

    @RandomFrequentFlierDent: I snorted beer out of my nose just now, because this is absolutely not true. No.

    I find the snickerdoodles Mom leaves on the dryer help me focus my eeeevil thoughts. You?
     Reply
    RandomFrequentFlierDent promoted this comment Edited by Bigdamnhero at 09/19/09 12:10 AM Bigdamnhero was starred Bigdamnhero was unstarred
    Image of RandomFrequentFlierDent RandomFrequentFlierDent
    09/19/09

    @Bigdamnhero: And I know all my super villain friends really enjoy the mini-bagel pizzas she sends down during our weekly evil meetings. It really picks you up during a late night of plotting and scheming. Now if I could just get my sister to stay out of my lab . . .
     Reply
    RandomFrequentFlierDent was starred RandomFrequentFlierDent was unstarred
    Image of My_Latest_Incarnation My_Latest_Incarnation
    09/19/09

    @RandomFrequentFlierDent: At least it's not the garage. Do you know how hard it is to plot world domination while you're squeezed into the space between a mini van and the recycling bin? Fucking hard. Especially when nobody puts the goddamn tools back where they belong. I can't fucking build a Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator without a damn Phillips-head screwdriver, okay? Would it kill you to put it back in the tool drawer where it belongs? Would it?
     Reply
    RandomFrequentFlierDent promoted this comment My_Latest_Incarnation was starred My_Latest_Incarnation was unstarred
    Image of Smeagol92055 Smeagol92055
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    That's why my lair is in Dimension Z. Seriously, what do I care about global warming? As soon as one reality is worn out, I trade it in for the nearest neighboring parallel dimension.
     Reply
    Smeagol92055 was starred Smeagol92055 was unstarred
    Image of crashedpc - Haifisch crashedpc - Haifisch
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    I do all my villaining from inside my head.
     Reply
    crashedpc - Haifisch was starred crashedpc - Haifisch was unstarred
    Image of geiko geiko
    09/18/09

    @crashedpc : ゴキブリ and 蟑螂 division: I'm a good guy!
     Reply
    geiko was starred geiko was unstarred
    Image of Perhaps Not Perhaps Not
    09/18/09

    @crashedpc : ゴキブリ and 蟑螂 division: I do all my villaining inside YOUR head. Mwahahahahahaha!
     Reply
    Perhaps Not was starred Perhaps Not was unstarred
    Image of Mrugby08 Mrugby08
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    Everyone is volcano this and jungle that. What about one hidden under a strip club. You get a hidden base and entertainment at the same time.
     Reply
    Chip Overclock promoted this comment geiko approved this comment Mrugby08 was starred Mrugby08 was unstarred
    Image of Chip Overclock Chip Overclock
    09/18/09

    @Mrugby08: I prefer a penthouse in one of the Las Vegas mega-casinos. Plus, much larger base from which to hire evil minions.
     Reply
    Chip Overclock was starred Chip Overclock was unstarred
    Image of m_faustus m_faustus
    09/18/09

    @Chip Overclock: The perfect location for an evil lair just occurred to me. Under a prison. Maybe a bit light on the entertainment, but perfect for recruitment, and if you run is Shawshank-style you can turn a nice little profit as well.
     Reply
    Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H. promoted this comment m_faustus was starred m_faustus was unstarred
    Image of Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H. Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H.
    09/18/09

    @Chip Overclock: Dear Chip:

    If R.O.A.C.H. doesn't work out, can I join your evil organization? Get me unlimited buffet and daiquiri privileges, plus good A/C, and I'm there.
     Reply
    Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H. was starred Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H. was unstarred
    Image of Chip Overclock Chip Overclock
    09/19/09

    @Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H.: We have a health plan too, BTW. Includes dental and eye care. I'm confident we can skip the entire interview process with you, based on your profile on the Evil League of Evil's social networking site, your evil references, and your reputation in the evil industry.
     Reply
    Chip Overclock was starred Chip Overclock was unstarred
    Image of Kpibca Kpibca
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    This is why I just operate from miles below the surface of New Mexico.
     Reply
    Kpibca was starred Kpibca was unstarred
    Image of Roklimber Roklimber
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    That's why my secret lair is inside the Krakatoa volcano. Unfortunately, rising costs of doing mad science have forced me to rent the place, which is currently occupied by another ioniner (LittleDragon).
     Reply
    Roklimber was starred Roklimber was unstarred
    Image of m_faustus m_faustus
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    You know there is one small upside to this. This will cause a massive amount of economic stimulus as these scientists relocate to dormant volcanoes. I mean, anyone can dig a hole in the ice, but there are a limited number of really well-located, dormant volcanoes, especially those with a good cliff face that can be carved with a likeness of your face.
     Reply
    Evil Tortie's Mom: R.O.A.C.H. promoted this comment m_faustus was starred m_faustus was unstarred
    Image of Belabras ate my dingo! Belabras ate my dingo!
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    Loved this. Great work from the Onion.
     Reply
    Belabras ate my dingo! was starred Belabras ate my dingo! was unstarred
    Image of gorehound gorehound
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    guess they need to go underwater.
    build a super-villian underwater city lair
     Reply
    gorehound was starred gorehound was unstarred
    Image of J_Frank_Parnell J_Frank_Parnell
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    I prefer geostationary orbital lairs, but hey. That's just me.
     Reply
    J_Frank_Parnell was starred J_Frank_Parnell was unstarred
    Image of schrodingers-katana schrodingers-katana
    09/18/09

