Monday:

House -
James Earl Jones plays an African dictator charged with crimes against humanity, who's checked into the hospital. Meanwhile, Wilson is still dealing with the crazy-addict-without-an-outlet House on FOX at 8 PM.

Heroes -
On NBC at 8 PM, Hiro tries to forget his own problems by helping strangers in trouble. Angela tiptoes with Nathan around his past and Tracey makes a splash in an effort to get her job back.

Big Bang Theory -
Furthering complicating your DVRing, on CBS at 9:30 PM Sheldon tries to Pavlov's Dog Penny, but using chocolate, instead of ... dog food or whatever. The other single boys try to pick up women at a Goth nightclub, and let's hope that Leonard and Penny actually have better sex soon.

Movies:

Please join me in reliving your childhood, and watch Halloweentown on Disney at 8 PM. Debbie Reynolds lives in a town where Halloween is a way of life. All Hallow's Eve is now threatened and she and her grandchildren must save the day in typical Disney fashion.

Tuesday:

The Universe -
Space based weapons and battles! Tonight on History Channel at 9 PM Universe covers the possibility of such awesome epicness — what it could look like, how it'd work, and and just how destructive it would truly be. Let's hope they cover lasers and death stars.

Ghost Lab -
Discovery Channel has their own paranormal/ghost hunting team now and this new show at 10 PM sends their team to Louisiana to investigate the haunting claims of Shreveport Municipal auditorium an Myrtles Plantation. Basically, this team uses tech and science to explain strange phenomena.

Movies:

Jurassic Park, where dinosaurs are the inhabitants and humans are the dessert, is on Cinemax at 5:45 PM.

Wednesday:

MythBusters -
The boys are back in town on Discovery at 9 PM, with bullets and socks. Tonight, they solve the question: which will hit the ground first, a falling bullet or a fired one? And they also try to determine if you can literally knock someone's socks off.

Ghost Hunters -
Tonight on Syfy at 9 PM the team investigates the USS Salem for bumps... and, oh yeah, ghosts.

Destination Truth -
The destination gang travels to Chile to probe about a possible UFO sighting on Syfy at 10 PM.

Eastwick -
Roxie's haunted by a ghost, and that creepy ant lady from the pilot, Bun, is awake from her coma. She knows more about Darryl than we're privy to yet, but now she's obsessed with a curious symbol (is it the same one as on Roxie's murdering neighbor?) and Kat is refusing a divorce lawyer ... and maybe even a divorce? And of course our trusty investigator Joanna is digging away on ABC at 10 PM.

Movies:

Milla Jovovich and female empowerment may be the only reasons Oxygen is showing the zombie/corporate greed-fueled epic Resident Evil: Apocalypse at 8 PM. But there are many, many reasons to check it out.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
That creepy German prisoner we've seen in previews is finally showing up, when Mark and Janis travel to Germany to ask him for some "important information" about the blackout. Demetri, with his newfound knowledge of his death day, is all abuzz over some more terrible news, and Aaron (Mark's AA buddy for those of you having trouble keeping up already) turns to Mark for help exhuming his daughter's body, or at least where it should be. The show's already large ensemble gets bigger, on ABC at 8 PM.

Vampire Diaries -
Stefan is carefully revealing bits and pieces about his past to Elena, who goes on to hear some strange and scary things about the Salvatore fam. Psychic Bonnie seeks out her grandmother for help discerning an learning more about her ... ability, on CW at 8 PM.

Supernatural -
The Paris Hilton episode is here! Rejoice in her self-satirizing willingness to be exploited on television. Or just revel in her terrible acting and incredible stung-casting as a celebrity-impersonating demon (or ghost?). Tonight on the CW at 9 PM, the citizens of a small town are dropping at the hands of dead icons, like ... Abraham Lincoln? And James Dean's car?

Fringe -
On FOX at 9 PM, Olivia and the Scooby gang are hunting down shape-shifters, and Walter is busy making a cocktail for Liv to help her remember what Spock told her in the other dimension.

Movies:

An army of vamps has a blood orgy in Alaska, in the graphic-novel adaptation 30 Days of Night on Encore at 8 PM.

Friday:

Star Wars: The Clone Wars -
Cad Bane's new mission, on Cartoon Network at 8 PM, is to kidnap kids who are force-sensitive and bring them to Mustafar for Sith training.

Ghost Whisperer -
Eli's father has a heart attack that leads him to a reunion with his dead mother. Turns out she had a secret before her death, and it must've been a whopper because she hasn't crossed over yet. The secret's out on CBS at 8 PM.

Smallville -
Lois is infected by a zombie plague that Zod has cursed upon the city. The cure is in the blood of a Kryptonian, but Clark can't get involved without revelaing his identity to Zod, on the CW at 8 PM.

Dollhouse -
On FOX at 9 PM, Echo is a free-wheeling coed and Victor is a psychotic nephew. So needless to say, they have a tiff while imprinted.

Stargate Universe -
On Syfy at 9 PM a search team combs a desert planet for a vital mineral necessary for restoring life support aboard the Destiny. But it turns out their window of opportunity is closing fast. Also, Chloe reachies out to her mother, using the communication stones.

Sanctuary -
Afterward, on Syfy at 10 PM, the season premiere gives us Magnus as she's searching for Ashley, putting her and her allies at odds with con-artist Kate Freelander: a woman with ties to the Cabal, who divulges secrets almost immediately.

Movies:

The sequel that should really only exist inside a sealed-off virtual world, The Matrix Reloaded, is on MTV at 7 PM. Have yourself a chocolate-cake orgasm, with the sequel that proved trilogies aren't such a great idea.

Saturday:

Movies:

The venerable Brittany Murphy stars in Megafault on Syfy at 9 PM. More importantly, Green Arrow himself, Justin Hartley co-stars. When an earthquake threatens to split the world, a seismologist and a miner get involved. What're they gonna do? Stitch it back together? Sure, why not.

Sunday:

Movies:

Did you know they made a Butterfly Effect 3? It's appropriately called The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations and is on Syfy at 7 PM. Basically, time-traveling boy accidentally unleashes a serial killer while trying to solve the mystery of his girlfriend's death.

Monday:

House -
How long will we have to suffer with this kinder, gentler House? Probably not for too much longer, as Foreman is now in control of the medical scooby gang. Can't wait to see which upstart doctor House makes cry this time, over on FOX at 8 PM.

Day After Disaster -
In the event of a nuclear attack, the first 24 hours are the most critical for deciding how many people live or die - so says the History Channel. Learn the Department of Homeland Security's plan for a nuclear attack on Washington D.C. at 8 PM.

Heroes -
While dealing with the repercussions of his heroism, Peter meets a new woman with special abilities. Claire is dealing with the ripples of her choices as well, with the revelation of her secret to her nosy new roommate. Elsewhere, Samuel hunts for memories of his brother, and Matt deals with the return of Sylar. Come on, NBC: let's keep this "not horrible Heroes" streak going, at 8 PM.

Big Bang Theory -
Lewis Black guest stars as an entomologist helping the boys settle a bet regarding the species of a cricket on CBS this week. Back on the ranch, Leonard and Penny are trying a different approach after awkward intimacy check at 9:30 PM.

Movies:

The Teen Titans track down criminal mastermind Brushogun in Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo on Cartoon Network at 6:30 PM.

Tuesday:

The Universe -
Studying star clusters, both open and globular, and what they reveal about the nature of galaxies and the expansion of the universe. Make a wrinkle in your brain with the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:

In The Eye, Jessica Alba gets some poor dead girl's eyes, and suddenly she can see. As if that's not crazy enough, she begins to see dead people — not in the same awesome way as Haley Joel Osment, more in a totally creepy way that requires her to hunt down the original owner of her eyes. That's on Showtime at 8:15 PM.

Wednesday:

Ghost Hunters -
Famous rocker Meat Loaf (no, seriously) heads out with the team to investigate an allegedly haunted island in New York. This will be the first Ghost Hunters that we're actually excited about. But if he doesn't sing, we're out. Eddie is back at 9 PM on the Syfy Channel.

Destination Truth -
Ghost sightings near the site of the Chernobyl disaster send Josh and the team to the Ukraine on Syfy at 10 PM.

Eastwick -
So just who is that devilishly handsome stranger that rode into town on the back of the wind who can stir up sex? And exactly how does one stir sex? Well ABC is determined to show you, in a PG manner, at 10 PM. Joanna and Penny try to unearth some real facts about Darryl Van Horne, talking to a reporter and an eccentric shut-in. Back in town, Roxie and her daughter deal with the repercussions of her "date night" and Kat tries to get out of her marriage without resorting to killing her husband.

Movies:

The most recent, anti-climactic X-Files movie — that's The X-Files: I want to Believe in case you've already blocked it out — is on Cinemax at 8:15 PM.

Thursday:

FlashForward -
What's more important than the present? Every person on the planet is now a prophet, and it's terribly dangerous. Or maybe magically delicious. As the cast struggles to figure out how to bring forth, or avoid, their individual visions, we see more characters, more offshoots, and more of Dominic Monaghan. But who was that mysterious figure in the Detroit Stadium and why, of all places for the FBI to be checking, did they decide to hit up that venue first? All the answer will most likely not be explained, on ABC at 8 PM.

Vampire Diaries -
The CW continues to push the vampire fetish right off a clip at 8 PM. This week Elena allows Stefan to take her to the Founder's Party where of course temptation incarnate, Damon, tells her about his family's past — leading Elena to question Stefan to no avail.

Supernatural -
All I really want is to see Sarah Palin as President in the post-apocalyptic world of 2014. Don't get me wrong - definitely, NEVER EVER in real life. But tonight, as the literal bromance spends more time apart, we see an alternate reality where the Alaskan runs the country, Sam becomes Lucifer's vessel, and Castiel loves orgies (despite how well his last sexual foray went). On CW at 9 PM.

Fringe -
This week on "what will Walter say next," a bomb goes off at a Philadelphia train station. The gang is stumped, Peter is sassy, Olivia is tough and they all go to Iraq because: time peg! Let's hope this means we're dragging skeletons out of Peter's closet, since he spent quite some time there. Don't miss the Easter Egg-filled goodness on FOX at 9 PM.

Movies:

Marvel's spinoff The Meteor Man makes his movie debut (and finale?) as a bumbling inner-city superhero battling crime, and heights. On BET at 8 PM.

Friday:

Star Wars: The Clone Wars -
The second season begins tonight with two episodes, as Cad Bane attempts to steal a Jedi Holocron and Anakin and Ahsoka hunt him down. Cartoon Network delivers the Star Wars we never even knew we wanted, but now can't live without, at 8 PM.

Ghost Whisperer -
There is an evil chain mail this week. Seriously an EVIL CHAIN MAIL. So in order to avoid getting caught up in the EVIL CHAIN MAIL link, send 4 emails to CBS asking them to bring back Moonlight. Then watch Ghost Whisperer at 8 PM, or just send CBS the emails...your call.

Smallville -
John Corben is transformed into a cyborg after a car accident. As a machine man, he uses his newfound strength and powers to hunt down The Blur, and kidnaps Lois to do so. We're still waiting for CW to roll out the Wonder Twins episode, so we can stop watching already. But Brian Austin Green, who plays Corben, will tide us over until then. Don't miss the shirtless Kryptonite-powered cyborg action at 8 PM.

Dollhouse -
Echo's maternal instincts kick in on the job when she's imprinted with the emotions of a new mother. Alexis Denisof returns as Sen. Perrin and continues his hunt for the prostitution ring known as the Dollhouse. And Adelle visits November, because maybe she's not as done as a doll as we previously thought. Fox rolls out the second episode of Dollhouse season two, at 9 PM.

Stargate Universe -
The "darkest installment of the" Stargates launches this week, with a two-hour premiere, calculated to give even newbies a chance to jump in. Robert Carlyle plays Dr. Nicolas Rush, a man intent on ... well, actually we're not entirely sure. He does, however, assemble a team to tame the mysterious ninth gate, which leads to an undiscovered expanse of space. Eli, played by David Blue, is the young hotshot Rush has brought along to "voluntarily" lend his brain. The third Stargate show gives us familiar cast members (with guests Amanda Tapping and Richard Dean Anderson) but a much darker Stargate this time around — and forget exploration: the piecemeal team must work on surviving, first and foremost, on Syfy at 9 PM.