    In reply to Why Supervillains Hate Global Warming
    See? This is why I tell ALL the upstart villians to go for the volcano or remote jungle mountain secret lair. But do they ever listen to me? 'No, I don't like the humidity and it's soooo hot!' Buncha whiney bitches, super-villians are.
     Reply
    Gann promoted this comment schrodingers-katana was starred schrodingers-katana was unstarred
    Image of Gann Gann
    09/18/09

    @schrodingers-katana: 'Moon base' is looking particularly good with NASA's budget problems.
     Reply
    Gann was starred Gann was unstarred
    Image of schrodingers-katana schrodingers-katana
    09/18/09

    @Gann: Oh, definitely, especially with all the investment opportunities made available through mad-science and arch-villain investment groups these days for 'frontier strongholds' as they call it.
     Reply
    schrodingers-katana was starred schrodingers-katana was unstarred
    Image of geiko geiko
    09/18/09


    @schrodingers-katana: There's a reason they don't set up shop in volcano's anymore, and it's called the super volcano.
     Reply
    geiko was starred geiko was unstarred
    Image of schrodingers-katana schrodingers-katana
    09/18/09

    @geiko: Yeah, I call it no evidence of compromised lair. I love you Lava Machine, you're my bestest friend!
     Reply
    schrodingers-katana was starred schrodingers-katana was unstarred
    Image of xoforoct wishes he lived in chasm city xoforoct wishes he lived in chasm city
    09/05/09

    In reply to Despite What The Papers Say, Moon Landing Genuine
    Did anyone read that article before the paper released this story? You would seriously have to be trying REALLY hard to miss all the sarcasm in it.
     Reply
    Julius Seizure. (the CANUCK one) promoted this comment xoforoct wishes he lived in chasm city was starred xoforoct wishes he lived in chasm city was unstarred
    Image of Trai_Dep Trai_Dep
    09/05/09

    In reply to Despite What The Papers Say, Moon Landing Genuine
    Were only Fox News as professional as Bangladeshi newspaper editors. Although even with a 24/7 hole, I'm quite certain they wouldn't finish with their corrections well until the next decade.
     Reply
    Trai_Dep was starred Trai_Dep was unstarred
    Image of firstanointed firstanointed
    09/05/09

    In reply to Despite What The Papers Say, Moon Landing Genuine
    Of course the moon landings weren't faked. They filmed the landing on a real set. What's wrong with these people?

    We can argue all day about whether it was REAL real or not. Considering that space shuttles are glorified tin cans lined with foam core, there's no logical way that a man-made shuttle (we can't even build our damn CARS right) would survive an exit AND re-entry into Earth's flaming atmosphere that even asteroids can't get through without losing some serious weight. Brag about the "landing" till the cows come home. Prove it. Do it again. And again. And again.

    And AGAIN. Send the leaders of all the world's nations up there, if it's so "genuine".
     Reply
    Grey_Area promoted this comment firstanointed was starred firstanointed was unstarred
    Image of Grey_Area Grey_Area
    09/05/09


    @firstanointed:
     Reply
    Grey_Area was starred Grey_Area was unstarred
    Image of Bill-Lee Bill-Lee
    09/05/09

    @firstanointed: I guess you missed the recent photos from our probes that clearly show bootprints and equipment left behind by our astronauts.
     Reply
    Bill-Lee was starred Bill-Lee was unstarred
    Image of Trai_Dep Trai_Dep
    09/05/09

    @firstanointed: Silly boy. If we hadn't travelled to the moon and back several times, where do you think our cheese comes from, HUH, smart guy?
     Reply
    Trai_Dep was starred Trai_Dep was unstarred
    Image of firstanointed firstanointed
    09/05/09

    @Grey_Area: @Grey_Area: LOL, okay, I accept the troll comment. Perhaps it was a little rude to come in and pop everyone's bubble like that. Sorry.

    My "prove it" challenge, however, will stand till the day they put Paris Hilton on the moon. Then maybe I'll shut my trap about it. *thhbhtbht!* :P
     Reply
    firstanointed was starred firstanointed was unstarred
    Image of firstanointed firstanointed
    09/05/09

    @Trai_Dep: I concede, I concede. It would certainly explain blue cheese, that's for daymn sure.
     Reply
    firstanointed was starred firstanointed was unstarred
    Image of Grey_Area Grey_Area
    09/05/09

    @firstanointed: Rest assured, there are numerous forces working to see that Ms. Hilton gets a one way trip to the Moon. Cheers!
     Reply
    Grey_Area was starred Grey_Area was unstarred
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