Spoiler alert? Witness two possible deaths in this four-minute preview from Syfy.

Movies:

Nic Cage uses his powers of future vision to help prevent a terrorist attack in Next on FX at 6 PM. So ... how can he foresee an attack if his "power" only allows him a two minute glimpse into the future?

Saturday:

Movies:

In a description so boring and vague that you have to wonder why they're hiding that obvious images of demons and the devil, a young Christian girl has her faith shaken when suicides rock her small town, in From Within on Syfy at 7 PM.

Sunday:

Raging Planet -
The fury of blizzards are examined on the Discovery Channel, via computer simulations. The 1995 "arctic hurricane" that devastated Tromso, Norway, is examined using archival footage and testimonials. Moral of the story? Don't get caught in a blizzard if you can avoid it. Those suckers are earth wreckers. Unleash the furry at 10 PM.

Movies:

The Incredibles makes you wonder if Marvel and Disney weren't in bed before now, on the Disney Channel at 9 PM.

Monday:

Clash of the Gods -
On a realllly slow night, catch up on what made Hades keeper of the Underworld, as well as Greek beliefs in the afterlife. On History Channel at 10 PM.

Movies:
Watch Paul W.S. Anderson's Death Race starring Jason Statham and dream of what the prequel/sequel will be like. On Cinemax at 8:15 PM.

Tuesday:

Nova -
Learn about personal genetic profiles, which could predict your likelihood of certain diseases, and discover a Texas algae farm, where they turn the green stuff into biofuel. On PBS at 9 PM.

Warehouse 13 -
Pete and Myka have to repossess a samurai sword that is about to be given to the President, and they discover an evil version of their Warehouse. There's a rival "collector" competing for their items — maybe we'll finally get a recurring adversary for our duo. That's on Syfy at 9 PM.

The Universe -
A new season of Universe begins with dying stars, stars turning supernova and their effects, and the real threat posed by Earth's nearby stars. Discover a whole new danger, on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
An earthquake drops a little-league baseball player into Camelot — yes, that Camelot — in A Kid in King Arthur's Court. The best part is keeping your eyes peeled for appearances from Kate Winslet and the newest James Bond, on Disney XD at 5 PM.

Wednesday:

MonsterQuest -
Large tigers, or maybe jaguars, which roam the eastern states, take a bite out of the season finale on the History Channel at 9 PM.

Movies:
Isaac Asimov's stories "inspired" the 2004 Will Smith vehicle I, Robot, but will you be inspired to watch it on FX at 5:30 PM?

Thursday:

CSI: -
On an extremely slow night, CSI is a repeat of an episode that sends the team to Comic Con-esque convention where a TV producer who's planning on remaking a beloved science fiction series is murdered. Watch to make fun of the obvious stereotypes, and keep an eye open for Ronald D. Moore, on CBS at 9 PM.

Movies:
It's scifi movie throwback day on FMC, beginning with 1956's On the Threshold of Space at 10:30 AM and culminating with the attack of live mold from space in 1958 in Space Master X-7 at 8 PM.

Friday:

Eureka -
Allison's baby shower means eco-friendly gifts! Also, drowned scientists are found, where drowning isn't really the most logical explanation. Time to celebrate, on Syfy at 9 PM.

Monk -
Monk faces is up against what may or may not be an alien abduction, when a girl goes missing a and small town has reports of a UFO, on USA at 9 PM.

Movies:
Soothe your apprehensions about the upcoming "next generation" sequel by watching the original Ghostbusters, on AMC at 8 PM.

Saturday:

Being Human -
Mitchell gets sucked into the vampires plot and before he learns a tad bit about what they're really all about, he's recruiting the terminally ill. Meanwhile, George struggles not to tell Nina about his ... time of the month. Annie has had enough of the household poltergeisting and decides to put it to good use, but with mixed results. On BBC America at 9 PM.

Movies:
Syfy continues it's epic run of original movies with Phantom Racer. It's a beautifully fast race car with 550 horsepower, that only runs ... on blood. Yes, I just said blood. Starring Greg Evigan of My Two Dads fame — watch the racer's hood clamp down on people at 9 PM.

Or if possessed cars aren't your thing, Batman Begins is on AMC at 8 PM.

Sunday:

True Blood -
Hell is itching to break out in Bon Temps as Bill, Sookie and Jason return home to town controlled by a very different power. Sam and Andy, meanwhile, have been lured to Merlotte's and are avoiding the bloodthirsty townfolk at all costs. Maryann can't be controlled by a simple glamour (did anyone except Bill really think she could?); Hoyt and Jessica confront Maxine; Sookie reaches out to Tara. Hopefully we'll see the return of fighting Tara and stronger Sam soon, because this maenad is seriously getting on my nerves.

Defying Gravity -
When does stop mean stop forever? The crew decides where their own limits are, way out in space, on ABC at 10 PM.

Movies:
The Showtime series about a girl who turns into a grim reaper and collects souls has a movie wrapping up loose ends: Dead Like Me: Life After Death is on Syfy at 9 PM.

Monday:

Kyle XY -
Kyle's new psychic pal has him all spooked over Amanda's safety. So what's a test-tube baby to do? Follow the young girl everywhere she goes, of course. Spend time with the doe-eyed super-boy with the heart of gold at 9 PM on ABC Family.

Kyle XY Clip



Kyle XY Clip



Kyle XY Clip



Kyle XY Clip

Tuesday:

The Universe -
This week uncover the strangest things in the universe, like pulsar planets, planets beyond Neptune (Pluto no longer being allowed in the club), the secrets behind dark matter, and alcohol clouds. (Crap, I'll take two of those.) This week's Universe is on the History Channel at 9 PM

Fringe -
This week, meet Olivia's sister (and let's all hope she's not as trigger-happy and po-faced as the show's heroine). And speaking of the badass Miss O, isn't she all kidnapped? Find out what her captors plan to do with her, now that they have her in their clutches, on Fox at 9 PM.

Fringe Clip



Fringe Promo

Wednesday:

Lost -
Before you settle in and get ready for a mind blowing brand new Lost, remember the happy times with a special recap episode at 8 PM. Then buckle up and get ready to catch up with everyone's favortie Lostaways. And just for you, here's the latest clip from Wednesday's episode, full of the lovable nerd Daniel. This seasons premiere is on 9 PM at ABC.

New Lost Clip

Other Lost Clips -

Knight Rider -
KITT fights KARR, but really, it's just a CG Transformer thing. Ugh, stuff happens with fake science and then Mike takes off his shirt (I'm guessing). Let's all root for the evil robot to crush that lisping car into oblivion, with the whole cast inside. CRUSH THEM WALL-E STYLE, Transformer-thing! That's at 8 PM on NBC

Knight Rider Promo

UFO Hunters -
The UK is absolutely stuffed to the brim with aliens — just ask the UFO Hunters. This weeks episode takes us to all the fascinating foreign alien sightings, and discusses the Ministry of Defense's 2008 release of formerly classified UFO documents to the public. So it's time to learn about our alien friends from across the pond on The History Channel at 10 PM.

Thursday:

Smallville -
Clark gets all journalistic, and goes undercover as a cop in the crime-infested streets of Smallville, so he can uncover the mystery behind Detective John Jones' shooting. The ladies, on the other hand, quit their squabbling long enough for Lana to change Tess' opinion of the much-missed Lex. "Bulletproof" airs at 8 PM on the CW.

Smallville Clip

Smallville Promo

Smallville Promo

Supernatural -
This week, the brothers get to the bottom of why Criss Angel is such a huge douche bag, in the episode titled "Criss Angel Is a Douche Bag." Whether or not the guyliner-wearing lameass magician Angel is actually in the episode seems doubtful, but it is about magicians and includes cameos from Barry Bostwick, John Rubenstein, and Richard Libertini. Supernatural is on CW 9 PM

Supernatural Promo

Supernatural Promo

Supernatural Sneak Peek (next two episodes included as well)

Eleventh Hour -
Hood checks out a Miracle in Minnesota, when a boy's tumor disappears after he drinks from a natural spring. Find out whether it's science or magic, on CBS at 10 PM.

Movies

Learn all about the future of crime fighting with Tom Cruise in Minority Report on TBS at 1 AM.

Friday:

There's a mini Dr. Who marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until until 3 PM, which includes the super-cute "The Girl In The Fire Place" episode where the Doctor meets Madame de Pompadour.

Batman: Brave and the Bold -
Blue Beetle and Batman head out to Science Island (which could very well be THE Island for all we know), where he and Batman battle robots and chat about their love of gadgets (see below clip). "Fall of the Blue Beetle!" is on 8 PM on the Cartoon Network at 8 PM.

Batman Clip:



Star Wars Clone Wars -
"Defenders of Peace" is the conclusion to this two-part episode. The Jedi hide out on the Lurmen planet, but of course these little guys are completely pissed the the Jedi brought the war right to their doorstep. George Takei makes a voice cameo as a new villain, at 9 PM on Cartoon Network.

Clone Wars Promo

Battlestar Galactica
Mutiny is spreading among the humans, while an uneasy alliance is made between the final four cylons. But frak all that, take a look at Six and Saul Tigh's love child in the Canadian Promo. "The Disquiet That Follows My Soul," is on 10 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

BSG Canadian Promo:







Saturday:

Movies:
It's a dragon-filled day on the Sci Fi Channel this weekend, starting with Dragon Wars at 3 PM, Dragon Sword at 5 PM, Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath Of The Dragon God at 11 PM, Dragon Heart at 1 AM, and Dragon Storm at 3 AM.

Sunday:

Movies:

Start prepping for your X-Men: Origins: Wolverine goodies on FX, with X-Men The Last Stand at 5 PM.

What happens when a company harnesses the power of time travel to take tourists back in time to shoot dinosaurs? Well, everything goes to hell of course. Cozy up with the so-terrible-it's-almost-good flick, The Sound Of Thunder, at 5 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Monday:

The Sarah Connor Chronicles -
Sarah and Cameron have to protect Derek's past family. But of course the family doesn't really believe them until Cameron takes a round of bullets to the chest and doesn't flinch. Then they start listening. The new Sarah Connor Chronicles is on 8 PM on Fox.

TSCC Promo:

TSCC Clip:

TSCC: Clip:

Chuck -
Find out why Sarah's con-man daddy (the fabulous Gary Cole) was in prison and watch Sarah move heaven and hell to help him get out of trouble from his last big con. Also there appears to be a Delorean in this episode somewhere. Because Chuck, if you haven't figured it out yet from NBC bludgeoning you over the head about it, is a GEEK. "Chuck Versus the Delorean" is on NBC at 8 PM.

Chuck Promo:

Heroes -
Hiro and Claire time-travel around, leaning about how Noah got the baby cheerleader from Kaito Nakamura, but I'm sure none of this temporal meddling will change the present a bit. Oh and there's yet another climatic fight that we've all been waiting for. Heroes, the show with no real consequences, is on 9 PM on NBC.

Heroes Clip:

Heroes Promo:

My Own Worst Enemy -
Nobody can get along this week, over at Christian Slater's magical super secret agent spy agency. Mavis and Alistair (real names) are arguing about how to rescue these hostages that Edward and Raymond found in Angola. Then Dr. Skinner (not the yellow-faced principal from The Simpsons, mind you, but a lady) is called in about her relationship with Edward. My Own Worst Enemy is on NBC at 10 PM. Watch if you dare.

Gundam 00 -
One full hour of mecha madness on the Sci Fi Channel from 11 PM until 12.

Movies:

Get a glimpse of a young Winona Ryder before she went all crazy. She's paired with a super emo Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands, on HBO at 1 PM.

Tuesday:

There is a Tales From The Darkside marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 6 AM until 2:30 PM.

No new Fringe this week.

The Universe -
Curious to see the faces of our interstellar alien friends? Well, check out The Universe at 9 PM on The History Channel.

The Universe Promo:

Movies:

The Librarian: The Curse of the Judas Chalice — or National Treasure for dummies — is on TNT at 7 PM.

AMC has its usual scifi round up of sweaty chested lovelies Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale getting all hot and bothered over dragons in Reign Of Fire at 8 PM, followed by more intense action with Terminator 2 on 10 PM.

Wednesday:

There's a Special Unit 2 marathon on the Sci Fi Channel from 8 AM until 3 PM. Wait, you don't remember Special Unit 2? Let me refresh your memory, rocking guitar opener and all:

Pushing Daisies -
Olive leads the team to crack the mysterious murder of the lighthouse keeper, and Ned has to deal with the sudden appearance of Chuck's Pappy and all his creepy bandages. Pushing Daisies is on ABC at 8 PM.

Pushing Daisies Promo:

No new Knight Rider this week.

UFO Hunters -
This week, let's crack the whole mystery behind the Arizona lights. Apparently there's been a bit of a situation with light/alien/just-a-plane activity in the Arizona skies. The new episode is on The History Channel at 10 PM.

Here's a news report about when UFO Hunters came to Phoenix:

UFO Hunter Promo:

Movies:

TCM is having a fabulous day of scifi specials. The Cat People are taking over at 6 AM, followed with Return Of The Cat People at 7:30 — and this classic movie is dayum scary especially when you can hear the cat person nom, noming it's prey. But for serious, it's scary.

At 12:30 and 2 PM, TCM will fill you up with evil children with Village of the Damned first, followed by Children Of The Damned.

2001: A Space Odyssey classic will be appearing at 3:30 PM on TCM, and at 6 PM there's 2010.

Thursday:

No new Smallville this week.

No new Supernatural this week.

No new Life On Mars this week.

No new Eleventh Hour this week.

Testees -

This week on Testees, the boys lose the ability to feel pain. So Ron becomes a daredevil, and Peter a boy toy for a dominatrix. "Mr. Pain and Danger Lad" are on Fox FX at 11 PM.

Movies:

Go crazy with board game fantasy and that hairy comic that talks really fast, when some poor children get sucked into a violent board game called Jumanji at 1 AM on TNT.

Embrace John Carpenter's wonder before they remake it into crap, with The Thing on the Sci Fi Channel at 7 PM.

Friday:

Batman: The Brave And The Bold -
Batman gets into the holiday spirit, bringing a bad Santa who's on a crime spree to justice. Batman is on Cartoon Network at 8 PM.

Clone Wars -
Finally, it's all Grievous all the time, or at least that's what I'm hoping this week's Clone Wars turns out to be, it's all about his Lair. To which I wonder: how does Grievous decorate his lair? Does he have a smoking room, or a pool? What about a balcony? This week on the Cartoon Network at 9 PM, we shall finally see.

"Lair Of Grievous" Behind The Scenes:

General Grievous Jam:

Stargate Atlantis -
Off with her head, or something close like it. This week Jewel Staite gets involved in a case of mistaken identity. So if Dr. Keller dies, does this mean I can have McKay? Because I'd be okay with that. Stargate Atlantis which has only THREE episodes left, will be on the Sci Fi Channel at 9 PM.

(editor's note: sorry I confused this weeks with last weeks, when clearly this last Friday's was "Infection" and this is "Identity.")

Stargate Promo:

Sanctuary -
This week the monster kids are tracking down a secret fight club where the people battle to the death. You know like Fight Club, only not cool in the slightest. The new Sanctuary is on 10 PM on the Sci Fi Channel.

Movies:

ABC family is premiering The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe. Check out James McAvoy as the little fawn, Mr. Tumnus, before he got all Wanted hot (I preferred the shirtless goat-scarf look, to be honest). The movie will air at 6 PM and 9:30 PM.

Tumnus!

Saturday:

Movies:
Get bouncy with Flubber at 9:40 AM on TBS.

Sunday:

Movies:

One of the best Disney scifi movies ever is The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, staring Kurt Russell. Please do enjoy this clip — it's on 12 PM on TCM.

Tonight

The special two-hour Star Wars episode of Deal Or No Deal airs at 8 PM. According to the official Star Wars blog, it features models dressed in the famous Leia slave-girl outfit from Return Of The Jedi, plus Carrie Fisher herself in the audience. Chewbacca and R2D2 are there to provide moral support to the two Star Wars fans competing for money. Oh, and Darth Vader takes place of the "villainous banker." (Why is the banker villanous? Is this some kind of Bear Sterns reference?)

Tonight's Letterman features Gwyneth Paltrow promoting Iron Man. Expect pithy quotes about how her Pepper Potts is a new type of comic-book-movie heroine. And tomorrow night, Robert Downie Jr. is on Letterman promoting possibly the same movie.

And early Tuesday morning, TMC has Aeon Flux at 1 AM and Encore has the original Robocop at 2:30 AM.

Tuesday

On the History Channel at 9 PM, The Universe gives major spoilers, with an episode that reveals "the future of the universe." Who lives? (Nobody.) Who dies? (Everybody.) Here's the blurb:

The Universe as we know it is condemned to death. Space, matter and even time will one day cease to exist and there's nothing we can do about it. Harsh realities are revealed about the future of our Universe; it may collapse and burn or it might be gripped by a galactic ice age. Either of these scenarios might be a long way off. However, our Universe could suddenly be destroyed by a "random quantum fluctuation", a bubble of destruction that can obliterate the entire cosmos in the blink of an eye. No matter how it ends, life in our Universe is doomed.

And on Wednesday morning at 2:00 AM, BET is showing Hood Rat, about a swarm of super-intelligent mutant rats that go around killing people in a housing project. It's sort of a remake of Willard, except that instead of training them, I think Isaiah Washington's character just sort of befriends them and they turn out to be super-rats. Ice-T is the comic relief in this film. And it features a scene where rats "come out of a toilet to devour a crackhead's anus." This either just got on your must-see, or your must-avoid list, depending on your taste in bizarre horror films.

Wednesday

This has nothing to do with science fiction, except tangentially, but the worst pain from last winter's writers' strike is yet to come. The proof comes in the form of a new reality TV series which premieres tonight on The CW, called Farmer Wants A Wife. It's about a farmer. Who wants a wife. Suddenly Flash Gordon is sounding really great right now.

Speaking of which, Sci Fi is showing another Flash Gordon marathon all day, allowing you to experience the greatness of croptops, hairgel, hawk people and castrating amazons if you missed it the first time.

Also, the History Channel brings us yet another new UFO Hunters at 10 PM, about a UFO sighting at a U.S. military base.

Thursday

Tonight's Smallville is the 150th episode, and it's directed by star Tom Welling. Clark visits an alternate reality, where Buffy never came to Sunnydale Clark never came to Smallville. In this alternate reality, as in all right-thinking universes, Lex is president of the United States. Here's a pretty great scene from the episode, which airs at 8 on The CW (sorry about the sound quality):

And then there's a new Lost at 10 PM on ABC. Jack's doing poorly, and hovers on the brink of nasty death. Meanwhile, Sawyer, Claire, Aaron and Miles try to make their way to the beach, but something goes horribly wrong. We featured two clips from the episode on Friday.

At 7 PM, Sci Fi is re-running Warbirds, its TV movie about pterodactyls in World War II.

You face an impossible choice on Friday morning at 3:00 am: AMC is showing the original Species, while Sci Fi is showing Decoys 2: Alien Seduction. I would advise watching (or taping) Decoys 2 instead of Species. Sure, Species features the super-hot Natasha Henstridge as a human-alien hybrid who's desperate to find someone to reproduce with. But Decoys 2 features a whole squad of alien women who transform themselves into college boys' naughtiest fantasies so they can seduce them and implant their alien eggs inside them. It's like Species mashed up with Alien mashed up with a weird teen sex comedy. We featured a clip from it a while back.

Friday

At 7 PM, NickToons is premiering a 90-minute "TV movie" of Speed Racer: The Next Generation. It's basically the first three episodes of this cartoon series mashed up together. The movie is also getting a DVD release on Tuesday, May 6. In this new series, the son of Speed Racer studies to become a race-car champion and rebuilds the Mach-5. Racer X is the new Speed Racer's brother, and his uncle is the school's headmaster. Oh, and Chim Chim is a robot monkey. The TV movie is written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, who wrote the fluffy but fun Heroes For Hire comic among others. Here's a clip:

At 8 PM, Sci Fi has two episodes of Doctor Who's kid-friendly spin-off The Sarah Jane Adventures. She polishes off those evil nuns, and then squares off with an alien army that's recruiting teenage humans through a sort of laser-tag arcade. The second episode features my favorite Sarah Jane scene of all time, where she builds a weird energy-detector machine out of bits and pieces, wearing a badass welding mask. You go, Sarah Jane!

And then at 9, there's easily the best episode so far of the current Doctor Who season — the Doctor visits Pompeii right on the eve of its destruction by a volcano. His new companion Donna asks some tricky questions about where the Doctor draws the line on interfering with history, and the Doctor has to struggle with his answers a bit. Here's our recap, including a clip from the episode.

And at 10, there's another new Battlestar Galactica. "A possible truce with rebel Cylons leads Starbuck to put her trust in an old enemy." It looks like Starbuck and Leoben are reunited, and it feels so fine. Here's the trailer:

Sci Fi is showing episodes of Stargate SG-1 all day, in case you need to catch up.

Saturday

There are two episodes of Spectacular Spider-Man at 9:30, including one new episode at 10 AM: "Reaction" introduces Doctor Octopus to the cartoon universe, and also brings back the Green Goblin.

And also at 10 AM, the Cartoon Network has a new Ben 10: Alien Force. Ben and Gwen start to trust Kevin 11 — but then he steals the Rustbucket and tries to trade it for alien technology.

And then at 10:30 AM, the Cartoon Network has a new Transformers: Animated, called "Mission Accomplished." (Is this some kind of subtle dig at George Bush?) Here's the episode description: "Convinced there are no Decepticons left on Earth, the Elite Guard prepares to take Optimus Prime and his crew back to Cybertron — unaware of the increasing Decepticon activity taking place under their very noses." They're not called Decepticons for nothing.

And at 1 PM, The CW has Virus, featuring Jamie Lee Curtis and one of the Baldwins versus an alien disease.

Sunday

At 2 PM, TNT is showing The Tuxedo, which isn't in the top 100 Jackie Chan movies but does have a few great scenes, most notably the "pants-only mode" scene, when Jackie is only wearing the super-suit's pants — so only his legs are super-agile. It's not a bad thing to watch on a slow Sunday afternoon. Oh, and then there's this bit, where Jackie Chan knocks out James Brown and has to take his place, complete with a moment of weird ass-fetishism.

Sci Fi is showing horror movies all day, starting with Children Of The Corn at the churchgoing hour of 9 AM, and ending up with Final Destination 2 at 9 PM. I don't think any of those films are actually science fiction.

Oh, and at 8 PM, FX has the sort of scifi-ish Mr. And Mrs. Smith, while Spike is re-running Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith. If you flip back and forth, you could mash them up into one totally awesome movie called Mr. And Mrs. Sith.

Tonight

It's sort of a wasteland tonight. I've scoured the TV listings, to no avail. Sci Fi is having its usual Monday night Star Trek: Enterprise marathon. The Oxygen network is showing Catwoman twice in a row for some ungodly reason — and yes, I know Catwoman isn't science fiction, but it is an object lesson in the absolute worst way to do a superhero movie, plus the worst use of CGI ever. (Halle Berry's butt is CGI. Why???) Ummm... the History Channel has a new Cities of the Underworld, about Stalin's secret city under Moscow, which could be a springboard for all sorts of alternate history.

Note to self: Next week, on Monday and Tuesday, Letterman has Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downie Jr,. promoting Iron Man two nights in a row.

Tuesday

Nova has a new episode about the "Car Of The Future." This may actually be better than it sounds, for a few reasons. For one thing, it features the hosts of NPR's Car Talk hitting the road to look at possible future cars. They'll talk to alternative-technology gurus and test-drive cutting edge cars. Check your local PBS listings for time.

And then on the History Channel at 9, there's a new episode of The Universe, all about scientists studying the nature of gravity.

And at 8 PM, AMC has back-to-back War Games and King Kong (the 1976 version featuring Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange.) The two movies sort of blend together into an examination of our primal fears: out-of-control technology and bestiality.

Wednesday

PBS has the very apocalyptic sounding National Geographic's Strange Days On Planet Earth, a two-hour special about how everything is fucked. It's the first time this periodic series has appeared since April 2005. The latest episode is about how stocks of commercially important fish are 90 percent depleted, and how the death of the oceans may affect other life on Earth in ways that we can't see immediately. It doesn't feature the guys from Car Talk, but it still could be worth watching.

TMC has a David Cronenberg double feature at 8 PM and 9:45: Existenz followed by Shivers, two very different takes on the "body horror" motif, one involving video games that jack into your spine and the other involving weird parasites that make you into a rampaging sex fiend.

The History Channel has four UFO Hunters in a row, but I think they're all reruns. Starting at 12:30 (noon-ish), AMC is showing the War Games-King Kong combo again.

Thursday

There's a new Smallville on The CW at 8 PM. Here's the official description:

Clark (Tom Welling) desperately searches for Kara (Laura Vandervoort) and Brainiac (guest star James Marsters, as Brainiac is the only one who can reverse Lana's (Kristin Kreuk) condition. Clark asks Chloe (Allison Mack) to check any large power surges in the area, so she breaks into several government computers, setting off alarms. Jimmy (Aaron Ashmore) is caught between the Department of Security - who threatens him with jail time unless he helps them arrest Chloe - and Lex (Michael Rosenbaum), who offers to help clear Chloe if Jimmy agrees to be in his debt.

And there's that new Lost episode. Other-ton comes under attack, and Locke and Ben have to work together to defend themselves. Here's a preview clip:

Also, FX has the first big Fantastic Four movie (not the Corman version) at 8 and 10 PM.

Friday

Once again, Sci Fi has a strong line-up. At 8 PM, there are two half-hour episodes of the Doctor Who spin-off, the Sarah Jane Adventures. They include the final episode of "Revenge Of The Slitheen," which is where you first see that the kid-friendly Sarah Jane can actually be a teeny bit subversive after all, and also create a cast of engaging characters who actually seem to care about each other and work well as a team. There's also the first episode of "Eye Of The Gorgon," the one about the kinky nuns.

Then at 9 PM, Sci Fi has the real Doctor Who fourth season opener, as opposed to last week's Christmas special. Donna, the loudmouth who appeared in the 2006 Christmas special, is back as this season's full-time companion. But this time she's taking more of an initiative, investigating a crooked alien corporation that's doing something sort of hard to explain with diet pills. You can read our recap of the episode here.

And at 10 PM, there's another new Battlestar Galactica, the post-apocalyptic space-opera show that's gotten its groove back after a bit of a slump last year. In "Escape Velocity," Chief Tyrol deals with what happened this past Friday, and Gaius Baltar starts getting more vociferous about promoting his one-true-god beliefs among the humans — leading to a debate about religious freedom. Here's the trailer:

Saturday

Saturday is all about the animated shows again. Spectacular Spider-Man has two episodes at 9:30 AM on The CW — one of which is new. It's the big prom, and Mary Jane is threatening to overturn the social order at Peter Parker's high school. But even more seriously, the Green Goblin wants to unseat Tombstone as the Big Man of crime in the Big Apple. Is Peter willing to screw up his date in order to stop the Goblin?

Meanwhile, Ben 10: Alien Force moves to its new time on Saturdays at 10 AM on the Cartoon Network. "Gwen discovers that Grandpa Max's badge is able to signal other Plumbers. By using it, they meet up with a familiar face, a pyronite! " And then there's a re-run of Transformers: Animated.

Sunday

FX is showing Sam Raimi's original Spider-Man at 8 PM.

Tonight

Probably the most exciting thing on TV tonight is Minutemen, the Disney Channel's original TV movie that premiered back in January. Somehow, this completely slipped under our radar despite having all the hallmarks of an instant classic. A high-school kid invents a working time machine, so he goes back in time to right wrongs. No, not the Rwandan genocide, silly — the cheerleader falling off a pyramid, and other petty high-school embarrassments. And then it turns out his meddling has created a black hole in the football field. Are you setting your DVR for 8 PM yet? Here's the trailer:

Another exciting movie: AMC is showing The Reluctant Astronaut starring Don Knotts at 10 PM. He has a fear of heights, and somehow gets roped into joining the space program. Dude, it's Don Knotts. It'll rule!

Tonight is also the start of "Ben 10 week" on the Cartoon Network, as commenter Dustin L. points out. (Thanks!) It's all designed to help you get up to speed with the story of Ben, a kid who can transform into 10 superpowered aliens, before his new show Ben 10: Alien Force starts Friday. Tonight is Ben 10: Interactive at 8 PM.

Also, the Sci Fi Channel is showing its alien abduction miniseries, Taken, every day at noon and 1 PM this week. And tonight is the season (and probably series) finale of New Amsterdam, the show about the guy who lives forever thanks to a magic spell. In this episode, he investigates the death of a drowned woman, which may be tied in with a string of robberies of wealthy men, connected to a dating service. This causes John to have a flash back to the time he stole a diamond from his lover in the 1920s.

Tuesday

There's another new episode of The Universe featuring the "Biggest Things In Space," on the History Channel at 9 PM. I was sold as soon as I found out about the Lymann-Alpha Blob. Here's the official description:

We can't compare anything on earth to the biggest things known in space. The Lymann Alpha blob is a bubble like structure containing countless galaxies—perhaps the biggest object in the entire universe. Regions of radio-emitting gas called "radio lobes" could be even bigger. Then there are super galaxy clusters which are hundreds of galaxies merged together due to cosmic collisions. Discover which is the largest planet, star, star cluster, constellation, black hole, volcano, galaxy, explosions, moon, storm, impact crater and "void" in space.

And Ben 10 week continues on Cartoon Network, with a never-before-seen episode at 8 PM.

Wednesday

The Cartoon Network is re-running Ben 10: The Secret of the Omnitrix, a 90-minute movie, starting at 8 PM, as part of Ben 10 week.

Every week I question whether I should keep mentioning UFO Hunters as a must-see bit of sci-fi-ish TV. And every week, the show sucks me in with another insane episode title. This time, it's "UFO Dogfights." Yes, that's what you think it is. U.S. military jets had engagements in the 1970s and 1980s with objects that were moving too fast to be anything terrestrial. Did our jets shoot it out with an alien spaceship? It's a fair question. That's Wednesday at 10 on the History Channel.

IFC is showing two great movies in the afternoon. At 2:35, they're showing Primer, one of the weirdest and most cerebral time-travel movies of all time. And then at 4, they're showing C.S.A.: Confederate States of America, a bizarre and provocative alternate present, where the South won the Civil War and modern inventions like antidepressants are used to keep slaves in line.

Thursday

Smallville is back after a break, and this is supposedly the episode where everything changes. Without getting too spoilery, we're being told over and over that this is a major turning point in the series, especially for Lex. And the show is finally going to be making some huge steps forward towards the Superman status quo we all know and love. Of course, we also know that Lex won't be in most of the episodes next season, and neither will Lana. Also gone will be the show's co-founders Al Gough and Miles Millar. So this could actually be the show's last hurrah. Here's a preview clip. Is this Lex killing his inner child? Or what?

Meanwhile, the Cartoon Network is showing the live-action Ben 10 movie, Race Against Time, at 8 PM, continuing Ben 10 week. Apparently it's directed by Alex Winter, star of Bill and Ted, so you know it'll be awesome.

Friday

The Sci Fi Channel's Friday night lineup starts to take shape, and it's looking pretty unbeatable. At 8 PM, you have a new half-hour episode of the Sarah Jane Adventures, "Revenge Of The Slitheen Pt. 1." Despite featuring one of the less thrilling monsters from the new Doctor Who series, this episode is actually quite good — much better than the iffy pilot which aired last week. The cast starts to click a lot more with the substitution of Clyde for Kelsey. And the whole subversive teachers-are-evil subplot reminded me of Buffy, in a good way.

And then at 8:30, Sci Fi starts showing the fourth season of Doctor Who, starting with last year's Christmas special, "Voyage Of The Damned." A giant replica of the Titanic is orbiting Earth with a bunch of alien tourists on board. But the ship quickly starts to resemble its namesake, and only pop star Kylie Minogue — "I Should Be So Lucky" — can save the day. Here's our recap of the episode from last year, and here's the original British trailer:

And then at 10 PM, Sci Fi has another new Battlestar Galactica episode, "The Ties That Bind." Without giving too much away, it looks as though the Cylon civil war continues apace, Starbuck is still having some freaky mind-splosions and someone's wife may find out that he's really a Cylon. Here's the promo video:

Friday is also the debut of Ben 10: Alien Force, the Cartoon Network's new sequel to its classic Ben 10 cartoon. It's five years later, and Ben has become slightly more mature. He also hasn't used the Omnitrix in all that time. But when his Grandpa Max goes missing and leaves a cryptic message, Ben has to swing back into action again. Here's a preview clip:

Also on Friday, at 12:45 in the afternoon, TMC is showing Brother From Another Planet, the classic John Sayles film about an alien stranded in New York.

Saturday

Torchwood ends its second season on BBC America at 9 PM. The longer I think about the season finale, the less happy I am about it. If you think about the show as constantly being in flux between serious, grown-up drama and silly, scifi soap opera, the needle tilts just a bit too much in the latter direction for this final episode, partly thanks to the return of James Marsters as Captain John, Captain Jack's jilted lover. You can read our soft-hearted recap here. And here's a preview clip:

There are two reruns of the Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon on the CW, starting at 9:30. But no new Transformers: Animated on Cartoon Network — it'll be back next week.

Sunday

I'm drawing a blank, sorry. There just doesn't seem to be anything on Sunday. Oh, Spike is rerunning Star Wars Episode 1 a couple of times. That's about it.

Tonight: The new Kyle XY episode airs twice, at 8 PM and 9 PM, on ABC Family. Kyle goes home to his adoptive family and decides to tell them the whole truth about his creation. And he starts concocting a plan to defeat the evil Madacorp. Good luck with that.

In tonight's Sarah Connor Chronicles on Fox at 9, Sarah has to deal with some gang members to get fake identities for herself and John. Meanwhile, John sneaks out of the house and tracks down Sarah's hapless ex-fiance (Dean Winters). The episode's title, "Gnothi Seauton," is "Nothing Atone Us" rearranged. Make of that what you will.

Also on Monday, the Sci Fi Channel is having a Star Trek: Enterprise marathon, if you're feeling super-masochistic.

Tuesday night, there's a new (to Americans) episode of the time-travel cop show Life On Mars. A drunken Gene shows up at Sam's house and makes a "shocking confession." That's at 9 PM on BBC America.

Also on Tuesday at 9, the History Channel has a new episode of The Universe. Learn the complete history of dark matter and dark energy, up to now. Probably without actual footage of dark matter at the dawn of time, but you never know.

Wednesday really is sort of a dead zone, but Encore is showing the original Mad Max at 8 PM, maybe without the bizarre dubbed American voices.

Thursday, your only consolation is a Smallville rerun. Plan your Netflix cue accordingly.

Friday, there's a new Flash Gordon at 8, so cancel those evening plans. Flash and the newly sympathetic Princess Aura go on a mission to find the antidote to a new plague that's poisoning the water supply to the Cantons. And there will probably be even more incestuous goo-goo eyes between Aura and her brother Terek.

Also on Friday at 10, there's a new Stargate: Atlantis. A quarantine situation causes a lockdown on Atlantis, and Rodney is trapped in the botany lab with Katie Brown. Characters will bond and work out their relationships while they wait for the lockdown to unlock.

Saturday at 9, the Cartoon Network has two new Naruto episodes back to back. Naruto finally beats the crap out of Sasuke, who acknowledges Naruto's greatness. But then Sasuke gets an upgrade that makes him Naruto's superior. Whatever will Naruto do? (Hint: get his own upgrade.)

Then at 10 PM Saturday, the ever-reliable History Channel has a new MonsterQuest, with the real King Kong. Turns out King Kong's real name is Giganto, and I can see why he changed it.

Also on Saturday at 8, an all-new Alien Abductions: True Confessions on WE. A woman believes she is an alien-human hybrid who spawned an alien baby, and her husband believes they met aboard a spaceship.

Sunday, Flixe has back-to-back Starman and The Man Who Fell To Earth.